Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

My Experiences

When I am not medicated I have mystical experiences for months at a time.  Typically my intuition and psychic wisdom are hyper-developed and there is this thing which I call the 'smoke' which is the well-being of the collective.  There is also a radiance and beauty and aliveness to life in general, as well as sometimes a oneness and profound heart chakra awakenings.  It usually coincides with major 'events' of the collective, I am in the flow of life.  I am of service to the collective. 

Spirit and intuition

As you draw closer to spirit, it cascades down into how you interpret the world around you, your intuition.  It will deepen the intuitive information you receive from things and you will receive signs.  It influences your reality.  It deepens your experience.  Signs 'cascade' down from Spirit, they are not separate. 

The Sword of Truth

The Sword of Truth zeros in on certain values (truth, transparency, and authenticity) at the expense of other values you may hold.  Whether or not it is 'right' to zero in on certain values at the expense of others is up for debate.  The blade cuts through swiftly this way, with very little in the way,  just a clean cut.  Highly focused.  It might look clumsy.  Socially unaware.  It may even look malevolent, but if you look closely if it comes from a pure place, you'll see it.  It cleans up energies that need cleaning up. 

The Unloved

If she isn't loved as she should be, don't be surprised if she rears her head and uses her sword.  It is not in her nature, but she will come down upon you swiftly with a great blow, highly focused.  She may do it to just teach you a harsh lesson in love, to wake you up.  A cold glass of water to the face.  The seduced are especially vulnerable to this, as she sees how unloved she is.  It just magnifies it. 

Spiral Dynamics

Where am I in terms of spiral dynamics?  I would say it is exceedingly difficult to place myself somewhere on the spiral as I have limitations, despite what others say.  I would have to say I have lower cognitive development and high spiritual development.  Overall I would place myself at stage Yellow with limitations.  My intuition a few years ago typed me as stage yellow during a mystical experience.  I try to tailor my path to my limitations and physical illness.  Of course, I'm not perfect but I have a spirituality that is akin to Tier 2 values.  

All tied together

All of this is tied together by Spirit.  The sexual energy, the archetypes, radiance, intuition, compatibility, and smoke (well-being of the collective) are all tied together by Spirit.  They all coincide, align and work together in harmony.  Some of my results might be off but I'm dealing with results that are tampered with by variables such as medication and other things. Also the further you get into this work the more certain things drop away and other values rise up to the surface.  And then they might return again. So you go through 'phases'.

Edited November 24, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

This explains my spirituality completely.  There is radiance and beauty in everything. 

Oneness

This is significant for me.  I've been trying to put my finger on what makes the radiance and beauty particularly unique or precious to me.  It's the Love.  The Oneness.  I've never heard it described like that before really in the above clip.  But it made sense to me.  I feel so much better now. 

Stepping stone

This is a stepping stone.  If I can grasp oneness, I can start to grasp Leo's more advanced videos and develop my cognitive ability and move up in growth and development. 

Life is but a dream

This statement resonates at a core level.  Reminds me of when I was channeling.  All is mind.  All is but a dream.  I remember this.  I know this. Deconstruction happens automatically as a result of spirit.  You don't have to try.  

Edited November 24, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Deconstruction

You don't have to try (Spirit does the work for you), per se but you also do.  It's like combining self-inquiry with psychedelics or meditation.  But when you do try to deconstruct or contemplate or self-inquire, it doesn't come as a strain but as confirmation or affirmation of what you already know through communion with Spirit.  You have to put effort into the process and grow, but also it is effortless. 

Emotional regulation

My emotional regulation comes from channeling in the past.  It also comes with the realization that everything is but a dream.  That everything is Mind.  I have lower levels of neuroticism as a result.  My attitude toward reality is less stressed and more playful.  I can't seem to take reality seriously.  This can sometimes get me into trouble.  Similar to the character Captain Jack Sparrow. 

