What is respect?

[Ethan1]

Curious what others know about the topic of respect:

• Respect vs disrespect 
• Respect vs love
• Respect vs power
• Self-respect vs self-neglect
• Respect & self-esteem 
• Respect & open mindedness
• Respect & personal values
• Respect & social status 
• Respect & boundaries 

Edited May 12, 2021 by Ethan1

[Roy]

The best definition of respect I can think of personally; Faith in the good will and intentions of an individual, and to a lesser degree their ability to carry that good will out.

Out of our appeal to greater humanity we are encouraged to show respect to everyone by default, and we rescind respect for them when they violate that good will. For example socially we scorn criminals and typically lose our "respect" for them, because their behavior wasn't in good will and we now question their intentions as malicious.

This has a lot to do with integrity. It's difficult to respect someone who has low integrity.

 

[Ethan1]

Seems like family systems & society teach the beliefs on respect. 

A. Respect is earned and not given

B. Respect is given freely

C. Respect is both given and earned

 

I grew up in a family system that respect was based on external success & occupation. Moms side of family didn't care about respect. They were push overs and had zero boundaries/mostly enmeshment. Then the women became very domineering and disrespectful.

 

As you if authority figures can use coercion to command respect/power. "Respect or honor your parents" 

 

Then I chased my father's approval but it was never enough. As if validation was connected to his level of respect. Then when I was willing to cut him out of my life completely he starts being respectful. 

 

Seems like respect is a very complex, relative, subjective thing to talk about based on circumstances, personality type, tonality, body language, past experiences, and preferences. 

 

Personally, I went in the air force and acquired a rank of staff sergeant. You'd think family and friends would give respect for that. However, even rank/position in a system does not guarantee any form of respect. Even being knowlegeable and having skills people can show attitudes of contempt/disdain. Respect is such a nuance thing. Beliefs, values, and attitudes intertwine with perceptions of value/worth.

 

Adding that people can misperceive another and lose respect which causes them to become closed-minded to the person's words. Attitudes connect to the amount of respect one displays to another. 

Edited May 12, 2021 by Ethan1

[ivankiss]

Respect is natural.

It's when you're fine with everyone being as they are. When you see the importance of things being the way they are. That is the default position - so to speak. And it should be common sense.

Having 'mad respect' for someone tho, is another thing. It's when you admire someone's great deeds, skills or ideas. It's when you see deep value in them and/or in what they represent to you.

There's also respect out of fear. (Respect for authority, etc), but that's a more distorted version of respect.

Edited May 12, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

29 minutes ago, Roy said:

This has a lot to do with integrity. It's difficult to respect someone who has low integrity.

Yup. And also the other way around.

Someone with low integrity will struggle (fail) to show respect. That's because they lack self-respect.

Integrity and respect go hand in hand.

[Ethan1]

All connected to social cues. Not acknowledging someone's words can be disrespectful. Interrupting and talking over someone can be a little disrespectful. Not speaking up can be seen as weak or humble. Talking down to someone can be disrespectful - downward communication. 

 

Things people respect varies from culture to culture. State to state. Group to group. Case by case. Customs and courtesies?

 

Talking too loud can be perceived by one as obnoxious and disrespectful in one context. Then in others it's seen as confidence and worthy of respect. 

 

Eye contact can be perceived as respectful and disrespectful. 

 

How one dresses can be perceived as respectful or disrespect. Being naked in public is disrespectful in some places. 

 

Military is all about rules to harness respect. The uniform is a sign of respect. Disrespecting the uniform means zero respect for the entire system. 

 

In court we are recommended to address the judge by certain names. "your honor"... Lordship. Or you can be perceived contempt of court in some cases. 

 

Parents use belts to discipline their kids to respect which is not socially acceptable to beat your grandma or wife. (Unless it's dysfunctional). Using fear and intimidation to create respect. 

Then a person that ignores text messages or phone calls a person can be perceived as passive aggressive which is a sign of disrespect for time. 

 

Then a person can disrespect property, ideas, bodies w/ physical touch, rape seems to be kinda disrespectful, warfare seems a little like disrespect... 

Respecting proximity. Being too close to someone. Respecting a person house and property. Respecting a persons life decisions. 

 

Shyness and being a people pleaser leads to pure disrespect and welcomes abuse. People test others to see how much disrespect they will tolerate. As if some people get off on seeing how much they can get away with. Some people are so deeply traumatized that they have zero self-esteem to stand up for their self against bullies in social settings. Social fears of speaking up in public can lead to a lack of self-respect and lower ones sense of esteem. Then it becomes a confirmation loop for self-attack and netagtive self-talk. Til the person learns self-acceptance and courage. 

People with money earn more respect than those that lack it. However, extremely rich people can create envy which invites disdain and resentment. 

 

One-upping others can be a little disrespectful. Having to feel bigger/better can make others feel less than and causing attitudes of disrespect. 

Edited May 12, 2021 by Ethan1