Good chance I’ll kill myself tomorrow

[Topann]

I turn 24 tomorrow, and I also plan to end my life. My handgun seems like the best option, I don’t want to half ass it with pills or some other survivable method. I don’t believe life to be worth suffering, and I’d rather take a chance with death. Real death, not some psychedelic induced one. Because I’ve had those trips, and to be honest I’m not any better after. Just more confused and lost. I’ve been on the “right” path before, I know what it’s like to be aligned. But it seems to me that you’re only ever aligned so you can be thrown off course eventually. I’ve been disciplined, but I’ve lost everything. Money, friends, family, my job, my passions, and my will to go on or do ANYTHING. I mean I can barely leave the house now or talk to people I used to have conversations with. It’s not that these things are impossible for me, there is just zero interest in life anymore. Even the idea of trying something new is boring and stale.

I don’t know why I’m posting this honestly, if you think about it just increases the odds that I may not die. I just know that I don’t want the standard response I usually see. “Don’t do it what about family/friends, or it gets better”. Or any other hippie dippy spiritual belief system that supposed to make me feel ok.

I mean why is it such a taboo to kys, we all fucking die anyway. Most people will be forgotten and all of the stars will burn out.

[egoeimai]

If you don't like the typical answer "it'd get better, please think about your family and friends" then why make a post about it? Everyone will say to you don't do it because it's our egos protecting us from dying. So what are you going to do? Do you want us to tell U " okay do it " Because probably we're not gonna tell it.... So? What's your decision? 

Edited May 6, 2021 by egoeimai

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Topann said:

there is just zero interest in life anymore. Even the idea of trying something new is boring and stale.

Where you are NOW no matter how dark it is, is not where you will ALWAYS be. It's understandable that it's hard to see a way out when you are in the midst of the suffering.

You reached out for help by posting this thread though. So PLEASE just take another step forward and take advantage of that help. It will surprise you how much things can change for you if you let them.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-8255

 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Roy

[Preety_India]

Don't think how life is right now. Yesterday I felt like taking the handgun and blowing my head off. Because I was tired of a bunch of people on here playing games with me.. 

But anyway, stuff happens, life happens, don't think too much. Just live in the moment. Don't live for anyone, live for yourself. Remember that as a human being you have tremendous potential although you don't see it, it's like digging a mine, you keep digging deeper and deeper and eventually you get gold. Same goes with human potential. Today is a mystery. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow there is a whole new existence you never knew existed. 

Keep trying. Keep moving on. Never give up. 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

If you're curious read through my post history from April 2020 to now.

I was suicidal and miserable and thought similarly to you.

Maybe something will resonate

[integral]

I was in the exact situation + health problems  for years. Luckily i didn't have access to a gun. I started going to the park everyday, everyday i would stay there longer and longer, just sit there doing nothing or exercised or played with the children. Eventually it clicked that this was better then anything i was doing for the past 20 years. That there is no one here to do anything and there is nothing to do anywhere. All the things that mattered disappeared and i could just sit doing nothing and be content. It is such a relief, that it is all just a fabrication. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by integral

[Blackhawk]

@Topann I agree that life sucks.

But the biggest reason to not committ suicide is that it would hurt other people.

Imagine doing a math calculation about which choice would create the least amount of total suffering in the world, (you+other people), and then choose the option which results in least amount of total suffering for everyone.

But you are of course free to do whatever you want. Since you didn't ask to be born you don't owe anyone anything. Before parents create a new conscious being they should be aware of the risk that their child might for example committ suicide.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Bogdan]

Not even sure what is "responsible" or not to tell people that are in these kind of states.

Nevertheless, you are deluding yourself if you think you can kill yourself. Suicide is kinda pointless, because there is no such thing as the "real death" that you speak of. The truth is that you are stubborn and stuck in some thinking patterns/beliefs that create such an emotional response and reflected/projected circumstances that it makes life SEEM not worth living. And you could just change those beliefs and you could see the beauty of life. But if you're too lazy, or if the inertia of your patterns is too big then i guess no one can stop you from doing what you're gonna do. And that's fine. The world will go on fine without you. 

But contemplate this: the process through which you are trying to decide whether or not to kill your body is through thoughts/language - which is one of the body's survival mechanisms. So it's basically just a technical problem of the body, where one of it's survival strategies has gone rogue and turned against itself, kinda like an autoimune disease. Ofc it's super complex and whatnot, but basically that's how i currently would put it in a nutshell.

[Nahm]

9 hours ago, Topann said:

I turn 24 tomorrow, and I also plan to end my life. My handgun seems like the best option, I don’t want to half ass it with pills or some other survivable method. I don’t believe life to be worth suffering, and I’d rather take a chance with death. Real death, not some psychedelic induced one. Because I’ve had those trips, and to be honest I’m not any better after. Just more confused and lost. I’ve been on the “right” path before, I know what it’s like to be aligned. But it seems to me that you’re only ever aligned so you can be thrown off course eventually. I’ve been disciplined, but I’ve lost everything. Money, friends, family, my job, my passions, and my will to go on or do ANYTHING. I mean I can barely leave the house now or talk to people I used to have conversations with. It’s not that these things are impossible for me, there is just zero interest in life anymore. Even the idea of trying something new is boring and stale.

I don’t know why I’m posting this honestly, if you think about it just increases the odds that I may not die. I just know that I don’t want the standard response I usually see. “Don’t do it what about family/friends, or it gets better”. Or any other hippie dippy spiritual belief system that supposed to make me feel ok.

