Pickup Express

[StarStruck]

I'm really not in the mood to do pickup right now. I went to the city and I noticed that I don't want to go out of my way to approach which means not approaching most of the time. 

I did one approach. It was a girl with crazy shoes. I did an unusual approach which is a pushpull as an opener:

Me: hi, nice shoes 

She: they are nice aren't they?

Me: can you fly with them?

She: it would be nice if I could fly with these shoes 

At the moment we unhooked. She had to go into a store. I notice that when I use different kind of openers I lose my train of thought. 

Pickup is really about having a train of thought and connecting these train of thoughts to form a skill set called pickup skills. 

My focus: I really need to stop bitching and put more effort into developing this skill set. At the same time I need to build a better connection with myself. I can't connect with girls if I don't connect with myself. And also don't reject myself when girls reject me.

My rejection rates aren't even that high. I'm very picky with approach. I will need go change this. I really need to bulk up on some approach experiences. I'm way into my head which doesn't mean I didn't make leaps in the last two months. So firstly I need to approach more and secondly I need to burn sets to the ground and not bail prematurely like today. 

Edited May 23, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

Having a playboy grin is very important in PUA. 

This is how I would describe the grin

• This grin is not forced. It is a state of being. It requires complete relaxation. It is a true expression of your being. 
• It is an expression of arrogance but you still have both feet in the ground 
• This grin is not only a physical expression on your face but also a mentality. When your body assumes the grin, your psyche will follow 
• It portrays strong ego, rejection doesn't hurt when having this grin, it doesn't penetrate you
• The mindset: You are OK with her liking you or not. You couldn't care less. This grin is the physical anchor of this mindset 

[StarStruck]

In the first time of my life I did a direct approach in the gym. She asked me a question about a device and I thought that was an invitation. I chatted her up. I was done with my workouts and I thought I would ask her number so we could work together. She had a bf. I don't know if this is true but it really hurt. It was not even the emotional pain but my teary eyes that she could see. It was embarrassing. This is part of pickup. This is emotional labor. This is how one creates anti fragility. 

[StarStruck]

It is still very rainy couldn't do many approaches. I did one approach with an eastern european girl. She was following me. I said "are you following me?".. She said "you wish".. She was playful and unfortunately I couldn't match her playfulness. In the conversation I was very serious and the attraction was quickly lost. The problem is that I didn't know how to be playful with such a stunning east European girl.

Recently I decided to burn every set down so I pushed by asking forced questions. I was all over the place. I even touched her and she wasn't very hostile, she rejected me but in a playful way. There was no harshness from her side. I couldn't even force her to outright reject me. She was approaching her friend and I said "shit, I'm not prepared for this shit". I quickly asked her number and she didn't say no. She thought about it and I think she didn't want to come off as an easy girl with her friend seeing us.

I joked to her friend "hi, I'm her new boyfriend". They liked that comment and I tried to engage but I didn't want to go out of my comfort zone too much. This approach was purely experimental to see how much I could do out of my comfort zone! These are the things I discovered: if I develop game I'm good enough for these girls, I need to be playful and drop the seriousness.

It is easier said than done, I really have to change how I think to be playful instead of being serious. I caught myself getting really pissed off at myself for not being good at this. This is really not the way. I can't punish or push myself into being playful and light-hearted. I really have to stop treating myself like my parents treated me. It is really counter-intuitive but being nice to myself instead of punishing myself will really help me (developing a better relationship with myself) and my cause (getting girls)!

If there is one thing I discovered today: game is as much emotional, than mental! Emotional labor creates real change!

[Raphael]

I really enjoy your journal. This is very inspirational.

[StarStruck]

I approached a girl at a bus stop. She was absolutely stunning and I canceled approaching her and did it anyway. She was very nice and had a timid personality. Unfortunately she was lesbian. I don't know if this is true or if it was a way of rejecting me. I will never know nor does it matter. I think I leaned too much on comfort building and not on attraction building. 

