Proserpina's Journal

[thisintegrated]

3 hours ago, Zeroguy said:

@ProserpinaI am ESTJ sx/sp 8w7

Like Joe.  Though he's a 6w5

 

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

But that's the result I got from the test. Although I absolutely hate fights

I wouldn't trust any online test, unless it's hours long.

[Proserpina]

1 hour ago, thisintegrated said:

Like Joe.  Though he's a 6w5

Joseph is pretty sure he is an ENTJ enneagram 4.  His test results indicate that he's midway between the S versus N, but leaning more in the direction of N. 

He is interested in the arts and is an artist (plays jazz trumpet) and kind of rebellious at heart, which could indicate enneagram 4. 

I personally feel that his work in the legal profession influences what his results are.  He has developed introverted sensing. 

Edited November 15, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

3 hours ago, Zeroguy said:

@Proserpina Yeah that's cool.I am an sensor which is all about real life and you are all into spirituality.

Opposites attracts.For me it is very interesting to read your and @lobster(Mistake) @Loba's journals.

That's so sweet.  I always feel like my writings are kinda cringy and mistaken (half the time they are, although they are improving, and becoming more grounded with time).  The whole process is hugely growth-supporting, however painful.  Being so public always comes with its special kind of growth and pain pill. 

[thisintegrated]

22 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

rebellious at heart, which could indicate enneagram 4. 

Or the "skeptic/questioner" personality, the 6.

Not seen him do anything artistic, or even have unique ideas, really, which is why I also type him as Blue.

Could be a 5 with balanced wings if he really is creative.  I haven't seen a single post of his in like a year, so possible I've not seen/memorized every part to his personality.

 

22 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Joseph is pretty sure he is an ENTJ

Wait.. I think I typed him as ENTJ in The Journal a day or two ago.  Yesss, definitely ENTJ.  I somehow forgot my own typing of him.  

I mix them up sometimes as they're both authoritarian, control-hungry types.  They see the world as having 3 types of people:  The strong, the weak, and those that need protecting.  They tend to see T men as competition, and women as something to protect.  That's why you see him the way you do.

 

22 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I personally feel that his work in the legal profession influences what his results are.  He has developed introverted sensing. 

Yeah, law people are gonna be Te users most of the time.

 

 

Edited November 15, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Proserpina]

@thisintegrated  Joseph told me due to the fact that he can't defend himself on here please refrain from opining about him especially if you are going to allege controversial claims about him or his personality characteristics that he is unable to respond to.  He told me he doesn't think that you're going to give a fair assessment due to your prior admitted loose-with-the-truth conduct on this forum. 

[Proserpina]

34 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

I mix them up sometimes as they're both authoritarian, control-hungry types.  They see the world as having 3 types of people:  The strong, the weak, and those that need protecting.  They tend to see T men as competition, and women as something to protect.  That's why you see him the way you do.

Haha.  I wish that were the case.  Sounds very idealistic that women are to be protected and treasured and loved.  The world is a cold, harsh place.  I see him the way I do because I share an unconditional bond with him.  A soul contract. 

[thisintegrated]

30 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

@thisintegrated  Joseph told me due to the fact that he can't defend himself on here please refrain from opining about him especially if you are going to allege controversial claims about him or his personality characteristics that he is unable to respond to.  He told me he doesn't think that you're going to give a fair assessment due to your prior admitted loose-with-the-truth conduct on this forum. 

He can message me over there if he wants.  I am God.

I mean literally, that's my username.

 

15 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Haha.  I wish that were the case.  Sounds very idealistic that women are to be protected and treasured and loved.  The world is a cold, harsh place.  I see him the way I do because I share an unconditional bond with him.  A soul contract. 

I'm saying ExTJ men, especially Blues, are very traditional/animalistic like that.  If you wanna know what that looks like when taken to an extreme, look at Arab culture.

Edited November 15, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Proserpina]

Okay, everyone.  Fun time is over.  Please get out of my journal. 

[thisintegrated]

1 hour ago, Proserpina said:

Okay, everyone.  Fun time is over.  Please get out of my journal. 

Indeed.  Anyone reading this, feel free to permanently migrate over to The Journal!??

 

Everyone welcome??

[Proserpina]

Concentration Ability

Concentration works if you have an intimate relationship with the source. Somewhere along the way, I lost that relationship.  Perhaps because I was chasing the wrong things.  It is a very subtle thing.  You allow source into your heart.  You surrender to it.  And your capacity to 'hold' its presence there increases.  It doesn't really have anything to do with concentration, more to do with intimacy.  I have a long way to go on my path to getting back to where I was and yet, not really at all. 

