A Psychonaut's Journey Through The Galaxy

[Psychonaut]

Psychonaut reporting in. I heard you want meow trip reports. You'll get some if you follow this thread. 

First up I have a strong DMT trip.

I have 3 meow trips from last week queued up that still have to be put into words. Spoiler: Only the 1st and 3rd were good, hehe.

The plan is to increase the dose in 5mg increments every trip till I pass out or it becomes pointless. This is hopefully below the 50mg mark.

I'm writing these reports mainly for myself and share them in the hope that someone finds them entertaining.

Note: I am a heavy psychedelics user. What I mean by this is that I usually take 2 to 3 times more than the average user. Bare this in mind when comparing my dosages. Also I take high dosages on my first try of a new psychedelic, because I know the first time is always the best. This is generally not recommended, but it has served me well.

[Psychonaut]

DMT, 150mg insufflated [~2 hours] 16.10

This is the second time I have taken DMT, but the first time was only 50mg to test and apparently it was far too little.

Leading up:
I hadn't gone out partying for quite a while. The previous day I went to a HipHop club. Sadly my friends bailed out on me
and I ended up going alone. I did have fun. I do get quite lost when dancing and it seems like I don't give a shit about anyone around me anymore. Maybe that's why I ended up just dancing and going home after an hour.

The next day:
I'm bored and horny. I'm thinking if it's a good idea to reward myself for "failing" the previous night.
It's early afternoon and I don't know what to do. I still have 
some weed which is my goto drug to masturbate on, but it's not enough to have a "great" time. I recall that I still had about 150mg
DMT left. Enough for 1 strong trip if I insufflate it. I kinda want to try masturbating
on DMT and hope that it's as good as I imagine it to be.

I have had a fleshlight for a couple of years and it has been my goto toy to masturbate with. Especially on psychedelics and weed you 
can easily convince/trick your mind into believing it's real. Often not completely real but I can get pretty close. 
Because your senses are heightened so much it feels insanely good and is very satisfying.

I look at the 150mg DMT thinking this is way too much powder. How is this ever going to fit in my nose? 
It ends up in my nose, doesn't hurt terribly but my nose is running. The nose will be sore through the trip and takes a day to fully recover.

I have some of my regular trance tripping mixes running in the background. https://youtu.be/K4NGOwgLSNc
I queue up some live sex webcams and am going at it with my FL. After a few minutes I can feel the DMT kicking in.
It feels very overwhelming, feelings are increased by several dimensions. As the effect increase I start loosing my 
erection. This has never happened to me on a psychedelic. I have to consciously make the effort to engage again. All 
of a sudden I'm really repulsed by what I'm doing. I feel extremely dirty and at the same time turned on by the depravity
of my actions. There is a point were things suddenly become real. Like as if I switch from watching a porno to being in the 
porno. It feels like I'm really inside of a woman. I have to repress the urge to vomit and I orgasm. Have you ever really wanted
to vomit while orgasming? It is really really weird. I have to lie down in bed otherwise I'll have to vomit and I really don't want to.

Once in bed I hardly move and become pretty convinced that I will have to vomit. I close my eyes. I get some cool visuals. I'm flying 
through space with stars and pretty lights. I'm still so high from the orgasm. I'm overwhelmed by the flood of sensations
and the intensely strong feeling of just being. My mind is boggled and can't grasp what is happening. 

Heart beat is very high and at some point I can't really feel it anymore. I kinda want it to stop. I get up and go to the bath room in case I need to puke.
Standing in front of the mirror I'm dancing. It doesn't feel like I am dancing, more like I'm just observing. At some stage I get lost, I'm not in my bath room anymore. I'm in a different room I don't know. The mirror remains there though. I have forgotten that I have taken DMT. I can feel that I'm high, but I have forgotten why. This is very weird and disorientating. It is most likely because I decided to take DMT and took it 10 minutes afterwards. It wasn't planned and I didn't know what had happened.

