Proserpina's Journal

[Kore]

That came from my heart.

[Kore]

Pain of 'Psychosis'

I've been through two 'psychoses' in the last few years.  The pain still lingers on.  It feels never-ending like it will never heal.  I try not to act out the pain.  I make sure to stay within my integrity to the best of my ability, with some hiccups.  The 'psychosis' involved an entity tormenting me for many months.  How can I ease this pain that is never ending?  Will it ever end?  I sit and sit and wait it out.  That's all I can do.  To be kind.  To be love and to act in my integrity to the best of my ability is what it means to transmute this for me.  This may have taken a huge hit at me but it's my job to alchemize this as any other time.  This may be the most difficult thing I've had to ever alchemize but that doesn't mean I can't do it.  Even if I were a demon, I could and would alchemize it.  Even if I fell from grace and couldn't get back up.  Even if it were the end.  I would continue to alchemize it until I was dead. Because. Thats. What. I. Do.

[Kore]

Guardian

It's not about being perfect or 'without sin'.  It's about keeping the community running and stable and making sure avatars (whether banned or unbanned) have a platform for raising the collective's consciousness.  A turquoise or yellow site.  God uses the foolish and wise.  The small and the big.  There are protectors and guardians.  We're all here to serve a greater purpose.  God says "ye without sin, cast the first stone".  God does not condemn, God embraces. 

Edited January 20, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

repost

Analysis

Discrediting of the small.  The encouragement of that kind of thinking.  But then I remember.  The raising of the collective's consciousness is built into the design.  Everything is laid out fine.  The guardian is the best of the collective (the big- the driven, the ambitious, the responsible, the guardian and protector) and simultaneously the root or worst of the collective (who we're trying to reach, the Erudite).  The small comes forth to ease the energies of that kind of thinking.  Balancing the equation. 

Edited January 22, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

The big: Slytherin, Pure-blood, Non-divergent, Erudite

The small: Gryffindor, Divergent, half-bloods, factionless

 

Edited January 23, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

9 hours ago, Kore said:

The big: Slytherin, Pure-blood, Non-divergent, Erudite

The small: Gryffindor, Divergent, half-bloods, factionless

The small have the qualities of divergent and half-blood as they are not 'genetically pure'.  They have the strengths of Gryffindor: bravery, and courage against adversity.  They may not be blessed with brains or work ethic but they are brave.  They have lion hearts and are driven by purpose (uplifting the consciousness of the collective).  They also have the quality of being factionless if they are rejected for being 'genetically impure'. 

The big have the qualities of pure-blood and non-divergent as they are 'genetically pure'.  They have the strengths of Slytherin: Ambition,  determination, and leadership.  They are the all-seeing eye, big brother: Erudite, intelligence, knowledge.  They tend to be judgemental towards those who are 'half-bloods'.  

Yes I can be a Harry Potter nerd 

[Kore]

From Leo's Blog (relevant to me since I have Schizoaffective):

"What ordinary humans consider to be "hallucinations" not really hallucinations (since everything is a hallucination), they are just God's imagination — Infinite Imagination — at work in non-ordinary states of consciousness.

You can't really understand things like Schizophrenia without God-Realization.

Schizophrenia is like an extreme form of openmindedness. Your mind/consciousness is so abnormally open that reality itself becomes less material and more fluid — similar to being on mushrooms. This kind of openness correlates with high creativity because a lot more novel ideas are floating into your field of consciousness. But your mind is so open that these ideas literally start to morph your material world. A coffee table could start talking to you and giving you novel ideas. The trade-off is that your mind is less buttoned-up, so it literally starts to feel like you're going insane.

How would you react if all the sudden your coffee table started to talk to you? Would you be open to listening, or would you freak out and run to the doctor to put yourself on meds to suppress it? Most people would freak out because they don't have a proper context for it. Under the materialist paradigm the only context is that you're going insane. But if you understand how consciousness works then there's really nothing wrong about it, you just have an extra-open mind.

