Ok, honest question...

[Willie]

I’m at a pool hall, because I love playing pool. The waitress who has been serving me drinks went out of her way to come tell me goodbye because her shift ended. I didn’t ask her for her number, but I wished her a good night. Did I blow it? I don’t do hints. I take things at face value usually, unless it’s suuuuuuuuuper obvious that there’s subtext, which this didn’t seem to be. But she did walk out of her way to tell me goodbye. 

[Javfly33]

??‍♂️

[RendHeaven]

??‍♂️

[Willie]

Alright, cool.

[Roy]

Next time you see her, you ask her out @Willie.

[Willie]

Alright. But hold on.

Is it a bad idea to ask her if she meant something other than goodbye when she told me goodbye? Does that “ruin the magic” or something?

I just don’t see how it’s supposed to mean “hey, we should, like, fuck or something. Give me your number.”

Or, you know, go ahead and give me more facepalms if I’m deserving. 

[Eternity]

If she hated the sight of you, she would never have come over to say goodbye.  Otoh bars and restaurants push their employees to be extra friendly, so if she was sending a signal, it was really subtle.  That said, it never hurts to be friendly even if you aren't sure if she was interested.  You could have been a little pushier and asked her what days she was there.  She would get that you were interested.  If she was interested, she'd tell you what days she's there.  But if she wasn't interested, she would have said something vague like, "oh my schedule changes from week to week, I just never know."  From that you'd have to assume she didn't care to let you know how you could meet up.  Making dates is a game of strategy.  Like chess or checkers, you gotta pay attention to what her next move might be and how to make your next move.  No offense, Roy, but your game of strategy is kinda like taking a sledge hammer and smashing the hell out of all the pieces.

[RendHeaven]

47 minutes ago, Willie said:

Is it a bad idea to ask her if she meant something other than goodbye when she told me goodbye?

Horrible idea. That has the energy of: 

"Hey, I have no spine. I'm waiting for your permission before expressing my desires, because I never graduated being a boy. Do I have your permission? Pretty please? Please please please?"

And what do you expect her to say lol, "Oh yes, mister, I give you permission to court me because I'm interested in you."

NO!

As if she'd ever be so straightforward lol. Playing coy is her game.

Your game is to cut through all the bullshit and LEAD.

Pretend like the last time you met didn't even happen.

Gently but confidently suggest spending time together: "Hey, let's hang out."

No need to add any preface or disclaimers. Don't scramble to justify yourself. Just straight to the point and simple. Look her in the eye and smile.

If she says "ok," you've already won. If she looks unsure and says something like "I'm busy..." just laugh and tease - something like:

"That's what I say when I'm shy! [pause, smirk] Don't be shy. I'm harmless~" (I'm imagining this line with warm, but playfully poking energy, backed by a bulletproof titanium pillar of self-assurance. When saying words like "I'm harmless," that will only work if you're obviously witty, masculine, and sexually intimidating. If that's not you, then leave self-deprecation alone for now.)

She might say something like, "I'm not shy" in which case you're free to fire back with "that's what a shy person would say~"

If you're coming from the right place - congrats - you're now flirting.

If something is off - that's fine. You can always reassure her that she gets to live her best life with or without you in the picture frame - and cheerfully send her on her way.

See how we turned a simple indecision on her part into a cute back-and-forth tug of war? At the end of the day, you can win to varying degrees, but you can never lose! Short of her saying "leave me alone," you can turn anything into playful flirting.

Key word, PLAYFUL.

Don't sound like an overcompensating aggressor.

Notice that we can say the line: "that's what a shy person would say" with expansive, connective energy, but we can also say it with dense, contracted energy. The former attracts women, the latter repels them.

 

Man, the things I do for my bois  I'll never graduate this subforum at this rate LOL

Edited May 9, 2021 by RendHeaven

[RendHeaven]

7 minutes ago, Eternity said:

Making dates is a game of strategy.

Agree - but doesn't have to be!

I mean fuck - we're all identifying with these human meatsuits and feeling attractions to one another, it's not rocket science to just calmly and simply suggest getting to know one another lol.

The more of a people person you are - the more you can get away with anything. In that sense, strategy flies out the window.

But if you're not a people person, strategy is good.

I can tell that Roy is a people person.

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Willie said:

I just don’t see how it’s supposed to mean “hey, we should, like, fuck or something. Give me your number.”

Nobody actually said that here, notice how your mind came up with a thought which could be a reflection of an attitude you might have.

When someone >

3 hours ago, Willie said:

went out of her way to come tell me goodbye

it means she likes you and is giving you an opportunity. Seize it. Women love it when you do that.

 

[Roy]

45 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

I can tell that Roy is a people person.

