Reality is absolutely merciless

[Blackhawk]

Reality gives absolutely no mercy. I think reality might be the devil himself. I think I'm literally living in actual hell. What else could you call this torture chamber? And this isn't just a temporary thing. It's my entire life, 99% of all the time while I'm awake.

I think people in this forum are just wishful thinking. I think they are worse than religious people, because at least religious people aren't deluded enough to think that they have created (and are creating) reality, their lives, and everything.

There are 3 reasons why I don't kill myself: 

•  Fear of what happens after death. I don't believe in the materialistic notion of eternal death.
• Survival instinct.
• It would hurt my parents. It would destroy their lives even more.

If I wouldn't have parents, then I would probably kill myself.

If I would get a terminal illness, like cancer or something, then I would get super happy. Because then I would finally leave this place, and it wouldn't even be my own doing, so I would be completely innocent for dying. A death with good conscience. What a dream that would be. But of course the deluded people here would then think that I created the terminal illness, but I wouldn't care about that.

Edited May 18, 2021 by Blackhawk

[snowyowl]

Sorry to hear you're feeling rough again friend. I don't want to repeat myself so sending love instead  

[Ananta]

@Blackhawk ❤

[kag101]

5 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Reality gives absolutely no mercy.

I agree.

That's why nature has provided us with neurotransmitters to give color and comfort to our experience. When they're not working properly, then life becomes unbearable.

Have you ever taken antidepressant? They can help.

Edited May 18, 2021 by kag101

[Blackhawk]

3 hours ago, kag101 said:

Have you ever taken antidepressant? They can help.

Yes, they don't help me.

[Windappreciator]

When you die, you lose mostly all memory but the general states of feeling you are in will be preserved, you will be like a cloud of feelings and that is what you will stay until you get the chance of a second life. 

So it's best to work on your bitterness unless this is how you want to feel in eternity.

This thread can be a good start.

Edited May 18, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Zeroguy]

Reality is one big party. It's quite fun. It's amazing. 

Keep pretending you are victim. 

Thank you. 

Oscar reward worthy play. 

Edited May 18, 2021 by Zeroguy

[mandyjw]

It feels awful to think we're responsible for EVERYTHING. OH my God, no thank you. "I'm responsible for my happiness, I'm responsible for my sadness, if there's a problem the problem is me, me, me." Ugh. Sounds awful. Nope.

It feels awful to think that we are at the mercy of everything, just an inanimate, freedom-less, choice-less, volition-less "thing" floating around that emotion and circumstances impose themselves on. That doesn't sit right either.

Maybe the truth is neither or those, or somewhat in the middle? Have you ever been given a choice between doing something you LOVE and doing something you don't like? Is it actually a choice at all? Are YOU actually choosing, or are you just effortlessly following your heart? 

[Blackhawk]

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Have you ever been given a choice between doing something you LOVE and doing something you don't like? Is it actually a choice at all? Are YOU actually choosing, or are you just effortlessly following your heart? 

I guess I have.

It feels like a choice, or sometimes like getting something forced on me.

Edited May 18, 2021 by Blackhawk

[mandyjw]

2 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I guess I have.

It feels like a choice, or sometimes like getting something forced on me.

If I offer you a choice between a rotten banana and a brand new Ipad, you'll choose the Ipad and say it was "no choice". You'll put no effort whatsoever into making this choice, it's clear. 

So think of your thoughts as choices. No thoughts are imposed on you, but like a choice, they seem to come to you. Choosing a thought that feels good is no choice, choosing to throw away the rotten banana and not offering it again is no choice. No one is making you eat rotten bananas. 

It does take a little while to sort through all the stuff you've never sorted through though, there's a cleaning house period in time when you end up dealing with a lot of rotten bananas. During this time it's very important to focus on what you want to KEEP, not the work that must be done, or the things you're discarding. 

 

[Blackhawk]

13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

If I offer you a choice between a rotten banana and a brand new Ipad, you'll choose the Ipad and say it was "no choice". You'll put no effort whatsoever into making this choice, it's clear. 

So think of your thoughts as choices. No thoughts are imposed on you, but like a choice, they seem to come to you. Choosing a thought that feels good is no choice, choosing to throw away the rotten banana and not offering it again is no choice. No one is making you eat rotten bananas. 