The notion that talking to your coffee table is "irrational", "crazy", or unscientific is just wrong. There's nothing unscientific about it. In fact, it is unscientific to call it unscientific because under the right states of consciousness people can talk to their coffee tables and this is not a bug, it's a feature. You have to be very careful about privileging one state of consciousness over another. This is an unscientific bias. No state of consciousness is superior to any other. No state of consciousness is truer than any other. They are just different, with various pros and cons. But humans are very judgmental and demonizing of states of consciousness which are unlike their own. This is just another form of bigotry. When a scientist says that some non-ordinary state of consciousness, like schizophrenia, is irrational or crazy, he is being a bigot. Rationality does not have a monopoly on reality, as it is commonly assumed.

With that said, of course not all states of consciousness are equally functional. Some forms of schizophrenia may be highly maladaptive to living in modern society. Evolution and natural selection have carefully shaped mankind's default state of consciousness over millions of years to be hyper functional for survival in the kinds of environments that humans usually find themselves in. This is what creates the illusion of material reality. Reality is not at all material, but it seems that way because all the immaterial, dream-like aspects have been pruned off in order to make it possible for humans to excel in activities such as business, engineering, socialization, and war. You know what happened when the US military gave LSD to soldiers to make them better killers? The soldiers refused to fight each other because they experienced too much love. You literally have to be very closed-minded to kill people!

In other words, the reason humans are so materialistic, rational, and business-like by default is because all the humans with dreamy default states of consciousness were killed off by the business-minded ones. Consider the possibility that 2000 years ago all humans were much more dreamy by default than they are today. But war killed them off and selected for the most materialistic, rational, and business-minded ones. Which is to say, all the most spiritual humans were killed off long ago. Which is why humans today struggle so much with being spiritual whereas in the ancient past people were much more mystically inclined. This wasn't merely a cultural shift, it was a shift at the genetic level. Nobody understands this! Ta-Daaaaa! It's even possible that Neanderthals were more spiritual than humans but were killed off by the more business-like and war-like humans. Science & history has yet to appreciate such matters because they take state of consciousness for granted.

The downside of being spiritual is that you're weaker at business. Which is why businessmen and scientists have no souls ;)"

[Kore]

Norbu

I've discovered a productivity app goldmine called "Norbu".  It uses calming and alerting exercises similar to sensory modulation to help you with shifting into a state conducive to productivity and uses a scale to measure before the exercise to gauge your level of stress or willingness to take action.  It also has a gratitude journal where you can write about any action you take as a result of the exercises. 

It's really effective for emotional regulation, state shifting, and then journalling results. 

[Kore]

On Journaling

Write from the heart.  Don't be afraid to mess up, be cringy or odd.  Sometimes the gold is tossed up from the muck and dirt of the psyche.  Continue steadfast, in the raw expression of yourself and your past.  Even if you want to burn it all to the ground.  There is much gold to be found in the muck and you'll thank yourself later for the clarity you've found and the ground you've made.  

[Kore]

I'm making a great deal of progress with the app 'Norbu'.  I'm learning about emotional and state regulation.  This is fantastic for my personal development along with my productivity.  I really feel like I'm healing and I mean it this time.  I completed all my habits this week and went on a long walk today, just by keeping close attention to my state of being, making sure I'm in a calm and alert state.  I supplement the app with other calming and alerting things (like music, meditations etc.) and with an app called "mind tracker" that helps me to measure my energy levels and mood throughout the day.  The measurement function is particularly useful to me in these apps as they teach me to become self-aware.  

Edited January 26, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

I may be labelled all number of things but if there is one thing I pride myself on its my resiliency, actually doing the work and the ability to walk this path alone.  I know I'm doing the work because of the massive progress I've made.  I'm not afraid to do this work alone.  I've shown my true colours and character through apologies, forgiveness, introspection and doing the work.  People with disabilities will always have it hard.  Just know you can't exclude us forever if we are doing our best and our best isn't good enough for you.  It's like chewing on your own arm, it comes back to you.  No matter how much you try to exclude us.  Eventually,  we break.  And then you justify that in your head for further exclusion.  

Final entry.  

[Salvijus]

20 hours ago, Kore said:

THE END TIMES IS HERE.  BELIEVE IN JESUS.  ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.  READ YOUR BIBLE.  

Tell us more :] 

[Kore]

I intend to shift the collective, specifically "I'm shifting the collective to beings with being perception".  I need to use this forum in order to do so, as this forum is open to transition and change.  In a way the person has to agree to it and take on the shift.   You cannot shift without a person's permission.   Some are more open than others.  I hope I can be welcome here.