Loop of existential judgment

[EmptinessDncing]

I'm sure this is a no-brainer for many, yet for me this is something at a core level of trauma.  You know, a BS story that doesn't serve me, yet I can't let go of it.

Judgment is an interesting thing in spiritual circles right?  Because we're all so spiritual that we don't ever do it right (pfft).  I noticed that when I let jack judgment off the chain to go wild and throw insults at everything that some deep shadow stuff came out.  Interesting way to process!

So what came out was contempt.  Contempt at people that don't do self-love work, because it's their fault that the world is all fucked up.  I had to learn to love myself (no-one else was going to do it), why can't they.  And I get sad that some people are so traumatized that they can't do the work.  People that rely on others for their source of happiness are pathetic.  People that think IQ is more important than EQ are stupid.

So there is an obvious dualistic projection here.  I am those people.  I am fucked up, and if I loved myself as much as I think I do, then why am I not loving Self as all?  The loop is that it is true that only I can love myself, because there is no-one else.  EQ is arguably more valuable, and relying on others for happiness isn't a smart move.  The arrogant contempt that comes along with it is obviously a guide to some childhood trauma, but I can't access it.  

I got to this dark place after spending a lot of time in quite a chill blissful, very self-loving and compassionate space and then asking the universe to step it up by helping with an energetic detox.  Obviously this bag of bullshit couldn't come along for the upgrade and needs to be cleared.  I've been quite depressed, but content that it's necessary, and empowered to work through my shit.

I'm convinced this ridiculous attitude is common on the spiritual growth path (ego backlash).  Interestingly, alongside this attitude I can also have so much compassion and love to the point of tears for just about anyone!

Any shortcuts guys?  I can't do psychedelics, it triggers my fatigue and previous trip PTSD.

[BipolarGrowth]

Contempt and judgment are always going to recoil and cause harm to yourself — sometimes it’s small, other times it’s huge. You likely are aware of this. 
 

Your shortcut is this: “Interestingly, alongside this attitude I can also have so much compassion and love to the point of tears for just about anyone!” Learn to develop your ability to feel this compassion and love for others even further. Close your eyes and picture/bring to memory the thing, attribute, value, or person you have the most love for. Try to amplify the emotional appreciation for it. Try to sustain this emotion. Keep practicing. Until you’re feeling blissful sensations envelop parts or even your whole body, you’re likely not even close to your potential with this. This will probably not happen to this degree on your first try. It will likely take some time to develop mastery over this. You can have access to that bliss at almost any time as you get further along. It will then start to come automatically whenever you experience something you appreciate enough. Once you develop a strong ability to trigger the blissful sensations with your main object/person/idea you love, then practice developing it with others. 
 

That is my advice. 

Edited May 3, 2021 by BipolarGrowth

[EmptinessDncing]

I can bring on blissful sensations at will, I just feel into my breath/body, or find beauty in something mundane.  If I do it for a while it turns to ecstasy.  If I do it for 3 days I get very unified, but it's not very functional.

Are you saying that contempt and ecstasy can't occur in the same space?

And this ok chestnut: is it escapism? No different to having a drug?  What if I'm missing something important and I'm just shoving it under the transcendence rug?

Perhaps the trick here is to just hold that vibe.  Like clinging to dear life. I dunno!  The motivation to hold it waned with meaninglessness.  If there's a point I'm sure I could achieve all sorts.  Maybe not being an asshole is enough reason! 

[EddieEddie1995]

I am also very sad becouse people are "stupid". Why would they suffer when they can love? Well, why do you suffer when you are already perfect? 

I also went through the phase of judging people because they don't take care of themselves. And it was because I was disgusted of my older self. I wanted to help myself by criticising/helping them, so I could ofc. feel better hehe

 

It looks like you are doing great work friend! ??

 

I relived my biggest trauma when I stopped doing shadow work. It happened spontaneously while I was high, listening to music (not forcing)

I guess what Im trying to say is drop the idea that there is traumatized guy, and cultivate that Love baby! Like you are already doing ?

 

 

[BipolarGrowth]

1 hour ago, EmptinessDncing said:

I can bring on blissful sensations at will, I just feel into my breath/body, or find beauty in something mundane.  If I do it for a while it turns to ecstasy.  If I do it for 3 days I get very unified, but it's not very functional.

Are you saying that contempt and ecstasy can't occur in the same space?

And this ok chestnut: is it escapism? No different to having a drug?  What if I'm missing something important and I'm just shoving it under the transcendence rug?

Perhaps the trick here is to just hold that vibe.  Like clinging to dear life. I dunno!  The motivation to hold it waned with meaninglessness.  If there's a point I'm sure I could achieve all sorts.  Maybe not being an asshole is enough reason! 

There’s a big difference between blissful sensations for the sake of simply feeling blissful sensations versus generating love for others and experiencing bliss as a marker of how much love is being directed to the object of the love. The bliss is a pleasant side effect. The point is to practice generating love for others and to turn that love toward those you see as stupid once you’re proficient enough. 
 

Maybe bliss and contempt can be experienced simultaneously, but do you honestly think that is the rule or an exception to the rule? When you hold your lover in your arms, are you preoccupied with contempt for people who value IQ highly?