Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

Mystical Experience

I went mini-golfing today and I was hit by a mystical experience.  What seemed to be entities were all around me.  I had to remind myself that it wasn't entities or spirits but the smoke.  It was an illusion.  They had Godlike qualities; wisdom, love, knowing, well-being, etc.  I stood knowing their Well-being.  I was healing the collective by knowing their Well-being. 

There were Tortoises statues nearby (a classic sign I receive) indicating right positioning.  I was surrounded by signs that indicated right positioning.

I'm still deciphering how much genuine signs are actually signs vs the smoke. 

Marriage

The healer is to be wed.  She will raise the collective as she rises to her beloved.  "She has come to kiss my face and tell me I'm the chosen one".  Her ultimate form: She leaves no one behind, her compassion is perfect.  Her task is to perfect her love.  Her destiny is fast approaching, the smoke creeps in from all corners, and with it union. 

Edited November 12, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I've had many premonitions about Leo in the past.  Some were not pretty at all.  Some were very beautiful.  He is a pioneer and I admire him very much.  Leo is a good person.  He has a brilliant mind. He just gets stuck in very deep holes sometimes.  Take my premonitions as you will.  I was trying to help defuse energy at the time by speaking the truth.   The following are quotes from writings I did during from the relevant mystical experiences and premonitions: 

Quote

"But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart" Its right THERE.

The energy from Leo was 'Pharaoh'.

Quote

Speaking to Leo on here was like speaking to Hitler.  And that's not an insult. Hitler was incredibly charismatic,  influential and powerful.  It is extremely possible that Hitler was an accidental highly awakened masculine, who didn't properly balance the feminine. I mean he didn't just get followers for no reason.

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Hitler still influences modern society. To write him off like that would be naive. He was something extraordinarily unique and others saw it.

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Take it how you like. Expand on it/correct it, whatever.  I'm sharing my current perspective. Please don't laugh at me for having a perspective. 

Hitler was a half angel.

I'm trying to help or at least diffuse the energy of this place.

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This is how the spiritual Nazi is created.

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My intuition is picking up that taking/ encouraging 5meoDMT use can be dangerous. I don't know why.

Leo is my soul brother.  I love him.  I want to see him grow.  

The above premonitions about Leo will only make sense if you have all of the information that I have.  I leave out a lot of the information that I have for the sake of privacy.  Basically, I'm in the same soul family as Leo.  I've noticed patterns in our growth and other things. 

Tough love can be harsh and strict.  It cuts right to the heart of the matter of the energy.  Speaking to the truth of the energy is a very masculine approach and depending on the sensitivity of the individual can seem exaggerated.  But that would be a surface analysis. To really break off an energy at the root requires an exacting and harsh rebuking.  Saying Leo was 'Hitler' or 'Pharaoh' was my methodology of doing just that (and that was the energy that was present).  

Kali

Edited November 12, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Quote

Holy Lord, my body aches, and I must admit that sometimes I feel like giving up, like I can't fight this any longer.  Instead, I choose to trust You and seek Your comfort.  I know You are a God who heals.  I pray that You would touch my body and make me whole.  Relieve my suffering.  Give me reason to go on.  Amen.  

Prayer is an intimate experience for me.  It feels like being absorbed in an embrace, melting into the arms of a strong temple. The relief is massive.  You are finally letting someone (or the All) into your heart space, someone deserving.  So rarely are they deserving, but this one.  This one is deserving.  

I have a Christian prayer book, it works, even if it's premade.

Information and impulses come when you draw closer to the source using whichever methodology that might be. 

Quote

"My robes form the heavens above. In my sacred feet, the earth spins. In my eyes, the stars of the night sky are born and shine. My hair forms galaxies, and in my heart, many suns burn with divine love. What is there that could be greater than I? I that am all. I that am love. Any fear? Any doubt? Any problem of concern? I hold you in my being so vast. There is nothing more powerful than I. I am the love that is all that you are."

"The power of the Holy Mother is greater than all that is.  She provides me with the best way through, so that life and love may flourish, now and always." - Mother Mary Oracle

 

You need a big god
Big enough to hold your love

You need a big god
Big enough to fill you up

You keep me up at night
To my messages, you do not reply
You know I still like you the most
The best of the best and the worst of the worst
Well, you can never know
The places that I go
I still like you the most
You'll always be my favorite ghost

You need a big god
Big enough to hold your love
You need a big God
Big enough to fill you up

Sometimes I think it's getting better
And then it gets much worse
Is it just part of the process?
Jesus Christ, it hurts
Though I know I should know better
Well, I can make this work
Is it just part of the process?
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts
(Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts)

You need a big god
Big enough to hold your love

You need a big god
Big enough to fill you up

Shower your affection, let it rain on me
And pull down the mountain, drag your cities to the sea
Shower your affection, let it rain on me
Don't leave me on this white cliff
Let it slide down to the, slide down to the sea
Slide down to the, slide down to the sea

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Vindication

You'll see.  One day I will be vindicated.  I look crazy now but you wait.  This trauma is temporary, I know the experiences I've witnessed.  I can't be entirely mad.  One day I'll be vindicated.  One day I'll heal.  I know the love in my heart. 

It's in proximity, my whole body can feel it.  It ripples through my whole body. I can taste it. I'm going to chase that mofo down.  I had a vision.  The vision was that I would have vindication quickly and swiftly.  It would sweep me up suddenly.  It would come knocking violently on my door.  I won't know what hit me.  Like so many times before. 

