Is life harder for good looking male or female?

[Kay100]

@integral so interesting to know about your experience.  Remind me of a podcast I listened to, this female comedian was talking about how much she felt inadequite growing up with a sister that is good looking. She said she still feels the same inadequicy now when she's an adult. It's nice of you to notice that when people blindly praise you in-front of others, they where making everyone else feel inadequate. This shows that you care about other people's feelings and don't really think that you are better than others just because you have good looks.

Are there any negative side? Have you experienced much jealousy or not? Is it easy to make friends that truely likes you and not just because you have good looks?

[integral]

@Kay100 Thanks :), really there are few down sides. If we stretch things maybe we can find some issues but really its all a advantage.

- Generally very good looking people are going to be the center of attention when walking into a room. "is he a model?" So if your shy it could be a problem. I grew my hair long and covered my face with it just to avoid attention (15-19 age). Unfortunately the hair coler was bright red... there is no blending in. Every compliment is the same and superficial and is uncomfortable for everyone, makes people feel bad around you, so it could cause you to avoid social interactions. Again this is rich first world problems... guys with less empathy will own this and take full pride and advantage of it (blind by privilege)

- Women can get very nervous around you, i had no idea this was happening until someone told me in my 20s, they get stuck in star struck mode and there real personality cant come out. Young women mostly. Again we are imagining problems here. 

- Some times women would tell me how amazing there boy friend was (extensively), then they try to sleep with me (with out me hitting on them). I had to remind them they where hurting people with these actions. Basically if your a good person you need to take responsibility and back up the girls boyfriend, its abit ridiculous. Id rater support and help a friend have success, then have success, like a wing man, its more fulfilling, but a very good looking wing man is not ideal. 

- There can be awkward sexual tensions with your friends GFs. And its not wanted, i care about supporting friends. So if the friend figures this out they will avoid having you around their GF. If they break up the GF might try to contact you and you'll have to reject them and hope the friend doesn't find out. 

- With age and healthy problems come and looks fade does people who complimented you will look at you in disgust "how could he have done that to himself, he was so good looking", your not allowed to age. lol 

- There was never any competitive jealously with other men because i have their backs. But if your good looking and take no responsibility for it, then it can easily be an issue.  

Making friends isn't really about looks, its more about the operating system. If your superficial your going to attract other superficial people that care only that your good looking. Being good looking doesnt make someone superficial. Most good looking people dont care that there good looking, they never think about it unless they are stuck in living up to peoples expectations. 

All of this is not really a problem, the advantages are very high overall and strongly out way anything in the "not so good looking" camp. 

Edited May 5, 2021 by integral

[Kay100]

@integral Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.

What you said really made sense. I wonder if it would be quite different for good looking females. It seem to me like female are more easier to get jealous of other females, and males are less likely to be jealous of other males. But I think for some really below average males, they might be more likely to feel envy of the good looking males. And from my observation, the below average males seem to have kind of 'hatred' towards good looking females. Maybe because they think they will never have any chance in attracting those good looking females? 

Anyway broadly speaking,  I think males are less likely to get jealous about others. What do you think?

I wonder if you find it difficult to get into a romantic relationshiip with someone that likes you not because of your good looks, but likes you as a person? 

On 5/5/2021 at 11:48 AM, integral said:

Most good looking people dont care that there good looking, they never think about it unless they are stuck in living up to peoples expectations. 

I think this would be different for female as well. Most female would be more likely to care a lot about if they are good looking or not. But from my observation what you said seem to be true for males, they are less likely to care about it.

I think being shy and good looking would be less likely to stand out in a crowd compare to the outgoing and good looking males right? And shy people tend to be more empathetic to other people's feelings but the outgoing ones might be showing too much pride and not able to notice that they are making other people feel less of themselves... I'm only generalizing, what do you think about this?

My son is 15 and I think he does benefit from being good looking. He's a bit shy and awkward and I have always worried that it would be hard for him to make friends. But since he was little and all the way till now, he always had quite a lot of friends. I know kids don't really judge other kids from their looks, but I think my son's cute face might have made him more likeable and compensate for his shy and awkwardness. I guess that's the reason, I'm not sure. I'm just happy that he always has friends haha 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Kay100

[integral]

39 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

And from my observation, the below average males seem to have kind of 'hatred' towards good looking females. Maybe because they think they will never have any chance in attracting those good looking females? 

Anyway broadly speaking,  I think males are less likely to get jealous about others. What do you think?

