Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

The sword of the truth is but one archetype that can come forth from channeling, there are many other archetypes that can come forth as a result of channeling.  Channeling is multidimensional and complex.  I've been focusing too much on one archetype and not on channeling itself, which is a mistake I think.  I want to use the sword of truth only if wild horses couldn't stop me and I'm receiving psychic green lights.  Otherwise, it's just all distraction.  

[Proserpina]

Focus

• Background triggers
• Regular meditations
• No Archetype idolization

Note to self:  Intuition told me 10 minutes every 4 hours of intense meditation is the magic ticket.  More frequently if I can. 

[thisintegrated]

15 hours ago, Proserpina said:

I've experienced this compatibility during mystical experiences and you both aren't 'human' anymore.

Astral sex??

[Proserpina]

8 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

Astral sex??

I have no idea what you mean by this.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not interested in finding out more either.  Please keep comments like this out of my journal.  It's disruptive.  If you ever get a job I wouldn't be surprised if you get busted for sexual harassment. 

[thisintegrated]

20 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I have no idea what you mean by this.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not interested in finding out more either.  Please keep comments like this out of my journal.  It's disruptive.  If you ever get a job I wouldn't be surprised if you get busted for sexual harassment. 

What?  Well that's what people normally mean by such mystical experiences..  A merging of souls in realms beyond the physical.  Has nothing to do with sex, that's just what it's called??  That's the official name given to what you describe.  I assumed you're familiar with these things, but I guess not.  You speak of psychic abilities and knowledge of the non-physical, yet have never heard the term astral????

You kinda give mixed signals as to how much you know about the topics you talk about.

 

And I'm self-employed btw

Edited November 30, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Proserpina]

1 minute ago, thisintegrated said:

What?  Well that's what people normally mean by such mystical experiences..  A merging of souls in realms beyond the physical.  That's the official name given to what you describe.  I assumed you're familiar with these things, but I guess not.

You have to become aware of how you make people feel. Sometimes it's not good.  

[thisintegrated]

17 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

You have to become aware of how you make people feel. Sometimes it's not good.  

I don't even talk about meditation/consciousness to most people.  I'm selective about who I talk about these things with.

If I trust someone a lot I may talk a bit about solipsistic ideas.

If I really trust them I may talk about remote viewing.

Beyond that I may talk about psychic ability.

And if I fully trust someone, I may talk about the astral.  And if I suspect they may be more than a layman, I might use less well-known terms to gauge how deep I can go with them.

Edited November 30, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Proserpina]

@thisintegrated Astral sex makes sense.  I remember sitting down in my garden feeling um...penetrated.  On another level.  By a woman.  It transcended gender and gender roles.  But it was holy and sacred, I was a wife and mother.  And she was a divine masculine.  I remember being on my knees at her radiance.  Such was her authority. 

Edited November 30, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Deconstruction work means to deconstruct the dream to where you realize reality to be a dream using either the feminine or masculine, intuition or intellect, respectively.  Deconstruction happens automatically as a result of spirit.  You don't have to try just means intuition is a fruit of the spirit in the sense that it results from communion with God and that intuition, the feminine, can be used for deconstruction work in conjunction with intellect, the masculine.  You can use contemplation work for deconstruction.  That would be using the intellect, the masculine.  Or you can rely on your intuition.  Ideally, you would be using both.  The masculine and the feminine as they work with each other, not over and against each other.  

Surrender

I have one 'downside' (it has pros and cons) trait which I picked up from my mystical experiences which is suggestibility.  It's difficult to describe, but I am easily 'hypnotized', I bend easily, and I melt easily.  I am sweet and open and melting in the palm of your hand.  I was taught to SURRENDER.  Completely and utterly.

