Good chance I’ll kill myself tomorrow

[BipolarGrowth]

You still have an attachment for life if you posted this and are waiting a whole day before doing it. I wish you the best no matter what happens or where you go. Killing the body is no guarantee of less suffering though. That’s a projection-based story you’re telling yourself. Do you want to deal with suffering in an existence you understand and can control, or are you feeling lucky and ready to gamble? It’s all just a guessing game really. 

[The Heart Of Reality]

Right on. Being below a 23 year old girl constantly laughing/having sex above me, whom rejected me cruelly and treated me like endless shite. Yeah, I get it. I don't have a problem with suicide. Up to everyone. Can't protect against all stuff. Freedom to be or not to be. Anything else is pretentious moralism like you said in your post. Life is absurd below the surface. A thin veneer keeping perception from shifting here. No answer. Unresolvable. Unfair. Cruel. Never gets better potentially. Tormented in our own ways. And only death/ultimate reality shifting eventually holds any hope. While stressed/strained with an unjust corrupt system. Laughed and tormented. And then no guaranteed redemption or reimbursement. Yeah, I just feel so cursed. Endless misery. Agony living in context like this

Edited May 7, 2021 by The Heart Of Reality

[blackchair]

are we alive?

[Blackhawk]

 

[OBEler]

@Topann lol you are 24 years old, so young. Do you think you will be exact same dark space when you are 25, or 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 years old? Time will heal 

 

[ilja]

@Topann Are you still alive?

[ll Ontology ll]

just did this improvisation for you im sharing improvs over the next few hours for fun hope all is well sir mean every word lyrics below:

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/65503-vocal-improvs-concert-one-concert-for-few-hours-only-haha/#comment-896305

 

 

 

I want you to know 

That you’re loved

I want you to know

That you’re loved

By me

Oh I’m feeling much love for you

Oh I want you to know that the sun does shine for you through me

Just send me a message if you need to too

Oh I’m opening

Oh I’m opening

Oh I’m opening my heart to you

Will you open 

Will you open

Will you open your heart to me?

Edited May 7, 2021 by ll Ontology ll

[Nahm]

Is there, really, already, and I and a myself? 

Maybe that’s part of the suffering, maybe even all of it. 

Maybe it’s letting go, vs efforting, attaining, needing x, y or z. 

[Javfly33]

The problem is this just more stories of the you who is depressed..e.tc you are not going to do it. And instead you will keep suffering.

Instead try closing your eyes, focus on your breath and surrender your life.

That's the only true "suicide" worth to do.