I have a fetish that doesn't let me enjoy sex :(

[Daniel Lopez]

Hey guys, so I was kind of hesitant to share this post because it's a very personal issue, and also I have never shared it with anyone. However with the work I have been doing on personal development I have been able to be more open about my personality, also I am thinking of sharing this with a professional who can help me, but anyway I decided to share it with you guys.

The thing is that I have had a foot fetish for as long as I can remember.

When I watch regular porn it doesn't turn me on at all, I only masturbate to girls trampling guys, or kissing their feet, or even sometimes sitting on their faces.

I have tried to have sex with a couple of girls that I have gone out with, but I have never enjoyed it, it's even humiliating. Last time I had to implicitly apologize because of my poor performance in bed.

Anyway do you think this can be reversed? I have tried watching more regular porn but it just doesn't turn me on.

I would appreciate any recommendations or any resources I can go to. Thanks for reading my post ♥

[Etherial Cat]

@Daniel Lopez

I don't know much about fetish, but I've remembered that Emerald has a video on the subject.

Hope this helps. 

[StarStruck]

Cut porn for 3 months and things will turn to normal. It will be hard but if you want it hard enough it is possible. Your brain needs a dopamine reset.

[Harlen Kelly]

@Daniel Lopez Bro just get you a girl that is willing to step on your face, there are plenty of gals willing to do that!

[Daniel Lopez]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Cut porn for 3 months and things will turn to normal. It will be hard but if you want it hard enough it is possible. Your brain needs a dopamine reset.

 

2 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

@Daniel Lopez

I don't know much about fetish, but I've remembered that Emerald has a video on the subject.

Hope this helps. 

Thanks! That helps a LOT! 

[Daniel Lopez]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Cut porn for 3 months and things will turn to normal. It will be hard but if you want it hard enough it is possible. Your brain needs a dopamine reset.

Will definitely give it a try, thanks!

[Daniel Lopez]

15 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Daniel Lopez Bro just get you a girl that is willing to step on your face, there are plenty of gals willing to do that!

lol even though it would bring me pleasure that's not ultimately what I want. I want to be able to enjoy sex, and perform in a good way to make it enjoyable for my partner too

[Daniel Lopez]

2 hours ago, Tim Ho said:

@Daniel Lopez Yes, this is short term, I believe.  These fantasy images from the videos can create false expectations.  Cutting down on porn and focus on your partner being should help.   <3

Thanks for the answer! I will be researching more and hopefully get over this soon!

[Etherial Cat]

55 minutes ago, Daniel Lopez said:

 

Thanks! That helps a LOT! 

?

You're very much welcome.

[JonasVE12]

If you have been masturbating primarly to fetish type porn and images, your brain got used to associating these images with achieving sexual gratification. And these neural pathways are wired in a way that achieving sexual gratification is the strongest when it is engaging fetish type behavior in your situation. It's a learned habbit. I don't know your age, but depending on it & the amount you have been reinforcing these patterns, the neural pathways could be very strongly wired if it's reinforced many times and used as a primary sexual outlet. So of course vanilla sex won't have the same effect as your fetish because the reward centers aren't engaged as powerfully as with the neural pathway that is very strongly wired to do so. 

You should completely quit masturbating to your fetish & stop engaging in it to allow yourself to direct your sexual energy to a more healthy sexual outlet. Perferably to your partner. At first, you won't be able to enjoy it. You won't orgasm or have strong erections, but in time, your sexual energy will build up and find a new outlet, and so you have to redirect it to your partner, instead of your fetish. Let your arrousal come from your feelings in sex and enjoying her feminine energy. It will be difficult at first, but you have to give the brain time to adapt. If you quit or get tempted, you ruin the proces. So discipline is key here. Just completely stop indulging if you want to have a healthy sex life. Your woman will never be pleased with this fetish between you and her. She might even take it personal that you don't get arroused from her. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

14 hours ago, Daniel Lopez said:

14 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said:

@Daniel Lopez Bro just get you a girl that is willing to step on your face, there are plenty of gals willing to do that!

lol even though it would bring me pleasure that's not ultimately what I want. I want to be able to enjoy sex, and perform in a good way to make it enjoyable for my partner too

The two are not mutually exclusive. Have you thought that the girls might be blaming themselves for being unable to satisfy you while you're just hiding your pleasure point out of embarassment?

