Pickup Express

[StarStruck]

On 1-6-2021 at 3:03 PM, flowboy said:

 

Well, where are you looking? On the street? At work? People bond when they have meaningful and challenging experiences together. So in my experience you aren't going to find high quality friends amongst coworkers or customers very often, but doing something that's daring and meaningful to you. Pick up a new hobby that you always kind of were curious about but didn't feel like you were ready for it. Go on retreats. Seriously. If you do personal development related group activities, you can find friends that are willing to grow with you. The more vulnerability is required, the more deeper the bonds you can form.

As you can read in my journal, I finally found somebody awesome. A blonde 21 year old. We had an instant date in the park and smoked some cannabis. We had a really good time. She said she wants to see me again but I'm not sure. I'm afraid to be hurt and I'm trying to not be attached to her, which is hard. Her brother is in town so she won't be able to meet up this week but next week she said she was available. I think I'm going to wait for her to make a move but she is very submissive. Just going to wait it out for now.

I have to think about the logistics of finding friends. Currently I don't meet a lot of new people. It is no wonder that I don't know anybody. I always blame myself for not being ok but perhaps it is just my lifestyle.

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Actually if you compare the first and last page of my journal, you'll see that it's way different. I used to LIVE in procrastination. Every day was living like a zombie and closing my eyes to the mess, then zoning out behind youtube or netflix. Now, I wake up every day with a plan that gets me closer to my goals and execute on it. Sometimes I still get a bad day, sure. Growth comes with backlashes. Expect them or you'll have a bad time

Well where does confidence come from? For me the answer was: being sure about what I'm doing with my life. So I went for that and it worked.

I will read your journal.

My procrastination is very bad. I don't have trust in myself. That is where I should put all my effort but at the same time: life is going on. I also want to enjoy from the nice things in life like dating hot blondes.

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What would your confidence come from (or rather, what is your lack of confidence connected to, when you feel it?)

Lack of discipline. Being weak.

Edited June 3, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

Combating one-itis

One-itis("Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. "Go fuck ten other women" is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this "disease" (hence the "itis"), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are.") is starting to begin to form a problem after the recent girl I met (instant date in the park).

I noticed that I'm getting attached to her although I had one date with her for 2 hours or something. It was great but I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm trying to let my attachment to her go: it is painful. Letting go is the inner part of the work that is needed. The other part is external which is to keep approaching. I really don't want to because I feel like cheating on her (strange I know) but fuck that shit. I got hurt so many times by girls that I'm going to chose for myself, first and foremost!

I'm going to trust upon the fact that the more I let go of her, the more she will love me, if not, let it be so..

Bosy flirtation towards the train station

I was walking towards the train station and took a turn, it was quite street so unlikely you walk side by side with a stranger, by god's will (or coincidence) my path towards the train station intersected with a cute girl. From the body language I knew she wasn't receptive but I had to try it.

Me: how are you doing?

She: That is none of your interest!

Me: wow, you are nice!

She: I don't have good exp with guys approaching me on the street

Me: I was just trying to be nice (statement of empathy)

She: I know but my experiences are bad with such guys

Me: I apologize in the name of creepy men (funniness)

She: chuckles (she opens up here)

Me: so what are you up to?

She: I'm done with work

*proceeded to talk about my work*

Me: so what kind of work do you do?

She: I don't want to tell

Me: Ok, I didn't know it was secret information

She: chuckles

She: I'm not looking for anybody

Me: but Imagine you were looking for somebody

*I'm seeing she has to go up stairs and I don't want to follow her, so I had to wrap it up*

Me: how about we exchange numbers, go out for a date so we can continue our squabble?

She: chuckles

Me: Sorry but I give up on you!

She: have a nice day

I really reached a new plateau with my game and I was really spitting game as they call it. I think she just wasn't interested in my physically. Other reasons could be that she thought I'm just out for sex and some girls really don't like that. I could have disarmed her indirectly with some stuff but a brother can only do so much. When I figured out she thought I wanted sex, I turned off the PUA stuff and was just charming but penetrating and she loved it (giggling all the time) but she still didn't give me her number.

When girls notice that the pickup is about you instead of her, the vibe will change immediately. Girls are highly selfish, there is nothing wrong with that, I'm just observing that! Being authentic is appreciated by girls but at the same time you also need to emotionally manipulate them if you want to get some ass. Unfortunately this is the truth. Good quality manipulation is done in stealth: when you give her the feeling she seduces you instead you seducing her. This is the part I did wrong. I played with open cards.

