Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

My boyfriend, Joseph Maynor who I spend every waking moment with:

 

Edited December 31, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I'm starting to love the frustration and pain that comes with the spiritual path.  The constant frustration and pain makes you appreciate 'nothingness'.  I had this realization during the neti neti video by Leo:

maybe you have to realize that its nothing
maybe you have to appreciate that its nothing

(my partner said to me in response: Aha, I see a lightbulb just went off)

So much relief came over me along with profound waves of beauty as I pierced the fabric of reality. Just relief.  Just peace. Just nothing. Please God, let me have nothing. 

The spiritual Guru knows what he's doing.  Lighting a fire inside your heart for nothing. 
 

[Proserpina]

Insight

I had the insight that since I have a 'suggestible' or agreeable (I prefer that terminology) nature I can utilize that nature by steering what inclinations I might have at any given time through right action and more specifically my journal for audio productivity.  I can use my nature to my advantage as a strength, which would otherwise be a weakness.  Steering my strongly feminine nature with my masculine. 

[Proserpina]

Being perception

Being perception is Sublime gaze.  I'm excited to explore this side of "I Exist" or Being or Joy within myself for the fun of it, even though I'm pretty sure I'm already familiar with it but I'm being overly humble. Being perception turned toward others streams life energy.  Others are infused with Life (God from God and Love) as a result.  They glow with Life.  Life inspires Love.  

Edited January 2, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I am the Jewel!  I will never let go of that realization ever again!

Do not turn to look at every beggar that beckons – you belong to me!

Do not sell yourself short, for you are priceless.

Part the waters with your staff – you are today’s Moses.

Tear through the cloak of fog! You are of the light, the same light as Mohammad.

Shatter the mirrors of the beautiful, you are the dazzling Joseph.

Blow the breath of life like Christ – you, too, are of that air.

Break away from the unscrupulous; do not fall for the deceit of ghouls.

You are of noble origin – you are from the highest high.

By spirit, you are deathless – imperishable; magnificent from within.

You belong to the glorious – you are of divine radiance.

What have you seen of your own beauty?

You are still veiled…

One dawn, like the sun, you will rise up from within yourself.

It is a shame to be shrouded this way like the moon under a cloud.

Tear through the cloud of body! You are the magnificent moon.

You are like a hawk whose feet are bound, tethered to the body –

It is with your own claws that you must untie the knots.

-rumi

Edited January 3, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Journalling

Public journalling and community is in service to right action.  Just talk, whatever (stupidity or wisdom) comes flowing out of your mouth it is in service to right action (in my case my audio productivity journal).  Whatever comes flowing out of your mouth is you!  Be yourself!  Infuse your work with yourself.  However silly you might think you are.  Even if you are ignored, or dismissed.  It's better than doing it alone in most cases (I've tried).  Journalling or being a part of a community infuses your soul into your work.  Public journalling is just a safer way to be a part of a community for some who feel overwhelmed by typical communities and enjoy introspection and writing. 

Edited January 4, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Quote

A pure heart could be another way of saying 'Love'. You can tell someone's truth perception by their heart or clean perception.  Using all this terminology extremely loosely and as a pointer of course.

A God-realized being with a pure heart is an Angel. 

You can become God realized through other means than a pure heart.

Quote

A being with a pure heart can trigger God realization in another being. If you have a pure heart you can visualize a being with a pure heart to trigger God realization.

'God realization' just means the realization of "I Exist" or Personal Presence or going from Personhood to Presencehood.  A pure heart means outer "Presence".  The realization that 'others' are made up of presence as well.  You will see that they have a pure heart and 'clean eyes'. 

An 'Angel' is someone who has realized both "I Exist" (Life) and "Presence" (Love).  They are the same, but yet there is a distinction.  You can tell the difference between someone who has had the proper realization of "I Exist" and not the realization of "Presence".  "I Exist" will give off an energy of 'Godhood', Greatness, Splendour, Beauty, and larger-than-life energy that demands respect and admiration.  They will inexplicably radiate warmth but will lack the warmth of "Presence". "Presence" is love, breath, and life-giving energy.  You need both realizations.  Masculine tends to have "I Exist", and Feminine tends to have "Presence".  Masculine tends to think he doesn't need "Presence", he only needs the realization of "I Exist". 

[Proserpina]

On 12/28/2022 at 2:51 PM, Proserpina said:

When sublime gaze is reflected back to you and you are brought to Life your intelligence raises.  Hence why it is best for a small being to focus on their strengths.  Seek ye first the kingdom of God and everything else will follow.  Sublime gaze or Love is often gifted to someone close to Death or Death Energy, I think (a small being can be a being close to Death).  Someone who knows Life and Death, who is well acquainted with Life energy and Death energy.  Death has a purifying effect.   