Edited November 24, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Quote

From what I have heard, seen, and experienced, a good percentage of the western population is generally too intellectual, they spend a good portion of their lives thinking, living inside their heads rather than actually living in the world. That makes them very smart to the point of excess and mental masturbation. Eastern people are kind of the opposite. They spend more time living than thinking, so they're dumber but more lively and intuitive in general, which is a different kind of intelligence, even though objectively inferior. Both ways of being are not ideal/optimal, though. You need both the intellect and intuition. Intuition informs the intellect, and the intellect refines intuition. Too much of either is not healthy, because it excludes the other. At least, that is if you want to be balanced and live a healthy, happy, harmonious life.  - Gesundheit2

I love this quote from Gesundheit.  I really resonate with the eastern qualities and struggles.  I'm not sure if I am 'lively' but I am intuitive and spiritual and I speak of 'limitations' and lagging in cognitive development.  I was generally born from a humble background in a privileged country so I, of course, wouldn't know all of the struggles of those from an eastern background but I understand what it means to be at the poverty level due to physical or/and mental illness.  

[wesyasz]

On 24.11.2022 at 9:57 AM, Proserpina said:

Deconstruction happens automatically as a result of spirit.  You don't have to try.  

I love that being written down.

[thisintegrated]

4 hours ago, Proserpina said:

From what I have heard, seen, and experienced, a good percentage of the western population is generally too intellectual, they spend a good portion of their lives thinking, living inside their heads rather than actually living in the world. That makes them very smart to the point of excess and mental masturbation. Eastern people are kind of the opposite. They spend more time living than thinking, so they're dumber but more lively and intuitive in general, which is a different kind of intelligence, even though objectively inferior. Both ways of being are not ideal/optimal, though. You need both the intellect and intuition. Intuition informs the intellect, and the intellect refines intuition. Too much of either is not healthy, because it excludes the other. At least, that is if you want to be balanced and live a healthy, happy, harmonious life.  - Gesundheit2

Such a typical thing for a Green ENFJ to say.  Here's a scary word:  Balance.

 

4 hours ago, wesyasz said:

Deconstruction happens automatically as a result of spirit.  You don't have to try.  

What

[Proserpina]

12 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

Such a typical thing for a Green ENFJ to say.  Here's a scary word:  Balance

Are you addressing me? What do you mean?

13 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

What

I just mean that very deep levels of meditation can automatically do the work of deconstruction for you, with some assistance from contemplation work. 

[thisintegrated]

4 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Are you addressing me? What do you mean?

Gesundheit

It's common for super Green people like him to think Green is best, but that's unbalanced.  They don't recognize the problems that come from their lack of the other side of SD.

 

Quote

I just mean that very deep levels of meditation can automatically do the work of deconstruction for you, with some assistance from contemplation work. 

I thought you were referring to soul destruction.

Meditation just lets go of attachment, that's all.  Maybe you could call that deconstruction.

Edited November 26, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Proserpina]

34 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

I thought you were referring to soul destruction.

Meditation just lets go of attachment, that's all.  Maybe you could call that deconstruction.

I think meditation tunes you to your intuition.  Intuition informs your intellect.  Like Gesundheit said. 

I'm not sure.  I'll have to think about it. 

Edited November 26, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Deconstruction work means to deconstruct the dream to where you realize reality to be a dream using either the feminine or masculine, intuition or intellect, respectively.  Deconstruction happens automatically as a result of spirit.  You don't have to try just means intuition is a fruit of the spirit in the sense that it results from communion with God and that intuition, the feminine, can be used for deconstruction work in conjunction with intellect, the masculine.  You can use contemplation work for deconstruction.  That would be using the intellect, the masculine.  Or you can rely on your intuition.  Ideally, you would be using both.  The masculine and the feminine as they work with each other, not over and against each other.  

 

 

[Artsu]

@Proserpina

I would imagine you get to Yellow, and perhaps even Turquoise, in your more spiritual states, but I don't believe you're there as a baseline. From reading your posts, you seem clearly in the Introspective mindset (upper Green), which is where most of this forum is at.

Still, I encourage you to try and be as Yellow as you can be.

 

Where I imagine you excel more so, is in spirituality. You would be further along in the Spiritual Hierarchy (I won't say any more about this) than most of this forum.

Spirituality is your strength, and as an ISFP (I'll call you that even if you identify as INFP) so is empathy and self-understanding.

Keep pursuing the mystical and higher states of being/awareness

 

[Proserpina]

@Artsu Thank you for your feedback and perspective, Artsu   I really appreciate the encouraging words. Truly.  I've been feeling a little discouraged and lacking in direction recently.  I appreciate your analysis. 

