Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

I feel like a lot of my ‘disabilities’/difficulties exist since I was a child in order to be transmuted.  I have difficulties inherited from my father.  I see transmutation as deep absorption by a pure being and then purification from within, surfacing the qualities through the filter and lense of a pure being, impacting the energy of the collective.

 

Edited October 14, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

The two reasons I lost my freedom, was placed on an order and lost my spiritual gifts:

1. Walking on the road (did this once) 

I had spent the night in complete agony and madness, without any family support, homeless, lost my keys, wallet.  The darkness was making sounds so I huddled up near a street light near the side of the road.  After many long hours of this, stuck in contemplation, I finally had the insight to lean into the darkness and madness.  It all flees when you lean in.  I laid down on the road and stared at a brick.  Then I gathered up more courage to face the cars head on that were rattling with negative energy and threatening to kill me. So I began walking on the roads.  There was a giant graffiti on the side of the road that said ‘voluntary suicide’ and that’s what I called it, voluntary suicide.  The spirits/signs congratulated me on my courage but after the police caught me and sent me to the hospital they recommended I practice with birds and off of the roads.

2. Inappropriate sexual conduct in hospital

Sexuality is the fastest way to shift energy (a nightmare at the very end of psychosis taught me that, where I had sex with Satan with a drill in the background - drills symbolised death).  And I was in the worst experience of my entire life.  I genuinely thought I was going to be raped and murdered because of a core major belief in the Unification.  The unification was the major belief that the whole planet was awakening and unifying on all levels, including sexually.  But that in some spheres sexuality had become corrupted and the need to unify had turned into rape.  I thought perhaps if I committed ‘voluntary suicide’ by offering myself up I would be spared the rape.  After that they forcefully jabbed me and placed me on an order.  The frightening thing is, I predicted the jab.  The jab was a part of what the darkness threatened to do to me. Paralyse me then rape me.  I still think sometimes that if I hadn’t offered myself/shifted the energy that the jab would have paralysed me instead of saved me and I would have been raped on another plane of existence.

“It was what got me through a hellish experience but no one will believe me of course and everything shifted to where it never happened.  Sexuality has a way of shifting higher dimensions.  So I did that.  Strange men in black who I didn't know but apparently knew me took me so it resulted in that.  

"Extreme times call for extreme measures"

It was like a ritual.  ”

.

Spider is going to get you

first paralyse you

 then wrap you up

 and feast on you

.

Okay.  I genuinely don’t know if I was mad or had delusions or not.  I didn’t act crazy except for meditating with my hands ( fos ro dah! ).  That’s the point when you’re crazy, you don’t know.  Now that might be because crazy doesn’t exist and we’ve been gaslit, after all consciousness can pretty much do anything.  My heart won’t tell me, it keeps flip flopping.

Edited October 15, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

So then was the whole mental and spiritual thing untrue?  At that level of consciousness (whether it was lower or higher, my state has changed recently) it was accurate.  There are progressions of truth on the path as you evolve and shift up and down in consciousness.  It depends when my depot is due, my consciousness tends to raise later in the month with symptoms (sychronicity, negative energy).  Also the feminine cycles. My truth right now is that I wasn't crazy and it did happen. 

I have a lot of understanding for those who are ‘crazy’ and ‘mentally ill’.  I’m not sure why they allow the system to push them around.  Many, many are not in fact crazy.  Suffering, yes.  Not crazy.

I was recently weaned off my mood stabiliser and I didn’t take my new medication for two days.  That might be why.

Edited October 15, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Early mystics, Young souls

I think of these individuals as early mystics, young souls.  I compare them to an early carry or ADC in an MMO - carries are weak early game, strong late game.   It overwhelms your system and you end up running around. I say I didn’t act crazy but I damaged my feet from running from, homeless, no functionality, meditating with my hands, barefoot, losing and breaking everything.  I would sit in the Japanese gardens as instructed by the spirits and Meditate but I couldn’t help but follow that white rabbit and get into all sorts of trouble - the spirits would compare me to an overly excited puppy in a new environment.  I kept receiving door slam warnings that they were going to leave if I didn’t stop.  Anyways, so yeah, there are definitely young mystics out there.