@Raphael thank you bro

[StarStruck]

I'm seeing her telling me she has a bf or being lesbian as a rejection. I have no proof of  girls lying to me. I really need to stop with this toxic shit. One time I didn't believe a girl having a bf and her gf came up and she confirmed it. I was so embarrassed. The root cause of this behavior is neediness. I need to be one with myself but I don't know how.

[StarStruck]

I'm doing pickup very sporadically. It isn't working out for me. Doing streaks is much better but those can only be done in the weekend when shopping streets are packed. As a newbie it is hard to calibrate, doing streaks is a great way to calibrate. These sporadic pickups are ruining my game and my self-esteem.

Yesterday it was a lesbian girl that I approached and I was empty handed.. that stung a little. Today I approached 3 girls. The first one was underage. And the second and third one had a boyfriend. I was very uncalibrated in the sense that I was very giddy, responsive (instead of being in my own power), and in a way sucking energy from the two girls, I almost felt like a parasite. They were all ok conversations besides the one who was underage which was cringe. Actually I shouldn't be disappointed or feel bad about approaching girls who are taken. The one joked about my directness and we had a laugh, and the other one was fun too when I did a push-pull about her trousers.

I really need to stop being direct (which causes rudeness, bluntness, clumsiness and being uncalibrated). Where does this directness come from? It is anti-flexibility, perhaps from fear and neediness? I don't feel good in my skin. I want results but why?  I'm not happy with myself and in my core I know a girl wouldn't make me happy; in fact other people say this and I can learn from other people; I need to be happy with myself before I can make other people happy.

There is a forks in the road. I can stop doing pickup and never solve this or I can continue doing pickup and solve my problems. It is not easy though. Doing pickup is confront girls as much as confronting myself. I hate this ugly side that I described above. I push it in my shadow which is not good! I need to take this ugly side of myself out of the shadow and integrate it.... I feel shitty! And I know where this shittiness comes from: it comes from going into my shadow by doing pickup! Why am I so direct? Well, I'm new with this so it is logical than I'm not very sophisticated. I just have to work on being indirect. I know the theory but I think I have to take a more layered approach. At the same time I know this directness of mine (which I underlined), a problem of my across the board.

This week for me was "do! do! do!", it was reckless practice imho. Did I approach a lot? No! But for me it was a lot. Now I think it is time to introduce theory again. The lack of results, only had two numbers, that flaked, really take a toll on my selfesteem, even though a big portion of the girls I approached had a bf, one was lesbian or something else. I'm not going to disregard my emotions that I'm feeling right now. I'm hurt. And in the beginning of my pickup journey I promised I would chose myself first, love myself first, think about my interests first, think about my happiness first, and then think about other people, just like how everybody else does!

Edited May 27, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

This connects to the last post. I need to develop the lover archetype. That archetype is totally missing within me. 

 

[StarStruck]

I was this guy in this story so many times 

 

[StarStruck]

This is really an interesting topic and coincidentally it connects to my 2 last posts:

intotheblack, ethernalcat and emarald make some interesting points about integrating the feminine side. When I look back, this is exactly what I'm mising.

Here is an interesting video that I will be using to integrate my feminine side. Teal Swan has more than one video on this topic:

 

[StarStruck]

Having fun is most important part of "game". And guess what: having fun requires being in touch with the feminine which connects to my previous posts!

This part hit the spot:

With a strategy already imposed, the opponent will have already known your move. But like water if you are formless and have devised an attack they have never seen before, they will be confused, they will not know where or whence you come from, and they will perish." This is how you play a game. Even in fight and competition, you need creativity. Creativity is serendipity. Creativity creates confusion. Creativity creates peace. Creativity creates happiness. Creativity creates fun and games. Girls like creativity i think, so play the game. Have fun. Don't be pussed out because you lost one game.