So fuck being a nice guy! Yes, being nice is important, but that is just the foundation of being a GENTLE-man. The core of a gentleMAN is MAN. Without being a man one can't be a gentleman. Be a prick, be an asshole, be arrogant, be a douche but fulfil her needs! That last one is the thing that really counts. It is really about balance but IMHO it is better to be one of those things than to be weak, soft, and nice; nobody can convince me otherwise; I have real life - first hand - proof how girls treat douches better than nice guys!

[StarStruck]

On 1-6-2021 at 8:55 PM, StarStruck said:

Having an audience

So I did some approaches today, it was not going good and I was about to stop. I saw a cutie at the bus stop. I decided to approach. She was receptive and we had good flirtation going. I was not conscious of the fact that a middle aged woman was in our vicinity. She heard the whole ordeal. When I found out she had a bf I backed down. I turned around and the middle aged woman was enjoying the spectacle. She was so impressed. Both started showering me with compliments. I walked off stage like an hero. Like a gladiator.

XTC of my labor

I went to the coffee shop. I was so frustrated. I needed some "medicine"/weed to put me out of my misery. On the entrance I saw cute blonde girl rushing inside the store. I shouted at her "are you old enough"? She didn't even look back at me.

Brother with dreadlocks

The brother with dreadlocks (the guard at the entrance of the shop) saw my effort. He decided to help me and started talking to me, saying "oh, you like that girl don't you? I told him "she didn't even look at me". The blonde girl heard us talking. I took my order and she took her order. The brother with dreadlocks told me I should talk to her. I said "should I wait her up?". He said "yes". I decided to do that. If he didn't told me I would have walked to home. I started talking to her and it went really good.

Instant date: going high in the park

We had a good vibe going and she told me we should smoke our blunts together. We were discussing where we should smoke. Her place was not available. I suggested my place. She said "no". I told her that it was up to her. She wanted to go to the park. It was so nice that we had the same vibe going, same past, same energy. I was so drunk of love that I couldn't even think about fucking her. It was therapeutic. To be clear, I 'm not in love and I also do want to fuck her, but I was in a different head space. It was so nice. Thinking about it, I could have introduced some sexual tension. I noticed that I loved the love but I was also afraid of losing it, although there wasn't any evidence of it. It was a surreal moment. I had a very cute blonde 21 year old next to me, giggling and having a good time with me, and there was beautiful nature around, bright sun, light breeze, all kind of birds around us, trees and bushes, there was green everywhere (green = colour of love). The ambience ecstatic. At the end we exchanged numbers. She said she has family coming over next week but the week after that she would be able to meet again. Afterwards we stood up from the bench and we walked in the same direction for a while and parted our ways.

Lesson: it is all about connection, all that other is secondary.

She kept forgetting my name. I asked her:

 

This morning she (blonde girl with whom I had an instant date) took contact with me and asked me for a date. Omg, I keep reaching new plateaus. This is the first the in my life that a girl (that is my type) asks me for a date in such an explicit way.

Edited June 4, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

This morning she (blonde girl with whom I had an instant date) took contact with me and asked me for a date. Omg, I keep reaching new plateaus. This is the first the in my life that a girl (that is my type) asks me for a date in such an explicit way.

I'm going to stop lying to myself. I totally fell in love with her. ?

[StarStruck]

So to stop one-itis I did some approaches today. I noticed I totally lost my MOJO in terms of flow, train of thoughts, orientation but in terms of emotionality I was on par. I really need some trust in myself, understand I'm a human, machine and use my biological energy based brain and body the right way. 

I thought I was good but with just like everything else when you don't use it you lose it. 

It seems pickup and short term memory and reflex are closely linked. 

Edited June 4, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

Mindfulness is great for pickup and relationships. 

Today I noticed a shift in myself in terms of relationships. In the past when I would love or like somebody I would cling. Now I love or like them and let it go. 

If it is ment to be, she will return to me, and recently I discovered that is the way to attract girls and make them "yours" through emotional connection. 

It is really about trust in yourself, letting emotions manifest, having principles and values, letting go of fear and letting go in general and being in truth. 

[StarStruck]

Today I didn't want to do approaches but I forced myself to do some. 