Distractions

Unless wild horses couldn't stop me and I'm having psychic green lights I won't be using my 'sword of truth' in the future.  It's the ultimate and last distraction by the ego as far as I'm concerned.  Beginner's path stuff.  It's a distraction.  I know it in my heart. I'm not going there anymore.  I don't feel good.  This is not the kind of person I want to be.  Anything that you have to clear as a 'barrier' to the spiritual path then is NOT a distraction.  The monk lighting himself on fire. Its all a distraction from my spiritual path.  I have to be single-minded. 

Spiritual Compatibility

Spiritual compatibility, even in friendship, will turn that relationship otherworldly.  I've experienced this compatibility during mystical experiences and you both aren't 'human' anymore. You both become many different kinds of archetypes (the feminine taps into the mother, the wife, and the maiden). It taps you into what I call the well-being of the collective and you both glow with radiance like no other, especially the masculine, a radiance like a lion's mane. 

.

In my experience, there was only one major instance when I had to pick up my sword directly when wild horses couldn't stop me.  There have minor instances but no major instances like that. The collective will notify you basically through premonitions and sharp energies that something isn't right and needs to be balanced by the 'Word'.  The aftermath wasn't pretty.  Definitely, it won't look like you are in alignment on the outside in the aftermath.  During it, you will feel in alignment.  You'll be stripped of your power.  Using the 'Masculine' or the sword is brutal.  Always make sure you are doing it inspired by spirit because the aftermath isn't worth it otherwise.  Otherwise, you can shift the collective in the background through concealed energy work.  A more feminine approach with the 'Word'.  Depending on what spirit is inspiring you to do. 

Witness

The feminine is surrendering, she gives herself up.  She is melting in the palm of your hand.  When all is said and done. Masculine can take advantage of that fact.  He will shut down displays of vulnerability and transparency, or ignore it entirely and plaster his preaching, bulldozing her into oblivion. 

[Proserpina]

ExTx types

I have been taken advantage of and bullied by many ExTx types in the past.  They have a way of pushing you into a corner and then kinda 'making' you surrender to them.  You will try to appease them, because you are vulnerable and they are strong, usually.  You feel unsafe and vulnerable.  And when sometimes the ExTx types (in the past they have) take advantage of that position I'm in I feel especially unsafe and uncomfortable.  I mean a part of me is programmed to like it.  A part of survival.  Stockholm syndrome or something.  To like your captor. disclaimer: not talking about Joseph. 

The Alpha

My entire life my best friend has been the alpha (pure yang). I had the realization that I was an alpha as well, the feminine or yin equivalent, in one of my mystical experiences.  Which just means I'm over 80% yin, despite my emotional regulation.  The alpha (pure yang) and I (pure yin) share a soul bond, in combination with a spiritual connection and it is fire. 

Underappreciated

The above post may seem simplistic but actually, it goes deep.  The feminine is essentially underappreciated by this so-called alpha (should be called a beta, no offense betas).  They are old, ancient friends, these archetypes.  She is his heart and soul and home.  She is a 'king who forgot her crown'  and in his acknowledging presence, she remembers, it cascades into all her interactions.  He is her missing key.  If he would only recognize her, which he rarely does.

ISFP vs INFP

I could be a limited INFP or an ISFP.  It could be either interpretation.  It's honestly very difficult to tell.  I relate to the intuitive nature of the INFP.  I kind of make things up on the spot and brainstorm in a similar fashion as an INFP but my cognition is not up to scratch, physically.  I have an illness.  I come from certain genetic material.  Whereas I do also relate to ISFP as well.  I don't chase down and absorb naturally theory in a similar fashion as other intuitives.  Perhaps my nature is more indicative of a sensorish tendency, I like to live in the moment.  I like to be spontaneous.  That is a hallmark of my personality.  

Breaking of the illusion

I remember the illusion would break during my mystical experiences every single time I would be one on one with an individual or close in that kind of nature (small group setting).  The spell would break and 'we' would come to our senses, whether subconsciously or consciously (on my end).  Perhaps their radiance wouldn't wholely cease but mine certainly would and I would return to the human realm, return back to 'rags' from riches. 