Somehow I got back and I'm standing in my bathroom again. While I'm in the bathroom 3 things happen that I will never forget.
1.) I look in the mirror while I'm still dancing. Because I don't really control the dancing it seems to me like I'm a robot.
A robot that is just acting out commands, not really in control. But then I start to consciously pause during dancing. I realize
I am control. The person in the mirror seems to be telling me to not do that. Don't let "them" know that you "think" that you are alive.
2.) Then it hits me like a rock. I'm alive! How did I forget? I'm looking down at my hands in awe as I move them. At this point I feel
like someone is going to come in through the door saying something like "Welcome! Why did it take you so long? I'm glad you finally made it. We've been waiting and wanna go home now." It feels like I have beaten the system. Everything is silent and I'm just starring in the mirror in disbelief and shaking my head. I'm alive and I don't know why. It makes no sense, my mind cannot understand it. I will never forget this epiphany of having discovered myself. This is the most beautiful experience I have ever had in my entire life. 
3.) I'm still in disbelief and trying to understand what is going on. Suddenly everything stops. My point of view zooms out like in a computer animation. There is a wireframe over everything. It seems as if it is one. Everything has stopped and I see myself in my bathroom and my body is connected with everything. It's like time has stopped. Like you have stopped a movie and there is no motion. 
It makes my existence even more impossible. My mind has gone into assuming that I have gone insane. It doesn't know what to do. It is completely useless. It is trying to solve the problem and can't.
Nevertheless I'm still alive and it's great.

I go back to my room and lie in bed. At this stage I can feel that something is happening in my brain and I'm strating to come back. It is not as clear as on meow were I can observe it. It's mushier. I can't really tell what is happening. After a while I get up to get something and realize I'm back at baseline.

Conclusion:
For you this is a story. For me this was real. By far my most profound experience. 
I'm pretty confident to say that regular DMT is going to produce some profound/mystical experience if taken in high dosage. Regular DMT is far less predictable than meow. In the future I might explore mixing regular DMT with meow. I think that has more potential than both alone.

[Extreme Z7]

Quite a nice read. But do you think that you're attached too much to the actual phenomenon that is going on? What did you learn from the trip personal development-wise? It'd be a shame if it was just intense sensations, visuals and trances.

Also, you should know that I have absolutely zero experience with psychedelics so forgive me if I'm asking naive questions.

Edited November 4, 2016 by Extreme Z7

[Psychonaut]

@Extreme Z7 Well I'm still processing the DMT trip. Even though it has been more than 3 weeks ago. 

I think my biggest take away is that I have started shifting my focus from myself more onto other people around me. I'm a bit more interested, strike up conversations myself. I also started reading some books about communication to help shift my focus. 

I think the best thing a psychedelic can do is change your perspective forever. The temporary change when on the psychedelic is almost guaranted. The determining factor of how much growth you get is the processing afterwards and how you integrate it into your life. You could say that goes for everything like reading books or listening to Leo's video.

[Psychonaut]

I'm going to recap 4 meow trips I had in the last 2 weeks.

1. 25mg + some weed (2hrs)
2. 30mg + weed (45 mins)
3. 35mg + lots of weed (3 hours)
4. 40mg + lots of weed (4 hours)

For me meow can be divided into a 3 stage trip.

1. Stage 1: Time for the comeup, before ego death
2. Stage 2: Unravelling of the mind, ego death
3. Stage 3: Putting the mind and sense of self back together

Stage 1:
This is were I masturbate and watch porn. Meow is much better in this regard than regular DMT, which distorts reality more. It's insane with the level of feeling you have. I'm not sure I would advise starting it. Once the  connection between psychedelics and sexual plessure has been made it's hard to sever it. It might almost be impossible. I get horny just from feeling a psychedelic in my system. It's like my brain knows that it is going to receive pleasure. It's similar to a kid looking at a naked woman. He'll just see the naked woman until the connection between nakedness and sex is made. It's a bit sad but I don't really know what to do with myself when I sit in my room with a ton of shit in my brain that makes me feel like I'm having sex with the universe or God. Anyhow after about 4 orgasms and me being  totally exhausted I usually drop into bed. 

