Pickup Express

[StarStruck]

Approached a girl. Just amazingly hot with crop top. It went really good. She agreed to give her number. My vibe switched a bit and I got nervous. She picked up on that and retracted giving her number to me. Game is that subtle and nuanced! Girls can pick such small changes in vibes. Just wow. 

Gaming is really done through vibes. What I could have done better is vibe longer or gone for instant date. I felt there was room for instant date.

I just rushed getting her number. I was afraid of making mistakes. I didn't know how to set up instant date on the fly. I wanted to play safe and that costed me. With game playing safe is not playing safe, it is the opposite. 

Edited June 29, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

The girl who cancelled our third date for the second time really hurt me. This date was her initiative, she wanted to meet me so I thought this time she wouldn't flake but I was wrong. 4-5 hours before our date she cancelled it. She said she had a job interview. So this time it was a job interview...Last week she said she was sick. So it is the second time she cancels our date. I asked her if she could meet next week: "I'm going to my parents next week". I'm so done, hurt, and angry.

She was so into me but I played my cards wrong. People tell me all the time "just be myself". I'm just being myself and girls find that anti-magnetic. Last time the date was just perfect, we had so much fun. She really liked me and she said "you are such a nice guy" and that moment I knew fucked up.

For the record, her cancelling my date because of a job interview is plausible because she said she is looking for a new job. On the other hand, her going to her parents and leaving me out to dry is a CLEAR sign I don't have high priorities for her. It is very painful because I remember in the first date: she was very eager to meet me and was head over heals. And now she is showing clear signs that she is the opposite. I'm in doubt about that last part though, the last date (second try for having a third date) was still her initiative so I might be reading too much into it.

I really liked her and the last two weeks I couldn't see her. Next week I can't see her. I think it would be healthy to detach myself emotionally from her. And even more over.... I will detach myself emotionally from girls and from dating all together. This is really a new phase in my personality.

Being a nice guy only caused me pain and suffering, and I want to hurt others but that is not the way. I'm trying to take the hurt and anger and put it into my LP and my self-development but it is not easy. I'm not use to pain. In the past I always dodged rejection and other kind of emotional pains through an incel life. I hate these sensations, but these sensations do make me feel alive... There will be a time to be dead, now it is time to live.

I'm close to giving up though. I even had some suicidal thoughts. These rejections just go to the core of who I'm. Emotionally I'm trying to keep on my feet. I notice how weak and fragile I'm and I'm just trying to let it be and not judge myself or judge others. I'm confused.

Some relevant advice

Summary:

1. Just allow yourself to be the new guy because what you resist (the inner nice guy) persists,
2. Notice the inner nice guy in the body when communicating: be mindful and take notes of the nice guy in the physiology (muscle memory), without awareness there is no control, it is not about thinking but what you are in the body, just relax
3. Just relax, trust yourself, be flexible and responsive, practise it

Edited July 1, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

Approaches of the day:

Approached a very cute 18 year old. We talked mainly about art. She shower her art and I showed mine. I thought everything was going well until tried to close "she thought I was too old for her" but she thought I was a nice guy.

I'm hearing this phrase that I'm nice so much. It is not funny. It is highly irritating because I'm already showing the least of my niceness and people still call me nice. I guess this niceness is in every fiber of me. I can't even see that I'm being nice or sublicating. Anyway I liked this set because we vibes very deep in a short time. 

I'm currently playing around with power versus force. Letting go emotions below consciousness level 200 (David Hawkin model) is a good to have on my mental-emotional barometer. Especially now with that girl constantly flaking on me my emotions are just in ruin. After every set I'm asking what was my baseline emotions? I'm aiming at courage and neutrality (power consciousness) considering I'm usually on desire and fear which is (force consciousness).

Using this model by David Hawkins is really good. It stops me from micro managing my sets. The only thing that is required is to stay in touch with the body and emotions which is a whole task for me because I'm a heady person and very dissociative from the body. 

[StarStruck]

Two other approaches

I went to the speciality store to hit that hippy girl up again. She says she wants to do psychedelics with me. 

I also did another approach. My vibe was spot on. Effortless approach. I got her snapchat. I will ask her out this weekend. 

