EQ > IQ

[ivankiss]

I figured it out.

I now understand why I feel so damn old and tired of this. I understand why it felt to me like I was a father to my mother. I understand why I have difficulties truly connecting to anyone. Why I always climb down the ladder to meet them at their level. I understand why everyone keeps telling me my whole life that I seem so mature for my age.

It's not because of anything I know. Heck; I know way less than many of those people. I am completely ignorant when it comes to some of the stuff they know and do. I always admired how well they handled stuff that to me just made absolutely no sense. For a moment; I believed I was somehow less than them, because I did not possess those skills or that knowledge. I felt small in their presence. I felt like a child in a grown up's world. 

Then, one day; I woke up. And for the first time I saw my face in the mirror. I saw myself as I truly was. As I never dared to believe. In that moment; it was all clear. Everything clicked into its place; flawlessly. 'Them' included.

I am a feeler amongst thinkers.

I feel what they say before I analyse the content of their words. And it's not really 'before'...It happens simultaneously, obviously. But it's like I can read and sense everything instantly. Before they even finish their sentence. I feel how they move. Are they tense or relaxed. In resistance or in flow. And all their word salads... That's pretty much just noise to me. More or less; unnecessary information. Garbage, even.

No. I'm not trying to say that I'm an alien. Or an old soul. Or anything like that. And I'm also not pointing towards me being God in this post. This is me talking about my 'human experience' - if you will. Everyday life.

What I'm saying is... simply that I'm wired to feel, while those around me are wired to (over)think. To me it feels like we literally exist on two separate planes of existence. Interacting somewhere 'in the middle'. On a third plane. It's kinda sci-fi; if I think about it.

So why do I say EQ>IQ? Seems a bit arrogant, right?

Well, for many reasons. The most important things in life are felt, not thought. The deepest truth and the most incredible beauty is felt and not thought. Let alone spoken.

Why am I so mature? Why do I feel so ahead of my time? Because of EQ. I guarantee I am familiar and comfortable with a whole pallet of emotional colours, that 99% of people don't even know exist. And those colours are entire worlds. Filled with wisdom and beauty. Timeless truths and wonder.

As I am now; I can only thank a 6 year old boy, who had nothing and nobody. I can only thank him for answering the call of Love. Love that came knocking on his door in the form of Music. 

Music healed me the same day I was wounded. I was dealing with what I was going through, as I was going through it; through music. I had an outlet. I also had a parent. A real one. One that loved unconditionally. I listened to music and it listened to me. It was a love unlike any. Not a hobby. Not an entertainment. It was everything. It was life. From the very first encounter.

To put it simply; I was dealing with my shit from a very young age - to the best of my abilities. I did not let that much stuff pile up. I did not disconnect - as everyone around me slowly but surely did. I had a relationship with my emotions. A very deep and strong relationship. And it only got deeper and stronger over time. The level of sheer commitment and dedication that little boy had... it's just unspeakable. It was his one and only chance. One and only way. So he took a vow. It was an oath. 

And WOW the benefits.

Other than occasionally having difficulties relating to a world that functions based on coldly calculated precision - I could not be in a better spot. I seriously feel like I've got the best seat in the theatre. And if that's coming from someone who was extremely insecure and felt incredibly small and insignificant until just a moment ago... then it must be true.

I even came to like the whole cerebral, neurotic mumbo jumbo. Its slow. Laggy. Loopy. It's extremely limited and predictable. But there is beauty in it. And most importantly; there is purpose for it. It gets the job done. It's great for going from A to B and nowhere else in-between. It's an ignorant, a bit dumb and boring but very efficient straight line.

That's why when I hear someone use big words but speak from an emotional space of a traumatized 12 year old... I chuckle. Or get furious.

When actually; I should deepen my compassion for them.

Edited May 5, 2021 by ivankiss

[Shin]

Imagine living life in order to feel and experience, and not acquire and achieve.

That would be a WASTE of time !

[ivankiss]

@Shin I'm trying my best not to ?

[DreamScape]

Same 

[ivankiss]

@DreamScape  One ❤

[traveler]

All I see is a insecure sense of self replaced by a grandiose sense of self. Maybe you should "EQ" some of those high frequencies to balance out the mix a bit. You don't totally cut out the lower frequencies to assensuate the highs. The highs alone are unbearable and annoying, but with the right mix they bring great clarity and depth. The lower frequencies are muddy and unbearable alone, but with the right balance they bring groundedness, humility and relatability.