Seems to depend on the stage of development people are in there lives, highschool years can be a popularity content for women, over focus on looks defining them, especially that culture is strongly communicating this. Men can be competitive in other ways, but at the high school level they seem to get along better. 

46 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

I wonder if you find it difficult to get into a romantic relationshiip with someone that likes you not because of your good looks, but likes you as a person? 

Good looking people have more options and can be more selective, things are easier in this department. They can pick someone of interest out and pursue with high success. Its only if you are shallow that you cant discern that a partner is shallow, its definitly an issue for some men, Empathetic men can read people like a open book and seek high conscious qualities in a partner, they are not fooled. Well unless their young... there is still a learning curve. 

59 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

I think being shy and good looking would be less likely to stand out in a crowd compare to the outgoing and good looking males right? And shy people tend to be more empathetic to other people's feelings but the outgoing ones might be showing too much pride and not able to notice that they are making other people feel less of themselves... I'm only generalizing, what do you think about this?

My son is 15 and I think he does benefit from being good looking. He's a bit shy and awkward and I have always worried that it would be hard for him to make friends. But since he was little and all the way till now, he always had quite a lot of friends. I know kids don't really judge other kids from their looks, but I think my son's cute face might have made him more likeable and compensate for his shy and awkwardness. I guess that's the reason, I'm not sure. I'm just happy that he always has friends haha 

People crave the attention of good looking people, walking in a hallway or on the street people will literally grab you by the arm and pull you towards them demanding the attention. If your shy its worst because they see they can dominate you, they sense it. Everyone wants to be your friend if your shy and good looking, in highschool even the bullies and teachers where my friend, everyone overal men or women are highly attracted to you and want your attention. They see you as a more "valuable" friend, more interesting, even if your not. 

 

[Julian gabriel]

Socializing overall is way easier when physically attractive, there have been a number of studies conducted on this showing that people assume better looking people to be of higher status and to be smarter. 

[Kay100]

16 hours ago, Julian gabriel said:

Socializing overall is way easier when physically attractive, there have been a number of studies conducted on this showing that people assume better looking people to be of higher status and to be smarter. 

That’s very interesting to know.

[Striving for more]

On 05/05/2021 at 0:48 AM, integral said:

@Kay100

- Some times women would tell me how amazing there boy friend was (extensively), then they try to sleep with me (with out me hitting on them). I had to remind them they where hurting people with these actions.

1 of many Reason to avoid monogamous relationships as guy. You can't get cheated if there's no commitment.  Well that's just my take.

I wonder were their boyfriends not highly charismatic? If they were more charismatic / confident ect.. do you think these girls would've been willing to cheat still? Like maybe they said their bf's were great but they didn't mean it?  or is the cold truth that women will sleep with a guy of your looks even if they truly love their boyfriends?

@integral

Edited May 7, 2021 by Striving for more

[integral]

@Striving for more Its all early years relationship stuff and orange. If the partner has a good connection and intimacy in a relationship all the needs are met and there is no cheating to worry about. Not sure the perspective of why someone would talk about there bf whit a guy then cheat on them with the same guy, its like they want you to convince them that they would be better off with you. There relationships had issues that's the only way this would happen. Its always obvious if a partner is going to cheat, the signs can be seen way before it happens. Good relationships your both friends and enjoy spending quality time with each other, so they would never cheat on you and why would a partner want to hurt someone they love? It depends on the stage in life they are in, later in life. Early years monogamy might make little sense for some, it depends. Like dating an charismatic naturally flirty ESFP 18 year old hot blond with blue eyes, good luck with that roller-coaster haha, she was not built for monogamy, they are built to love multiple people at the same time. If you want loyalty date a ISFJ or INFP. INFP breaking their core values by cheating, never going to happen. 

 

Edited May 7, 2021 by integral

[Princess Arabia]

Life doesn't necessarily gets easier if you're good looking because "gets easier" depends on the subject; but people sure do respond differently to you in a more positive way, (just based on looks), the more good looking you are, especially for women. 

[Kay100]

@integral

It's interesting to know that in high school everyone like to be your friend because you are shy and good looking. What about the outgoing and good looking ones? Are they not more popular?

My son is not exremely popular in high school, but he does have lots of friends. He's in an all boys high school. I'm not sure if the teachers would expecially like the shy and good looking students. But my son's math teacher liked my son a lot because he's always the top in his math class. So seem like nothing to do with how he looks I guess heh...

