Relationships

[Shane597]

I am uncertain as to when to stand up for myself and when my ego is getting the best of me by protecting my insecurities. I don't know where the line is between being assertive and not letting people walk over me and letting my ego take off?

[Shin]

Read "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" from Robert Cialdini, it will help to detect the people you should avoid.

 

[ajasatya]

@Shane Roberts nobody is walking over you. there's no you to be walked over.

stop being needy and find peace in solitude. there's no spiritual growth without suffering. accept it. accept it all.

[Shin]

This is a step by step process, you can't help these kind of people by telling them such abstract concepts as "there is no you".

There are people on this forum who really needs to realize that the way you see the world is so different than regular people,

That they can't even understand 5% of what you're talking about, let alone understand it.

 

Put yourself at their place, how did you think back then, what was your struggles, and if you never were at their place (or at least in somewhat similar situations), don't answer just for the sake of answering unless you have a very precise and easy knowledge to share.

These people needs practical advices, you're just confusing them even more that what they are.

 

EDIT: Sorry for the english I'm tired.

Edited October 30, 2016 by Shin

[Shane597]

My friends are usually good, they support me in almost everything.  I just am not sure if I should tell one of my friends why my goal is practical or just let him laugh at me? 

Edited October 31, 2016 by Shane Roberts

[Shin]

If he laughs, doesn't apologize or/and try to understand your point of view, he's not your friend.

[ajasatya]

@Shin the only help i can give to someone is the one i gave to myself. the way i did it was facing it straight.

when i saw the practical teaching to quit desire, i followed it fearlessly. i was left with the desire for food, water and sleep. that's how i inserted zen in my life and that's what i recommend. go straight at it. you may see yourself in nirvana in less than 1 year if you practice zazen as well.

[Shin]

Maybe it worked for you this way, but everyone is different, because everyone has a another web of beliefs,

And most people, aren't open-minded at all, they need to see the light bit by bit to start to believe in it.

Even the most open-minded people rarely go into spiritual stuff, they like to talk about it, but they don't do any practical stuff at all.

[Shane597]

Well, okay. I have another question about relationships with girls. Leo says I need to fix my gap in my triangle. Which for me is sex and fiends. I am currently in college and I have been working on the sex part a lot. But I fail miserably every time, is it even worth trying while in college? I am limited in time. But at the same time it is part of self actualizing. 

[Shane597]

I also have a practical question. I have just become conscious as to how much I am stepped on by my friends. My gut says to tell them that I do not apricate how they talk down at me so often. But I am afraid to loose some of my friends. 

[ajasatya]

@Shane Roberts people will respect you as much as you respect yourself