I am on my knees, God, I ask you, the universe, PLEASE Love me once and for all.

[Javfly33]

Its unbeareble to feel this. To hate yourself.

I want to love myself But i Dont have good reasons to.

Im trying to get to an honest description of myself.

I need to know, why i feel impairing feelings of unworthiness after years of self development and spirituality.

Hahaha its fucking crazy that i haven't done anything in terms of actual growth. Im truly have a devil inside me.

This devil is me 

Because i'm me. And me doesnt deserve love and worthiness. No. Because there is something utterly wrong with me. 

I Dont know What it is. But there must be something. Because i feel bad and when i feel bad is because that is Who i am.

Feeling is telling the truth. If i am feeling bad its because i'm bad!

Thats why i Dont deserve GODs love.

Everybody else does. But not me. 

Im utterly the worst person on the universe.

My only hope is a psychedelic breakthrough. Infinite love. Nothing less. I cant and i Dont want to live like this insane act of unworthiness , hate and fear.

My Life is all the time like this. Nooooo! Fuck this. PLEASE save me and made this bulllshit stop. I want to live properly!!

Fuck this bullshit ! 

I seriously pray you God for fucks SAKES kill the devil. I cant bear being myself. Its hell.

PLEASE. LOVE. PLEASE .

[Bogdan]

Ok so there is a feedback system between your beliefs and your emotions. 

Yes, feeling is telling the truth, but not exactly how you describe it. 

Feeling good means you are interpreting things correctly, and feeling bad means you're distorting things.

So you're not feeling bad because you're actually bad. But quite the opposite. Your thought/belief is "i'm bad" and the emotional response is "nope, that's incorrect" - and the way that manifests is "feeling bad".

This feedback system works kinda like pain. The body lets you know through pain that you are doing something "incorrect" (relatively, ofc)

So you see, the very fact that you have good and bad feelings (even if they're mostly bad) is a very testament of God's permanent love and guidance. You are always guided. God is ALWAYS here giving you feedback for your every thought, indiscriminately. 

The bad feelings you're feeling are so intense also because you have multiple beliefs that stack upon each other and form vicious circles and loops, for example:

- you believe that you haven't done ANYTHING in terms of spiritual growth. This is not true, therefore your emotional guidance system makes you "feel bad"

-you believe that you are just a devil and that you don't deserve love, that is also untrue and therefore you get the appropriate "negative" emotional response

- you believe that that there is something utterly wrong with you - here there are multiple assumptions that make this one tricky. You are defining "YOU" as only the person - body - ego, which gives a negative response just because THAT is not true, and then everything you define about yourself after that is inherently not true, because that is not who you REALLY are. (The emotional guidance system takes things very literally )

 

I guess you can see a pattern there. I cannot walk you through every single nuance of your belief-emotion loops. So i'm gonna try to give you some practical advice:

 

A big thing that has helped me get over my anxious phase in life was practicing opening my mind. I would remind myself that every time i am stuck in negative emotional loops, i am actually being closed-minded.

QUESTIONS are a great way of opening the mind, because they have a unique way of bypassing the "HAVE TO" traps of the thinking mind, which can trigger negative beliefs, which can then trigger negative emotional loops.

Some great questions to ask are: "what if this is actually perfect the way it is?" or "what if this is actually perfection?" or "what if i am being closed minded right now? 

But really, there is no replacing getting used to NOTICING every time you "feel bad" to reframe that in your mind as being firstly, a POSITIVE thing, and secondly THE signal that you are currently THINKING SOMETHING THAT IS UNTRUE!!! Let your bad feelings be the instant bullshit stopper that re-ground you.

So a very simple pattern is this:

1. Recognize that you're feeling bad

2. Know that that is your emotional guidance system telling you that you something about your interpretations of YOURSELF and REALITY is distorted

3. Identify (using the emotional guidance system) what that belief is

4. Replace those negative beliefs by finding better FEELING ones. (you can always start by opening your mind and by labeling everything as God's Infinite and Perfect Wisdom. That is always Absolutely True, and thus it will offer instant emotional positive response)

Practice this! it took me about 3 years to get kinda good at it. I hope this helps.  

[Inva]

@Javfly33 Love yourself with all your heart. Blessings.

[Nahm]

Oh my dear friend, arrogance is no match for well being. 

[RendHeaven]

lmao, God weeping for someone else to come save him.

Dude wake up. Love comes from YOU, and nobody else.

[Chrisd]

@Javfly33

[OctagonOctopus]

I would deconstruct the reasoning that you need a reason to be Love. Deconstruct any reason you give yourself for anything, reasons are reasons, thoughts about something is not conciousness of what is actually going on. 

You are the Love, ya just gotta pull the devil weeds of beliefs out of your garden. 

You are not your feelings, you are the Whole. 

Edited May 5, 2021 by OctagonOctopus

[ll Ontology ll]

I wrote this on the fly for you. Love to you sir!

