I dont want to realise God anymore.

[Danioover9000]

@Endangered-EGO

4 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

I feel like Leo's video was too much for me.

Especially the synchronicity, esoterik "you created your own path to wake up to yourself, but you also do everything to hide the truth from yourself."

This is nonfalsifiable, hypnotising and strange loopey.

It's clear where God would hides from me, if he wanted to stay hidden in plain sight. Behind the insanity of a psychedelic trip. However that might send me straight to the psychiatry. So let's be honest I'm not going to do it.

If God realisation is as traumatising as the nothingness (without love), then I only want it to escape the suffering from daily life. Why would I even want to know? If the behind the scenes ruin the play, it's no guarantee that it'll be permanent. Or that it's the best case scenario.

I already tried to stop meditating, stop asking questions, stop contemplating stop watching spiritual videos and stop doing self inquiry. It never worked. I also tried to convince myself that this forum is a very deceptive cult, but that's just me fighting with myself and I end up here again and again.

 

I just don't know what to do, I don't even know what question I should ask. Tell me how to stop this neurotic chase for truth.

Now I want to contemplate why I started the search, and why I want to stop it, and I'll end up right here again.

   Just like a habit, it's not that easy to break. I had to struggle a bit to take a break from meditating and thinking, and be back to living in different parts of my life. Give it time, and some persistence, and give yourself the break you need and enjoy life. Then later, when you come back to spiritual part of life, you are fresh enough to take on a bit more.

[VeganAwake]

There's nothing missing and everything is already complete.

This can be recognized and simultaneously it doesn't matter whether it is or isn't.

❤

 

[Eternity]

@Endangered-EGO  It seems to me that you are pushing too hard, working and working on being enlightened.  You should just relax about it.  So many people feel that they have to, simply have to change in this lifetime.  Yet as Rupert Spira (see his you tube vids) says and Alan Watts (his talks are also on you tube) as well, the best way is to realize yourself is to stop looking, stop forcing meditation sessions or any other forced practices.  All that accomplishes is for ego to waste your time pounding on the idea that you are failing.  Hear me now please.  You cannot fail.  Surrender, to God within you where it is the natural flow of Love to lead you home.  It only takes surrender.  Give up all ego devices to reach enlightenment and trust God mind to show you the way.  Ego is the one working and working and yet you can never be realized through the enemy of God who wishes nothing but enmity against you.  Surrender all thoughts of doing it all yourself.  God will lead you there if you stop trying to will it by use of ego.  Here is a quote from ACIM (A Course in Miracles) which never fails to comfort and reassure me: 

"The plan is not of you, nor need you be concerned with anything except the part that has been given you to learn.  For He Who knows the rest will see to it without your help.  But think not that He does not need your part to help Him with the rest.  For in your part lies all of it, without which is no part complete, nor is the whole completed without your part.  The ark of peace is entered two by two, yet the beginning of another world goes with them.  Each holy relationship must enter here, to learn its special function in the Holy Spirit's plan, now that it shares His purpose.  And as this purpose is fulfilled, a new world rises in which sin (sin = lack of love) can enter not, and where the son of God can enter without fear and where he rests a while to forget imprisonment and to remember freedom.  How can he enter to rest and to remember, without you?.  Except you be there he is not complete.  And it is his completion that he remembers there.

This is the purpose given you.  Think not that your forgiveness of your brother serves but you two alone.  For the whole new world rests in the hand of every two who enter here to rest.  And as they rest, the face of Christ (Christ = Love) shines on them and they remember the laws of God, forgetting all the rest and yearning only to have His laws perfectly fulfilled in them and all their brothers.  Think you when this has been achieved that you will rest without them?  You could no more leave one of them outside than I could leave you, and forget part of me." ~A Course in Miracles

[Ry4n]

8 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

I feel like Leo's video was too much for me.

Especially the synchronicity, esoterik "you created your own path to wake up to yourself, but you also do everything to hide the truth from yourself."

This is nonfalsifiable, hypnotising and strange loopey.

It's clear where God would hides from me, if he wanted to stay hidden in plain sight. Behind the insanity of a psychedelic trip. However that might send me straight to the psychiatry. So let's be honest I'm not going to do it.

If God realisation is as traumatising as the nothingness (without love), then I only want it to escape the suffering from daily life. Why would I even want to know? If the behind the scenes ruin the play, it's no guarantee that it'll be permanent. Or that it's the best case scenario.