Stage 2:
Meow is pointless if the dose is not high enough. The only point of meow is to get you to die.

This only really happened on the first trip. I couldn't really see what was happening, but I got this cool animation of following a thread/string back to its source. The source being a bright light. While  the thread was being followed back or unravelled I noticed that things were being removed/forgotten. At one stage my parents and family were gone and then sense of self followed shortly afterwards. There is a  point were you have to completely let go, it feels like you will die. Letting go felt similar to going to  sleep. Just that in this case you are fully aware and it feels like you won't wake up again. The person that  goes to sleep might not be the same person that wakes up again. I'm turning my head from side to side trying to let go and fall asleep. It takes a while and no matter how much I let go I don't breakthrough. Then it just takes me and I'm dead lol. Body gone. Mind gone. Nothing. My body slackens as if it has died and I lie in bed completely motionless. There is noone there to perceive the nothing. Music is playing. Noone to enjoy the music. It just plays. There are noises outside but no thoughts or interpretations. There is not even bliss. To me bliss only happens when there is a person to enjoy the freedom of bliss. This state cannot be described. The  void/nothing was completely different than I had imagined. I was still dead in my bed and after sometime it  settled. Then some otherwordly presence swept right in, I have never experienced this presence in the form it  had taken on this day. It didn't feel like it's part of this world or that it is me. It only lasted a few moments and I don't know what to make of it. 

On consecutive trips I didn't fully breakthrough even though the dose was higher. To be fair though my sense of being and the will to hold on was tiny. It had been reduced to a dust particle. There wasn't much left other than the maddening will to survive and hold on to life.

My fourth trip had an interesting stage 2. I was lying in bed and my sense of self was fading. I was looking down at my body and I looked through it. The sense of my body had collapsed in an instant like it had been made of snow and had evaporated into snow flakes and just fell apart. After that something mind boggling happened.  I was going back in time?! My eyes were closed and I was moving my legs and arms like a kid. It must've looked pretty funny from the outside. My limb movements got smaller as I went further back in time until I was back in  my mothers womb and could basically not move at all. The sense of my body had been reduced to a small lump of cells. I enjoyed not having to do anything and just floating in space. But then sense of my limbs decreased and  I got the feeling that I have to move my arms myself otherwise I'm gonna die. After some moments that felt like and eternity I moved my right arm downwards in a twitchy motion and it stopped. I was alive!

Stage 3:
Stage 3 is what makes meow so unique. This is the only psychedelic I have had were I can observe how the sense of my body is put together after ego death. On regular DMT I noticed that something is happening and then it was back all of a sudden. I couldn't see what is happening, meow shows you more of it. This part of the trip was very  similar every time, no matter the dose. With every breath I inhale I feel more alive, almost as if I'm breathing for the first time in years. I feel my heart beating again boom boom boom and feel so alive. Alive alive alive like reborn. The weirdest feeling I get is when the feeling of a body comes back. It's like the flesh on my bones is pressed onto my self from the outside. It's pretty eeew, my skin turned inside out and doesn't feel like it's part of me first. Like it is external. But after a while I recognize it as part of me and I am back.

Aftereffects:
On other psychedelics I have never gotten effects on following days, but on meow I do.  Sometimes it seems like my posters on my wall are floating in mid space. Other times I get subtle Acid like effects with colors changing slightly or patterns on surfaces and stuff. Starring into nothing when talking to people or being absent happens from time to time. I feel emptier but without bliss. 

Duration:
The duration does increase the more you take. Below 20mg it is closer to 1 hour till its completely over. Around 30mg its more like 2 hours. Lots of weed can increase the duration of the trip.

Looking forward:
I'm hoping that the novelty of meow wears off and I don't feel the need to masturbate on it every time. 
Not mixing it with weed should help as weed makes me horny af. Tbh I have gotten bored of meow pretty fast and will probably take a break from it as it does pretty much the same thing every time. It's by far the most boring psychedelic in that regard. Plan for the future is a trip every 2 weeks of about 40-50mg.