Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

How does Magic work?

I would say it has a lot to do with the mechanism of self love.  Self love or healthy grandiosity in a spiritual individual will create 'magic'.   'Spiritual energy' can also build up without self love. When 'inactive' there is a build up and a release.  It can take aeons for release or to peak, IF it ever does.  You don't do it for the release.  When there is a release stars align and 'magic' occurs. 

Also you can chase this phenomena down.  The  more magic you experience, the more you experience. However the more shoe mechanisms will activate.  Hence why I said the crazy card was your card in.  

I'm aware of that when you activate it mechanisms are released called 'shoes' that make sure the current reality's solidity is maintained.

[Proserpina]

I know it's true because I know, see and enjoy the process, even if I've lost some capacity (peak and valley lifetimes).  I don't care if it's true or not because I enjoy the process of being surrounded by half angels (as a half angel), surrounded by love and infused with love.  That's what I call magic, personally.  

But you have to be a loving individual to access your own love and create from your own love.  

[Proserpina]

Summary:

A being who leans forward can visualize a being leaning forward to trigger leaning back.  Leaning back will trigger leaning forward in people in real life. 

'Entities' = beings that lean forward

Clean perception/ being perception - leaning forward, love

'God' - leaning back

.

Polarities:

Paradox effect- teal swan

Running- chasing

masculine- feminine

God- Love

Narcissist- empath

Detached- Attached

Avoidant- Anxious

Service to Self- Service to other

Orange- Green

.

Progression:

Green to yellow

Empath to super empath

Service to other to mature Service to other

Anxious to Anxious- avoidant/ secure

Love to God and Love

Attached to attached-detached/ secure

Edited August 7, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I am attracting beings with loving perception.  

I am attracting beings with loving perception.  

I am attracting beings with loving perception.  

Etc. 55×5 times.  Visualize a being with loving perception. 

 

Worked for me twice now.  But you also want to do it everyday even if it's only for a few seconds.

It technically works immediately but it takes time for it to stick and for it to not only be within imagination.  

Edited August 8, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Path of mastery: an open heart

I pursue an open heart at any and all costs.

Why do I stay open at the cost of survival and heartbreak? 

Connection with reality.  Primary.  

Beings with loving perception

Love infusion

.

Primary service is to truth and reality.  

.

To access and create with my own love when I am needy and hopeless. 

 

Edited August 9, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I saw another scene today of a van and a man working with drills as I was walking near by.  It was like a cardboard cut out.  Not real.  A scene I had created in my mind and was being projected outward.  

I've been hearing sounds recently. Cars driving by, keys rattling, footsteps - all cartoonish, all digital like.  Cardboard cut outs. 

A voice used to speak to me visually when I would see all the cardboard cut outs.  It would explain that we were building together, constructing a world of our own.  The voice went away with the medication.  Maybe it'll come back one day.  It would make me laugh. 

I don't know if they are 'entities' or if I have abilities.  It could be law of attraction, maybe the voice is me. Idk, I'm just an ignorant little stage Green fool trying to make sense of the world.  I don't have the turquoise brilliance and understanding I see so often on this forum.  

Keeping an open heart through my foolishness is difficult as hell.  I would much rather be a cold, asshole like my Dad who suffers from a similar fate.  I am not smart, and never will be, I'm not built that way.  Being vulnerable and transparent when everything that comes out of my mouth is not smart is brutal. 

.

Anyways I'm not here to be smart, I'm here to be practical.  ISFP, afterall.  Any theory is at service to the practical objective of healing and getting back on my feet and returning my independence (getting off the meds). 

 

Edited August 10, 2022 by Proserpina

[Loba]

I'm shocked that you don't think you're smart.  I read your journal from time to time and smart is one of the words I would use to describe you.  I would look into the thought of not being intelligent as a limiting believe that perhaps you think is true by may actually not be congruent with who you really are.  You're smart.  Absolutely.

Edited August 10, 2022 by Loba

[Proserpina]

@Loba Thank you.  I make major mistakes within my journal writings and understanding.  I have very high standards for myself as my recently deceased mother was a master and I feel can never reach her level, nor the people I'm drawn to naturally.  There is a massive gap as Abraham Hicks might say.  I come from a family of wide difference.  My father and mother have vastly different intelligence.

I also read your writings.  You are quite an interesting person. 

Edited August 10, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I think that gap may be at the root of my physical illness.  And also The Room in my house that I currently own.  It's all related.  The darkness dissolves when the gap is resolved and vice versa.  The psychological is the paranormal.  

I can't step foot into my own house I currently own because there are footsteps and because of The Room. 

Pathetic. 

Get a grip, Eva. 

There's a beautiful smell in my house too.  I hear my mother's footsteps, the way she would put on her makeup.  The house is haunted by her energy.  

At night in my dreams I resolve to relax and make love to the darkness.  My fear feeds it.  Appreciation and relaxation heals me. 

Edited August 10, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

When I 'was crazy' or was in mystic state there were themes. I could not escape these themes.  I could not outrun them.   It was like a fractal, everywhere I turned,  there they were.  The themes were heavily tied to karma and right or wrong action.  The lessons I was learning and what I had yet to learn.  It was all a different angle of the same theme.  