I mean why is it such a taboo to kys, we all fucking die anyway. Most people will be forgotten and all of the stars will burn out.

I’ve been ‘there’ too. Rough as hell. I feel for ya. Chat with me today. Got nothing to lose. ?https://www.actualityofbeing.com/sessions-donations. If it’s presently unaffordable, there’s no charge, no problem. 

Talk with uniquely trained experts who also actually really do care...

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

There is a ‘bounce’. It can and will get better. The greatest, most fulfilling worthwhile lives are almost always preceded with a ‘bottoming out’ such as this. It can transmute to an amazing and beautiful liberation. 24 imo is very specifically the roughest age. 

You are loved my friend, and there is much love with you, for you and within you. It indeed feels ‘off’ to deny what is. Indeed, there is another way. 

 

[OctagonOctopus]

What do you even think is going to happen if you did that? 

How do you know it is going to be any better then where you are right now? 

If you are completely honest with yourself, you don't know that.

It is much better to find a way threw the knots you are caught up in, imagine how much stronger you will be after having found your way threw the dark times. We need more people who have faced the challenges of their own mind, & have come out the other end. 

The darker the pit you fall into, the higher the peak will be when you climb out. 

[AtheisticNonduality]

 

Edited May 6, 2021 by AtheisticNonduality

[OctagonOctopus]

@AtheisticNonduality

"Love lost in time's game of chance" ?

[Thought Art]

 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Thought Art

[Bogdan]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

There is a ‘bounce’. It can and will get better. The greatest, most fulfilling worthwhile lives are almost always preceded with a ‘bottoming out’ such as this. It can transmute to an amazing and beautiful liberation. 24 imo is very specifically the roughest age. 

You are loved my friend, and there is much love with you, for you and within you. It indeed feels ‘off’ to deny what is. Indeed, there is another way. 

True dat... i'm 25 now and looking back 24 was reaaalllly really tough. And although it was only a year ago, it feels light-years away.

Just in case you're reading, @Topann, your post reminded me of my own most difficult times and it triggered the kind of polarizing attitude that got me into it, but also through it, which was a sort of harsh, kick myself in the ass type thing. Perhaps that is not what you need right now, or perhaps it is, who knows? 

But i know one thing, what @Nahm said is very true. I almost ALWAYS experienced a "bottoming out" before  a breakthrough. That doesn't mean that the breakthrough will happen automatically, but it's 100% in your power to transform that low into a high.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Bogdan

[Nahm]

@Topann

The right conversation at the right time can change everything. 

[Enlightenment]

@Topann  I was extremely depressed when I was 23/24 yo. If you don't commit suicide, it will improve with time. You can dull yourself with antidepressants to at least suffer a bit less as you are waiting. 

Mental illness is like a lens, you have an anhedonic lens right now and every information and stimulus is seen through that lens so I know you can't help it but this lens is temporary.

It may be hard for you to get that drug but here is one that works in a completely new way for anhedonic based depression

https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/lz95yo/researchers_have_identified_a_drug_that_works/

[Cireeric]

Its often hard to see it in a position like this, but everything is in constant change. Your emotions wont last forever, its all temporally and you can go through it. You have so many experiences and years in front of you. I can guarantee you in five years from now you will had enough experiences worth living for. You will be thankful that youve gone through this hard times. 

[Shin]

I also wanted to kill myself, I've turned fine, and I'm sure you can too

How you feel now is just a tiny fraction of your life, it won't always be like this if you take steps towards healing

[Tetcher]

17 hours ago, Topann said:

I turn 24 tomorrow, and I also plan to end my life. My handgun seems like the best option, I don’t want to half ass it with pills or some other survivable method. I don’t believe life to be worth suffering, and I’d rather take a chance with death. Real death, not some psychedelic induced one. Because I’ve had those trips, and to be honest I’m not any better after. Just more confused and lost. I’ve been on the “right” path before, I know what it’s like to be aligned. But it seems to me that you’re only ever aligned so you can be thrown off course eventually. I’ve been disciplined, but I’ve lost everything. Money, friends, family, my job, my passions, and my will to go on or do ANYTHING. I mean I can barely leave the house now or talk to people I used to have conversations with. It’s not that these things are impossible for me, there is just zero interest in life anymore. Even the idea of trying something new is boring and stale.

I don’t know why I’m posting this honestly, if you think about it just increases the odds that I may not die. I just know that I don’t want the standard response I usually see. “Don’t do it what about family/friends, or it gets better”. Or any other hippie dippy spiritual belief system that supposed to make me feel ok.

I mean why is it such a taboo to kys, we all fucking die anyway. Most people will be forgotten and all of the stars will burn out.

Don't leave the body by damaging it brother you're going to suffer. If you really want to die at least starve the body, go live in a forest and stop eating until you starve to death, it's summer so you can do that and if you can't then at least try to OD on 5meoDMT (in a way that your consciousness can't come back, not in a way that you choke on vomit or something to that extent so you have to be careful with body positioning).

But far better do yoga and try to leave the body consciously in lotus position you got your entire life to succeed in that.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Tetcher

[4201]

19 hours ago, Topann said:

My handgun seems like the best option

Statistically, that's about 90% chance of destroying your body for no reason and 10% of living the rest of your life with brain damage. As the bullet will enter your head and destroy the body, you will suffer extremely, more than you ever suffered. If you don't care about suffering, then why do you care about suffering in general to a point where you are ready to destroy the body to avoid it?

If you really want to stop suffering, stop caring about suffering. You can literally just think about something else. None of what you are thinking is true, and that's why it feels absolutely terrible. Why cling to those ideas to death?