LOL I actually hate most people. I'm a massive introvert.

Not truly hate, of course. Just hyperbole.

 

 

[Willie]

33 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Horrible idea. That has the energy of: 

"Hey, I have no spine. I'm waiting for your permission before expressing my desires, because I never graduated being a boy. Do I have your permission? Pretty please? Please please please?"

And what do you expect her to say lol, "Oh yes, mister, I give you permission to court me because I'm interested in you."

NO!

As if she'd ever be so straightforward lol. Playing coy is her game.

Your game is to cut through all the bullshit and LEAD.

Pretend like the last time you met didn't even happen.

Gently but confidently suggest spending time together: "Hey, let's hang out."

No need to add any preface or disclaimers. Don't scramble to justify yourself. Just straight to the point and simple. Look her in the eye and smile.

If she says "ok," you've already won. If she looks unsure and says something like "I'm busy..." just laugh and tease - something like:

"That's what I say when I'm shy! [pause, smirk] Don't be shy. I'm harmless~" (I'm imagining this line with warm, but playfully poking energy, backed by a bulletproof titanium pillar of self-assurance. When saying words like "I'm harmless," that will only work if you're obviously witty, masculine, and sexually intimidating. If that's not you, then leave self-deprecation alone for now.)

She might say something like, "I'm not shy" in which case you're free to fire back with "that's what a shy person would say~"

If you're coming from the right place - congrats - you're now flirting.

If something is off - that's fine. You can always reassure her that she gets to live her best life with or without you in the picture frame - and cheerfully send her on her way.

See how we turned a simple indecision on her part into a cute back-and-forth tug of war? At the end of the day, you can win to varying degrees, but you can never lose! Short of her saying "leave me alone," you can turn anything into playful flirting.

Key word, PLAYFUL.

Don't sound like an overcompensating aggressor.

Notice that we can say the line: "that's what a shy person would say" with expansive, connective energy, but we can also say it with dense, contracted energy. The former attracts women, the latter repels them.

 

Man, the things I do for my bois  I'll never graduate this subforum at this rate LOL

Cool, thank you. Does the fact that we’re both wearing masks change the dynamic at all?

[Willie]

1 hour ago, Eternity said:

If she hated the sight of you, she would never have come over to say goodbye.  Otoh bars and restaurants push their employees to be extra friendly, so if she was sending a signal, it was really subtle.  That said, it never hurts to be friendly even if you aren't sure if she was interested.  You could have been a little pushier and asked her what days she was there.  She would get that you were interested.  If she was interested, she'd tell you what days she's there.  But if she wasn't interested, she would have said something vague like, "oh my schedule changes from week to week, I just never know."  From that you'd have to assume she didn't care to let you know how you could meet up.  Making dates is a game of strategy.  Like chess or checkers, you gotta pay attention to what her next move might be and how to make your next move.  No offense, Roy, but your game of strategy is kinda like taking a sledge hammer and smashing the hell out of all the pieces.

Yeah, it seemed like more pleasant small talk for her job like she had been doing earlier as she brought me drinks and the bill for the drinks. My only clue into anything was when I realized after the fact that her job was done and she was still talking to me. But we’ll see each other again, and see where it leads.

[RendHeaven]

38 minutes ago, Willie said:

Does the fact that we’re both wearing masks change the dynamic at all?

Yes, it hides your smile, so it restricts your nonverbal sharing of energy. Also makes you harder to hear. The absolute worst is when you say something flirty, and then she says "what?" And then you have to repeat yourself, but it comes out totally lame the second time.

So speaking loud and clear is priority #1.

Eye contact becomes x2 important as well, since you can't smile with your mouth... smile with your eyes

45 minutes ago, Roy said:

LOL I actually hate most people. I'm a massive introvert.

Not truly hate, of course. Just hyperbole.

I can relate

Maybe you're not a "people person" in the sense of a dreamy extrovert making a hundred connections a night, but rather you're a "people person" in the sense that truer, deeper connections matter to you whenever you find them - and you've had these moments throughout your life enough to be able to say something intelligent about how to really connect.

This is in sharp contrast to the "non-people person," who either disdains, is numb to, or lacks experience with connection altogether. Ironically, these are the people who crave connection the most, but they have a heavy social shadow, and hence they need "strategy" when asking someone out.

[Javfly33]

It doesn't necessarily mean she wants to fuck you. But it at least means (better said; it meant) that she was receptive.

Don't be surprised if now you go ask her for her number and she doesn't give it to you. You probably will have pump her state again

[Bando]

Stop being a pussy lol in this case its better to get rejected than having regret

[SgtPepper]

no you didn't blow it. But if you start judging yourself and getting neurotic for being natural then you are blowing it.