A (perhaps Feminine) being who has not realized "I Exist" will attract Death energy to her too.  This has its pros and cons.  Death has a purifying effect.  Of course, you don't want to keep attracting Death energy so you want to cut it off at the root through the very important realization of "I Exist".  You can keep cutting it off through sublime gaze (Presence) but it will ultimately keep growing back unless you cut it off at the root.  The universe is trying to push you into balance as you are imbalanced. 

Edited January 4, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

1 hour ago, Proserpina said:

A (perhaps Feminine) being who has not realized "I Exist" will attract Death energy to her too.  This has its pros and cons.  Death has a purifying effect.  Of course, you don't want to keep attracting Death energy so you want to cut it off at the root through the very important realization of "I Exist".  You can keep cutting it off through sublime gaze (Presence) but it will ultimately keep growing back unless you cut it off at the root.  The universe is trying to push you into balance as you are imbalanced. 

Often times Death energy will occur when a (perhaps Feminine) Being has had the realization of "I Exist" but has fallen from Grace and has given up the realization or something similar.  It's like the universe got a taste of you, wants more and now it's deeply disappointed.  "Our greatest pain is also our greatest joy".  The universe wants more and wants you to wake up but simultaneously wants you to 'stay asleep' as the Death energy wrecks less havoc on a slumbering mind.

[Proserpina]

Quote

The world had grown cold.  Depressed.  I could feel it.  The planet was full of 'God' at the expense of Love. Difficult to explain. The collective had become narcissistic ('God' energy) due to too much Love.  Without Love 'God' energy started to drain.  Then there was a calling for Love. The rebalancing involved the balance of God and Love. There were individuals who came forward who had the qualities required for the collective to have hope, love, and faith again.   When the individuals came forward the rebalancing of the planet occurred.

Pandora (Breath) opened pandora's box by Breathing too much Life ('God').  'God' (collective/masculine) then became stagnant, narcissistic, and self-worshipping.  'God' is seeming perfection, not in need of Love.  Blind to its own limitation.  Love created the Evil of this world. 

You can see The Origination Story play out in relationships between men and women.  Women are Love and men are 'God'. 

I do think there was Death energy present in this mixture as well.  In any imbalance, there will be Death energy present.  It's just that the feminine is much more likely to sense it, the masculine is sort of 'protected' by his Splendour.  The feminine is protected by her Sublime Gaze (and slumber, meds) but not as much.  It's more character-building for her.   In both cases, it won't be enough to correct the imbalance, as it doesn't correct the imbalance at the root.  Both have to come together to fix it.  I'm not really sure how it works, all I know is that the last time I destroyed it at the root I had to come together with the 'masculine'. 

Edited January 4, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Quote

when people seek to tear you down, remember your Good qualities; the things about you that you love and that give you Life.  There are many facets to every person.  Not just one thing.  Each time a situation or person or negative feeling tries to cover over your Light and other facets, bring your awareness back to self Love, acceptance and See into the things that are valuable.  - Loba

Splendour

"I Exist" or Personal Presence or going from Personhood to Presencehood.  "I Exist" will give off an energy of 'Godhood', Greatness, Splendour, Beauty, and larger-than-life energy that demands respect and admiration.  They will inexplicably radiate warmth but will lack the warmth of "Presence".  The Masculine tends to have "I Exist".  Narcissists can have Splendour in large quantities but sorely lack in sublime gaze. 

Sublime Gaze

"Presence".  The realization that 'others' are made up of Presence.  You will see that they have a pure heart and 'clean eyes'.  Sublime Gaze is love, breath, and life-giving energy. Feminine tends to have "Presence".  Empaths can have Sublime Gaze in large quantities.  Super empaths have both Splendour and Sublime Gaze. 

Edited January 5, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Night Elves (Sublime gaze, left)

"Their ways have revolved around an intimate connection to the natural forces, animistic powers and the worship of their mysterious moon goddess, Elune. The night elves now stand as a people who are both highly spiritual and pragmatic, an often sophisticated paradox, and are possessed with a deeply seated desire to find their solace. It is thus no surprise that they have become great healers and will aid all sorts of creatures partly due to their nature and perhaps partly because it helps them find their solace in reconciling for mistakes of the past.  Virtually all remaining night elves consider it their sworn duty to maintain the safety and balance of the natural world. They are generally honorable; a strict but just and truly compassionate people."

