Experiencing my worst ego backlash

[Jon_Bundesen]

I don't remember how it happened but suddenly I was in an ego backlash, It has become to the point where I have so much resistance that even being is painful.

I need to visualize my goals to get back on track but even thinking about doing visualization is painful.

I've gone back to unhealthy eating, playing video games, almost watching porn, and almost quitting meditation because there's so much resistance invovled.

[Julian gabriel]

Next time you start doing one of those habits which you see as negative try treating it as a meditation. Become silent in ur mind and try to feel the weight of your actions fully. 

(not that this has 100% worked for me yet. It’s difficult.)

also replacing one negative habit with a more positive one may be a step in the right direction. For example when u crave playing video games do something which stimulates you similarly which u enjoy if there is anything, like maybe playing cards or doing math. 
 

make sure to only blame you if you fail at this because if you put the power to change it anywhere else in ur mind but you it obviously gets in the way. 

[Eternal Unity]

@Jon_Bundesen  when you're relaxed, take a walk in the closest park and hear it via headphones.

 

Edited May 9, 2021 by Eternal Unity
Motivational Speech

[Jon_Bundesen]

@Julian gabriel Sounds like a good idea, I will try it out  

@Eternal Unity I just heard some of it when I woke up but felt so resistant to it. But I feel more relaxed now so I will hear it outside later  

[Eternal Unity]

@Jon_Bundesen yeah man I was resistant to it as well back in 2012...

How's your sleep? How many hours, if any, a day?

[Jon_Bundesen]

@Eternal Unity Properly around 6.30 to 7 hours through Monday to Friday and then Saturday and Sunday I have an alarm set but stops it and go back to sleep  

[mandyjw]

Focusing on things that make you feel good is not ego backlash. The desire behind the junk food, etc, is to feel better. When you focus on the direct "goal" of feeling better, and allow yourself to feel better rather than demonizing all the things you go to to feel better you naturally make better feeling choices. Make a list of self care stuff, dark chocolate, fruit, an occasional unhealthy treat, watching a favorite movie, playing a favorite game. Make it intentional, and actually ALLOW yourself to relax and rewind.

Your desire is to release resistance, meditation IS supposed to be one of these self care things, a time allotted to breathe deeply, let go and release resistance. Your goal is not to be one who meditates well, it's just to release resistance. Once you see this you'll have more awareness over what resistance is and you'll naturally make better choices, without the judgement. 

[Jon_Bundesen]

@mandyjw That makes a lot of sense. Thanks

[kag101]

On 09/05/2021 at 5:27 AM, Jon_Bundesen said:

I've gone back to unhealthy eating, playing video games, almost watching porn, and almost quitting meditation because there's so much resistance invovled.

From what you described, I think you're taking too rigid approach. For instance, if you have the expectation of never eating junk food ever again,  you're bound to fail. You'll repress yourself so much that you'll end up, idk, binge eating 5 big macs or something.

You have to be more flexible. Self-negotiate! 

Watch these Leo's episodes:

1) How to stop backsliding (most important)

2) Realistic expectations 

[Jon_Bundesen]

@kag101 Thanks for the advice  I know Self-negotiation is a huge factor and I really think I need a vision as well. Under motivation in Leo's blueprint, he also describes that you need the vision to stay motivated. But when I self-negotiate on visualizing or working on the life purpose I feel like I am not doing enough.

[Inva]

@Jon_Bundesen meditate through all of that

[kag101]

11 hours ago, Jon_Bundesen said:

But when I self-negotiate on visualizing or working on the life purpose I feel like I am not doing enough.

Do you work/study?

[Jon_Bundesen]

 

@Inva How?

@kag101 Well I go to school and have homework