Intuitive love vs. logical love

[Elham]

In recent months I have learned about how our subconscious mental patterns can shape our attraction to the opposite sex. These patterns, which come from our childhood, decide who we are attracted to and who we love. 

I also learned about how romanticism shaped our perception about love. Apparently the idea of romantic love is a delusion and looking for our "significant other" and living happily ever after with a passionate love, is not practical in real life. It says who we are intuitively attracted to, is based on our mental patterns. 

This ideas leave me with a question. Imagine two scenarios: A person with troubled childhood, and consequently unhealthy mental patterns, is attracted to a person who he loves but since his attraction is based on his unhealthy patterns, the relationship is kinda dysfunctional. In this scenario all problems in the relationship worth it because the passionate love can make it up.

In another scenario that person knows his unhealthy mental patterns and he is careful not to attract to people who he knows cannot built a functional relationship with. So he chooses a person who he isn't attracted to but he knows she is kinda perfect for a functional relationship in every other aspect. 

What should be sacrificed here? The feeling of love and belonging to a person or a functional healthy relationship (in a sense)??

[JonasVE12]

A person who you are not attracted to, but in a relationship with... We can't call this a healthy functional relationship. You don't think so?

Edited May 10, 2021 by JonasVE12

[Elham]

9 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

A person who you are not attracted to, but in a relationship with... We can't call this a healthy functional relationship. You don't think so?

Well consider this; u don't hate him and in your eyes he is the most perfect and conscious person. But u r just not passionately into him 

[Shin]

7 hours ago, Elham said:

Well consider this; u don't hate him and in your eyes he is the most perfect and conscious person. But u r just not passionately into him 

What about relationships between people that are attracted to each other and have a healthy psychology ?

That's the third option, and also the only one that is worth it imo.

Edited May 11, 2021 by Shin

[Hulia]

I think there is no such thing as logical love. I think, the only way for a person with a troubled childhood is to see clearly the unhealthy patterns, the damage they create and the absurdity of the whole situation. To see and stop pursuing these patterns - in a natural way. Like you stop playing with dolls in an adult age. 

I would never go for the relationship without attraction. I don´t beleive such a relationship can function.

[Logan]

@Elham Follow your heart, not your head. You deserve the best you can get, so don't ever settle if you're not happy. Logic and Love don't mix.

[Elham]

19 hours ago, Shin said:

What about relationships between people that are attracted to each other and have a healthy psychology ?

My question is if a person has unhealthy patterns!

[Elham]

19 hours ago, Hulia said:

I would never go for the relationship without attraction. I don´t beleive such a relationship can function.

So if u your mental patterns are unhealthy and it makes you choose a inappropriate partner, you would go for it because it's based on attraction!

 

@Logan then u choose going with unhealthy patterns?

[Shin]

1 minute ago, Elham said:

My question is if a person has unhealthy patterns!

If that person is conscious it has them, better work on them solo, and then be attracted to healthy people.

[Mason Riggle]

@Elham I'm not sure if I understand you completely, but for some reason your question resonated with me... (I am probably one of the older members of this forum and have been around the block a few times)

Without going into too much detail, I am in love with someone who, by most standards, is very 'unhealthy'.   For us both, it was love at first sight.  Our attraction for each other was instant and undeniable... like two magnets placed near each other, each one pulling the other by some invisible force.  There was no courting. No chasing. No games.  We just sort of 'became a couple' the day we met, because the attraction (both physically and mentally) was so obvious to us both.  Intuitive Love.

I, of course, have my own 'unhealthy' aspects, and as our relationship progressed, we both learned about each others unhealthy 'flaws' and issues, and some of them are not very attractive.  This is where 'Logical Love' kicks in.  I suppose we both use our logical minds to remind ourselves what 'Love' actually is.  We both know now, the difference between 'that feeling of overwhelming attraction to another person' and 'caring about the wellbeing of another despite their imperfections'.   

The attraction is still there.. the 'lust' hasn't left us but, because we both know that we are imperfect people, we know there are times when this attraction isn't enough to sustain the relationship.  Fortunately for us, we have 'learned' to love each other with a greater purpose than fulfilling our lustful desires.  We care about each other, even when we don't like each other, and we are both committed to each other's wellbeing.  Because I love her, her happiness and wellbeing is more important to me than 'our relationship', and vice versa.  Our commitment to the wellbeing of the other no longer has anything to do with our attraction for each other, and everything to do with caring about the other person.  Is this 'logical love'? Maybe that's not the best name for it, but in my experience, it's a more pure love.  It's a painful love at times. It's an ugly love at times. It's a difficult love at times.  But, I think, it's a vastly more rewarding love.   It's more of an 'act of love' than a 'feeling of love'.  It's deliberate.  Love is something we 'give away', rather than something felt between two people. 

Not sure if any of this relates to what you were asking. 

"Do you have enough love in your heart to go and get your hands dirty?"
 

 

[Nahm]

On 5/10/2021 at 0:36 PM, Elham said:

What should be sacrificed here?

Twoness, identification, believing thoughts and ideas. 

Quote

The feeling of love and belonging to a person or a functional healthy relationship (in a sense)??

Only a problem for a thinker thinking. Love never minds, cause love never matters. 

[Hulia]

12 hours ago, Elham said:

So if u your mental patterns are unhealthy and it makes you choose a inappropriate partner, you would go for it because it's based on attraction!

Yes, I would. I would do it as long as I am sick of this type of relationship, of this type of partner, of the silly pattern. It´s better that the relationship without attraction and longing for attraction, no matter how unhealthy it would be.

There is of course another option -  no to go for a relationship at all. But to contemplate, meditate and try to understand rationally, what is happenning and why. Though rational understanding is not of much help, but in combination with meditation it might be.