Becoming more self-aware makes me extremely lonely.

[lanasoul]

I'm a 23 years old INTP female. Really hope that I can receive some advice from my fellow self-actualizers out there.

I have been on the journey of self-actualizing for almost 3 years now. Everything has been great, I become more self-aware, self-conscious, I can see that my EQ has increased tremendously over the years and I'm able to read others' emotions and my own emotions quite effortlessly.

The problem here is that, somehow becoming more self-actualized makes me more and more lonely. I don't have any friends. Like... 0. My only support system is my girlfriend. She's my partner, my lover, my best best friend. But because I don't have any friends beside her I have become super dependent on her, emotionally. 

I've lost touch with my friends throughout the years cuz as I grow, I can't stand being friends with people who are so unaware, unmotivated, and generally not healthy for me. And I'm also at the age when making friends with strangers is so difficult. 

I figure that many of you guys have experienced the same situation. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and maybe some advice if possible.

 

 

Stay healthy, stay conscious <3

[neovox]

I think this is a common sentiment. The question to work on is, "how to love myself so fully that I require no outside source of fulfillment?" I am also working on this.

[Leo Gura]

[Hello from Russia]

Find a woke intp/infj/infp/intj boyfriend

[universe]

Find likeminded people, its not so hard. Look for yoga/meditation groups, vipassana groups, etc.

[Julian gabriel]

One of the most painful parts of my journey has been realizing that I am totally alone and always will be and always have been. If you have come to the point where you have also realized this for yourself I think it would probably be great for you to use your high EQ on yourself by first entering a state of silence then slowly approaching the loneliness and slowly bringing your awareness of oneness and absolute aloneness alongside it so they form more connections. 

[Julian gabriel]

Finding more people to be around won’t help, it will only be a temporary solution and will not fix the actual problem. Fake growth is changing your environment to suit you, real growth is changing you. 

[Snader]

Try using your personality traits into your advantage more and more by doing more things where INTP's strengths shine. Chances are that you might develop a taste for those traits that you think are the cause of your loneliness. It's good to remember that you have abilities that other people wish they had and by cultivating those abilities properly great things will happen.

It's of course important to contemplate that feeling of loneliness, to get to the root of it. Maybe it's not about friends, maybe it's something else. If it really is the lack of friends that's making you sad, then you simply need to push yourself more into social situations and make new friends, like universe said, start doing things that other like-minded people who are willing to socialize do.

Anyway, it sounds like that loneliness is moving you towards more honest and authentic lifestyle. So trust the process, it might all be part of the plan.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Snader

[lanasoul]

1 hour ago, Julian gabriel said:

One of the most painful parts of my journey has been realizing that I am totally alone and always will be and always have been. If you have come to the point where you have also realized this for yourself I think it would probably be great for you to use your high EQ on yourself by first entering a state of silence then slowly approaching the loneliness and slowly bringing your awareness of oneness and absolute aloneness alongside it so they form more connections. 

I'm coming to term with my loneliness at this point but having no friends feels kinda suck sometimes  

[integral]

Are we not your friends? What is a friend to you? What do you need? 

[WaveInTheOcean]

"I've lost touch with my friends throughout the years cuz as I grow, I can't stand being friends with people who are so unaware, unmotivated, and generally not healthy for me."

Be careful here, sister.

I feel you, I really do. Of course you shouldn't be friends with toxic people who pull you down/aren't healthy for you.

But there are many amazing people out in the world who can pull you up, even when they aren't that invested into self-actualizing and spirituality.

Being aware vs being unaware is a fine distinction to make at times, but is ultimately just a dualistic story. Everything is just seen to be Love/Play/God/Consciousness when you awaken.

Be careful not Falling into the trap of the spiritual superior ego. So sneaky, that ego.

"And I'm also at the age when making friends with strangers is so difficult. "

This is really just a limiting belief!

[hyruga]

Read the power of Now. Focus on the present moment.

[Leo Gura]

@lanasoul Stop mentally masturbating and go make friends.

No amount of thinking will solve this problem. Take action.

[Girzo]

Go to a spiritual festival, where there are different talks you can attend and activities. Yoga folks are soo cool. Sometimes I think how stupid I am for not trying yoga earlier. It's such a blissful practice and the community is very welcoming.

The only more welcoming community I have interacted with is the k-pop & anime nerds.

You will find some friends in those circles for sure, or maybe try some political, environmental activism, or computer programming circles, designer meet-ups, whatever rocks your boat.

[hyruga]

How self-aware are you actually?

If you are still thinking you are better than them, you are very much still operating on the egoic mindset. Read 'Ego is the enemy'.

[Manusia]

5 hours ago, lanasoul said:

I've lost touch with my friends throughout the years cuz as I grow, I can't stand being friends with people who are so unaware, unmotivated, and generally not healthy for me.

Im INTP (22). I know thats feeling is really suck. When I try to fit in, I just never feel 'right' and you right, its not healthy. Always got some weirdness in my mind when I going around too long with wrong people.

Now I'm trying dating and use Tinder, it doesn't fill my loneliness.

[Bob Seeker]

I’m trying out a local tai chi and Kung fu group for exercise that fits my personality better than CrossFit. Im curious to see if that can help me make any new connections with local non-normies. I plan on taking a ton more action soon too, after getting a new job.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Bob Seeker

[_Archangel_]

@lanasoul 24 yo and very introverted. I'm losing, by choice, most of my friend behind.
In this kind of situations, it is easy to make the error of thinking you are somewhat better then them. 
Don't spiritualize the needs of your Ego, and accept them. Find new friends, while you start to enquire this state of distress from the inside.
To become more conscious means to accept our aloneness in the universe and that counterintuitively will make your loneliness fade away.

[Manusia]

1 minute ago, _Archangel_ said:

To become more conscious means to accept our aloneness in the universe and that counterintuitively will make your loneliness fade away.

love your words!

[_Archangel_]

@Manusia Thanks
I would also add, as many users are pointing out, that in the internet era is pretty easy to reach new poeple.
So, Isn't it that we are afraid to discover how much we are similiar to others?