I approached some real hotties and I got blown off. My energy and confidence was way off. These were my problems

• Expecting something for nothing
• Being angry at hot girls for not accepting a weak weasel that I was. It is really stupid when I think about it. Being angry at hot girls for like only confident men is like being angry guys for liking tits and ass
• Not being in my own power, giving my power away. 
• Too much micro managing and thinking about what to say. 
• What to say is really a cherry on top of the cake. Being anal about the cherries while the cake sucks is really dumb. 
• Also I'm having a lot of inner conflicts during approach: conflict between letting things be versus doing. 

I got one nice conversation and I got all needy and bitchy. 

It wasn't a good day for acquiring new girls. Also I'm busy with some other stuff and I just don't feel good. 

Nonetheless, I got some lessons and insights from today. I don't care about results too much since that blonde girl that texts me all the time. 

[StarStruck]

8 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Today I didn't want to do approaches but I forced myself to do some. 

I approached some real hotties and I got blown off. My energy and confidence was way off. These were my problems

• Expecting something for nothing
• Being angry at hot girls for not accepting a weak weasel that I was. It is really stupid when I think about it. Being angry at hot girls for like only confident men is like being angry guys for liking tits and ass
• Not being in my own power, giving my power away. 
• Too much micro managing and thinking about what to say. 
• What to say is really a cherry on top of the cake. Being anal about the cherries while the cake sucks is really dumb. 
• Also I'm having a lot of inner conflicts during approach: conflict between letting things be versus doing. 

I got one nice conversation and I got all needy and bitchy. 

It wasn't a good day for acquiring new girls. Also I'm busy with some other stuff and I just don't feel good. 

Nonetheless, I got some lessons and insights from today. I don't care about results too much since that blonde girl that texts me all the time. 

From the last post I notice that I can be very negative towards myself. 

There were also some good stuff like I can execute very well, I can shrug off rejection like it is nothing. 

Pickup is really an internal game. An inner jihad. It is all in the mind. Too many dudes focus on external variables. 

I need to focus on building confident and attraction. At one hand you need to pull (through passive attraction) and push (through confidence)

Julien explains it nicely

 

[StarStruck]

On 04/06/2021 at 3:09 PM, StarStruck said:

I'm going to stop lying to myself. I totally fell in love with her. ?

She (blonde girl with whom I had an instant date in the park) is constantly hitting me up. 

This is a very hot 21 year old girl. She looks way younger. Her personality is perfect for what I need in a relationship right now: cute, timid, shy but fiesty, she even looks like my favorite pornstar. And from the looks from it she really fell for me and wants me. 

My problem though is that I'm doing nofap and I fell into a flat zone. This PUA shizzle is pulling all of my strings. It didn't expect my PUA endeavors to work out so quickly. I'm also very busy with school and work this coming two weeks and I don't have time. I'm so sad and disappointed in life but guess what? It is all my own doing! To be fair I also have a lot of emotional baggage from the past but I'm an adult. I have to fix this or die trying. 

I'm really depressed right now but this clip always cheers me up:

 

[Roy]

Great work @StarStruck, keep it up !

[Striving for more]

So excited to read more of your guys journals, so insightful. 

Actually really bored of the forum now, these are where the gold is, the hidden autobiographical underworld of deep insight. 

[SLuxy]

My fucking dude!

Really resonate with your journey, am on the path myself too!

Inspired to start my own journal.

[StarStruck]

20 hours ago, Roy said:

Great work @StarStruck, keep it up !

I wish but thanks. Still have to reach abundance.

13 hours ago, Striving for more said:

So excited to read more of your guys journals, so insightful. 

Actually really bored of the forum now, these are where the gold is, the hidden autobiographical underworld of deep insight. 

My journal is raw and uncensored. I'm glad you liked it.

10 hours ago, SLuxy said:

My fucking dude!

Really resonate with your journey, am on the path myself too!

Inspired to start my own journal.

Yes, learn from others. That will cut your learning curve.

I like this post of yours. Does it work?

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I made a thread about my recent findings

My conclusions are these:

• My personality is not static, one day I can be overly nice, the other day just non-caring and straight forward and another day I can be something else
• It is important to be mindful of my personality profile on that day
• For example if I'm doing my approach and I feel like I'm overly nice; the moment I'm noticing that, be the exact opposite of being nice to create a counter balance
• The point is the find the opposite polarity of your personality and start being that, unite the polarity of your personalities and transcend the polarity is the lesson! For example, I'm a codependent, for me it is key to become more of a narcissist

 

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The girl that is interested in me looks like her. I'm posting this as inspiration for myself and others. She is hitting me up all the time. You guys might say "you are a lucky guy". I'm not. I'm doing nofap and that gave me a flat line. Girl wants to be nailed by me and I can't even get it up because of my porn induced addiction to porn and messed up dopamine system. My porn addiction (that was a result of my traumatic youth) is still hunting me. If I didn't have a traumatic youth, I would be with her right now. I'm never going to watch porn again! For me porn symbolizes what alcohol symbolizes for a alcohol addict. It screwed me up. Currently I'm very frustrated. I'm fighting an inner jihad.

