How to transcend shame?

[Zion]

What is shame?

How does shame work?

Why is shame created?

How do you transcend shame?

 

[Logan]

You are asking the right questions. You should try to answer them for yourself though. You should start a contemplation practice. You don’t need to learn concepts from other people, you need more depth of understanding of yourself. You have to take action and do the dirty work.

Look up the definition of shame in the dictionary. Then question it.

Your shame is your own personal story which no one else can tell you. You have to investigate your own mind and self reflect.

I recommend doing a contemplation journal.

You’d need a pad of paper, a pen, and a timer.

Pick a subject you want to understand better, then form it as a question on the paper. Then set your timer for 30-60 minutes thinking deeply about it. Keep doing this until you have an insight which will lead to another question. Then contemplate that one. It will likely be rooted in a childhood trauma. 

Don’t try to answer logically. Just keep repeating the question in your mind until something spontaneously comes up.

Ex.

Where does my shame stem from?

School bully made fun of my hat.

Is this person’s opinion valid?

Were they just insecure them self and tried bring me down to their level?

Etc. etc.

on and on until you no longer feel shame.
You may have many sources of shame so continue looking around and find them all and root them out.

[Raptorsin7]

@Zion Contemplate on why this moment as it is right now isn't heaven. Ask that question and see what arises.

You will likely have emotions come up and then you can feel deeply into them and transcend them

[4201]

In my personal experience, shame is what is felt when thinking one's personal value or worth is low or nonexistent. Personal value is something a lot of people worry about as it's one of the most important aspect of our social survival. While the one who feels guilt highly regrets what he has done, the one feeling shame thinks they are worthless because of it (or because of something else).

A commonly accepted belief in society is that the value of men is defined by their ability to do things and the value of women is defined by their body or appearance. Both are false and just beliefs, but those things are pushed onto us from quite a young age.

It has to be seen however that the concept of value is relative to a self or someone getting "something" out of the thing that is being e-valuated. There is no such thing as "intrinsic value", the value of something depends entirely on someone giving it value or not. Does this rock have value? I don't know, what can I do with it? Even gold has no intrinsic value, for gold to have value there needs to be humans valuing it.

The idea of people having value is already quite funny, unless you are Machiavelli, as we rarely thing of people as objects with uses. One may be afraid of being thought as low value by someone else, by their family or by society. I find that none of those fears actually improve the idea others have of you and there is absolutely no reason to live life out of fear of what other people or society think of you. The truth is there is no such thing as value, whether something is valuable or not is a duality we make. This is your life and if you live it without fears or insecurity about your personal value to others, it's quite likely people will value you naturally.

Transcending shame is as simple as stopping to assign yourself a value although it's not something you can do intellectually or with discourse. The self-value assessment has to be recognized directly as a mind process so it can be put to an end.

This is my personal experience with it: When I was a kid (3 yo) my dad got separated from my mom and for a time we spent a lot of time together. I felt very valued as a person and had all of his attention. Then as my dad was dating someone else, he stopped giving me as much attention and I started to wonder what was wrong with me. After a while, I thought I wasn't as much valuable (to him) since he didn't care as much about me or give me as much of his attention. This lead me to believe I had some hidden reason to be ashamed and feeling ashamed became my new "normal". I only noticed this dynamic after doing spiritual practices 18 years later.

Edited May 12, 2021 by 4201

[Lyubov]

All things self love. YouTube has a ton of content. Also look up John Bradshaw books, inner child healing and Matt Kahn. All for Love!

[Florian]

@Zion Shame is a kind of self punishment when you learn from "outside" that something about you or some behavior is "bad". Then you feel shame and try punish yourself cause you believe that will make the punishment you will receive from the outside, that judges you as bad, less.

It's always connected to a deeper wish to fit in, feel secure, loved or in control.

That's what I learned.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Superego - the internal critic is often the internalized voice of the father or mother.

Disengaging from the Superego 

It is relatively easy to see that much of our opaqueness, much of our lack of openness, much of our stuckness, is due to the attacks of the superego—ours and other people’s. These are the criticisms, the put-downs, the comparisons, the judgments, the devaluations, the blaming, the shaming, the rejection, and the hatred that the superego levels at you in all kinds of situations. Here the Red latifa can specifically be used in the service of inquiry, by giving us the strength to defend against the superego. Initially, we need to defend ourselves against these attacks by directly confronting them. This can happen through challenging the superego’s authority—by telling it to back off. Such an internal confrontation requires great strength and intelligence. Later, when the Red Essence is more readily available, it becomes possible to disengage from self-judgment simply by clearly discriminating it for what it is and not going along with it. Disengaging from the superego is, in essence, a separation from your parents—the parents you long ago internalized and have lived with in your mind ever since. This disengagement allows you to see more clearly what is there in your experience, because if you’re entangled with these attacks, you won’t even know what you’re experiencing or what has caused the attack in the first place.

Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 279

More excerpts about superego here- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/superego

A book that was a help for me Soul without Shame by Byron Brown

 

[ivankiss]

20 hours ago, Zion said:

What is shame?

A very unpleasant feeling.

20 hours ago, Zion said:

How does shame work?

It makes you wanna either hide or jump out of your skin.

20 hours ago, Zion said:

Why is shame created?

To realize there's nothing to be ashamed of.

20 hours ago, Zion said:

How do you transcend shame?

Radical self - acceptance. Unconditional self - love.

Also; try being naked around other naked people.