[Artsu]

@Proserpina

I'm sad to hear about your lack of direction.

I have 3 pieces of advice.

1. I notice you have a lot of writings, and there are core themes. Try to distill your ideas into something that can be written on a page or two. Get to the core ideas.

This will help with developing Ne and Ti as well as Yellow/Experimental.

2. For an Fi dom, it's not so much about having a direction, as doing what makes you happy.

Get to know your preferences. If you like something, move towards it. If you don't like something, move away.

3. The mental health system can be a big reason for lacking in direction.

Get angry about what they've done to you. It's wrong, and because of karma they will have to pay you back in the afterlife.

[Proserpina]

@Artsu Thanks for the advice. 

I think I need to focus in on my 'genius' which is spirituality and develop a laser focus, as you say.  Your intuition can be right on point. 

[Proserpina]

On the saving grace of intuition and communion with God:

Amazing grace—how sweet the sound—
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found—
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!

Thro' many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

And when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

This statement resonates at a core level.  Reminds me of when I was channeling.  All is but a dream.  I remember this.  I know this. Deconstruction happens automatically as a result of spirit.  You don't have to try.  

 

Edited November 27, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Laser focus

From here on out, I'm going to going to have some kind of trigger in the background as often as possible to remind me and inspire me to commune with God.  No more distractions. 

• Spiritual teachers
• Holy texts
• Spiritual music
• Prayers

[Proserpina]

"Descending (self-immanence) is the downward drive towards earth, into the world of many manifestations and the body. Descenders celebrate life and its many forms, the body, and their sexuality. They go with the flow, are in touch with the richness of the manifest world, and experience things from the fullness of existence by diving in deep. Descending is also characterized as “the love that reaches down” (Agape), embracing everything—including earth and all its inhabitants—with selfless compassion and devotion. Descending energy expresses itself through feelings, empathy, emotions, warmth, movement, surrender, fullness, and flow. A descender perceives the world from the inside. Healthy descending means to be connected with and sensitive to the richness and fullness of the world, to be down-to-earth and in touch with one’s body, feelings, emotions, and sexuality. Unhealthy descending means to be overwhelmed, fused with, and run by the many details of life and its manifestations, feelings, earthly desires, and needs. The fear of descenders is to lose touch, to get lost, or to be dissociated from the fullness of life and its forces (Thanatos)"

 

Edited November 28, 2022 by Proserpina

[thisintegrated]

37 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I won't be using my 'sword of truth' in the future. 

I'm curious what this is.  It sounds like my Ti2.

[Proserpina]

36 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

I'm curious what this is.  It sounds like my Ti2.

I hadn't connected it to Ti before.  Hm.  It is a value for truth above all else.  Self-sacrificing.  That could be linked to Te or Ti. 

The Sword of Truth

The Sword of Truth zeros in on certain values (truth) at the expense of other values you may hold.  Whether or not it is 'right' to zero in on certain values at the expense of others is up for debate.  The blade cuts through swiftly this way, with very little in the way,  just a clean cut.  Highly focused.  It might look clumsy.  Socially unaware.  It may even look malevolent, but if you look closely if it comes from a pure place, you'll see it.  It cleans up energies that need cleaning up. 

[thisintegrated]

27 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I hadn't connected it to Ti before.  Hm.  It is a value for truth above all else.  Self-sacrificing.  That could be linked to Te or Ti. 

The Sword of Truth

The Sword of Truth zeros in on certain values (truth) at the expense of other values you may hold.  Whether or not it is 'right' to zero in on certain values at the expense of others is up for debate.  The blade cuts through swiftly this way, with very little in the way,  just a clean cut.  Highly focused.  It might look clumsy.  Socially unaware.  It may even look malevolent, but if you look closely if it comes from a pure place, you'll see it.  It cleans up energies that need cleaning up. 

I sometimes say Ti is the most pure / closest to God, of all functions.  It has no agenda, and all it does is find truth, ignoring all else.  It can be abused by other functions, but on its own it's just a channelling of God.  Unlike Te, there is no local source for all its ideas.  Ti insights just magically appear out of nowhere.