[StarStruck]

Today I didn't go out to pickup. I went to the supermarket. I had female eyes on me a couple of times. Perhaps it is the warm weather and hormones. Perhaps it is my energy that is different. I had one clear opportunity to approach. She saw me creeping up (I was walking faster to catch up with her), when she saw me in her peripherals I stopped. Next time I won't and just push through. #fuckit

[StarStruck]

Because of recent frustrations I"m going to implement some radical steps. I'm going to 2x these variables in my life!

1. Meditation
2. Physical exercise: gym
3. Engaging in lusty pleasures other than cheap pleasures: healthy foods
4. Life affirming creativity: engaging in the physical world

And also do some low-investment approaches.

Also going monk mode:

My mindset changes:

1. Focusing on 1% change per day and being future orientated
2. Going to cause of shit and not dealing with surface effects
3. Involving coaches with the shit I'm struggle-ling; not being an emotional black box

 

I feel like a transcended my addiction but I want to reboot quicker. This blonde is waiting for me. I can't wait for weeks.

[StarStruck]

Today I was really busy. I could only get out to get some Thai food. I did two approaches. One had a bf but she was like 30 and meh. Even if she was single there was no attraction. I need to work on that. The other one was a cute girl with glasses. The moment she smelled the niceness she scooted off "I have to catch up with my gfs".

All hot girls are my coaches

Seriously, I can really can get triggered by women who say men are trash etc when the same women reject nice guys. I do get their position. I'm not a knuckle head but by rejecting nice guys you make nice guys like those guys you hate but allow to fuck your brains out. 

I already have a hot blonde girl waiting for me who wants to meet up this week so I don't have the same convulsive attitude towards pickup as in the beginning of my journey. It gave a more relaxed attitude. 

My objective is to create abundance in my life. A man with such a mindset is attractive. I do get women. My frustration is not even aimed at them. I'm a little bit confused. Where should I aim my frustration at?

Exposure therapy by hot women

Every hot woman that I approach I see as my coach. A coach that is teaching me how I can fuck them. They will sculp me in a way, with every rejection, in an exposure therapy kind of way and I will become somebody who they will want to fuck. 

Is there toxicity inside of me? Yes. Most women lie and cheat. Say they have bfs went they don't have bfs. Don't give me the light of day. Treat me as trash when I'm super nice. By God I will break some hearts and break something else...

And I'm not even doing it for them. First and foremost. I'm doing it for myself. This exposure therapy will have a burden on my heart. When you get rejected by so many women, it is hard not to take it personal. I will become my alter ego to transcend my ego. At the end I will need to incorporate both niceness and assholeness.  That is what I'm trying to say. 

Wankerness

I had this insight today. Having this overly niceness and approaching ladies is similar to pulling your dick out and just wanking it in front of her. If she doesn't like that sight she will scoot off. If she likes the sight of that she might look at it, giggle and perhaps even help you!

If you are a hot guy, niceness might work out for you. Or if you are lucky and a girl likes you at first sight it might work. In general it won't work. On this planet that strategy doesn't work. And it is really hard for me to get it out of my system. I just need to get rejected enough times so there is enough emotional labor for me to change myself. Nicing myself into a girl wants is not a winning strategy!!

Getting lucky with blondie 

So blondie has hit me up again. I told her I can only meet up over 2 days. She can't really wait. I was really lucky to meet her. It was my luck she instantly liked my looks and vibe. She was also not turned off by my niceness. Girls like these are really rare. 

[StarStruck]

Emotional ventilation is something good. Normally I would crop up these frustration which is not good.  

I notice my inner child versus adult dynamic. They are constantly in conflict and it is not great. They need to find a resolution. 

My inner parent needs to realize it can't push the inner child with force, only convince it with love, respect and reason. And my inner child needs to realize it needs to grow up and integrate for the greater good of the self. My inner parent is definitely the problem though. 