It does take a little while to sort through all the stuff you've never sorted through though, there's a cleaning house period in time when you end up dealing with a lot of rotten bananas. During this time it's very important to focus on what you want to KEEP, not the work that must be done, or the things you're discarding. 

I see. Unfortunately there's only rotten bananas which I have to choose between.

[mandyjw]

9 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I see. Unfortunately there's only rotten bananas which I have to choose between.

Ahh.... ahhhh... yes. Been there. 

Have you ever been in a bad position and went into a bit of a panic, and completely forgot that there was some simple solution you weren't seeing? Reminds me of when I was a kid and got trapped under a huge blanket and my mom was vacuuming and couldn't hear me. "She's vacuuming, I can't breathe, I'm gonna die!" I thought. I got so panicky that I couldn't do the first thing that came to me (call for Mommy) so I stopped looking for a way out on my own.  

You're at the "baby bird gets pushed out of it's nest" stage here.

It only seems as if there is no solution, only rotten bananas. You cannot access your creativity and resourcefulness unless you relax a tiny bit and admit what you want. "I want OUT! I want out of this smothering blanket! I can't remember why I thought it would be fun to climb under here, but I did, and now I want out."  

You want to feel better. Just leave the rotten bananas alone for a while, chill out, throw them in the compost and next time, don't buy so many bananas. Maybe you prefer apples? What DO you want? What DO you love? What even just looks or smells good to you right now? What can you find the slightest bit of curiosity about? What web comic or blog or book did you used to love but haven't thought about in ages? What song do you love but haven't listened to in forever? 

Edited May 18, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

@Blackhawk Also want to be very clear that while I AM making light of this, I'm also not if you know what I mean. ?❤ Hope you feel better soon. 

[Nahm]

Success is the best revenge. 

[Zeroguy]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Success is the best revenge. 

Gotta love @Nahm. I apologize "man". But hello, no.... made me to laugh so much, constantly have need to wake you to that.

At very end it's all One same "thing". 

Success guaranteed. 

Who sleep with kids wakes up actually pissed. 

Great serbian saying. Gotta love this blunt stuff. 

 

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Blackhawk]

@mandyjw Okay.

The only thing I like is women. But they are out of reach. So I'm left with nothing.

5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@Blackhawk Also want to be very clear that while I AM making light of this, I'm also not if you know what I mean. ?❤ Hope you feel better soon. 

I know, it's ok. 

You taught me a new saying (make light of something), thanks.

[mandyjw]

42 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

@mandyjw Okay.

The only thing I like is women. But they are out of reach. So I'm left with nothing.

Ahem, I'm technically a woman and other women replied in this thread too. Not exactly what you meant or envisioned I realize, but the point is if you keep thinking what you want is out of reach then, rotten bananas. 

43 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

You taught me a new saying (make light of something), thanks.

You just made me realize for the first time how deeply profound of a saying it actually is. ? So thank YOU!  

[4201]

On 17/05/2021 at 4:34 PM, Blackhawk said:

I think people in this forum are just wishful thinking.

Could you be happy if you believed in the same fairy tales we do? If so, I think that make you infinitely brave since you are ready to suffer infinitely and constantly just to stay honest to what you consider true.

What's the value of what you consider true if it doesn't make you happy?

You say you would be ready to get rid of everything to stop suffering (even your life). But are you ready to give up "what you consider true"?

[Blackhawk]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You just made me realize for the first time how deeply profound of a saying it actually is. ? So thank YOU!  

You're welcome.

1 hour ago, 4201 said:

Could you be happy if you believed in the same fairy tales we do? If so, I think that make you infinitely brave since you are ready to suffer infinitely and constantly just to stay honest to what you consider true.

What's the value of what you consider true if it doesn't make you happy?

You say you would be ready to get rid of everything to stop suffering (even your life). But are you ready to give up "what you consider true"?

I don't think I would become happy if I would believe in the same fairy tales. It wouldn't give me any special powers, so it wouldn't change anything.

I value truth more than happiness.

[Nahm]

@Zeroguy

On the reality spited. Not people.