Gift

Being a pretty dumb person on the path who knows almost no theory, I was gifted with the spirituality that I have from birth.  But I have to 'exercise' it (synchronicity) with meditation.  The presence of God will leave unless you care for it.  It goes to the background.  Sometimes I think God chooses the dumb and lacking to teach the strong and intelligent humility.  "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty".

Voices

I'm not sure how to write this. My intuition picks up on the Oneness behind all forms and forms a translation of that behind each form, what I call 'voices'. Voices are a translation of Oneness.  I am translating it with intuition.  It is the closest representation, approximation, and formation of Oneness.  

[Proserpina]

The Difference

I think the higher you go in development the more you get comfortable with delving into the unknown and making mistakes along the way.  Those lower down on the spiral are less comfortable with the unknown.  They need everything figured out.   Those higher up in development kinda stumble around in the dark grasping their light of Truth, making a way in the darkness.  Whereas those lower in development hold onto their maps mistaking them for a light source as the darkness closes in around them. 

Changing stories

I have this issue where I rapidly change stories for explanations from psychosis to energetic readings to 'aftermaths'.  They all ring true at the time. One of the core themes of my writings is healing from trauma and I'll take any contemplation or crutch along the way to get there.  I want to use this healing space to express my emotions fully, to be authentic, to be transparent, to scream, to cry, and to do anything that is required of me to heal.  

Dark Vision

I had a dark vision that I was all alone in the dark (yet again) except for my spirituality. I had been abandoned. My only refuge was Spirit.  Hell surrounded me on all sides.  It told me that unless I moved in the direction of Spirit now, this would be my fate.  I would be forced to face Spirit one day. 

Stolen Away

The vision was mostly a hellscape with spirit and oneness at the center to steal me away in the night, like a Greek God of sorts.  The underworld would symbolize this hellscape that God (the Gods, Hades) would steal me into so as to finally face my final resurrection from my darkness, arising to the light as I swear my allegiance to God and Hades.  'Six months' of each year I am stolen away to re-remember. 

Edited December 6, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Quote

A small light repels a great darkness. - Eternal Unity 

I've been properly meditating for quick 1 minute snatches of time.  It's easier for me to concentrate that way if I know it is only for a short amount of time each time.  Besides 'a small light repels a great darkness'; one minute of proper meditation can repel or cause the cessation of a huge amount of ignorance and immaturity whether in myself or in others. I want to stabilize into higher spiral dynamic stages than I am already at.  But mostly I've found I've been maturing in my attitude toward meditation.  I don't do it to get somewhere as much anymore but rather I do it for the sake of it.  A value for Truth. 

[Proserpina]

ISFP

I think I'm going to have to agree with this typing overall.  Joseph and I ran through the descriptions of INFP and ISFP and we both agreed that ISFP fit me best.  I noted in our discussions with him that he often describes that I am just 'Being' in my feminine, while he is talking.  That I am resting, 'Being'.  Sounds like Se to me.  I am being in the moment, while he is analyzing and theorizing.  I often feel kind of out of my element with intuitives, although I have a twin flame kind of friendship with them.  We are on a different wavelength.  I am in the moment, while they are in the mind.  It can be a very fruitful relationship though, we balance each other out. 

Edited December 10, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

On 8/12/2022 at 0:17 AM, Proserpina said:

My favourite fictional ISFP: 

The Beast from the Beauty and the Beast

Legolas:

Jon snow: 

Eowyn

Eleven 

Cirilla

 

On 8/12/2022 at 0:57 AM, Proserpina said:

ISFPs are connected with nature and animals.  Often nymphs and wood elves.  

I imagine ISFPs to be the embodiment of contentment and indulgence. Nymphs lazing contentedly. 

At their best they are warrior-like, practical and have high integrity. 

 

[Proserpina]

Intuition or vision told me to do 1-5 seconds of proper meditation every 1 minute for 1-2 hours every day because I have terminal ADD. 