[StarStruck]

This is such a major point:

Women feel what you feel!!!

 

Also

It is not about the right "gesture" alone but also about the balance. Game is similar to surfing. 

[StarStruck]

Some girls can be really rude. I do get it and I don't take it personal but it does mold me into being an arrogant dick. And women should not take it personal if I become one. 

All girls must like me paradigm sucks. Really if they are not my gf I shouldn't care. Why do I even care? I don't have a good answer. 

Addition: being an arrogant prick is not a magic pill. Being an arrogant prick is the male version of the bitch shield. It is needed armor to thrive in the sex market. 

Edited June 8, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

I did some approaches today. The weather is very hot here and girls dress minimal so I guess they get approached a lot and they have their bitch shields up. Approached 8 girls. Most of them didn't even give me 5 seconds to talk after my opener. With two of them I had a conversation. They were ok but I don't know. It was a disappointing day. I also didn't feel good. I received some bad news from family.

The thing is that 8 of these girls that I approached, most of them were coming from opposite direction. It is hard to stop them. I guess they feel my neediness and there is just not enough to let them stick around to see/hear more from me.

Anti-magnetic personality

There are some times that negativity creeps in and that I should stop with approaching. I'm not really getting the return on investment that I'm expecting. I'm also trying to stop with some addictions and I'm trying not to cave in. I just want to cry or something but I can't. I really want to blame somebody, blame girls for not liking me, blame my parents or downtalk on myself. From time to time I'm doing that but that is not really going to solve the problem. Doing the hard work everyday will help me.

It is really an inner struggle. I'm not even fully aware what is going on but what I know is that I lost my magnetism. I don't have that grounded presence any more. With my last set I did got a slight taste of that but I was really tired and I went home.

Freestyle game is not working out

Since two weeks or something I'm doing free-style. I read so much theory of pickup that I thought it would be a good idea just to shoot from the hip. It is not a good idea. I really need to structure my PUA endeavours. Think about it systematically. Currently I suck at opening-hooking. I should focus on that. Nail that and then move on.

Actually last two weeks I was just focusing on my body and what happens in my body during an approach, trying to relax but I'm totally missing the calibration. I really need to go back to the drawing board and do PUA with systematic thinking and doing. It is just laziness really.

When I'm feeling down and I'm doing pickup, I have to be aware what I'm doing, am I just doing pickup to feel better with myself? I have to admit that I'm doing that and it is toxic.

Reasons why I'm doing pickup

The reason I'm doing pickup is to get better with women, get sex, grow emotionally and intellectually, become a master of my own mind and body. The last one is really important. I'm learning so much about myself when doing pickup.

Things I noticed of my body/mind:

• I'm starting to notice how I hold my breath just before an approach
• Becoming aware of my own emotional state through interactions with others, it really exposes them, I wouldn't become aware of them if I didn't expose myself to pickup
• Become aware of pressure/release, holding onto and letting go vibes
• Wrong templates I have about the world, problems with aligning myself with the truth
• There is deep unconscious fear inside of my personality

The bottom line is this: I'm expecting a girl to make me happy. It is a recipe for disaster. I'm so confused and I'm trying to understand but I'm putting too much on my plate. This goes back to my point that I made earlier, I just have to have a systematic approach and do the work but having a meta-view of myself is equally important.

Vicious cycle of inertia

I'm really going into the core of my personality here. Why can't I be happy with myself? Because I can't get girls. Why can't I get girls? Because I'm not the guy that girls like. Why is that? Because I have to do the work but I'm not doing that. Why is that? Because I'm not happy with myself. Do you see what is happening with myself? I'm in a vicious cycle. Nothing is more frustrating that being stuck in a circle! I lack consciousness!

What I get is this: I must have patience. Have trust in myself. Surrender myself to the process. Become conscious of my feelings. Directing those feelings into a direction and take action. Love the process, myself and the world. Remember, one day it will all be over. And everything will be forgotten, like it never happened.

I have to not forget that I have to love myself. That is really the engine of this work. Because why else would I would put in the struggle to motorboat myself out of this vicious cycle of inertia and negativity?

Will she meet me tonight?

Tonight, I will have a date with that blonde girl. She said she would be available but she hasn't confirmed the date so it is not set in stone.

Now you would say, you are so frustrated about your pickup journey, and now you say you perhaps have a date tonight? Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I should be thankful that there is at least one girl interested in me.

 

Edited June 9, 2021 by StarStruck