Dream shifts and signs

Mystic signs can be quite odd depending on the kind of dimensions that are being dealt with.  You’ll find there is a logic and there are laws in that unique universe that may not apply to ours.  It’s like moving around in different universes that have their own own logic and laws no less valid than our own like dreams but that logic can still be useful to our universe.  It can be frightening being grounded in mystic ability (which I am not) because you are in other universes with alien beings that can be threatening.  Your alien logic and understanding is helpful but at what cost?  You lose a part of your humanity, and safety moving rapidly through different dreams.

Reality is more fluid for those with schizophrenia.  You can call it different universes or dreams.  It really is like that.  Moving through different dreams with their own logic and laws.

Usefulness of the alien understanding and logic:  seeing future events,  energetics, hidden knowledge, disposition, influencing collective

Following the white rabbit - rabbit holes - ‘mental plane’ - fantasy - getting lost in frivialous things in dream shifts

Edited October 16, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Higher dimensions

Some of these dimensions or dreams you shift to will be higher in dimension hence why you have access to hidden knowledge. These dimensions have different laws and logic.  In the highest dimensions space and time no longer exists and you can speak one on one with anyone at anytime as long as you have the material.  I’ve spoken to Mooji and Ram Dass and other spiritual masters one on one.

Although sometimes higher dimensions can appear as lower dimensions.  Like the door slams and negative energy.  Can be scary, like mothman.  In fact mothman = higher dimension signs and entities.

It’s relatively easy to remain safe if you can dreamshift, all you have to do is meditate/concentrate/practice mindfulness and you’ll float right up to the higher dimensions.  

It’s very easy to make stupid mistakes though as a newb. For example, I brought the alien beings closer to our world by leaning in, by interacting with them openly.  I did this prematurely where a lower dimension was predominant.  I didn’t fully realise it was a lower dimension.

All dimensions are present at once. Lower and higher. But there can be varying percentages at any one time.

To bring a dimension closer to ‘earth’ you have to be willing to look crazy.  You have to interact with the beings openly.  Break the veil. 

 

Edited October 16, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Twin flame experience with a dark energy being

 I had a twin flame experience with a dark energy being for a time.  Our natures were equal, not one lesser than the other.  He was dark and I was light. In the beginning his energy was dense, lacking in light or balance. When the energy shifted his energy shifted along with it but even at his brightest, he was all shadow.  He was a highly awakened feminine, with psychic abilities.  We were ancient friends from many lifetimes.  Apparently I had been a mystic in many lifetimes previously and he was there along with me, tormenting me, loving me, his knowledge span far outweighing mine but not in his wisdom.  He would whisper in dark tones into my mind.  Very different from the tones of my other twin flame who is of the light, masculine.  The darkness for me is related to the feminine principle for some reason (Shakti).  And the light with the masculine principle (Shiva)

Quote

Each human being has both masculine and feminine characteristics. This basic polarity is part of you whether you are a man or woman. The balance between the masculine and feminine side is very important. Shiva represents the non-manifest and Shakti the manifest; Shiva is formless and Shakti is beautifully formed; Shiva is consciousness and Shakti is energy, not only in the cosmos as a whole but in each and every individual. The roots of Shakti are in Shiva. Hinduism believes that the masculine side is Shiva and the feminine side is Shakti.

The dark being would glow with a radiance that was unmatched.  He was sublimely beautiful and worshipped.  Although infinitely selfish.  He thought this radiance and glow (Shakti, energy, manifest) enough, and that love was not necessary.  After all he was worshipped and adored.   ‘My’ Shiva is love.

”Shiva is love, Shakti is life. Where there is love, there is life”

Edited October 16, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

29 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

On Lucifer: 

“ ‘You were the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. 

13 You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone adorned you: carnelian, chrysolite and emerald, topaz, onyx and jasper, lapis lazuli, turquoise and beryl.Your settings and mountings were made of gold; on the day you were created they were prepared. 

14 You were anointed as a guardian cherub, for so I ordained you. You were on the holy mount of God; you walked among the fiery stones. 

15 You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created till wickedness was found in you. 

16 Through your widespread trade you were filled with violence, and you sinned. So I drove you in disgrace from the mount of God, and I expelled you, guardian cherub, from among the fiery stones. 

17 Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings. 