@charlie cho thanks

[StarStruck]

Recently I relapsed and I made a post about it. Now I'm back on track and on day 4 of no-fap. I feel great, sharp and energetic. Most importantly I don't feel numb:

I feel like most people don't understand what it is to be porn addicted for 10 years and how that influenced by dating life. I do sympathize with those people because it is hard to understand but if I want to fix this part of my life I need to cut my addictive ties to porn. Not only does it rob me of motivation to chase girls because why do all the work when satisfaction is 3 clicks away? It also messed up my dopamine system and motivation in general. Another aspect is ED sometimes which is of course a technical issue but also affects my self esteem.

From personal experience I can say no-fap is a gamechanger. It is the physical aspect to the solution of my problem. I can fix my psyche but if my body is not aligned with my psyche, it is not really going to work. Fixing one's dating life has to be holistic and has to take in account both the mind and body.

No-fap makes me a different person, in a good way.  I can actually feel my manhood. I feel alive and not numbed. That is not only good for attracting girls but good for life in general. I can actually feel emotions. Buddhists talk about semen retention and the importance of it for personal development. I think there is a lot of unawareness about this. Man's seed is finite. Be conscious about where you spend it on. Sperm ready for use only stays 30 days in the body. If one doesn't spend it, the energy of your seed will be absorbed into your body.

Source: https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/positive-and/nofap-napoleon-hill-chapter-ybqLxIYKC04/

Edited May 28, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

Lessons that I learned from this 5+ streak:

• Emotional communication is so key. Women are sooo attuned to what you radiate. If you are giddy, needy or whatever they can pick that up like a sonar radar. If you are confident and blaze, they will pick that up too. They love the later, hate the former.
• Don't force, rather use power; holding onto versus releasing
• Find a good balance between doing pickup from the ego (doing/pushing) versus from the heart (letting things be). I'm definitely prone to doing/pushing and it is hard to undo that. I achieved success when I approached from the heart (letting things happen organically and if they don't happen, it is ok too). Approaching from the heart is really an accepting energy that girls like, but at the same time you also need penetrating force of the ego. It is best if she doesn't feel that penetrating force.
• I felt bad that a lot of the girls I talked to had a bf. This comes back to that accepting energy that I lack.
• Note to self: when a girl gives you her hand.. don't pull Holding her hand is good to feel is she grasp your hand which is an indicator of interest but pulling her hand was a mistake I won't make again. This Belarusian girl was so hot, I had to try everything, but unfortunately she had a bf.
• Girls love a guy that shows emotion; it is like porn to them. Note to self: when you don't know what to say, just whine about your emotions... be vulnerable! even if it is fake, it is not like girls aren't fake
• Guys are like dogs. Girls are like cats. A dog doesn't mind if you just walk towards it to pet it. A cat on the other hand will be afraid and walk away. It is really the same with guys and girls. With girls and cats it is important to be accepting and baby stepping.
• Love for me is holding onto her, because I'm afraid to lose her, while real love is the opposite of attachment; it is letting go, trusting the other, and letting things be
• During this 5+ streaks other girls have seen me approach and it was ok, they just looked and whispered something and I was fine. For me it is a big deal because I care what people think.
• I shouldn't bail after getting a number, it makes me look like I just want her number and nothing more
• I should ask logistics early on, something I forget most of the time

Edited May 28, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

11 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Having fun is most important part of "game". And guess what: having fun requires being in touch with the feminine which connects to my previous posts!

This part hit the spot:

With a strategy already imposed, the opponent will have already known your move. But like water if you are formless and have devised an attack they have never seen before, they will be confused, they will not know where or whence you come from, and they will perish." This is how you play a game. Even in fight and competition, you need creativity. Creativity is serendipity. Creativity creates confusion. Creativity creates peace. Creativity creates happiness. Creativity creates fun and games. Girls like creativity i think, so play the game. Have fun. Don't be pussed out because you lost one game.

@charlie cho thanks

Another insight I had, which is related to the post above. People communicate on 4 levels:

1. words, which is surface level
2. body language, which is a little deeper
3. Intentions, which is under the surface
4. Vibe, which is even deeper

Game is really about play also known as vibing, it is not about the words, body language but more about the intention (which should be to play with the other)  and the energy level (which is vibe).

