How to meditate without going balls deep?

[Frenk]

Hey guys, basically whenever i meditate more often than not i have this monstrous feeling that my sense of self is going to be obliterated.
Part of reason for this i believe is a bad trip i had years ago from laced weed which was not very different from what i've read in some psychedelic reports. So when i sit to meditate i'm forced to retreat, because i don't want that to happen. Not yet. 

I want meditation to give me:

a sense of clarity - clearer thoughts 

increased concentration and well being

increased focus and peace 

better decision making

i also want to combine exercise+meditation as a workout plan more than a spiritual goal.

So how can i do that while keeping my ego intact?

 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Frenk

Ego intact, ego not intact, these are thoughts let go in meditation. You definitely don’t have to worry about a similar experience when meditating. It could not be more opposite. You’ll experience more of everything you described. Peaceful, relaxing, your Home, your place to let all worries go. ‘Give it all to God’, and you’ll only feel more love & clarity. 

[Megan Alecia]

Wear shorts during the thing.

[Frenk]

@Nahm it could very well be the case. I will continue ?

[Frenk]

@Megan Alecia a small price to pay for salvation

[The0Self]

Just let it happen. Let go. What you’ve got is a blessing. Probably the best way to go balls deep is to be hesitant about going balls deep ? 

[BipolarGrowth]

You can always try meditating less once you start to feel that it’s getting too intense. 

[kinesin]

@Frenk  Your concern is understandable considering the nature of the traumatic bad trip you had.  I myself went through a short period around 10 years ago when I had some difficult experiences while meditating, and for a while I had to stop entirely because even just reading the word 'meditation' would cause me to panic.  It was very similar to the way you describe the feelings you've been having - I'd get the sensation that my sense of reality was about to shatter irretrievably and that would cause me to slam on the brakes.

What I did was simply have a break from meditation for a while until my interest naturally brought me back around to it again.  I think it was probably around 3 months that I stopped for.  Fears fade over time.