Why are guys these days so insecure and concerned about their looks

[Karmadhi]

I used to personally be VERY VERY insecure about my looks. Now i am a lot better in that regard, if a girl rejected me because of how i look i would feel a bit hurt but overall i do not care about them that much anymore as soon as i am taking care of my appearance within my control. However, when i used to be very insecure i used to go to Youtube or google and write things like "do looks matter" or "how much do looks matter" and 95% of videos were about guys, not about girls. So guys are the insecure ones worrying and caring about their looks so much. Also i noticed often in Leo's attraction videos a lot of comments saying you need looks to get girls.Even Leo has said that he was very insecure about his looks before he started pick up.  Blackpill is another example of people obsessing about looks. In the past men did not care about looks so much. They had the paradigm that if he was successful and cool he would get girls, looks were not that important in their minds. Why these days they have become so important FOR THEM. This is not about what attracts females, female attraction has not really changed on a fundamental level for thousands of years. What has changed is the perceived importance of what guys need to get girls. I feel that maybe online dating made looks to be perceived as more important since online dating is super popular these days and online dating is look focused. I am asking this mostly out of curiosity. Also, it really breaks my heart when i talk either online or in person with guys that have these beliefs that if they are not good looking they will struggle a lot with girls and i try to make them feel more hopeful.

Thank you for your time

Edited May 8, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Shin]

Stage orange materialism.

It's a cultural belief that appearances matter.

I mean they do, but not to the toxic extremes we see in today's society.

[Preety_India]

 

We live in times which are much harder in terms of competition, as compared to the past, because of a general rise in narcissism, as well much stronger versions of success psyche created by stage Orange materialism. 

 

[SamC]

10 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I used to personally be VERY VERY insecure about my looks. Now i am a lot better in that regard, if a girl rejected me because of how i look i would feel a bit hurt but overall i do not care about them that much anymore as soon as i am taking care of my appearance within my control. However, when i used to be very insecure i used to go to Youtube or google and write things like "do looks matter" or "how much do looks matter" and 95% of videos were about guys, not about girls. So guys are the insecure ones worrying and caring about their looks so much. Also i noticed often in Leo's attraction videos a lot of comments saying you need looks to get girls.Even Leo has said that he was very insecure about his looks before he started pick up.  Blackpill is another example of people obsessing about looks. In the past men did not care about looks so much. They had the paradigm that if he was successful and cool he would get girls, looks were not that important in their minds. Why these days they have become so important FOR THEM. This is not about what attracts females, female attraction has not really changed on a fundamental level for thousands of years. What has changed is the perceived importance of what guys need to get girls. I feel that maybe online dating made looks to be perceived as more important since online dating is super popular these days and online dating is look focused. I am asking this mostly out of curiosity. Also, it really breaks my heart when i talk either online or in person with guys that have these beliefs that if they are not good looking they will struggle a lot with girls and i try to make them feel more hopeful.

Thank you for your time

Low self esteem and a sense of being flawed. If you are insecure about your looks, you're insecure about other things aswell.

 

[Karmadhi]

@Peter Miklis I am not saying whether looks are important. I was talking about the perceived importance of looks in the general male population. Female attraction triggers have not really changed on thousands of years on a fundamental level. Tall and handsome was attractive before and it is now. Same for confidence humor etc. What has changed is the PERCEIVED importance of looks. Why this change in perceived importance of looks. Why were guys from 50 years ago not so worried about "i am not tall enough or my jaw is not defined enough" etc like they do these days. What has changed? That was my question in case i was not clear on my initial thread.

PS:  @SamC @Preety_Indiathanks everyone for your replies, the stage orange explanation makes sense for the most part. However i still do not understand why the materialism for guys is so looks focused. Knowing stage orange if would make more sense if guys would become more insecure about their status or financial wealth than they looks. It makes sense for stage orange society to have female insecure about their looks and guys insecure about their success, money, house, cars etc but i usually see more insecure guys about looks than anything else. Hmmmmmmm

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi stage orange society belief is 

Looks = better genetics 

Historically good looks were always associated with better genetics.

Anyone who looked bad as per social standards was considered inferior genetics

Stage Orange demands better genetics in children.