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Here Be Dragons 

I need to be very careful in how I apply my focus as I could fall into delusions if I'm not careful.  Only focusing on source and prayer and gentleness and asking for forgiveness.  Forget Kali, about vindication, and whatever else I have on my mind.  It could lead to delusion if I'm not careful.  I have to cut it off and only focus on source.  No more.  Nope.  I have Schizoaffective Disorder.  I have to remind myself of that. 

 

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Sexual energy

Sexual energy acts as right positioning/ right action.  It activates the smoke.  I was flirting with some guy the other day before that mystical experience.  I couldn't stop smiling at him and it was clear I was into him.  Right after that, there was a powerful mystical experience.  I've been listening to weird/smutty playlists on youtube for several hours and it activated the smoke.  

I'll focus on activating the smoke for healing and source and prayer. 

Edited November 13, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Twin flames

I've had two deep experiences with twin flames that can't solely be chalked up to a 'smoke' experience alone.  With one of them being my best friend.  I believe you can have many twin flames.  In both instances, the smoke was profoundly present,  as if my gift were tied to them somehow.  "She will raise the collective as she rises to her beloved".  She rises to her beloved on more than one level, on multiple levels, the smoke, her twin flame, and source.  Twin flames are there to guide each other toward higher and higher growth and expansion.  Their presence alone can trigger this.  When there is a premature separation or imbalance, it is felt on all levels of the most sensitive twin's being. 

 

 

Edited November 14, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

My value 

When I pray and commune with the source, my heart opens and knows the truth, that each creature is a beautiful manifestation of the divine.  Sometimes my mind becomes clouded by darkness and I lose sight of that truth almost completely and totally.  I have endless value in the eyes of the source. 

(I called myself worthless earlier)

Edited November 14, 2022 by Proserpina

[Marten98]

@Proserpina where did Bentinho say this?."  A bit like what Bentinho talks about how if you don’t keep up once you reach a certain level you can become very unwell or die" it resonates and Id love to know more

On 3.10.2022 at 9:07 PM, Proserpina said:

@Loba Awesome!  I also tried that route but unfortunately it didn’t work out for me.  Speaking can be quite intimidating and my health kinda stops me from processing what I wish to say quickly, as well as my personality - to not form opinions quickly - stunts my capacity to make videos. You don’t appear crazy at all to me.  Passionate and focused, definitely not crazy.  I became unwell around the time I failed to follow my true path.  I took a wrong turn for the sake of money and my spirit could not tolerate it.  A bit like what Bentinho talks about how if you don’t keep up once you reach a certain level you can become very unwell or die.

 

 

[Proserpina]

@Marten98 It was years ago that I listened to that video, so I'm not sure. Sorry. 

[Proserpina]

Joseph typed me as an INFP.

 

 

 

[thisintegrated]

8 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Joseph typed me as an INFP.

Wait, he can't, cause I typed you INFP?

Easiest typing I've ever done.

[Proserpina]

3 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

Wait, he can't, cause I typed you INFP?

Easiest typing I've ever done.

Corroboration is good. What do you think my dominant enneagram is?

[thisintegrated]

2 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Corroboration is good. What do you think my dominant enneagram is?

9

[Proserpina]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

9

That's been my thinking as well.  Give me your best stab at a tritype for me.  

[Tyler Robinson]

What does anyone guess my Enneagram is?

 

[thisintegrated]

1 minute ago, Proserpina said:

That's been my thinking as well.  Give me your best stab at a tritype for me.  

926

Here's every variation for you:

 

Good Samaritan

• 269:  Passive Helper. Helpful, mellow, passive and shy. Get along with others, avoid confrontation, can struggle with indecision and insecurity.
• 296:  Charity Worker. Peaceful, helpful and unassuming. Quiet assistance, try to stay positive, fear negativity.
• 629:  Supporter. Anxious, phobic but congenial and group oriented. Likes to bridge differences, and secure group harmony.
• 692:  Pacifist. Passive, submissive and helpful in exchange for safety and security. Conflict averse.
• 926:  Peacemaker. Helping others, cautious, gentle and nurturing. Establish issues and work to find peaceful solutions.
• 962:  Anxious Friend. Anxiety mixed with need to help others. Lack of clear self identity, insecurity solved by being of help.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

@thisintegrated you forgot to type my Enneagram. 

[thisintegrated]

1 minute ago, Tyler Robinson said:

What does @thisintegrated guess my Enneagram is?

469 or 496.  More likely 469.

Seeker
469:  Anxious Individualist. Highly intuitive, dutiful, but full of doubt. Want to be different and authentic whilst feeling shame about that difference.
496:  Truth Seeker. Emotive, deep feeling, truth seeker. Push and pull between individualism and merging with the crowd.
649:  Doubter. Emotional, uncertain, will seek multiple sources of confirmation before making a decision. Will not disclose own opinion unless triggered by anger.
694:  Peace Seeker. Hidden, inhibited, peace loving. Afraid of making a mistake, afraid of revealing an opinion.
946:  Avoider. Intuitive, inquisitive but highly anxious. Will seek to deflect attention whilst wanting to stand out as an individual.
964:  Indecisive. Avoid conflict by not seeking or expressing opinion. Plagued by indecision, try to ignore conflict in hope it will go away.

[Proserpina]

@thisintegrated What do you think the order of my instinctual variants are?