[StarStruck]

Update of girls in my rotation

• 20 year old Brunette snapchat girl (latest addition). Action plan: going to ask her out somewhere next midweek
• 21 year old. Blonde girl whom canceled our third date two times in a row. Action plan: kind of gave up on her. She always has excuses although she is always receptive. Going to wait it out. 
• 24 year old Thai girl. She agreed for coffee date but she is in exam week.  Action plan: coffee date next week
• 27 year old Hippie girl from smart shop. She wants to do psychedelics with me but doesn't commit. Action plan: visit her more often until she calls me. She has my phone number. 

[StarStruck]

What Leo says here connects to what I said earlier: boyfriend frame versus playful jerk frame.

I approached another two other girls and I can only subscribe to what Leo says. This is what I become conscious of: in the beginning I'm always the playful jerk and girls just LOVE it. I approached 5 girls in total today and almost every time they are just delighted they got approached by me. It really goes down the shitter when I drop the playful jerk frame and quickly become needy when I sense I have a chance. It is so counter intuitive to not be needy when I'm. It feels like holding my fart in. Neediness is really like a fart. She really needs to like you to tolerate your fart. lol.

By the way, I got a text back from the snap chat girl that I met today. She seems receptive. I really want to ask her out but I don't have time.

My take on what Leo said: what it really comes down to is this:

A playful jerk dude resonates around and above 200+. The feeling of courage is really the baseline of jerk. Feeling of neutrality (not shown in this pic for some reason: it is called trust in this picture) is at consciousness level 250. I noticed that gaming girls really works great on that consciousness level. This is really the level where "freedom of outcome" happens.

So to come back to what just happened. I approached this stunning girl with black dress and just amazing body and face. My words can't do it justice at this moment. She was just ecstatic that I approached her. I asked if she is from here and I asked about her logistics as good pickup etiquette. She said her parents where waiting just 10 meters from where we were standing. I was just shell shocked. Her parents were watching me trying to fuck their daughter for 2-3 minutes straight. I instantly dropped to consciousness level shame which is the lowest of the lowest. I couldn't think straight and of course I messed it up.

What was really the problem here? Her parents? No! I just couldn't deal with the emotions of her parents looking at us having a good time. She just loved me. If I had emotional mastery, I could have dealt very differently with the situation. Again it is not really about a different outcome that I would have wished but my emotional mastery. First step of mastery is becoming aware: one can't control what one is not aware of. It is amazing that I just could register all of these ups and downs in emotion to tell it back. What I could have done differently is basically this: become aware that I dropped to the level of shame, calm the fuck down, not rush action, embrace the feeling, accept it and let it go. What I did instead is just rush it, force a close after 4 minutes in, her parents are waiting there, of course she is not going to give her phone number to a guy she just spoke for 4 minutes.

In retrospect it is easy to talk but these situations are just hard to deal with. I have already become socially savvy quite a bit but this situation really scooped me off my feet. I got stuck at shame and I just dripped off like a loser. I lost the outer battle because I lost the inner battle.

Edited July 2, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

Something else I discovered which is a very important discovery for me:

Advice should be taken as advice and nothing more. 

In the past I would take other people's advice as instruction. It kind of reminds me of the dynamic between myself and my parents in which I was not allowed to think with autonomy/have self worth; and was expected to follow orders as a robot. I'm repeating those behavior patterns. It is not healthy and it doesn't work. 

Edited July 2, 2021 by StarStruck

[Roy]

On 6/30/2021 at 11:20 PM, StarStruck said:

For the record, her cancelling my date because of a job interview is plausible because she said she is looking for a new job. On the other hand, her going to her parents and leaving me out to dry is a CLEAR sign I don't have high priorities for her. It is very painful because I remember in the first date: she was very eager to meet me and was head over heals. And now she is showing clear signs that she is the opposite. I'm in doubt about that last part though, the last date (second try for having a third date) was still her initiative so I might be reading too much into it.

Might be the case of reading too much into it. Girls usually are close with their parents and family oriented. Is it not reasonable they'd be a priority for her over someone she's been on a couple dates with? Let's flip it your way too, would your parents not take a priority too if you rarely see them? You'll always be living in the same city as this girl. Anyways...

