Why are people attracted to jerks?

[LastThursday]

43 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I think I didn't word it correctly.

No, your question was clear.

43 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I find such attitude very cheap because it tends to discourage kindness and humility and treats it like weakness or something to be taken for granted. 

Maybe. But you're question is why are people attracted to this sort of jerkish behaviour? And my answer is, is that it reminds people of their parents.

Parents sometimes have to be firm, aloof, abrasive, shout at you, ignore you, tell you off and so on: for your own good; and at other times you're their princess and the most wonderful thing that ever graced this earth. As a child you learn to respond to both these types of behaviours - you learn to like it.

One day you realise you've crossed the threshold into adulthood, but you still respond well to dickish parental like behaviour. You also enjoy "my special princess" behaviour too. 

Obviously, the only cure is to grow up and not tolerate being manipulated in this way by other adults. Or do what I do, and just ignore them if possible, and if that doesn't work, be so obstinate and difficult that they eventually learn to treat you with respect.

Edited May 6, 2021 by LastThursday

[Zeroguy]

Just now, Proserpina said:

@Zeroguy zero why do you keep attacking this poor girl?

Not attacking her. Most of these boys and girls do indeed need to get shaken to their core and be put on their knees before they re-build. 

When they get that natural drive back because they are literally lost in their crap. Time for cleaning. 

[Proserpina]

@Zeroguy she's having anxiety/ptsd attacks. Learn when it's appropriate to 'shake up' others. 

[Zeroguy]

Just now, Proserpina said:

@Zeroguy she's having anxiety/ptsd attacks. Learn when it's appropriate to 'shake up' others. 

For how long she would have them? 

When does it stops? 

When she will finally make clear decision to move on and actually do it?

One day she has to and there is no avoidance of this fact. 

The sooner the better. 

[Zeroguy]

Have PTSD for boyfriend leaving her, really? 

Most of you guys are just spoiled. 

Harsh Truth. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Zeroguy]

@Proserpina Feeding her answers to these questions, exactly continues her state and it's literally dragging her into abyss she is currently at. Someone really needs to "slap her face". All these dudes think they are good and helping her but it's not the case even if that appears that way. 

Same goes for a lot a lot a lot of people here. 

Fundamentally answer to all life, spiritual questions you can derive on your own. You don't need big mommy Leo or anyone else for that matter. 

[hyruga]

Your definition of a jerk is not mentioned. But I think you are referring to loud mouth egoistic individuals.

1) Because jerks are loud and they will say big bombastic words to get all the attention. You can choose not to comment on a single Trump's news but do you think the whole us  populationcan stop themselves?

2) Because jerks are straight forward with their intentions. Given a choice, would you want to work with a jerk or someone who pretends to be nice but will potentially backstab you later?

[Preety_India]

@hyruga no no no. That's not what I meant by jerks. 

My definition of jerk in this context is not  someone straight forward. 

Someone who is very up their ass and egotistical. Someone who is subtly condescending,  not loud mouth. 

 

[Megan Alecia]

8 minutes ago, hyruga said:

Because jerks are loud and they will say big bombastic words to get all the attention.

This is false. All of us want attention... Some use "big bombastic" words (like Christopher Hitchens/Gore Vidal I assume), while others use Tiktok. Attention isn't a bad thing, we all have a need to be seen (what Freud called as "healthy narcissism"); some people just overdo it, although it still depends whether they do a good job at it or not.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Raphael]

Because they openly show their anxieties and hate where most people are ashamed of that. This is authentic and courageous to show how they are even if they are disgussing, rather than hiding like most of us are. This authenticity is inspirational, it makes others respect them and follow them because other people are afraid to live life, to be themselves, and to show all their dirtiness.

 

[Zeroguy]

Just now, Raphael said:

Because they openly show their anxieties and hate where most people are ashamed of that. This is authentic and courageous to show how they are even if they are disgussing, rather than hiding like most of us are. This authenticity is inspirational, it makes others respect them and follow them because other people are afraid to live life, to be themselves, and to show all their dirtiness.