You are right like it's easier to get a positive response when you want to date someone. As long as you are smart about which ones genuinly likes you and not just for your looks. So your shyness wasn't a barrier for you to express yourself? My son said he's never felt any difficulty making friends, but he did felt shy and nervous in front of a girl he liked. He had talked to me about he felt confused that this girl just start ignoring him and he didn't know why. I told him not mind too much about how other people respond to you. because we are not able to control other people's thoughts and behaviors. So just focus on be a nice person yourself. I think maybe it helped, because he never came and talk to me about problem like that again.

How old do you think you were when you start to realize that you are good looking? From my observation, my son still is not aware of how he looks and he doesn't really care about outlook either. 

Do you feel confident about yourself? Do you feel good about yourself mainly because you are good looking or have other reasons too? Does your shyness ever affect your confidence? My son seems to feel intimidated in front of like the type "A" personalities. He's not confident as he can be.

 

[integral]

52 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

What about the outgoing and good looking ones? Are they not more popular?

It depends if they are considerate of others or not, most people dont like jocks, everyone likes someone they feel welcome with. 

52 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

How old do you think you were when you start to realize that you are good looking? From my observation, my son still is not aware of how he looks and he doesn't really care about outlook either. 

When i got my first girl friend at 21 i realized people are actually attracted to me. Its hard to understand from a males perspective what makes men attractive, we dont see it, but we know what makes women attractive, we see it. So some men can be completely clueless about how attractive they are even when they are told constantly by their mothers  

52 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

Do you feel confident about yourself? Do you feel good about yourself mainly because you are good looking or have other reasons too? Does your shyness ever affect your confidence? My son seems to feel intimidated in front of like the type "A" personalities. He's not confident as he can be.

When you dont care about looks and people constantly talk about how you look it can be frustrating. He rater focus on something interesting.

Everyone can be intimidated by people and nervous around women they like, it goes deeper then looks.

He doesnt know how hes making women feel. All hes experiencing is that they tense up and dont talk to him, he doest know its because hes good looking and hes putting pressure on them. He needs to learn to identify it and help make the person feel comfortable. It will require opening up more. Also shyness is working against him in this situation, the women are experiencing him as serious, unapproachable and hard to talk to, not shy. People just have no idea whats going on from other peoples perspective during an interaction, especially at age 15. All they see is there own point of view. 

She likely stopped talking to him because she thinks hes unfriendly. I was told my first impressions people have of me is that im an asshole (when young). They would tell me after they got to know me and realized it was shyness. 

Edited May 8, 2021 by integral

[Eternal Unity]

Kay, from personal experience, I answer yes. It IS tough to be a good looking man.

[Jake Johnson]

Life pretty much sucks no matter who you are.

[integral]

2 hours ago, Eternal Unity said:

Kay, from personal experience, I answer yes. It IS tough to be a good looking man.

Read this comment 3 times and laughed each time. Simple but effective  

[Striving for more]

21 hours ago, integral said:

@Striving for more It depends. Like dating an charismatic naturally flirty ESFP 18 year old hot blond with blue eyes, good luck with that roller-coaster haha, she was not built for monogamy,

Brilliantly put. And tbh even if that ESFP is 40 or 50 years old, she's still not really built for monogamy. 

It really is a temperamental thing, I'm defo the same way.

[Kay100]

@integral  I'm interested to know how shyness can be mistaken? Isn't it easy to tell if someone is shy or not? The body movement and posture are quite obviously different between shy and arogant people, and shy people tent to speak in a mild and quite way. Usually it's quite easy to know if someone is shy, you can see they are nervous and even the volume of their voice are lower. How can that be mistaken?

It's true that people might feel more intimidated around good looking people if they don't know them well. Like sometimes in a group situation, people are more nervous when there's a good looking or really smart person in the group. But if that person was easy to get along, and especially if that person start to share his/her volnubility, then other people in the group start to relax a lot. They don't feel like been intimidated anymore. And they feel more easy to open up and even express their shortcomings without the worry of feeling less. It's interesting to see that happen.

Speaking of feeling been intimidated, I notice that my son is the one who feel like been intimidated a lot. He has no idea about if he's good looking or not, but he does notice his own shyness. There are other reasons for him not feeling confident about himself as well. Like he has always had difficulty in motor skills. So he always found PE classes difficult. Lots of simple things that everyone can do in PE, he can't do. So he's feeling like there's something wrong with him, everyone is doing well but things are hard for him. He feels envy towards type A people and also feel being intimidated by them. Like once we had the tv on when having dinner and it was showing the reality show "Apprentice" and there are all these ambicious people in the show, and he would just keep his head down and eat and wouldn't look at the tv at all. I'm guessing looking at those people, he would feel envy, and he would also feel being intimidated.