Here is what will probably happen > She'll go see her parents. Maybe have a great time (or get annoyed haha), and come back home wanting to get back into HER life again. She'll remember how she cancelled 2 dates and feel a little guilty, and be eager to make something happen again. You need to leave that opportunity for her to suggest a date and give her space to think about her feelings about you. ALL you need to do is maybe message once randomly over the course of time she is gone like, "hey, hope you're having a good trip :)!", or playful, "enjoying your rents place or is it a prison like mine haha?". Just reminding her you exist and are interested in a very subtle casual way, but not begging for an answer. A message or two back and forth, that's it.

Judging by the wording of your posts it seems you subconsciously know this to be the case, but your mind is trying to sabotage you and put you down emotionally. I've been there , it's so easy to want to listen to those stories because you just sit there and they write themselves, but you've got to keep letting go and focusing on other things to keep you occupied and happier. Like talking to more girls and getting dates! Which you are doing, so that definitely is easing things right?

Regardless if she changes her mind and doesn't want to have another date, or makes another date and cancels again well... her loss! Sometimes connections just flame out even though they seemed promising. It's not anybody's fault. Lives can't always intertwine in every interaction that happens, there could be one of a hundred reasons people shouldn't be together, even if they like each other. It's amazing that there are as many relationships as there are to be honest, also goes to show you how most people don't really work on making something great. They just get desperate and compromise it all so they don't have to be alone.

[StarStruck]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

Might be the case of reading too much into it. Girls usually are close with their parents and family oriented. Is it not reasonable they'd be a priority for her over someone she's been on a couple dates with? Let's flip it your way too, would your parents not take a priority too if you rarely see them? You'll always be living in the same city as this girl. Anyways...

To answer your last question. I would. I would leave one day earlier from my parents place to meet somebody I like that I haven't seen for 2-3 weeks.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. When she is back from her parents place things will get more clear from her behavior. This is what I noticed: I can clearly see she was head over heels in the start of the relationship and now it is less. Probably because I got needy. I mean it is hard to not be needy if you can't see somebody for 3 weeks that you like so I get myself but it was not smart to portray that I guess.

Quote

Here is what will probably happen > She'll go see her parents. Maybe have a great time (or get annoyed haha), and come back home wanting to get back into HER life again. She'll remember how she cancelled 2 dates and feel a little guilty, and be eager to make something happen again. You need to leave that opportunity for her to suggest a date and give her space to think about her feelings about you. ALL you need to do is maybe message once randomly over the course of time she is gone like, "hey, hope you're having a good trip :)!", or playful, "enjoying your rents place or is it a prison like mine haha?". Just reminding her you exist and are interested in a very subtle casual way, but not begging for an answer. A message or two back and forth, that's it.

I'm definitely not going to ask her for a date. Just poking her and showing her interests in her life is the most I will.

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Judging by the wording of your posts it seems you subconsciously know this to be the case, but your mind is trying to sabotage you and put you down emotionally. I've been there , it's so easy to want to listen to those stories because you just sit there and they write themselves, but you've got to keep letting go and focusing on other things to keep you occupied and happier. Like talking to more girls and getting dates! Which you are doing, so that definitely is easing things right?

 

That made me feel better but I'm still angry. Not necessarily angry at her but angry at myself. Perhaps for not doing enough to work on my self-esteem and self-worth. I can't get angry at her for not being attracted to a guy who bends over backwards for her so to speak. lol. My inner fire is brighter than before meeting her so I have to be thankful to her for that but at the same time my heart is broken and I'm confused. What I know is that the solution is working on myself. In terms of personality to be successful with girls I'm nowhere where I should be.

Quote

Regardless if she changes her mind and doesn't want to have another date, or makes another date and cancels again well... her loss! Sometimes connections just flame out even though they seemed promising. It's not anybody's fault. Lives can't always intertwine in every interaction that happens, there could be one of a hundred reasons people shouldn't be together, even if they like each other. It's amazing that there are as many relationships as there are to be honest, also goes to show you how most people don't really work on making something great. They just get desperate and compromise it all so they don't have to be alone.

Thanks for your long ass reply by the way

I think I like her. I already made plans in my head how things would have worked out and that we would hold hands, make long walks and enjoy life. At least meet once a week. I guess I can kiss that fantasy good bye.

Perhaps things will make a turn around. Perhaps not. The bottom line is that I had expectations and she didn't fulfil these. I thought we were on the same line until the very last moment where she changed her mind. Perhaps she was not ready for sex but the strange thing is that she chose to meet in a private setting.

All I can do is learn lessons from this and not be emotionally attached. I'm going full PUA. Fuck love, for now.

