Apprehension With Psychedelics and Raising My Consciousness

[Logan]

I am still a bit fearful about psychedelics. I have been watching Leo's content since the beginning (2013) and I still resist spiritual and consciousness raising practices outside of meditation and contemplation.  I feel like I'd be cheating by taking psychedelics. Heck, I have a hard time even entering this part of the forum. My cognitive development is quite high but haven't developed my consciousness very far.

I am still clinging to materialism and "science" and my books.  As openminded as I am on a conceptual level, I avoid taking action on what I need most. I have been trying to overcome my issues without drugs, and it's just taking way too long.

My biggest hurdle that I need to overcome is a social block. I've got a cloud in my mind distorting my ability to think and communicate. Imagine trying to recall what you ate for breakfast with a vice squeezing your skull. I can't think clearly when talking to people, and I have trouble forming coherent sentences. As long as I have this wall dividing my thinking from my spoken language, I come off as awkward, angry, or uninterested. I don't even care if I seem weird most of the time. I am very distant and actively avoid relationships and friendships because of this. It acts as a huge barrier for making a living and with dating. I can't be interested or even pretend to show interest in another person in my current condition. I cannot pierce through my own walls to connect with another.

I lack the Self-Love to end my suffering. I have a split in my psyche where on the one hand all I want is to develop , grow and help others do the same, and on a deeper (more subconscious) level I want to be miserable forever. This is rooted in the deepest foundation of my identity, sabotaging me at every turn.

So, should I continue chipping away at my concrete cell with a little spoon, or should I light a big ass box of dynamite and break out now? This is the question I've been avoiding for years.

 

Edited May 11, 2021 by Logan

[kag101]

5 minutes ago, Logan said:

So, should I continue chipping away at my concrete cell with a little spoon, or should I light a big ass box of dynamite and break out now?

Dude, stop with this black-and-white thinking.

I think it could be interesting to experiment with small dosages. And see how you feel.

[Logan]

I didn't mean I'd literally take a shit load all at once, I was just being dramatic. To your point, I do tend to use lots of theoretical life or death scenarios to get myself to take action which is unhealthy. I'll look into that. But just taking any amount and opening myself to this possibility would be a huge leap for me in such a short time period (compared to the 8 years of sober work I've done) that it would seem "explosive." 

[Leo Gura]

@Logan Man, you are in for such a treat.

You will laugh at how silly you were to be afraid of them.

Stick to small doses.

Unless you are stupid or have a mental illness, there is no reason to fear small doses.

1g of mushrooms will not harm anyone.

Mostly people get in trouble because they take way too much. 4g of mushrooms will shows you what madness feels like.

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

4 hours ago, Logan said:

My biggest hurdle that I need to overcome is a social block. I've got a cloud in my mind distorting my ability to think and communicate. Imagine trying to recall what you ate for breakfast with a vice squeezing your skull. I can't think clearly when talking to people, and I have trouble forming coherent sentences. As long as I have this wall dividing my thinking from my spoken language, I come off as awkward, angry, or uninterested. I don't even care if I seem weird most of the time. I am very distant and actively avoid relationships and friendships because of this. It acts as a huge barrier for making a living and with dating. I can't be interested or even pretend to show interest in another person in my current condition. I cannot pierce through my own walls to connect with another.

As others have said, moderate doses of run-of-the-mill psychedelics won't kill you. If they will help you with you problems is another matter...

I've been wrestling with the exact same issues that you described for basically all my life. For the last wo years, I have been tripping on LSD and shrooms on a very regular basis (I've done so many trips by now that I stopped counting them) and had many "earth shattering" awakening experiences -- and guess what, my issues are still there. Sooo... yeah.

Edited May 11, 2021 by Bazooka Jesus

[Nahm]

If you went to the park one nice day and met love, and said to love, “you are fear, you resist, you lack, you must improve, you’re a cheater, you’re not developed enough, you’re clinging, you need, you have issues, you take way too long, you’ve hurdles, you’ve blocks, you’re cloudy & distorted, you’re not clear, you’re incoherent, you’re divided, you’re awkward, you’re anger, you lack interest, you don’t care and you’re weird, you’re very distant, you avoid loving in relationships and friendships because you’re love, you’ve huge barriers of living and dating, you can’t be interested or show interest in your current condition, you can not connect with anyone, you lack yourself, you are a split psyche, you want to be miserable forever, you’re true identity is misery, you sabotage yourself, and you’re in a concrete cell...” love would not have heard a single word of this. But because love is unconditionally loving, you would feel the discord and judgement of everything you said, to love. 

You could still believe these things about love, by labelling ‘yourself’, with labels like fear, anxiety, etc. 

But a psychedelic will take these labels away. Revealing to you that you are saying these things, telling this story, to love. 

It’s very humbling to experience love is always loving. 

[Zeroguy]

@Nahm Nothing wrong with relationships, sex, girlfriends and..... Peachy ass. 

Love you take care. 

 

[Logan]

@Leo Gura I will do some research to figure out how to get started, thanks.

@Bazooka Jesus Yeah it's tough. Perhaps labeling and then contemplating the dissociation could help. Writing always forces me to contemplate the topic, especially when posted publicly. Sometimes I post to get myself to take action on a thing lol.

@Nahm Thanks for sharing, that clears up some of my confusion.