Expressing aggression in response to aggression

[Vzdoh]

Hi guys, I am new here and wanted to ask a question about something I am currently working on in my self-development practice. 

Would appreciate your true and honest feedback and views. 

I have this "tails" or very polarised reaction spectrum to aggression directed at me. I either freeze or become an aggressor myself. Trying to find natural, automatic, and appropriate level of response to agression without going into those two extremes. 

Have you experienced such problem? What practices or tools have you used to get to a more measured response? Have you noticed the "freezing" moments and were able to overcome them or catch them before onset and do something to prevent yourself from going into "freeze"? 

Any suggestions or advice are welcome! 

Thank you! 

[ivankiss]

Welcome to the forum @Vzdoh 

What you're describing seems kinda relatable. I'd suggest you first inquire and question why there is judgement towards these two polarities. You may find a 'misaligned' belief. Such as; 'expressing anger is not spiritual, it means I'm being low consciousness, I should be happy and kind all the time', etc.

You may find, that upon releasing such beliefs; you will no longer respond the same way you used to in those situations. You may create more 'space' in your being for you to choose the response you'd prefer.

Meditation and other various breathing exercises are also very helpful and beneficial. And also; stopping in the heat of the moment to take a few conscious breaths.

Hope some of this resonates.

Best of luck!

 

 

 

Edited May 13, 2021 by ivankiss

[Thought Art]

Great book is called "Not-Nice" Teaches you how to be not nice, but assertive and authentic https://www.amazon.ca/Not-Nice-Pleasing-Speaking-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B076VVH14M

[Fran11]

2 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

I have this "tails" or very polarised reaction spectrum to aggression directed at me. I either freeze or become an aggressor myself. 

Do you feel you lack the courage to assert yourself in those situations where you freeze?

The agresiveness could be a defense mechanism against the fear you feel when you need to defend yourself but don't have the emotional strenght to do it, so you need to completely lose it in order to do something about it.

Edited May 13, 2021 by Fran11

[Vzdoh]

I don't have any issues saying no or protect myself when treatment of me or others i care about is unfair. I can be quite assertive and firm and can fight dirty. No problem. 

But the issue is really in those cases when aggression is directed at me. That's when i either freeze or become super agressive after holding emotions in me for a while. Severe aggression reaction normally comes after the freezing stage. 

Working through it right now. Interested if anyone else have the same issue and how u notice the freezing stage arrive? I want to be able to not only catch it before hand, but also develop an automatic and measured reaction before it happens. That's what I am targeting for here. 

[RedLine]

shadow working and bioergentics working!

[kinesin]

@Vzdoh  My guess is that it isn't the aggression which is the real problem here, but rather the context in which the aggression arises.  Are we talking about aggression toward a family member or relationship partner?  A friend?  Strangers in the street?  Social media commenters?  Aggression isn't necessarily a bad thing, it has its purpose and seeking to suppress it isn't such a practical solution.  If you're consistently encountering aggression in a specific circumstance however, a better approach is to reconfigure your habits to minimise or alter your exposure to that circumstance.