It is better to focus on vibe and intentions because those two things determine our body language and words. That is actually how our chain of energy work. If we think too much about what we want to say and how we come across, we communicate on a surface level. On the other hand, if we just focus on our vibe and intention in our conversation, we put the power within our own lotus of control. We are in action, while the other is in reaction. To have fun, we should be depended on the other. The guy has to be yang so the girl can be the ying.

 

[StarStruck]

On 27-5-2021 at 10:35 PM, StarStruck said:

This connects to the last post. I need to develop the lover archetype. That archetype is totally missing within me. 

 

To use this model:

I fit in the innocent, sage and explorer archetype, which is the "espiritual journey" quarter of this model. I almost lack in all other archetypes which is sad but true.

For success in life I will need to develop in the "provide structure" quater.

For girls I will need to develop in the "leave a mark" quarter. Being outlaw is good for getting one night stands. Magician is good to maintain personal power and not giving it away to the girl. Mastery is useful for knowing how to push her buttons, get logistics and laying pipe.

"Connect to others" quarter is good for developing long term relationships and emotional connection.

My point is that I need to break out of the innocent archetype that pursues safety. Inertia is not safety. Time is finite. Let's go.

When I read my journal (which is in OneNote), I made tremendous advances in this area. Couple of months ago I wouldn't dare to do the things I'm doing right now. Unfortunately I got a lot of trauma on my plate and I still have a long way to go compared to other people who had childhoods with no trauma or little trauma. It is not fair, but I have to accept my karma. I have to face the music.

[StarStruck]

In the weekend I always do a 10+ streak. I'm just back. I spend 4 hours doing 13+ approaches. I'm tired. I kept pushing until I had a breakthrough in insight. It is very easy to do 3 approaches and call it a day. Not today. I said I would do 10 approaches so I did that. And first of all I want to congratulate myself on that.

Secondly, I'm going through a hard time. These approaches are bringing up stuff and as I said earlier pickup is as much internal as external. The lessons learned are as important as the goodies that pickup bring to the table. Today I got stuck on a plateau. There were some nice moments but definitely some not so nice moments.

A dude doing pickup is like a kid playing in the sand

How was I when I was a kid in kindergarten? I remember that my teachers and parents told me I should learn how to play with kids because I couldn't play with them. I don't remember myself back then but I definitely wasn't a healthy kid. I grew up in a very abusive environment so playing was not natural to me, conflict was natural to me. Playing requires letting go, letting go of outcome, and just enjoying the moment. Today I noticed that I'm very outcome focused. Even when I'm not outcome focused and I have some nice connection; I always ruin it by being so anal about the outcome and exercising control, girls don't like that. Today I did a lot of approaches and I found out the hard way. I'm not sad I did a streak today. It was necessary to get tons of reference experience to see the pattern.

I always mess up because I'm stuck at pride, anger, desire and fear. Because of the lack of consciousness, I'm not even aware that I'm stuck on that level and I can't let go. The lesson is to be aware at what level I'm stuck and today it became very apparent I'm especially stuck at pride when a girl shows slight interest in me. I ruined my chances with a really hot timid blond girl who was an elementary school teacher. Girls are so fragile; forcing doesn't work with girls. It is about AWARENESS of my current state and LETTING GO. I think freedom of outcome where PUA's talk about is is about this.

Compliments from her are nice but it doesn't drop her panties

I got a lot of compliments from girls for approaching. They say it was refreshing and more guys should do this. Even very stunning girls don't get approached in my country apparently. Approaching from the heart (something I explain in earlier posts) do make her more open; because when I open the girls start opening too. So getting compliments from girls today was definitely welcomed but it didn't get me anything. Most of them had bfs waiting around the corner or at home.

First time I approached a set of girls

I found out that solo girls standing in front of a shop are usually waiting for boyfriends or shit so I thought girls who walk in set are probably single because they don't walk with their bf but with girlfriends. So I approached a 3 set. First time I did this (I haven't even approached a 2 set in my life). These 3 girls had boyfriends but they were super nice. I vibed with them really good.