I already tried to stop meditating, stop asking questions, stop contemplating stop watching spiritual videos and stop doing self inquiry. It never worked. I also tried to convince myself that this forum is a very deceptive cult, but that's just me fighting with myself and I end up here again and again.

 

I just don't know what to do, I don't even know what question I should ask. Tell me how to stop this neurotic chase for truth.

Now I want to contemplate why I started the search, and why I want to stop it, and I'll end up right here again.

It's usually the love aspect of GOD or the peace aspect of emptiness that keeps me here. Waking up doesn't have to always be some big explosion of madness, a lot of the time it's just a genuine letting go of attachment into a peace state of non-attachment, as if you were slipping into a warm bath made of tranquil love and acceptance. 

Getting too hung up on theories and concepts can cause this sort of existential despair, because that conceptual world in your mind is the ego's homeland, it thrives in these mental states, which is why I think too much intellectual contemplation can become an issue. Some of it can take you closer but too much takes you away into confusion. At this stage I would just completely let go of the whole idea of becoming enlightened or trying to understand and just sit and be. I honestly feel like you're making better progress than you realise; I remember hitting a wall at a certain point where the only thing keeping from progressing was my inability to let go. It really was that simple.

Like Leo said try to enjoy it more and non take it too seriously. A little relaxation goes a long way.

 

[Endangered-EGO]

@The0Self 

Maybe reading fewer books would be a good idea. The pandemic/lockdown has had a bad effect on my mental health. I would like to see other things than my appartment.

@dflores321 That's reassuring. A big subconscious thought about spirituality is that there's a lot of suffering even though it doesn't have to be.

@Husseinisdoingfine Me too, questioning reality and having insights led me to nihilism. Mostly because buddhism talks a lot about suffering and emptying the joys of life.

 

On 17/05/2021 at 1:41 AM, Nahm said:

What happens when you meditate?  Overbearing or anything? 

@Nahm Some Meditations are really fun, especially when having awakenings/ego dissolution/ etc. But other kinds are more feeling like work/chores. For example when I am overwhelmed by negative emotions, I get really frustrated.


 

 

On 17/05/2021 at 3:36 AM, RedLine said:

Look for some teacher or spiritual community, it could make your good to be in a spiritual healthy environment. This path is not about craziness but soverty, peace and love

@RedLine I'm going to do that once things start to open up again.

 

@Mu_ I'm going to watch a few of his videos. I found Rupert Spira very helpful for my spiritual neurosis.

@Eternity Thank you, it's those type of teachings and realisation that bring me down to earth again, and not take "it" too seriously. I've downloaded that book, I'll read it one day, but it's pretty difficult to understand everything in it's entirety.

@Ry4n The thing is, it's not that I don't make progress, it's that it seems pointless, I had awakenings, but they pass. I've experienced days of equanimity but it passes away, and then I am here again. The highs and the lows. I hope I'll get used to it.

[Nahm]

54 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

For example when I am overwhelmed by negative emotions, I get really frustrated.

Do you find that this sometimes leaves you with a grim future outlook, concerned about your future going the way you’d like it to?

[Endangered-EGO]

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Do you find that this sometimes leaves you with a grim future outlook, concerned about your future going the way you’d like it to?

@Nahm oh damn I could sing a whole song about that. I've struggled with alcohol, social and general anxiety, burnout and depression a lot. I also failed things, wasted time. And it made me feel like every step forward I make puts me 2 steps back. Everything I want to accomplish seems insurmountable.

I have this subconscious worldview of life being a losing battle, the further you go more suffering and struggling you'll encounter. So either give up or continue losing. I could phrase it like Allan Watts: "Life is a problem to be solved". In order to avoid as much of bad-outcome as possible.

I am of course aware that this view of reality isn't going to fulfill me, or help me. But it's the subconscious deductions I have made from the traumatic things I have experienced in my life. This is neither "True" or even practical, because believing it causes more suffering than not thinking about it at all.

I also tried to convince myself of the esoteric stories people tell me, that my soul has chosen this lifetime in order to make the experiences it wants to make, but I don't really buy into that.

[JJfromSwitzerland]

On 17.5.2021 at 0:02 AM, Leo Gura said:

Dude, don't make it such a chore. It's beautiful thing. Enjoy becoming conscious.