The Perfect Bond

We were the perfect bond. I would sit for hours just admiring our bond.  In the beginning, he taught me the ways of the masculine, I would twirl and spin and dance in the masculine, captivated by it.  I was the loveliest 'she-devil' you ever did see.  I was enamored by these seeming 'projections' laid upon me, which taught me to see and appreciate the masculine.  It was an enormous relief to finally lay claim to that aspect of me that so rarely saw the light of day.  I could relate to things I'd never related to before and my empathy expanded as I expanded.  The totality of my being expanded with this bond. 

Regression

The beginning came to pass, and I actually met him.  My intuition had mostly been guiding me prior toward the masculine.  Once I met him, the regression began.  I was a 'she-devil' after all.  The projections turned darker and twisted and yet again I disown that aspect of myself.  I can sense people's projections,  I can sense what is going on inside people's psychology (and my intuition used it for growth in this instance).  I knew that Leo had been molested before he told anyone. Once I was demonized, I dropped that part of me as that part of myself slowly died. 

Balance

The masculine integration is still present and alive, with a form of regression in the background.  He is human.  Our relationship is not perfect.  We have an extremely solid bond that is made up of more than fantastical elements but real growth and expansion, however at a 'human' rate. I love his flaws, his projections.  I integrate my masculinity in his presence with his mind and expand into yellow.  Sometimes I get stuck on the regression like in the above post, but I was angry. 

Intuition

I was explaining to my psychologist that I see signs that my intuition picks up on.  A stream of light, a stream of information then feeds through to me.  Based on my assumptions and interpretations of that stream of light and information I then either enter panic mode, hypervigilance, or a healthier non-biased state of interpretation.  The stream has a great depth to it that can cause hypervigilance if the message is 'negative' if I'm not careful.  The light streams through a concentrated stream toward me as well as a less concentrated stream cascading outward in all directions, very beautiful.  She recommended I see a doctor with herself present Lol.

Edited November 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Ego and No ego

Beauty and the Beast.  Ego is to be loved, in all of its masculine ugliness.  The Return of the Old is the return of the masculine and feminine.  My old teacher taught me the ways of ego and no ego and the feminine and masculine and balancing the two.  We make the perfect balance of no ego and ego, like a rebirthing of the Old. Together we create Kali.  Together we create the Old. 

The Masculine

I remember when I was channeling, the feminine and masculine were in perfect harmony and I was attacked for my masculinity.  The masculine is going to be attacked, that's going to be expected.  Only you want to be firmly grounded in spirit when you do speak in the masculine.  You want to be very careful that you come from a pure place.  In the long term, you will see vindication.  The masculine is quite sacrificial, and pointed, with long-term vindication if done with pure intent and firmly grounded in spirit.  I'm still exploring what that means.  I'm still finding my own voice.  

The Crash

Don't mess with the masculine.  This isn't a game.  If you speak the masculine you better make sure you know the level of purity behind it.   The crash will come and with it, karma.  Make sure it's your voice.  Be authentic.  Learning the masculine isn't worth losing my own voice.  

Edited November 18, 2022 by Proserpina

[Razard86]

On 10/4/2021 at 5:12 AM, Proserpina said:

Poor genetics and awakening

A part of me suffers for it and another part of me is like, who cares? 

If I can awaken enough to where pain and suffering no longer have me hostage and everything is beautiful then who cares if I can't be up to these people's level. 

I know I have limitations (my Dad has a very low IQ) but at the end of the day I'm not here to have some fancy understanding I can never reach due to poor genetics

^You understand plenty, the fact you can even understand my posts and the fact you are even on this forum speaks volumes. 

Intelligence is not just logic, it is also feeling. In fact feeling is a shortcut, you can feel the truth but not know how to express it in words. Some of the greatest most connected beings...are at a loss of words when it comes to expressing. You also do not need to know how to express it in words, to know how to express it in action. And thus you can be a LIVING WORD, a LIVING SCRIPTURE through your actions. 

So don't diminish your gifts, your POV is just as powerful as any other, and God loves you just as much as any other teacher. From my vantage point your IQ is VERY HIGH, higher than you probably realize.

[Tyler Robinson]

17 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

^You understand plenty, the fact you can even understand my posts and the fact you are even on this forum speaks volumes. 

Intelligence is not just logic, it is also feeling. In fact feeling is a shortcut, you can feel the truth but not know how to express it in words. Some of the greatest most connected beings...are at a loss of words when it comes to expressing. You also do not need to know how to express it in words, to know how to express it in action. And thus you can be a LIVING WORD, a LIVING SCRIPTURE through your actions. 

So don't diminish your gifts, your POV is just as powerful as any other, and God loves you just as much as any other teacher. From my vantage point your IQ is VERY HIGH, higher than you probably realize.