Summary

The day started very grumpy. I was very outcome focused in the beginning. I wanted to stop but I kept pushing. At a certain moment I realised what the problem was: I was outcome focused instead of having outcome independence. Before coming to this insight there was a lot of sadness, frustration and eventual anger. When the elementary school teacher rejected me that was the last drop. I talked to her for like 15 minutes, and she was all into me, but she wasn't sure about me, she thought like 30-40 seconds whether she would give my number to me but then I got pushy and needy and she said no! It was such a painful lesson!! But a lesson well learned! Letting GO (of emotions and outcomes) is what I didn't do.

Another notable conversation was with a blonde university student. Very smart, sexy and very kind. She psychoanalysed me and was exactly up to what I was doing: she gave a compliment for approaching her, she never gets approached, wtf? She had it all, big brains and a big heart. I could actual be in a state of "being" instead of "doing". She had a huge heart and she had brains and it didn't have to do much. She took 50% of the burden of conversation. I think she even healed me a little bit with her big heart because I was giving her a hard time when she didn't want to give her number (her boyfriend was around the corner, duh!). I discovered this at the very end but I was pushing to get her number. I know, I'm an idiot. This is what I mean. I need to go of this neediness. When a girl gives her finger, I literally take her arm and more. I need more what this girl has, a bigger heart, have morals and self respect.

There are two other notable conversations, there was a brunette one who was very nice, gave me compliments, we walked and talked like 15 minutes. There was zero attachment from my side. I really tried to be. Unfortunately she had a bf and I really believe she does. The second girl was a red head with crop top, with her I totally let go of outcome and it was an amazing (!) conversation with a lot of fun, giggles and flirting. Unfortunately her bf was in the store and she was waiting for her bf.

Normally I would just hate on girls but I really have a hard time doing this while there were so many girls who were nice to me. I just have to learn the game. Don't hate the players, don't hate the game, love the game! And I'm trying! But it is hard! The world is really my own reflection. That I what I learned. So when I hate others, I hate myself! When I love others, I love myself! I don't have to be perfect to get a gf. I'm seeing lots of dudes with gfs who are far from perfect. I just need to learn to play.

 

Edited May 29, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

It is not about what you can get but what you can share. 

[StarStruck]

2 posts ago which was yesterday's post was a breakthrough for me. Today I noticed another major shift from "doing/thinking" to simply "being/effortlessness". I'm still integrating the lessons so I didn't do approaches other than 2 approaches on my way to get my Thai food that I ordered. And again, those two girls had bf's; one waiting for bf, and the other going to bf. It seems like all girls are taken. Perhaps I'm fishing in the wrong pool and I need to approach sets but my game is not good enough to do that, yet.

The 2 approaches that I'm talking about went very well. Effortless. Major points are these:

1. freedom of outcome

2. and  being chill (so not being serious) and just enjoying the moment

Both of these pointers are related to the letting go technique from Dawkins. Omg, it is really a paradigm shift that I experienced. To be honest, my game is still a little bit cranky, but the being paradigm fixes everything, if the girl is interested or just polite. Lately, all girls are complimenting me for approaches. Both of these two girls complimented me. I still have some traces of seriousness in me but it is forgiven. Both girls liked me, why? Because I liked myself! Stopped being a hardass and just letting go and enjoying myself feels great and effortless. Self-actualization is all about choosing for myself before choosing others. Not abandoning myself because others abandon me. Others won't like me when I don't like myself. I'm starting to develop a different relationship to myself with myself. I'm being more a friend to myself, which was not always the case.

Victory happens in the mind, before it can manifest in the outside world.

Nice video that touches upon what I experienced:

 

Edited May 30, 2021 by StarStruck

[Striving for more]

On 23/05/2021 at 11:34 AM, StarStruck said:

The mindset: You are OK with her liking you or not. You couldn't care less. This grin is the physical anchor of this mindset 

Sickk!