You guys are such kill-joys about it. You overlook the infinite Beauty of it all.

Rule #1 of spiritual work: ENJOY IT!

Or don't. Up to you.

It's just that for people like us who are spiritually underdeveloped a video like your newest one you put out is too much so we can't really handle it and only see the downside and can't see the beauty you talk about.

[Nahm]

@Endangered-EGO

What about when you let go, do you experience contentment?

[Endangered-EGO]

@Nahm Yes, I would call it peace though. I am not always able though unfortunately.

[Nahm]

@Endangered-EGO

I don’t mean let go in an ability /something one is able to do sense, I mean the opposite. When you let that go too, do you experience contentment? (I’m not asking about peace, but about contentment)

[Thought Art]

Feel what you feel 

[SageModeAustin]

@Endangered-EGO look at ur values and then make ur decision 

[Gianna]

I would try other spiritual teachers if Leo's work is making you feel pessimistic or drudgerous. Perhaps Teal Swan would be a good fit. She's good especially if you're into mental health. 

[Gianna]

Also, I have to admit, after listening to this latest video I also felt like giving up. Specifically on my Life Purpose. After all, what's the point? To entertain myself? I'm not interested in money and if helping others is just a way of entertaining myself I'd rather entertain myself in other ways. 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Gianna

[Tanz]

If you want anything that is truly beautiful there will be some struggle.  It does not matter if you are a musician, painter, athlete, doctor, lawyer, meditator, yoga practitioner, they will all require dedication and work.  So if you want to give up on realizing God, there is no way of running away from the idea of realizing your life because whatever you pursue in life, the same principles apply.  

Lets say you decide to give up striving towards anything and just work in a job with a base salary, you may end up suffering in other ways, therefore you mind as well find something you enjoy doing and find a way to serve others through that job regardless of whether or not it pays well.  

[Megan Alecia]

This place borders on cultish tendencies with its empty platitudes. Makes one wonder what the intention is behind it all.

Edited May 19, 2021 by Megan Alecia
At least with someone like Noam Chomsky-- he's transparent about fighting for the poor, devoid of bullshit and outlines his points in a rather succinct way.

[lmfao]

@Endangered-EGO The way I see it, there's no pressure or need to do anything specific at all, including spiritual awakening. There's just living life, and that's that. Maybe just enjoy it. There is no imperative or need to pursue awakening.

Languages like Buddhism and Non-Duality become naught but outer garments and dressings. The garnishings become nothing, toppling over to the lightest of winds. A gentle breeze with the right geometry is all it takes for an unwinding and spiral into madness. 

For example, I suffer heavily. In this present moment I have intense feelings. What I mostly care about is the resolving is that. I have the tendency to ask " Why am I being punished?". And obviously that sort of thinking doesn't do anyone favours. Whatever the case. When you're suffering a lot, nothing else matters. 

What comes to matter is just feeling okay and feeling normal, and not needing anything else. 
_ _ _ 
But that isn't the complete truth I suppose, and isn't the complete truth for you either perhaps. For example. The past several weeks, my mind has been highly active and struggling as lots of things come up for me in my shadow and mental illness. With my shadow and personality generally mutating/changing. 

I reached a turning point of too much stress that I decided to stop straining myself. Stop straining my efforts for exploring shadow and authenticity, or spirituality. 

I relaxed my mind. In turn, I came to feel a bit more happier and positive, it gave me a less contracted perspective. It made me slightly more refreshed, I became more loving , kind and simple. I felt more like my younger, more happy go lucky self. 

BUT IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT TO DO THAT. I CAN'T JUST TURN AWAY. 

But. Perhaps I need to learn from this. I can't do the exact same hardcore approach on my mind and not expect to get burned. But neither can I turn away from the battlefield, my dissatisfaction with mediocre and my ambition are too much, and in some sense they are inseparable. 

Perhaps it's a balancing act, I haven't quite learned how to integrate the love/gentleness. And what's been blocking me from doing so is an extremely large pride and ego which I haven't harnessed wisely. 


And so one tug of war in my mind a lot is between "pride" and "relaxation". I can only pray, live optimistically. Maybe resolution will come

Edited May 20, 2021 by lmfao

[Tarzan]

What the actual fuck is existence

[Being Frank Yang]

"Everything you do in life is to avoid the Nothing/Everything that you are" - Jed Mckenna heheheh