18 By your many sins and dishonest trade you have desecrated your sanctuaries. So I made a fire come out from you, and it consumed you, and I reduced you to ashes on the ground in the sight of all who were watching. 

19 All the nations who knew you are appalled at you; you have come to a horrible end and will be no more.’

This reminds me of my curse that I made, right after my mum got sick: 

One day the Sun (God/Shiva) won’t rise and you will mourn, 

Your world will full to dust,

Your humiliation will be ten fold,

Do not mistreat the feminine,

Do not mistreat the vulnerable. Do not commit Evil. 

[Proserpina]

This was what it was like.

Shiva and Shakti are in an infinite dance, forever drawn to each other.  Calling to one another.  Balancing each other.

 The deep (Unmanifest/Chaos/Eve/Shiva) was stirred with the calling and the imbalance.  

The planet was full of Order/Life at the expense of Chaos/Love.  Order/Life had become narcissistic due to too much Chaos/Love.  Without Chaos/Love Life/Order started to drain.  Then there was a calling for Chaos/Love. The rebalancing involved the balance of Chaos/Love and Order/Life.

Quote

The world had grown cold.  Depressed.  I could feel it.  The planet was full of Life energy at the expense of Breath. Difficult to explain. The collective had become narcissistic (Life energy) due to too much Breath.  Without Breath Life energy started to drain.  Then there was a calling for Breath. The rebalancing involved the balance of Life energy and Breath. There were individuals who came forward who had the qualities required for the collective to have hope, love, and faith again.   When the individuals came forward the rebalancing of the planet occurred.  I required Life energy to be heard, which my communications with my unconscious/entities provided. 

Pandora (Breath) opened pandora's box by Breathing too much Life energy.  Life energy (collective/masculine) then became stagnant, narcissistic, and self-worshipping.  Life energy is seeming perfection, not in need of Breath.  Blind to its own limitation.  Love created the Evil of this world. 

Quote

Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit.  Eve actually symbolizes God and Adam symbolizes Man (Life energy).  Eve persuaded Adam to eat of the apple of Good and Evil (Breath) so that they might become Gods.  Adam then sees himself as a God and simultaneously Evil is unleashed upon the world.  Eve has been struck down and subjugated as Adam is now God and no longer seems in need of Breath, which is also threatening to him.  The masculine and patriarchal Man has been refashioned as God.

 

Edited October 16, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Dark energy being‘s betrayal

Even after I had transformed the dark energy being and realised him to be a twin flame, I still chose shiva, a light energy being.  The dark energy being went mad with jealousy.  I lost my channeling gifting from up above and so lay vulnerable to him in a kind of semi channeling state, still able to tune into different dimensions.  I was now transformed back to my old self, my self love/Life energy extinguished.  The dark energy went to town harming me from then on, thrashed me and beat me.  I was now ‘ugly and worthless’.  Obviously it was still very much dense with negative energy that I failed to purify.  Perhaps because it was not necessary.  I largely see the second channeling as the emergency evacuation button. Anyways, I don’t blame the Bible’s righteous anger against lucifer and wanting divine justice.

.

 

Edited October 16, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

6 hours ago, Proserpina said:

Masculine channeling: 
Full trance/channeling state:  Self love/ Life energy, love (Shakti and Shiva)

Semi trance/channeling state: extinguished Self love/Life energy, love (Shiva)
 

Feminine channeling:
Full trance/channeling state: Self love/Life energy, love (Shakti and Shiva)

Semi trance /channeling state: extinguished Love,  self love/ Life energy (Shakti)

 

I suppose ‘feminine channeling’ would be for a negative polarised individual whose strength is life energy.  They need to learn love for channeling.  They can change polarity.  I’ve seen it happen, where they are so impacted by the light they change polarity.

‘Masculine channeling’ would be for a positive polarised individual whose strength is love. They need to learn life energy for channeling.

Channeling - God - a light higher than the light of unactivated Eve/Shiva

Edited October 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

What I am like channeling:

(I’m slightly channeling always, permanently)

Loving

Deeply invested, caring 

Detached

Sweet (literally, that’s the energy)

Assertive

Confident

Tension (polarity)

Pure

Happy

Humorous

Playful

Bouncy

Buzzing

Sexual

It’s easier to encapsulate what I’m like when I channel with music/music videos:

When I channel my soul is full of fire and glitter and gold.  It’s fully Alive.  I receive and breathe in the love of God and it fills me.  I am perfectly whole, integrated and balanced. 