 

Edited July 3, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I took some modafinil because I have a deadline tomorrow. I thought let me experiment pickup on that substance. Not a good idea. I'm just a little bit off on it. 

[Roy]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Perhaps things will make a turn around. Perhaps not.

That's life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hehe. The key is not to stress over the details too much, but enjoy the ride.

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

The bottom line is that I had expectations and she didn't fulfil these. I thought we were on the same line until the very last moment where she changed her mind. Perhaps she was not ready for sex but the strange thing is that she chose to meet in a private setting.

It ain't over til it's over. Just live your life in the meantime, who knows maybe you're in a for a pleasant surprise when she gets back?

I've found one the important parts of being a man (or anyone for that matter), is to not have too many expectations. You should have standards and principles which you are firm on, but you don't "expect" people to behave a certain way. You don't have any power or attraction there. You can only control yourself, and become a "rock" so to say that will attract others. Relying on other people to "fulfill" things for you, you'll just be a victim to surprise, disappointment, confusion, sadness, anger etc..

Fulfill yourself, then share that with those who come.

[StarStruck]

What I really stop trying to do: not reinvent the wheel as much as possible. 

Yes. Pickup is learned by having boots on the ground but for me boots on the ground is also about self awareness. 

Huge sticking point for me is being a nice guy. I don't need to figure it all out by myself. This book is exactly what I need so why wallow in my misery? I know what to do. 

 

Pickup is really striking at the core at who I'm.  Pickup, relationships or anything else is really about habits:

 

[StarStruck]

@Roy that is so funny you said that. I'm really control over myself and not over the girl. 

So I approached this girl. She was not my type and actually ugly but I thought I need to hit the 5 approach streak. 

So I was just joking around about the weather and how love was all around. She got really mad at me for saying I was looking for love. We got in a fight. ?

She got rude although I was obviously joking about the love part of my story. It is totally not me but it was so empowering to basically say to her that I found it funny and it is her freedom to not find a funny. And I stood my ground. It was not really about pickup. It was about my principles of not putting up with rudeness. 

[StarStruck]

I'm over-philophizing in this thread. Next two weeks I will try to do this less. I will work on an emotional energetic level. Let me try a different ball game!

The nice thing with emotions is that it is happening right now. Thoughts (theorizing what I'm doing here) is not here. Doing some theorizing is good but I'm doing it too much and it made me out of touch with my emotions thus the now. 

Emotions is really like water. It is like the ocean. There are waves coming and going. If you are a surfer want to ride a wave, it is all about catching the momentum and balancing on the board. I will be doing this with my life in general. 

[StarStruck]

Really good points...

"It's very easy to understand. Power = consciousness. All states of consciousness which are less than infinite will have finite power. And infinite power isn't really free either because it must all be given selflessly to Love. So the idea of manipulating reality for your personal finite gain cannot hold at high states of consciousness. So your ego's power fantasies will never get fulfilled.

But you can surrender to selflessness and Love.

The cost of infinite power is all finite definitions and attachments. Such that once you reach infinite power you have absolutely no personal need to have it.

It's just like with attracting women: the guy who needs sex the least will get it the most. And the guy who needs it the most will get none"

-----

 

[StarStruck]

Today I got a small emotional breakdown after contemplating. I don't get emotions that often so it was kind of a big deal. 

I saw how my dysfunctional mother influenced how I connect to people and how I especially connect with women.  

There is a reason why I don't trust people or don't open up. And there is a reason why I have difficulty connecting with people. It is projection really. I already knew this on an intellectual level but knowing it on an intellectual level is not that much if there is no emotional connection to the truth. 

As Buddhists say, wisdom is really in the heart and the heart should be used to integrate the wisdom.  For some reason I was able to to silence my mind and just listen to my heart... and it lead me places.

Perhaps it was the modafinil from yesterday. Yesterday I was really going hard. I couldn't stop approaching. I did 3 hours of nonstop approaching. Afterwards contemplating on it like a mad man. 

This was really the process

1. Coming out of inertia, taking massive actions 
2. Being exhausted, ego defenses being weakened, 
3. Ego defenses collapsing
4. Having the chance to listen to my heart and getting amazing wisdom

Do I have to use the sequence every time to access my wisdom? Hell to the no. The average person can easily access the heart especially if you are somebody who can easily cry. The problem with me is that I can't easily cry or listen to my heart. 