[Daniel Lopez]

3 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

If you have been masturbating primarly to fetish type porn and images, your brain got used to associating these images with achieving sexual gratification. And these neural pathways are wired in a way that achieving sexual gratification is the strongest when it is engaging fetish type behavior in your situation. It's a learned habbit. I don't know your age, but depending on it & the amount you have been reinforcing these patterns, the neural pathways could be very strongly wired if it's reinforced many times and used as a primary sexual outlet. So of course vanilla sex won't have the same effect as your fetish because the reward centers aren't engaged as powerfully as with the neural pathway that is very strongly wired to do so. 

You should completely quit masturbating to your fetish & stop engaging in it to allow yourself to direct your sexual energy to a more healthy sexual outlet. Perferably to your partner. At first, you won't be able to enjoy it. You won't orgasm or have strong erections, but in time, your sexual energy will build up and find a new outlet, and so you have to redirect it to your partner, instead of your fetish. Let your arrousal come from your feelings in sex and enjoying her feminine energy. It will be difficult at first, but you have to give the brain time to adapt. If you quit or get tempted, you ruin the proces. So discipline is key here. Just completely stop indulging if you want to have a healthy sex life. Your woman will never be pleased with this fetish between you and her. She might even take it personal that you don't get arroused from her. 

3 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

 

Wow I've never thought of it this way, but thanks that really makes sense and it also helps a lot!

[Javfly33]

I don't know about the whole dopamine / brain / porn thing. I've been using porn since 13 years old almost daily and I will go absolutely mental at the touch of a hottie in bed.

@Daniel Lopez Couldn't it be that you are making a big deal of this, and therefore your biggest "fear" is being actualized? Like yeah I kind have that fetish too but it's in ADDITION to normal sex. It's just a bonus I have .

Also i don't have that fetish when I'm having normal sex. Only if I'm fantasizing in a kind of "loser mode" (femdom)

[Tetcher]

You have to stop masturbation and porn watching, releasing energy that way is basically cheating (not even on the girl but on yourself) because you don't release this energy by expressing your truthful self in your relationship. With masturbation you basically release so you can act whatever in the relationship, but if you didn't masturbate your behavior in the relationship would be different and would naturally go in a direction that turns you on.

[Osaid]

I'm not sure if having a fetish should prevent you from being able to enjoy normal sex. Maybe go no fap and no porn for a while and see what happens.

[UNZARI]

I’ve had this problem lol. But I Found a girl who is okay with that fetish and ironically ended up being able to have great normal sex with her. That’s just me but I think it could be more of a problem of who you’re sleeping with. My logic being that once you find someone who’s very open, you may get comfortable with other girls. Like maybe you could get turned on by her feet first then start fucking her? Trouble shoot it, even if you both have to be drunk to do it haha

[Roy]

You've got a few options;

- Contemplate deeply, and learn if this is an authentic desire or the result of some kind of trauma or other issue with your sexuality that's causing this.

- Keep looking for a partner until you find one that understands you and is accepting of your fetish (and will also indulge it).

- Hire an escort for a night and go crazy with your fetish to get it out of your system so you can move on.

Most fetish's are temporary and don't last. For me personally I haven't had a single one stick around ever.

Edited May 15, 2021 by Roy

[hamedsf]

STOP WATCHING THAT DAMN PORN! 

that causes you for being dysfunctional. 

[Shawn Philips]

Those who say fetishes are causes by watching porn dont have a clue! stop spreading lies.

I have a domination fetish, and I understood why it feels so good to me.

When i was a kid mum or family or the teachers always told me what to do, and when I grew up taking the initiative was a pain in the ass for me, because doing things my own way I could fail.

So when a woman dominates me in sex It relieves me the weight of having to take the control or initiative, and this is very pleasant in my case.

Answer to me a question are you attracted only to beautiful girls feet or the ugy woman too?

[liamnewsom202]

Yeah I feel you man, I'd be open at talk about what you actually like and see what she thinks. I think making room for some of your fetish stuff and experimentation wouldn't be bad. I think you'd be more willing to have "normal" sex with her if you feel you can be more authentic and open about what you want to try and have her indulge you a bit here and there if she's willing. She might think it's weird at first but she might be willing to try some of that kind of stuff. She might like it more after trying it a bit, treat it like an experiment and see what happens.

 

I have a domination fetish lol and I feel like at this stage of my life it's something that's important to me in a partner and something in order to be authentic id have to bring up. I think she won't think your as weird as you might imagine. Just see what happens if you tell her. She's not into it; well go from there and work with some of the other feedback you've got here and contemplate. I doubt suppressing and blocking this part of you out and not experimenting safely with the desire will really make it any better.

 

With that, it's very possible it will be something you will grow out of. Porn and frequent unhealthy copious masturbation don't help these things and won't help your ability to enjoy regular sex or even fetish sex honestly for sure. My opinion is to find a balance of limitation and indulgence ?