This analogy was a stretch, you get the point. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by traveler

[Megan Alecia]

Iq is fascinating. Emotional intelligence is what one needs in able to succeed in life I think (if you're an agitated kind you're not gonna go that far... if you're poor at sensing danger you're gonna get conned and stuff.)

Edited May 6, 2021 by Megan Alecia
Also, self-love = love for others

[ivankiss]

@traveler Are you trying to say I'm stupid or lacking IQ? Or not stupid enough? ?

2 hours ago, Megan Alecia said:

Emotional intelligence is what one needs in able to succeed in life 

Not quite sure about that one. There's plenty of extremely successful people who have the emotional maturity of a 12yr old or less.

Edited May 6, 2021 by ivankiss

[integral]

WQ = (EQ + IQ + ...)

Wisdom

[ivankiss]

@integral I suppose that's true, yup.

3 hours ago, traveler said:

All I see is a insecure sense of self replaced by a grandiose sense of self.

Funny how someone being genuine and transparent about their experience seems like grandiosity to some of you, yet when people call you names and act like savages you call that being real and intelligent, even.

[hyruga]

Muahahaha what about AQ (Awareness quotient)?

[ivankiss]

@hyruga The deeper you heal the more 'space' for awareness to dawn.

The term is new to me though, thanks ?

[traveler]

4 hours ago, ivankiss said:

@integral I suppose that's true, yup.

Funny how someone being genuine and transparent about their experience seems like grandiosity to some of you, yet when people call you names and act like savages you call that being real and intelligent, even.

Not sure what you mean about calling you names and acting like savages? 

When I say grandiose I'm referring to the claims you made about being aware of others experience and "level" compared to yourself.

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Why am I so mature? Why do I feel so ahead of my time? Because of EQ. I guarantee I am familiar and comfortable with a whole pallet of emotional colours, that 99% of people don't even know exist.

 

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

That's why when I hear someone use big words but speak from an emotional space of a traumatized 12 year old... I chuckle.

 

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Why I always climb down the ladder to meet them at their level. I understand why everyone keeps telling me my whole life that I seem so mature for my age.

 

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

To me it feels like we literally exist on two separate planes of existence. Interacting somewhere 'in the middle'. On a third plane. It's kinda sci-fi; if I think about it.

 

To me you sound like a guy I know that is certain that he can read people better than they can read themselves. People like this are very intrusive, judgmental, In need of control and analytical. They are certain that they know so much about you, but really, they don't know anything. It is the type of person that prides themselves on how far ahead and more clever they are than others, but really they're mostly caught up in their own projections and illusions of grandeur. Despite these traits, this person can still be fun to hang out with, but any real connection or friendship? Forget about it, this person is way too selfish and judgmental. 

This is of course a projection of my own based on what you wrote. You might not be like that, but I like to act like an equalizer myself, when people show a heightened sense of self-importance. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by traveler

[ivankiss]

@traveler Major projections, yup. But I understand what you mean. 

Yes, I do understand where people's pain is coming from and why they act the way they do. I am more often than not, more aware of their trauma than they are. It's simply an ability I have. The way I am. So yes I think I am, in that sense, more advanced than than most people. More spiritually evolved. And emotionally mature. And that took a lot of balls to admit to myself. A lot of avoidance, denial and suffering. 

But I'm not trying to say that I'm better than anyone else. In my eyse; we are all equal and in this together. But we are all definitely on different levels of existence. I had to learn how to be sharp and a dick even sometimes in order to survive in this environment. But I truly do not prefer that kind of behaviour. 

The world as it is is not meant for kind, loving people. As Sofía Vergara once said: 'It's a doggy dog world' ?

1 hour ago, traveler said:

Not sure what you mean about calling you names and acting like savages?  

I mean that this kind of behaviour is normalized and accepted. Appreciated and admired, even. And when someone is kind and compassionate; people automatically assume there is some kind of a hidden agenda. A twist. And that's quite sad.

And btw; no worries. I'm not looking to be friends with intellectual jerks, either. We both safe ?