• feels natural.  Doesn't feel strained
• no pressure, 0 resistance
• blowing open ability
• maximum capacity
• enjoyment trumping everything else
• can reach deeper levels of consciousness with ease
• inspired to go deeper once you start

Edited December 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

ISFP

I think I'm going to have to agree with this typing overall.  Joseph and I ran through the descriptions of INFP and ISFP and we both agreed that ISFP fit me best.  I noted in our discussions with him that he often describes that I am just 'Being' in my feminine, while he is talking.  That I am resting, 'Being'.  Sounds like Se to me.  I am being in the moment, while he is analyzing and theorizing.  I often feel kind of out of my element with intuitives, although I have a twin flame kind of friendship with them.  We are on a different wavelength.  I am in the moment, while they are in the mind.  It can be a very fruitful relationship though, we balance each other out. 

What does beautiful sex look like?

I've seen sex videos that were actually surprisingly impressive.  There was one in which the woman had a particularly womanly and motherly aura about her.  The man had an aura of authority and detachment that I found attractive.  The woman would pull the man into her, cradling him in her arms as she made soft encouraging sounds.  He would detach his energy from her, hesitating and she would curl into him, softly encouraging him to reengage, which he would, with all of his strength and love.  They would repeat this, over and over again and I found it mesmerizing. 

Social Settings

I'm learning through trial and error what kind of social settings work for me and what kind of social settings do not work in my favour.  I find this 'social setting' in my journal with minimal contact but in which I can fully express myself without social pressure but leave an imprint of sorts within a meaningful social sphere with some feedback is an ideal social setting.  Faster-paced social settings can leave a sour taste in my mouth. I'm fundamentally a loner who just wants to focus on her own path.  

Flashbacks

I've been having flashbacks to my teenage years recently.  A time in which I was socially rejected and seen as less than worthy.  'Desperate, weak-minded', those words echo in my mind.  God. I would rather feel anything but this way.  But then I ask myself, where does my sense of self-worth and sense of grounding these days lie?  I think it lies in keystone habits, in right action, and in my spirituality.  Writing and art.  Anything which helps me to ground and feel steadiness and lean back my energy.  I tend to lean forward in my energy in social settings.  Writing and art naturally lean my energy back.  So does right action in general. 

.

"The feminine is about dancing all around the place however she wants. The Masculine is about watching this dance and protecting her."

"This is true...but sometimes they switch places. The Masculine can be dancing around the place trying to build and erect things, and the Feminine watches this dance and protects him."

.

As I age, my cognitive issues are becoming more numerous and my stage in density more obvious. I want to know how I can be of service as a result of that as I age. Lower density is feminine according to some systems of thought. Stronger systems are masculine, weaker systems are feminine.  Weaker systems inspire compassion and unconditional love.  They are teachers of unconditional love and compassion according to many spiritual teachers on this planet.  They raise the collective consciousness of the planet by their mere presence through the conviction of others' consciences. They inspire others to protect and serve. Especially if the individual in question with limitations has gone out of their way to evolving to the best of their capacity.  Weaker systems such as children and animals and lower density beings on this planet are the vibrations holders on this planet.  They keep the peace.  According to Abraham Hicks animals and lower-density beings are naturally connected to God compared to Adult/neurotypical individuals.
 

The Gentleman

The 'alpha male' in my personal experience (from mystical experiences) is a gentleman of the highest order, and yet with ferocious enthusiasm and activity.  He is light as a feather, humorous, almost floating on air.  He dashes here and there but his attention is startlingly focused and present.  He will never humiliate the feminine in broad daylight, nor ignore her beautiful dance.  He is protective and bestows upon her a ray of love to fill her center with self-love so that she may speak and act from a place of strength and honor.  He is a gift from the heavens to strengthen her at her weakest.  A pillar of calm and balance and peace, he listens to the feminine's concerns and weakest points with utmost non-attachment, withdrawing when it is appropriate.  His love and sexuality are strong and poetic; he will come on heavy and fast with a very poetic and creative style of entry. 