Themes that were especially significant were lessons I kept repeating and would not learn.  The consequences and theme became more and more severe as I failed to learn the lessons. 

Themes (I can remember): 

Allowing my father and mother to abuse me

Hell- Being riddled in pain and rage for years instead of taking steps

'Imprisonment' by my parents.

.

Everyone was either my mother or father for example.  

 

 

 

[Proserpina]

Does ego and no ego attract? 

Masculine is 'egoic' according to Eckhart Tolle.  Feminine is less egoic, and instead has a stronger painbody.

Attraction based on differing strengths and weaknesses. 

No ego - agreeableness

No Painbody - Low neuroticism

I know for myself,  working on myself spiritually attracts the masculine.  

. 

Masculine likes to dominate and determine the connection but attraction ultimately determines the connection in the end IF the feminine can withhold and stop giving all her charms away so easily like she does.  Withhold, develop spiritually, withhold, develop spiritually, withhold.

.

I wonder because I'm pretty feminine and I'm attracted to....some questionable things.  Most women can't help but be attracted to the calm asshole.  Maybe that's not a developmental issue on her side but the way the feminine is made up, to be attracted to her opposite (ego + no painbody).  

I always imagine the ideal feminine to be without ego.  And the ideal masculine to be without a painbody. 

Edited August 11, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Here's a pretty picture I took a few months ago.  

[Proserpina]

3 hours ago, Proserpina said:

+ 1.5 hours Healing (A) (Rare candy app: nurse) (7.5hrs total)

+ 1.5 hours Healing (AM) (Rare candy app: nurse) (7.5hrs total)

+ 3 hours Transmission/Pivot (M) (Rare candy app: nurse) (3 hrs total)

+ 2 hours Transmission/Pivot (M) (Rare candy app: nurse) (5 hrs total)

[Proserpina]

My favourite fictional ISFP: 

The Beast from the Beauty and the Beast

Legolas:

Jon snow: 

Eowyn

Eleven 

Cirilla

Edited August 11, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

ISFPs are connected with nature and animals.  Often nymphs and wood elves.  

I imagine ISFPs to be the embodiment of contentment and indulgence. Nymphs lazing contentedly. 

At their best they are warrior-like, practical and have high integrity. 

[Proserpina]

+ 1 hour bliss (Being - Thank you - 2 Hour Timer) (Rare candy app: nurse) (1 hour total)

……………

Notes:

 since I can’t meditate like I used to I’m going to use the ho'oponopono prayer, broken down, as a crutch.  As well as other Matt Kahn affirmations.  I can’t see anything wrong with crutches if they help with entering. 

[Proserpina]

I'm basically a spoilt brat in terms of spirituality and now I'm taking a hit (from physical illness) I'm having a bit of a tantrum.  I can't seem to appreciate what I have because my capacity has decreased.  Gratitude is what I need.    

[Proserpina]

Favourite (fairy tale ) INFPs: 

Beauty

Persephone

Frodo

Goldberry 

Arwen 

Sleeping beauty

 

[Proserpina]

INFPs are more otherworldly than ISFP.  They are more like witches trained in the art of druidry and herbalism.  Hypnotic, strangely beautiful.  

They also have an aura of contentedness and indulgence as all IxxP types do.  Less grounded and sensual, more airy and ethereal.

The INFP witch

 

Edited August 15, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

My partner's Schedule (Its SO pretty).  I'm copying 

JM Daily Routine and Schedule

Spend Fri in Law Lib 9am-5pm if possible.

I.  8 a.m. to 5 p.m. (WORK HOURS) => 9 hr

1.  Freelance paralegal projects billable time.

2.  Administrative projects actual time.

3. Web Development Coding Tutorials.

4.  Mindfulness meditation from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

5. Take shower.

6.  Eat breakfast or lunch that conforms to diet.

II.  5 p.m. to 11 p.m. (EVENING HOURS) => 6 hr

1.  Eat dinner that conforms to diet.

2.  Take vitamins.

3.  Exercise Routine.

4.  Work on Chores.

5.  Work on my YouTube videos or prep for them.

6.  Trumpet practice.

7.  Review my writings and videos. Take notes using OneNote.

8.  Work on writing two books on personal growth.

9.  Work on the house.

10.  Reading, audiobooks, YouTube studying.

11. Turn off phone and computer at 11 a.m.

III.  11 p.m. to 8 a.m. (SLEEPING ONLY) => 9 hr

1.  In bed with the intention to sleep.

IV.  JM List of Rules (a.k.a. Enforced Boundaries)

1.  No unfrugal spending of money. [Y/N]
2.  No marijuana period. [Y/N] 
3.  No caffeine period. [Y/N] 
4.  No social media except for my APC Discord. [Y/N]
5.  No non-work-related Internet period. [Y/N]
6.  No non-task-related theory until 8 hours billed. [Y/N]
7.  No news websites period. [Y/N] 
8.  No overpromising and underdelivering period. [Y/N]
9. No accepting paralegal projects that thwart my evenings. [Y/N] 
10.  No working on Work Hours tasks after 5 p.m. [Y/N] 
11.  No YouTube except for executing my existing projects until 1/1/23. [Y/N] 
12.  No Failing to Charge Phone 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. [Y/N]