 

@Preety_India Ok you got your answer and now what. 

What are you going to make of it? 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Because they openly show their anxieties and hate where most people are ashamed of that. This is authentic and courageous to show how they are even if they are disgussing, rather than hiding like most of us are. This authenticity is inspirational, it makes others respect them and follow them because other people are afraid to live life, to be themselves, and to show all their dirtiness.

 

4 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Because they openly show their anxieties and hate where most people are ashamed of that. This is authentic and courageous to show how they are even if they are disgussing, rather than hiding like most of us are. This authenticity is inspirational, it makes others respect them and follow them because other people are afraid to live life, to be themselves, and to show all their dirtiness.

 

 

2 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

@Preety_India Ok you got your answer and now what. 

What are you going to make of it? 

 

Ok I don't know what is happening here. Just a sec. It's getting quoted without allowing me to write. 

 

[Zeroguy]

@Preety_India Nothing, exactly. 

None of this stuff will help you out with your life nor will you be happy at all. 

Go put make up on dress good, go out get some friends. 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Because they openly show their anxieties and hate where most people are ashamed of that. This is authentic and courageous to show how they are even if they are disgussing, rather than hiding like most of us are. This authenticity is inspirational, it makes others respect them and follow them because other people are afraid to live life, to be themselves, and to show all their dirtiness.

 

Maybe I should not have used the word jerk. It's creating a lot of confusion. 

I don't mean sincere people who are honest but are too blunt. I get that they have an authentic appeal. 

You got the question all wrong. 

What I meant is people with a massive ego, being very condescending and selfish. Rude. Not showing humility. Showing a lot of attitude. And how they enjoy more respect than those who are pleasant kind and humble. 

How humble people are taken for granted and treated like trash but someone who is rude is automatically considered special 

 

@Zeroguy read this answer I gave. I didn't agree with @Raphael. That was technical error 

 

 

[Zeroguy]

@Preety_India Sweetheart doesn't really matter do you agree or not and it's not even important at all. 

What you want to create. What are you actually living that's important. Theory being right or wrong correct or not is not. 

[ivankiss]

Like attracts like. It's easier for a fucked up psyche to relate to a fucked up psyche. They feel at home and safe in that territory.

I myself am repulsed by people with such qualities. But I do have a tendency of trying to fix them or heal them. To make them see just how toxic they're being. Which is more often than not not a smart idea. Since I expose myself to become the perfect target for their unconscious nastiness.

My advice is; if you are a kind-hearted, genuine and loving person that wants to help everyone... also learn how to tell them to fuck off, politely. In case they step over the line. Because they will.

 

Edited May 6, 2021 by ivankiss

[Raphael]

18 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What I meant is people with a massive ego, being very condescending and selfish. Rude. Not showing humility. Showing a lot of attitude. And how they enjoy more respect than those who are pleasant kind and humble.

I should have add this nuance to my definition: people with a massive ego and who aren't conscious enough to discuss it and just show it to everyone.

It's possible to have a lot of insecurities without being a jerk, show humility, and try to fix the dysfunctions, but jerks aren't able to do that. However when people do that without being a jerk, they are less authentic and therefore less attractive.

In most cases humility is inauthentic.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Raphael

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Someone really needs to "slap her face".

 Behave yourself or else.

[Zeroguy]

Yeah, sorry. I placed under "". I meant metaphorically not actually. 

But point is valid. 

@Leo Gura I mean you are literally teaching them and giving them literally complete key unlock for their entire life. No one wants to take responsability even for their own egoic life. 

She gets nothing from all this talk just more accurate knowledge to place it in her memory bank without actualizing any of it. 

Guys with correct answers will get ego boost and we play this game over and over again. 

[Hulia]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 Behave yourself or else.

You told, rudeness is not an issue for you. That you ban only for spreading falsehoods and not for rude behavior. I still try to understand