Blood Elves (Splendour, right)

"The blood elves are a proud, haughty race, joining the Horde in Burning Crusade.  For thousands of years, the high elves of Quel'Thalas drew strength from the Sunwell, a magical form of arcane energies. An invasion by the undead Scourge decimated the kingdom's population and deprived them of the Sunwell's might. Taking the name blood elves – or sin’dorei in their own tongue –the people of Quel’Thalas sated their magical thirst for a time with demonic fel energies. Once the Sunwell was restored, the blood elves worked to rebuild their homeland and help lead the Horde into a bold future."

Edited January 5, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Note to self:  Splendour does not rely on an outside source for Splendour, just like Sublime gaze does not.  You do not need Sublime Gaze in order to awaken to Splendour, that is a misunderstanding in my mind.  Both have realization.  Both have 'clean eyes' but are directed differently.  They have different values.

Sublime Gaze's realization that 'others' are made up of Presence is actually the realization that objects of perception are made up of Presence.  This can include the body.  Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). 

The Crux

There are all kinds of reasons that you can make up for why the case might be that the Narcissist isn't Seeing the other person but when you get to the crux of it the Narcissist is not Seeing the other as presence.  That's the crux of it.  All his ideologies are excuses for why he isn't seeing the other as presence.  The same goes for the feminine with her lack of inner Jewelhood.  Looking at the surface is looking at the deep.  All else is an excuse.

Edited January 6, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Quote

Of course they are identical- Leo

They are the same.  Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist).  But this is where I challenge my teacher based on previous mystical experiences I'm trying to discern.  They are identical but there is a distinction when you bring it down to earth.  Maybe I just need to burn through the karma of this, 'defrag'. 

"You have to bring the teaching down to earth. Walk your talk. Identifying the self as God and the other as God shows up differently in reality. 'God and love." (excuse the gibberish - it's hard to translate during mystical experiences) 

The beings I saw had splendor and sublime gaze.  I saw Splendor and sublime gaze in myself.  Some had mostly only Splendor and they looked very different.  I remember recognizing Splendor.  Its also closely associated with the body, but it is not the body according to Bentinho, it is a bubble (I Exist, I AM) (I can affirm this is true in experience). 

Edited January 6, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

 

[Proserpina]

I Exist images

Edited January 8, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Splendour is soul energy, the I Exist of a thing- the masculine aspect of a thing.  - soul energy. The individual. "I" energy of a thing. Receiving Life.   Sublime gaze is the feminine aspect of a thing, the whole.  Collective presence. "We" energy (Loving, life-giving energy). I Exist is not something to be 'developed', it is spiritual.  Something I disagree on spiral dynamics on. 

The beings I saw had "I" energy and "We" energy. 
 

Edited January 9, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Note: Take the above use of the term 'soul' with a grain of salt.  There are beings with more soul energy (I energy) and less life-giving energy (We energy) and vice versa.  Would we then say that they have more soul?  Of course not.   I just like the word soul to describe the energy. 

There are beings that have differing levels of masculine (I energy- the individual) and feminine (we energy- the whole).  More feminine beings and more masculine beings. 

 

 

Edited January 9, 2023 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Stage yellow (on up the spiral) values divine I. 

Stage red values human I. 

Stage Turquoise values divine We. 

Stage blue values human We. (generally)

I'm going to play devil's advocate with my own system and introduce spiral dynamics into the mix.  Your stage will influence how you meditate and think about presence.  If you value I you will predominantly care about your own I-ness, especially in the Divine sense if you are higher up in the spiral.  If you value mainly divine We (stage Turquoise, for example) you lean toward Seeing the collective presence, you have a Divine We energy.  Of course you'll also have divine I energy since we have both We and I.

 

 

Edited January 9, 2023 by Proserpina

[Kore]

I Exist and Presence are actually identical, there is no distinction.  The Beings I met and what I saw in myself had divine masculine (I) and divine feminine (We) and life energy (Life) due to Presence (Love). 

"They are one, however, realizing their equality is no trivial matter.

An ape and a human are the same thing, but it is not easy to see that. Took till Darwin to realize it, and even then many denied it.

I once had a friend in middle school who denied that "fuck" and "sex" are the same thing. I tried to convince him that fuck just means sex. But he said, "No way! That can't be, because fuck is such a bad word, so it must mean something really bad but sex isn't bad."

Imagine his rude awakening when he finally realized they were one 

So it will be with you, God, and consciousness" Leo