Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

I have a good heart and a love for Truth,  although I have schizoaffective disorder and I vent here sometimes (I'm human).  I'm not ashamed of it.  I won't let my Dad punch it into my head to be ashamed either. I have way more potential than my current inexperience and medication allows but that doesn't mean I'm 'low consciousness'. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

My highest awakenings were when the reciever and the sender were the Self. Another dimension, made up of the Self. And depending on the connection you could go to a higher dimension.  The 'people' there were as real as you and me. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Comments sections would be telling My story. Everyone's thoughts and stories were my own (Sender is the self). Some talked to me (Reciever is the Self) and some spoke to others (asleep).

My thoughts became everyone's thoughts and everyone's thoughts became my thoughts and I was able to control/heavily influence their actions and the synchronicities.

When I recieve messages sometimes the sender will be different from me (asleep) but that occurs rarely and only when I meet a disembodied being or a God-avatar. Normally everyone will be me. 

 

 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Schizoaffective has highs and lows. It's a combination of bipolar and schizophrenia. 

I personally don't think it's that simple.  

Experiences with God is not a 'high'. But the establishment classifies it as a high.  

The lows are caused by inexperience out of control/ with momentum.  

Misdiagnosis? I probably have schizophrenia.

 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

When people think of schizoaffective or schizophrenia they usually think of someone who is delusional and paranoid. Someone who is low consciousness.

In actuality I'm just afraid of everyone in my depressive states. I harbour no negative thoughts, negative intentions. Just extreme anxiety that I soothe with meditation.  

Edited May 31, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

'Hypervigilance' is what my psychiatrist called it. Often found in PTSD and war veterans. 

Around that time I had been experiencing my mum dying and my dad becoming more and more violent. 

I would recieve messages of danger constantly. 

 

[Proserpina]

Abundance is attractive. If you know love, you can know self love if you turn it inward.  Practice self love for high abundance. 

[Proserpina]

Bipolar and schizophrenia are correlated in that if you become manic enough you can slip into psychosis. Psychosis can be controlled through mood stabilisers for that reason.  

Edited May 31, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

If I feel loved/loveable to such a degree I can slip into a 'psychosis' if I'm not medicated.  Self love.  

[Proserpina]

Anyways. Even the reciever and sender is a distortion. Everything is awareness, not just the reciever and sender. 

[Proserpina]

Humility.

Listen and learn. Gotta listen.  

Reciever and sender is a jumping off point. 

I need to study Being a bit more. 

[Proserpina]

I can see it. It really is about noticing awareness or the I AM. It's deceptively simple yet profound. 

I think I can enter trance at will now by noticing the I am. Just gotta practice. 

[Proserpina]

I'm looking for the collapse of self and other. Which should come from simply noticing. 

I just did it and I went straight into a 'psychosis'.

[Proserpina]

My emotions have an impact on how it's interpreted and filtered. Since I have a lot of trauma, it's quite negative.....

[Proserpina]

Being is awareness, I AM front and centre. 

Be awareness to collapse self and other/collapse it automatically.  Clarity. Awareness comes with a whole host of benefits.

[Proserpina]

God-avatar is awareness and so is everything else.  God-avatar speaks as awareness but some disembodied beings do not. Those disembodied Beings went away when I was more conscious of consciousness/I AM. "You are me and I am you". The Self. I was in another dimension talking to myself at that point, what I think of as 'enlightenment'. 

Enlightenment is when you are talking to yourself all the time. Can collapse self and other 'at will'. You are consciousness. Atleast, to me. 

Awakening is being awake to that but not necessarily talking to yourself or being consciousness. 

There's a deep peace and satisfaction that comes from collapsing self and other.  

Edited May 31, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

There's a difference  between the Jewel and what people normally think of when they think of the Self, which is a mediocre version covered in dust.   I've worked out. 

What I call 'lazer awareness' or the Jewel (terminology and theory doesn't matter that much, only recording) can burn a hole through the veil, revealing the Jewel. 'Self love' is that process or the genie (Jewel) bestowing the Jewel into my heart.  And then we become one,  because it is one Jewel. 

The Jewel is enough unto itself (I am that) but the merge is something special (I).

[Proserpina]

God hides in the incompetent.  Sometimes he shows his face in the competent.  

[Proserpina]

"The throat chakra, or vishuddha chakra in Sanskrit, is located at the center of the neck. It acts as the individual's force of expression and individual truth, both internally and externally. A balanced throat chakra helps to set us free from the fear of judgement or need for approval from others."

I know I have an absence of the Jewel in my heart centre,  or identity centre. Hell is directly correlated with that absence.  The more absent,  the worse it got.  

I'm not identified as the Jewel. 

But identifying as the Jewel or not got me there -to the hell or heavenly realm. Identifying as the Jewel masters all of the human realm.  Praise and glory are yours. 

 

Edited June 2, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

The Jewel impacts you entering into those realms fullstop. Youll enter into those realms whether or not you are identified if you have the jewel. Being identified as the Jewel or not determines where you'll go.  If you meet a God-avatar (awareness) he'll burn a hole through you identifying you as the jewel. 

Edited June 2, 2022 by Proserpina