Teal Swan demonstrates how it can be done:

It is really going towards the inner storm, towards the eye of the storm. My ego just bails when I try to do this. 

It is really about loving yourself which means listening to what is in the heart. Now I think back at it. By listening to the heart is how I cured my porn addiction. It can be used to solve other problems. 

My issue is that I don't have a strong ego. It has a hard time setting boundaries so it overcompensates through being over controlling. The way to the heart is about having a healthy well balanced ego. 

[StarStruck]

In a way learning game is about gaming yourself. 

If you have a tyrannical ego that doesn't allow you to feel emotions, or more precisely an ego that doesn't create a safe space for yourself so emotions can manifest, emotions will simply not show up which leads to being emotionally disconnected from life. 

Isn't gaming a girl about the same thing? A girl will never show her feminine side if you can't create a safe space as the masculine counterpart. Both counterparts have equal stake though for things to work out. 

In my opinion inner love works the same. The healthy ego (masculine energy) plants the seed in the fertile feminine soil (heart) so it can blossom into a flower which is called (inner) love. 

Without being esoteric and putting it more simple.... ego is controlling power and heart is feminine allowing power. Within our own system as a human we need a good balance of both. If you are all love you are just overly feminine. If you are all ego you are just very masculine. I'm the latter. 

The universe told me to game myself: develop a healthy ego, create trust within myself and be nice to myself. The former is really not possible without the latter although the latter is just as important. 

In this thread I used inner jihad a lot. I thought inner jihad was a war against the self. I was wrong. So important to keep an eye how the ego interprets things. War against oneself is really punishing and masculine (inner dad?) While we also need an inner mom that is soft and loving. I will still use inner jihad, because I'm really my own general but a good general is smart and wins battles without bloodshed. 

 

If I boil it down, it comes down to this: Girls love guys with healthy egos..... people say girls don't like needy and creepy guys.  That doesn't strike at the heart of the problem.  The - heart - of the problem is an unhealthy ego. 

Interesting sources:

https://www.pdthinker.com/healthy-ego.html

https://www.juliabushue.com/blog/healthy-ego

Edited July 4, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I went to the super market. I talked to a blonde worker than caught my eye a while back. It went really good. We exchanged names and I left. I planted the seed in her brain. Next time I will escalate. 

Ps: I'm at home and I'm having a huge ego backlash. Last week's girl who canceled our third date two times in a row really got under my skin. My ego is in overdrive and I want to do all my addictions. I'm fighting against it as we speak and it is hard to negotiate with it. If I relapse I will be devastating. 

I'm at home alone, gaming myself. It is fight club. The universe put me in this spot for a reason. This is what I need right now. I need to face the music. I need to face myself. 

Now I'm listening to myself my heart starts talking. I feel deeply hurt about that girl who canceled me but I know why I failed. It wasn't her fault. I failed because I was to weak to face myself, facing my emotions, develop self-esteem, self-mastery, self-love. 

Self-love is really what I lack. I wouldn't be have a porn addiction and other addictions if I really loved myself. I would have stopped years ago... and now I'm deciding I'm not continuing with that shit. Every moment of my body is either self-love or self-hate. 

Perhaps... self-love is too far stretched for me. Let's start with self-respect. 

 

Edited July 4, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

So I tried 2CB for the first time of my life. Every time I take some psychedelics I always tell myself that I was a fool for not taking psychedelics earlier and that I should do it every 2 weeks.

I know why I don't do psychedelics in hard times... I remember now: I swore it off because it was so overwhelming. This trip was different because I have become a different person. I can actually - unconditionally - listen to my heart and not be nasty to it.

It is my decision not to write a trip report. It is too personal, but what I can say is this. When I take psychedelics I always think in analogies and the story of Frankenstein was a major part..

“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

[StarStruck]

I approached 5 separate girls on my way to the supermarket. 4 rejections but the cutest one gave me her number. She is into philosophy. We are texting since we met.

Observations about myself

• Ad hoc openers: commenting on something about her works much better than using generic openers
• Care less, that is really what I have to do more: 80% friendly behaviour, 20% dickish behaviour
• Polarize more; say things that will make her reject you or accept you
• The way to stopping yourself qualifying, is to make her qualify
• The formula to make anything fun: go off script! No boring conversations!