 

In your heart, you do design

The world alight, you intertwine

All your wounds with soothing ointment

That only you, know how to apply

For within you, is your own healing

And within your consciousness, a higher ceiling

Of powers deep within, that only you can unlock

But do not try, to act like Spock

For your heart is not, a padlock

This is an airlock you close shut

So that the you inside can no longer fly out of where you were cut

This may seem abrupt, but this is the strut

That you must find for your own amusement and no one else's

It is called you, to help you see all the way through

Beyond the confusion and doubt, perform your own jujitsu 

Leave God on the coffee table and first look beyond life's previews

So that you can see you and all the world anew

Where the worth and deservedness you seek

Will be much more available to you than what you feel when you are meek

Peering up at a God hoping that he will speak

First look inside and hear your own mystique

As beautiful and rich, with absolute pitch

The you waiting to be heard, as quiet as a bird

Opening up out of its shell, for the first time you hear the bell

The sound of your youth that allows you to break free

Now you sir, yes you, you will watch grow your very own tree

Beyond all and above those black seas

 

 

[Loving Radiance]

On 5.5.2021 at 9:02 AM, Javfly33 said:

I want to love myself But i Dont have good reasons to.

Done. You are already perfect. You being here is being loved.

Hold out your hand in front of you, palm to sky. Do you see the reflection of light in your hand? Your existence here is love.

Other than that, the core belief of feeling unworthy is of the person. As for a start, begin by saying "I love myself."

[Growly]

"I am on my knees, god I ask you, the universe, PLEASE love me once and for all" 

[Ananta]

On 5/5/2021 at 3:02 AM, Javfly33 said:

Because i feel bad and when i feel bad is because that is Who i am.

I understand what you mean, but you also are identified with the wrong "I".

You feel feelings that arise within you, you are aware of them, but they are not you and they aren't who you truly are either. 

They come and they go...as does every-thing, except the real you,  which is aware of it all.

Disentangle your Self from the "apparent" limited self with Self-inquiry. ?

[traveler]

Those are all thoughts that arises from repressed feeling. Try to sit or lie down and just feel. When you do this a thousand of thoughts will appear, don't push them away, just keep focusing on the feeling. You might not feel something to begin with, but the longer you sit the more intense the feeling will get. You will want to distract yourself to get away from this feeling, but just keep staying with it. Sitting with a feeling like this for a long time will actually transform the unbearable feeling into a whole and warm sensation throughout your body. Most of the thoughts around the feeling will be recognized to be just thoughts, and not true. Do this for as long as necessary, but remember that the purpose of the "exercise" isn't to get rid of the feeling, it is too actually want to let the feeling BE. Treat the feeling as if it has every right to stay as long as it wants and leave when it wants. 

[Shin]

I know how you feel, I felt like shit just 10 minutes ago, like seriously like shit with tears, feeling of emptiness and pointlessness.

The good thing is that it passes if you let it pass, I could have followed along the trail of thoughts and feel like shit the rest of the evening, but I didn't, I just let it go.

Do I now feel amazing ? No

Do I now feel happy ? No

I think the point I'm trying to make is that all of this is just an endless river of emotions, and you never know where it will go.

One moment you can feel good, the other like shit, the other without any particular emotions, it doesn't really matter, it's gonna change anyway.

We as humans wants too feel good at all costs, and that's understandable, but it just cannot be done, the river doesn't stuck itself into itself, it flows and flows forever.

I'm not saying your pain is irrelevant, like I said I felt like shit just a moment ago, and I didn't want to go through it either, but it's not really a choice, sometimes there is suffering and we have to accept it Jay and move on.

I wish you the best, I hope you can find your way.

I love you <3

 

[Lyubov]

On 5/5/2021 at 3:02 AM, Javfly33 said:

My only hope is a psychedelic breakthrough. Infinite love. Nothing less. I cant and i Dont want to live like this insane act of unworthiness , hate and fear.

I'm gonna be honest with you and pretty sharp here out of love cause it seems like sometimes people here give pretty poor advice when someone is hurting. You seriously sound fucking crazy and need to chill out with all this spiritual stuff and trying to understand it and whatnot. What you wrote was just obnoxious to read. No, you clearly don't need psychedelics and from my point of view you clearly are not in a solid state of mind for them. Have you tried, you know.... just taking it easy? eating right, some meditation here and there with no goal in mind, journaling, practicing letting go and having faith, practicing loving yourself, talking to someone/therapist, etc. Just sitting with the emotional pain even though it may really hurt. Your eyes seems smooshed up just way too close to that tiny little dot you think are all these problems when there is something far greater than that. Try to be smart and holistic about this. If you don't find some miracle cure from 5meo, then what will you do?  

Edited May 11, 2021 by Lyubov

[Thought Art]

Even though I have a lot of self love. I also hate certain aspects of myself and my past. I do not feel strong enough to love myself completely. Or to love the uncertainty of what my future will be. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

My heart goes out to you, dear one. I've been here so many times. 

[BipolarGrowth]

Emotions are at their core information. They are sending a message. When you feel worthless, depressed, or otherwise “bad,” this is not because you ARE those things necessarily. This is like saying you are pain or you are the taste of chocolate ice cream. You are something which is related to these sensations and experiences, but there’s also an aspect of you which is untouched. One might call this awareness, the witness, Self, etc. Any discomfort, depression, or anything else experienced right now is guaranteed to change. 
 

You will find yourself experiencing the greatness of life many times as things go on. Try to think back to these depressed or otherwise undesirable moments when you find yourself doing well again. It’s at that vantage point in which you can truly taste the irony and beauty created by these emotional lows. The bitter exists in order to sweeten the batch. 
 

Every ounce of suffering was strategically placed for maximum meaning, beauty, Love, etc. It makes awakening that much more powerful and meaningful.