So good looking can't really help him in this case. 

So if a good looking and outgoing male likes to show off a lot, I imagin most people wouldn't like him very much. Would that type of person be very unpopular then?

I can understand for a shy person to not want to be the center of the attention because of being good looking. You said you tried to grow hair long to kind of hide yourself? But you still inevitablly get too much attention is that right? What was your way of dealing with all these unwanted attention?

I imagin it would be harder for good looking female. Because their good looks might attract lots of unwanted sexual attention, and that might make them feel unsafe. For a male there are less concern about safty, but it's a different story for females. And lack of safty is the main reason for all types of anxiety right? But I guess most of the times there's no need to exagerate cause most sexual attention wouldn't lead to attacks, so I guess there's no reason to be overly concerned about that right?

Edited May 12, 2021 by Kay100

[Flowerfaeiry]

I've used my looks (I'm tall and have a sort of "model" look) to get by in life. And in that sense I've made my life harder for myself because instead of building a good character, I've just relied on what I look like for people to be attracted to me. All unconscious. 

[Kay100]

14 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

I've used my looks (I'm tall and have a sort of "model" look) to get by in life. And in that sense I've made my life harder for myself because instead of building a good character, I've just relied on what I look like for people to be attracted to me. All unconscious. 

@Flowerfaeiry How is that working for you? Do you also need to make yourself more interesting as well? Like if people find conversations with you are not so interesting then maybe they would be unlikely to be around you a lot?

[Flowerfaeiry]

1 hour ago, Kay100 said:

@Flowerfaeiry How is that working for you? Do you also need to make yourself more interesting as well? Like if people find conversations with you are not so interesting then maybe they would be unlikely to be around you a lot?

I'm interesting too. Have had a lot of diverse life experiences.  But when I dive deeper into myself there's a large part of me that has known I can rely on my looks if all else fails. 

Edited May 12, 2021 by Flowerfaeiry

[integral]

33 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

@integral  I'm interested to know how shyness can be mistaken? Isn't it easy to tell if someone is shy or not? The body movement and posture are quite obviously different between shy and arogant people, and shy people tent to speak in a mild and quite way. Usually it's quite easy to know if someone is shy, you can see they are nervous and even the volume of their voice are lower. How can that be mistaken?

Not if their Athletic. They will have high body, vocal tonality and atmospheric awareness, In this case the shy person is bottling away social anxiety (high stress state) and being very carful not to show it. Making them come off as stiff or unapproachable. Shyness like this, people can hold a stern emotionless face while looking at you, this is where the unfriendliness first impression comes from. 

42 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

It's true that people might feel more intimidated around good looking people if they don't know them well. Like sometimes in a group situation, people are more nervous when there's a good looking or really smart person in the group. But if that person was easy to get along, and especially if that person start to share his/her volnubility, then other people in the group start to relax a lot. They don't feel like been intimidated anymore. And they feel more easy to open up and even express their shortcomings without the worry of feeling less. It's interesting to see that happen.

Yes we are conflating elements of good looking with having a good social personality. It still depends, in a comfortable situation if a male athlete takes off his shirt and stand very close to you... the pressure is back on. lol

50 minutes ago, Kay100 said:

What was your way of dealing with all these unwanted attention?

wouldn't lead to attacks, so I guess there's no reason to be overly concerned about that right?

Their is no solution but to accept it. For women it might help not to wear yoga pants. lol. hmmm there was a situation where a group of women i never met pulled me aside and told me to strip for them. If men did this to a woman it would be outrages. For wtv reason its acceptable in our culture for women to do this to men.  

1 hour ago, Kay100 said:

Speaking of feeling been intimidated, I notice that my son is the one who feel like been intimidated a lot. He has no idea about if he's good looking or not, but he does notice his own shyness. There are other reasons for him not feeling confident about himself as well. Like he has always had difficulty in motor skills. So he always found PE classes difficult. Lots of simple things that everyone can do in PE, he can't do. So he's feeling like there's something wrong with him, everyone is doing well but things are hard for him. He feels envy towards type A people and also feel being intimidated by them. Like once we had the tv on when having dinner and it was showing the reality show "Apprentice" and there are all these ambicious people in the show, and he would just keep his head down and eat and wouldn't look at the tv at all. I'm guessing looking at those people, he would feel envy, and he would also feel being intimidated.

Leo just posted this on his blog

Maybe watch it with him, it might exactly apply.