So....

[SamC]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

 

PS:  @SamC @Preety_Indiathanks everyone for your replies, the stage orange explanation makes sense for the most part. However i still do not understand why the materialism for guys is so looks focused. Knowing stage orange if would make more sense if guys would become more insecure about their status or financial wealth than they looks. It makes sense for stage orange society to have female insecure about their looks and guys insecure about their success, money, house, cars etc but i usually see more insecure guys about looks than anything else. Hmmmmmmm

Bro, that's your lens. Girl's are sooo much more insecure about their looks than guys, you have no idea.

I know how it can feel like the reverse becuase woman can look so powerful and judging of you when you're insecure and not successful with them, but man - you have no idea how much girls obsess about their looks.

I dare you to go ask them yourself!

Am I right ladies?

@Emerald @Etherial Cat @Preety_India  + @alltheotherwomanreadingthis.

 

 

[Byun Sean]

What guys who are insecure about their looks need to hear:

 

"Look man. You're born with the looks you have based on your genetics. You can enhance them to some extent by going

to the gym and eating healthier. Maybe you can shop for better looking clothes.

 

But at the end of the day looks are limited whoever you are. 

 

So the approach needed to take to be successful with girls is not disowning looks per se. But enhancing all aspects of

yourself rather than just focusing on just looks.

Since guys are very visual on how they get attracted, they automatically assume that women are just as visual as guys are

when it's not actually true. Women are attracted to looks to an extent yes but thats only one thing and

it matters much less than you think. Personality is a huge factor. 

 

Usually when girls turn guys down that are insecure about their looks. The guys looks are fine. It's his insecurities and

neediness that bleed through into the emotional part of the interaction which women are very attuned to which

turns them off. And then the guy thinks she just turned him down because of his looks because he is projecting.

 

If sex is all you want from a girl. Then you may be able to scrape by a bit on looks and a mediocre character.

But eventually your going to want more than just sex. And character serves you so much more than your ability to get girls.

1. You'll eventually want a genuine relationship and/or more spiritual and emotional

growth for yourself.

 

2.Building strong spiritual and emotional integrity will make you a stronger man making life more fulfilling in general whether you

have girls around or not.

 

3. The temporary feeling of union and oneness that is achieved through sex can be achieved to a large extent permanently if you 

grow yourself far enough spiritually. More spiritual growth will make you feel one with life permanently which is what you really want

which is why you keep chasing sex because of that feeling of oneness. But sex only gives you that feeling for a few moments.

Nothing wrong with sex. Sex is great. But it has it's limitations. Take it into consideration there are aspects to life beyond it.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 9, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Karmadhi]

@SamC I did NOT say that females are NOT insecure about their looks in orange culture. They are and A LOT. What i meant is that why are guys insecure about LOOKS and not SUCCESS and money at the same extent. That is what i meant.

[SamC]

29 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@SamC I did NOT say that females are NOT insecure about their looks in orange culture. They are and A LOT. What i meant is that why are guys insecure about LOOKS and not SUCCESS and money at the same extent. That is what i meant.

Ah, sorry. My bad@Karmadhi

[JonasVE12]

@Karmadhi Why guys obsess about their looks isn't really rational. It is just so that in a society like this, from a very young age, guys are getting shamed for being themselves and expressing themselves. Much of it happens in child-parent relationship and peer to peer relationships.

They feel fundamentally flawed and these emotions of not feeling enough do get projected onto their appearance. It is in human nature to look externally for making up their identity and so they tend to project these emotions of shame onto their appearance because it is something more tangible to understand and make meaning off. People don't easily understand their emotions and a lot of them get projected.. The same goes for shame.

The rationalising goes like this; I feel ashamed and flawed as a human being-) External experiences validate this belief/emotion -) 'It is because of my looks'

While actually, it has a lot to do with supressed emotions and projection.

In the end, looks don't matter that much. It's all about vibes, emotions and being. If you would be more connected to your heart and confidence, reduce your shame, you wouldn't care about your looks that much. You can still subjectively understand that you are not the best looking guy, but it won't become something compulsive as you won't project your lack of self worth and connection onto it anymore. 

Edited May 9, 2021 by JonasVE12