.

"Isn’t permanently rewiring you brain to be fully present a bigger goal than short glimpses?"

"It's not a matter of duration. You are focused on the wrong factor. The most relevant factor is Consciousness. How conscious are you?

It is of little consolation to be mildly conscious permanently.

Ideally you would be highly conscious permanently, but that's a tall order to fill. You gotta start somewhere. So at least start with being highly conscious for 5 minutes so you even know what is possible.

What you ultimately want is the consciousness of God. So just pursue that and see how far you get. Meditation will still be necessary." - Leo Gura

Flower

I was thinking and I realized whatever capacity I am set at, it is beautiful.  I am like a flower.  I may be limited but I am beautiful. I am blossoming and evolving and flowing with reality at my level of capacity.  I feel content with where I am currently at.  I make peace with my cognitive issues and choose evolution. 

The Flower's Beauty

The flower's beauty is composed of no ego (lower density strength) and choosing growth and evolution where choice is available despite illness and challenges (my cognitive issues).  Standing in both those qualities and knowledge of these qualities resolutely despite my challenges and despite potential bullying (because of said challenges) further solidifies these qualities.  I have past experience of standing resolutely in the knowledge of these qualities in the presence of bullying and was able to transform a negative situation into something else. 

First Voice

'Visions' is a far safer description I find than anything else (like self-referencing. It's just a vision).  I'm having visions.  Visions of what is to come; precognition.  Visions of what others may possibly feel and think.  It's a bit like a tarot reading on the go.  It stems from the first 'voice' or angel (all beings or lifeforms).  All beings or lifeforms are this first voice and all speak from this first voice that is a representation of Oneness.   All are divine if you look closely.  The representation or first voice and Oneness meld together, they are not so separate, they have a likeness, so it may be difficult to tell them apart.  It becomes more obvious once the first voice SPEAKS and the voice evolves into more than just a first voice. 

Edited December 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Belle from the movie "Ryuu to Sobakasu no Hime" is an INFP 9w1 sp/so.  Very close to my own type.  IxFP 9w1 so/sp? I absolutely adore her character!

""U" is a popular social media platform where people can create a virtual persona and start a new life. Among its five billion users, one newcomer is quickly gaining attention: Belle, a beautiful singer whose alluring melodies slowly capture the hearts of the masses. But in this space where everyone hides behind an avatar, curiosity arises over who the mysterious girl truly is.

Suzu Naito—a shy girl from the countryside—can no longer sing following past trauma, all her efforts resulting in breakdowns and illness. However, when Suzu joins U, she is once again able to project her voice. Under the alias "Belle," her vocals soon go viral, receiving both love and hatred. Meanwhile, rumors spread of a chaotic beast within U, known only as "The Dragon." After a chance meeting during her concert, Belle finds he is not as evil as the stories suggest. Now, both online and in the real world, Suzu has to face the struggles of identity, fame, and opening one's heart."

Edited December 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

INFP

I paid $50 for the official MBTI test on MBTIonline.  Joseph took the test for me since I can't self-type.  I got INFP.  I'm on the border between S and N and, T and F.  My I and P is strong (very likely). 

[Proserpina]

On 8/15/2022 at 8:25 PM, Proserpina said:

Favourite (fairy tale ) INFPs: 

Beauty

Persephone

Frodo

Goldberry 

Arwen 

Sleeping beauty

 

 

On 8/15/2022 at 8:49 PM, Proserpina said:

INFPs are more otherworldly than ISFP.  They are more like witches trained in the art of druidry and herbalism.  Hypnotic, strangely beautiful.  

They also have an aura of contentedness and indulgence as all IxxP types do.  Less grounded and sensual, more airy and ethereal.

The INFP witch

 

 

[Proserpina]

INFP 9w1 energy:  

Radagast:

 

 

Edited December 18, 2022 by Proserpina