I dont want to realise God anymore.

[Endangered-EGO]

I feel like Leo's video was too much for me.

Especially the synchronicity, esoterik "you created your own path to wake up to yourself, but you also do everything to hide the truth from yourself."

This is nonfalsifiable, hypnotising and strange loopey.

It's clear where God would hides from me, if he wanted to stay hidden in plain sight. Behind the insanity of a psychedelic trip. However that might send me straight to the psychiatry. So let's be honest I'm not going to do it.

If God realisation is as traumatising as the nothingness (without love), then I only want it to escape the suffering from daily life. Why would I even want to know? If the behind the scenes ruin the play, it's no guarantee that it'll be permanent. Or that it's the best case scenario.

I already tried to stop meditating, stop asking questions, stop contemplating stop watching spiritual videos and stop doing self inquiry. It never worked. I also tried to convince myself that this forum is a very deceptive cult, but that's just me fighting with myself and I end up here again and again.

 

I just don't know what to do, I don't even know what question I should ask. Tell me how to stop this neurotic chase for truth.

Now I want to contemplate why I started the search, and why I want to stop it, and I'll end up right here again.

[Leo Gura]

Dude, don't make it such a chore. It's beautiful thing. Enjoy becoming conscious.

You guys are such kill-joys about it. You overlook the infinite Beauty of it all.

Rule #1 of spiritual work: ENJOY IT!

Or don't. Up to you.

[kinesin]

@Leo Gura Don't be so glib, Leo.  Have you never been through such a state that OP described?  Or have you simply forgotten what it's like?  This person's going through serious psychological turmoil and the best you have to offer is to call him a 'killjoy' and basically just say get over it?  That isn't right.

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, kinesin said:

This person's going through serious psychological turmoil

The solution to serious spiritual turmoil is to ground yourself in the beauty of life.

It's all about beauty. You're just missing the beauty. There's nothing else to do but to appreciate the beauty of consciousness.

Life is an Art. Not a chore. When you make it a chore, you suffer.

[Endangered-EGO]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Life is an Art. Not a chore. When you make it a chore, you suffer.

My new chore now is to enjoy the spiritual chore. That's how I end up at the same place over and over again.

 

Call me pessimistic, but I believe that If I can quit, life's going to bring me back to spirituality again.

[Moksha]

25 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

If God realisation is as traumatising as the nothingness (without love)

That is not transcendent God realization. Realizing nothingness is a step in the spiritual journey, within the dream, but only a step. The destination, which is the origin, is infinitely more abundant and beautiful than that.

When you realize God, which is realizing Yourself, you will be flooded with Love. Traumatization is a tool of the ego. Be vigilant, but realize that it is no real danger.

Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.

- A Course in Miracles

[RendHeaven]

[Leo Gura]

34 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

My new chore now is to enjoy the spiritual chore. That's how I end up at the same place over and over again.

Look man, you're sorta stuck punching yourself in the face.

At some point you will suffer enough from that and you'll stop. But until then you will suffer.

It would be nice if you could just walk outside and enjoy the beautiful day.

[Endangered-EGO]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Look man, you're sorta stuck punching yourself in the face.

At some point you will suffer enough from that and you'll stop. But until then you will suffer.

That's actually true... I already punch myself with less intensity than a few months before. Let's call it progress.

[The0Self]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Look man, you're sorta stuck punching yourself in the face.

At some point you will suffer enough from that and you'll stop. But until then you will suffer.

It would be nice if you could just walk outside and enjoy the beautiful day.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Or read a good book on a Sunday afternoon or whatever. If apparent separation from spirituality makes you suffer more, it can even be a "spiritual" book. I enjoyed I Hope You Die Soon by Richard Sylvester, but... that could just as easily result in increased spiritual suffering, so I don't know.

@Endangered-EGO

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Endangered-EGO said:

Tell me how to stop this neurotic chase for truth.

What happens when you meditate?  Overbearing or anything? 

[Windappreciator]

God's love will heal you.

[kinesin]

So many of the comments on this forum are just utter bullshit.  Heartless, unempathetic spiritual platitudes which are delivered without any genuine effort to educate or elucidate.  The ego is palpable in these comments, though they present themselves as the most highly enlightened - the total lack of effort or care contradicts all pretenses.

[RendHeaven]

@kinesin Where would you say you are on the SD spiral?

[Windappreciator]

14 minutes ago, kinesin said:

So many of the comments on this forum are just utter bullshit.  Heartless, unempathetic spiritual platitudes which are delivered without any genuine effort to educate or elucidate.  The ego is palpable in these comments, though they present themselves as the most highly enlightened - the total lack of effort or care contradicts all pretenses.

Thank you. We needed that.

Our structure gives presents to the ones that lack whole heartedness to begin with, but only through them we can eventually shine.

[kinesin]

@RendHeaven  It goes without saying that SD categories aren't absolute, but yellow/turquoise.  Many of the sentiments seen throughout this forum remind me of things I used to read on a psychedelic discussion forums - genuine insight for sure, but lacking integration.

[The0Self]

35 minutes ago, kinesin said:

@RendHeaven  It goes without saying that SD categories aren't absolute, but yellow/turquoise.  Many of the sentiments seen throughout this forum remind me of things I used to read on a psychedelic discussion forums - genuine insight for sure, but lacking integration.

I think what he may have been suggesting is that it sounded very green. I thought it was fine. Some of the responses may be exactly as you say, but perhaps, they're tough love, especially if it's coming from someone who's been in a very similar situation and got out of it. Maybe? Maybe not.

[RedLine]

Look for some teacher or spiritual community, it could make your good to be in a spiritual healthy environment. This path is not about craziness but soverty, peace and love

Edited May 17, 2021 by RedLine

[Mu_]

3 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

My new chore now is to enjoy the spiritual chore. That's how I end up at the same place over and over again.

 

Call me pessimistic, but I believe that If I can quit, life's going to bring me back to spirituality again.

I think you need a dose of some Matt Kahn videos.

[Jodistrict]

Too much left brain mind chatter can be demoralizing and lead to massive confusion.   It is better to meditate and quiet the mind.