Edited May 6, 2021 by ivankiss

[Waken]

Sure I can relate, I was a little surprised that that only just clicked for you. I often felt, especially when growing up, being 'inferior' or 'not a real man' or whatever. Because I was softer, quieter and perhaps more shy than many people my age, and lots of people were much louder and more boastful. Someone who is more sensitive just might up feeling inferior in a world that has just a bigger ego. Because in their minds/games, you aren't quite 'up with them', but their games are just not really resonating with you. 
I also never really listen to words, even in a song, I often have no idea what someone is singing about, I just am hanging in the energy or emotion of the music. That was sure hard in school for me lol, when the teacher would be just trying to run to all her material non-stop, I would be pretty much always zoned out, or just sorta staring at the teacher. Looking at his movements or whatever.
Lately I'm owning my nature more, even if it is contrary to what is normal or expected. It feels much better, more ease, flowing, comfort.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Waken

[Dodo]

2 hours ago, traveler said:

Not sure what you mean about calling you names and acting like savages? 

When I say grandiose I'm referring to the claims you made about being aware of others experience and "level" compared to yourself.

 

 

 

 

To me you sound like a guy I know that is certain that he can read people better than they can read themselves. People like this are very intrusive, judgmental, In need of control and analytical. They are certain that they know so much about you, but really, they don't know anything. It is the type of person that prides themselves on how far ahead and more clever they are than others, but really they're mostly caught up in their own projections and illusions of grandeur. Despite these traits, this person can still be fun to hang out with, but any real connection or friendship? Forget about it, this person is way too selfish and judgmental. 

This is of course a projection of my own based on what you wrote. You might not be like that, but I like to act like an equalizer myself, when people show a heightened sense of self-importance. 

I have a friend like that, you were giving an exact description  He always manages to tell me why I did something or didnt do it! I call him friend though he is actually a little bit back-stabby and double faced sometimes.

On the comment below this you continue to nail the definition of that friend I have. O m g, I need to read this to him, cause he gets on my nerves often. But I look at it as a spiritual practice of my patience and reducing my ego...

Edited May 6, 2021 by Dodo

[traveler]

 

38 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Yes, I do understand where people's pain is coming from and why they act the way they do. I am more often than not, more aware of their trauma than they are. It's simply an ability I have. The way I am.

This is what I mean. Most people would not pride themselves on this ability, I'm pretty sure most have this ability actually. You can notice symptoms of trauma, but don't be so ignorant to put that person into a box and define them by it. That is what makes people like this unbearable to be around, they give you no space to expand, let go and move on because they are constantly projecting their idea of you onto you. Every move you make, if you show a little awkwardness or shakiness, this person will instantly notice and focus and define you by that energetic movement. This really comes from an insecurity, which is the need to know and put something into a box to control it and asses your own worth compared to it.

49 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

I mean that this kind of behaviour is normalized and accepted.

What behavior? 

[ivankiss]

@traveler What makes you think I'm walking around telling people what's wrong with them?

I'm obviously being silent most of the time about what I notice. It is when people pick on me that I say what I have to say. Or when they open up and I recognize an invitation to offer guidance. It's a very slippery slope tho, I agree. And I do have my shadows too. No doubt about it.

@Waken When it clicks, it clicks ? I've still got a lot of work. And it's not unfolding in a linear fashion. Not at all. Feel your comment totally tho. Thanks.

[traveler]

Just now, ivankiss said:

What makes you think I'm walking around telling people what's wrong with them?

I don't think that, but you're kind of describing the way you view the world and other people, and I'm challenging that. We could go "deeper" but I'm kind of meeting you on your level.  

2 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

I'm obviously being silent most of the time about what I notice. It is when people pick on me that I say what I have to say. Or when they open up and I recognize an invitation to offer guidance. It's a very slippery slope tho, I agree. And I do have my shadows too. No doubt about it.

I'm challenging the concepts you build around what you notice. You notice energy and social cues, but the context of that energy is totally a story. You're not a solid self, there is no real you. When "I" am solidified, I see many solid self's. 

[ivankiss]

@traveler Gotcha. And thanks, I guess. Did not intend to go super meta in this thread. Of course we always end up at no self yadayada. 

It is a story, indeed. But it has its place and a reason to be there.

This thread is obviously about relating to others. So let's leave the whole 'no me no you' stuff out.

Edited May 6, 2021 by ivankiss