I fear being intimate with others

[fopylo]

As I am practicing mindfulness, self acceptance and meditation, I find it easier to talk about deeper things and to talk about personal issues with others (or maybe I've just gotten used to it since I've practiced it a lot as a survival mechanism for improving my life - that only through honesty I can get the help I need).

So I'm kinda good at going deep with people on a personal level, such as general problems, life situation, fears, goals, etc. However, when I get to those deep territories I feel like I am not completely being and feeling in to that intimacy. It's as if I'm putting out facts which are personal, without a strong connection at the Being level. I'm playing a trick on myself believing I'm becoming intimate and completely in the moment with another person.

It's quite frightening and overwhelming the shit out of me.

I am avoiding hugs and fluffy friendships with others. Also avoiding authentically light-laughing with others (I will authentically laugh at things which are obviously funny and strongly make me and others laugh). Also I avoid opening to greet people happily.

I am going in less than 4 months to a camp which is 6 months long and I'm going to live with people and do social activities, and this kind of gets me anxious sometimes. I decided to sign up for it long ago because of benefits I saw in it. However I really don't know how I'll be able to maintain myself if I don't manage to develop great social skills and inner love and good vibe.

There is something inside of me, however, that tells me that the good life is where I am feeling lot's of love and acting from a place of authenticity and mindfulness

 

[RendHeaven]

Self-made prison  

[fopylo]

@RendHeaven How in the world do I fix this? 

[Shin]

5 hours ago, fopylo said:

@RendHeaven How in the world do I fix this? 

Just being around people that can open while opening yourself should help.

It's not a thing that change quickly, it can be rooted in past traumas like shame/cheating/humiliation etc.