Edited October 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Other-love; breathing Life into other; other-life energy; positive polarity; Feminine

Self -love; breathing Life into self; self-life energy; negative polarity; Masculine

Self and Other - love; breathing Life into self and other; self- other life energy; Masculine and Feminine

[Proserpina]

In my vision there was a duality between God breathing Life between self and other, with full channeling state being self and other.  It was very beautiful.  As soon as you choose to breathe life in any direction, you’ve made a polarisation and you are making a choice to become God embodied.

 

Edited October 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

meditation notes:
A part of being extraordinary is relishing in the ordinary and general.  (The non physical is general in AH’s system. )

Love is quite ordinary. The moment you make it out to be some extraordinary thing, you lose it. 

The perfume of 'ordinariness' 

.

I’m definitely having a Love awakening (deeper than previously). An awakening to everything being Alive, Life and Love. 

Edited October 19, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

The dark energy being had eons of wisdom.  His wisdom was an old wisdom.  Mine varying, moving in and out of degrees from ancient past wisdom to my present self. He was like a teacher, protector, enemy and old friend.  He was a force to be reckoned with.  I had to scream into this energy when it began to grow heavy and dense with selfishness and depression due to my absence and soothe it.  It is soothed by my presence.  I think it’s a twin flame.  Negative polarity. Immature. Stephanie Kraft (one of my teachers on twin flames) who is a medium says twin flames sometimes kill each other in previous lifetimes.  And I can confirm that. 

 This energy knows so much about me.  I can access lifetimes through this energy.

I have another twin flame who is positive polarity who appears sometimes too.

These energies and beings have real consequences on the collective energy.  When twin flames are separated long enough whether in physicality or non physicality then havoc strikes. Unification has to occur or all kinds of stuff happens.

The Unification

I now suspect the Unification had something to do with my twin flames entering into the human sphere, transplanting/synching themselves up into human bodies, being many when they are actually few, so as to increase the odds of a union. 

Again, dreams with different laws and logic….

Fun facts about my twin flames: 

1.  They are like archetypes or energies rather than beings.  Although they are quite solid and personal paradoxically. 

2.  They can be embodied and cross over/synch up with the human realm during the right time and moment.  Similar to how when Joi synchs up with Mariette, a sex worker, in Blade Runner 2049

3. I can confuse them for the people they synch up with.

4.  Their wisdom is profound.

5. They influence the energy of the collective

6. They can manifest as Many during the synch up and during dreamshifts

Edited October 19, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

On 17/10/2022 at 9:09 AM, Proserpina said:

Dark energy being‘s betrayal

Even after I had transformed the dark energy being and realised him to be a twin flame, I still chose shiva, a light energy being.  The dark energy being went mad with jealousy.  I lost my channeling gifting from up above and so lay vulnerable to him in a kind of semi channeling state, still able to tune into different dimensions.  I was now transformed back to my old self, my self love/Life energy extinguished.  The dark energy went to town harming me from then on, thrashed me and beat me.  I was now ‘ugly and worthless’.  Obviously it was still very much dense with negative energy that I failed to purify.  Perhaps because it was not necessary.  I largely see the second channeling as the emergency evacuation button. Anyways, I don’t blame the Bible’s righteous anger against lucifer and wanting divine justice.

Correction: the energy had been transported into/ synched up with physicality.  When the energy meets physicality it can turn not nice. 

Physicality and non physicality are not easily determined.

It is a bastardisation to say that I was harmed by the dark energy and that it is ‘Evil’.  It did harm me on some level, when it was synched up. 
.

At all dimensions there are voices of God.  Some are also voices of my twin flame along with God (Closer in stream than otherwise).  Synchs are physicality, twin flames in physicality. It’s not really black and white- this is physical and this is non physical.

”From my point of view, I was realizing, or should I say, it was being revealed to me, that each moment was the unmediated expression of God, what I call the “Goddessence.”I remember turning on the radio and every voice I heard on the radio was the voice of this Goddessence. Every person I was seeing was the Goddessence him or herSelf. It seemed curious and confusing to me that everybody seemed to be so caught up in such limited, contracted identity states, as if they were pretending and really seemed to believe that they weren't Divine.” 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

This is my cat Moby c: She’s 17 years old. She’s a great hunter. 