Why did you put me on ignore? 

[Proserpina]

40 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

^You understand plenty, the fact you can even understand my posts and the fact you are even on this forum speaks volumes. 

Intelligence is not just logic, it is also feeling. In fact feeling is a shortcut, you can feel the truth but not know how to express it in words. Some of the greatest most connected beings...are at a loss of words when it comes to expressing. You also do not need to know how to express it in words, to know how to express it in action. And thus you can be a LIVING WORD, a LIVING SCRIPTURE through your actions. 

So don't diminish your gifts, your POV is just as powerful as any other, and God loves you just as much as any other teacher. From my vantage point your IQ is VERY HIGH, higher than you probably realize.

Thank you Razard. 

[Proserpina]

Going within

My intuitive and feeling abilities blew open during the episodes experienced, more than I could handle.  I looked outwardly and made wrong assumptions and interpretations about those intuitions and feelings and psychic knowledge.  I need to realize my intuitive nature. 

Suppression

Drug her up to silence her.  Her intuitions and feelings forcefully silenced.  Talk of intuition immediately relegated to madness.  She mustn't be allowed out to roam free, what chaos will ensue?  But it will push through.  Like a flower pushing through a cemented pathway.  Spirit will forcefully blossom that flower.  This is a war.  

The Feminine

The feminine is less sacrificial, more comforting after the sword has pierced through.  She is the eternal comforter.  She can warm the heart of any a warrior.  Wielding her sword (her masculine) of truth, she speaks in tongues, speaking honeyed tones.  Her will is divine, she gives life. 

The Feminine Sacrifice

The Feminine is sacrificial in that her burden is heavy.   If she is attacked, and there is no one to protect her, she will take on that burden.  The collective will surely see something terrible if her burden continues.  Her burden grows heavier and heavier and it can impact her health, growing weary and sickly.  The masculine will sit on her shoulders, stupidly, kicking her down and she'll be forced to take it in her innocence and weakness.  Great is her comeuppance.  Like a lion, she will roar.

Edited November 18, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Proserpina is mentally ill. I'm mentally ill. Loba is mentally ill.. But look at us. We do better than 99% of the forum. 

We work hard, we have great insights to offer and we are liked by people and nobody can say we don't have brains. 

In fact we are in the top 10 geniuses of the forum. 

It's a shame that Leo and others look down on mentally ill people when mentally ill people literally run this forum and make it a beautiful place 

 

Aww shucks 

 

[Proserpina]

@Tyler Robinson ♥ ? 

[Proserpina]

My friend who is a life coach offers this to you: If you don't like yourself,  people pick up on that energy.  If you want to be better received by others you must better receive yourself.  Being liked by others originates in being liked by yourself and then when people see that you like yourself they will respond in kind and like you.  So you've got to work on increasing your own self love which is the root of this problem that you are experiencing.  Also, the toxic masculine invites criticism from others.  This can include other masculines trying to elevate themselves by attacking you. It can also include the feminine by trying to pull the rug out from underneath you to try to teach you to integrate more of the feminine in the way that you show up socially.  The masculine whether toxic or not is going to be attacked.  If you don't want to be attacked at all then you must hide away from reality and hide away under a rock and don't make any noise that offends anyone.  Expect that you're going to face adversity if you're leading with the masculine.  

[Proserpina]

Don't be aroused by my confession
Unless you don't give a good goddamn about redemption
I know Christ is comin', and so am I
And you would too if this sexy devil caught your eye

She'll suck you dry
And still you'll cry, to be back in her bosom
To do it again
She'll make you weep
And moan and cry, to be back in her bosom
To do it again

'Til I go blind
(Pray) 'Cause nobody ever survives
Prayin' to stay in your arms just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike
She'll eat you alive

Jesus is risen, it's no surprise
Even he would martyr his mama to ride to hell between those thighs
The pressure is building at the base of my spine
If I gotta sin to see her again then I'm gonna lie, lie, lie

She'll make you cry
I'll sell my soul to be back in your bosom
Gladly now please suck me dry
And still you'll cry, to be back in her bosom
To do it again

'Til I go blind
(Pray) 'Cause nobody ever survives
Prayin' to stay in her arms just until I can die a little longer
Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike
She'll eat you alive

My pulse has been rising
My temples are pounding
The pressure is so overwhelming and building
So steady there, Freddy
I'm ready to blow
What is she, what is she, what is she waiting for?

'til I go blind
(Pray) 'cause no one ever survives
(Pray) Prayin' to stay in her arms just to die a little longer
Saviors and saints, devils and heathens alike
She'll eat you alive