I’m going on a picnic today. Yay. 
.

I’m in mystic state today.  Everything is overlayed with meaning.  Animals, colours, elements, people, music.  I saw white birds flying overhead.  My name popped up ‘Eve’ (I wonder if that was just a coincidence in terms of Adam and Eve).  I was all tensed up and saw fire, took a deep breath and sank into the emotion expressing it fully and saw ice.  

 My advice to future self: 

Meditate on Love.  Look twice. Look twice. Look twice. Look for signs.  Listen.  Keep your ear to the ground.  But mostly ground yourself in Being and coffee grains (lol).  Strong sensations. 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Mediating with my hands, dancing with coffee grains

I’ve found that my age and health has started to wear down my concentration ability so I’ve started to turn to meditating with my hands and coffee grains (in private).  Dancing also helps, along with music.  I can reach ecstatic levels that way.

Lessons from spirit in how to use my hands

 I was given the opportunity for lessons on using my hands to meditate.  To create that real Oomph for the spirits to marvel at.  It happened during a soccer practice, I listened to the coaches at the time and it spoke right at me and into my heart and I practiced (subtly) while they taught me.  I stayed backed and listened from afar.  I was told just the right things to actually learn and an hour later, angels manifested in physicality (people dressed as angels) in the Japanese Garden where I would meditate.  The coaches told me it was very important that I practice because tough times were coming where I would be cut off.

 They taught me the ‘spicy soup’ method.  Bring it down into a soup and sharpen into a spice.  It’s a way to appreciate Beauty and properly meditate. 

Edited October 20, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Make an offering

 The spirits demand an offering.  Offerings increase presence.

 It’s an interpretation, a way in, at least. Perspective.

 Entertain them. 
.

During third psychosis/mystical experience:

The Sun - symbolised offering (meditation/Beauty)

Stars - symbolised offering (meditation/Beauty)

Music - symbolised offering (meditation/Beauty)

Singing - symbolised offering (meditation/Beauty)

Little dancer - symbolised offering (happiness)

Flowers - symbolised blooming

Puppy and owner - symbolises progress

Baby/child and parent - symbolises progress

Ants, planes, bees - symbolises work

 White birds, dragonflies- angels

.

Offerings (where I actually try for an extended length of time) firmly lock into place the spirit world.  The spirits start talking to me.  It might not be immediate but it happens. 

Spirit spoke to me through this song.  It doesn’t feel human.

 Sky full of stars

”I have a dream “

the Sun

 the flowers, tulips specifically 

the people are alien

This is another video that I manifested from meditation a few months ago, very similar to above.  The beings in the above video seem alien to me as well.  As you can see there are Tulips in the video. 
 

Just try

 I remember pacing up and down my bedroom, crying, panicking, as the smell of death/negative energy encroached into my bedroom, like thick tendrils around my body suffocating me, heating me up.  I couldn’t breathe.  I kept asking mooji for help but that was no help.  Until it suddenly came to me to meditate.  I had been trying every other method under the sun except meditation.  But wait.  I couldn’t meditate.  My ability to meditate was shot.  The panic set in again. I began channeling onto a piece of paper ‘ just try’ over and over and over and then started to meditate (quite abysmally) and the spirits surprisingly understood.   The smell soon dissipated and was replaced with a beautiful unknown smell.

 If you cannot offer much due to poor health or otherwise the spirits are more than understanding in most circumstances.  They only care about time, effort and that you have some capacity that they can invest in.  The spirits know I’m somewhat disabled but have/had a gift and it colours our interactions.

Edited October 21, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Walking with a cane

 Herbal essences, incense, blackcurrant juice, strong tastes, teas, coffees and strong sensations all serve as a cane for me to walk with now that I’ve essentially become disabled spiritually.

I apply the spicy soup method to the herbal essence, naturally deepening (entering) the sensation and then sharpening (further entering) the sensation. Using my hands for assistance.

“Entering sensation”

 Entering sensation is like a different state of consciousness. Entering a different state of consciousness.   That state of consciousness is pure Love and Beauty.  

Edited October 21, 2022 by Proserpina