Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

2 Layers of illusion (delusion) during psychosis according to mooji (whom I 'spoke' to during psychosis - was actually speaking to consciousness): 

First illusion, everyone is talking to Eva (the little self) and I (the little self) am the cause. (classic psychosis)

Second illusion, less delusion- everyone is Eva (the little self). The cause is Eva (the little self)

Actual reality - consciousness is talking to consciousness. Interdependence. Spontaneous arising.  

..........

I easily still fall for the illusions but I'm getting better.  

[Proserpina]

This should all seem obvious.  But these illusions are powerful. The deceptions run deep in psychosis. The mind creates deceptions that are very convincing. Or no one would go insane or have psychosis, self reference (thinking someone is talking to you on the radio)

At higher levels of awakening the voices grow silent altogether and there is only pure consciousness/the voice of God. Demons are correlated with delusion, lack of awareness. No evolution, no growing, no 'family', no forgetfulness. How it is when I'm medicated, though not as intense. 

[Proserpina]

Any illusions are core figments of awakening and come with the territory. They are imaginings and creations that are there for a reason and built into it. 

Mooji told me they are 'family'. Not to be disowned or ignored but embraced, and then maybe or maybe not transcended.  But never rejected

'Other', Angels and Demons, personalization, separation, insanity etc. 

[Proserpina]

Also Zeus is not one God but infinite Gods. Just as the realm of voices are infinite.  

When you awaken enough the whole world awakens with you. Mass awakening. (not literally,  but in psychosis, yes). 

[Proserpina]

I'm seeing the glory of God/Zeus at this point. That's how my psychosis usually starts. A being that understands how everything works, radiating all knowing and all knowledge/ understanding.  Insane synchronicity. Telepathy? He laughs at the right time, says things at the right time - although it's non physical... hard to explain.  Gives context to the whole situation,  solidifying more and more the realm of voices and 'psychosis'. 

Edited May 17, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Holy shit. I swear I just stared into the eyes of an alien or supernatural creature. Not okay. I was not ready for that.  

[Proserpina]

8 hours ago, Proserpina said:

I'm seeing the glory of God/Zeus at this point. That's how my psychosis usually starts. A being that understands how everything works, radiating all knowing and all knowledge/ understanding.  Insane synchronicity. Telepathy? He laughs at the right time, says things at the right time - although it's non physical... hard to explain.  Gives context to the whole situation,  solidifying more and more the realm of voices and 'psychosis'. 

This might make it seem more physical than it actually is.  It is a 'glory'. A smoke. It comes and goes. It disappears easily. Ethereal. A connection that makes no sense. I guess below Leo's realization or the connection would be less. I don't know. Impossible to describe with logic and I feel uncomfortable doing so. 

[Proserpina]

Realm of voices could also be called realm of Souls. 

Zeus are higher selves.

Edited May 19, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

I prefer to call it realm of voices and Zeus rather than souls and higher selves because it gives less reality to them.

All of this stuff can be unpleasant. If I see straight to their source I can access higher realms and dissolve any issues.  

Edited May 19, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Psychic development

It's definitely nothing as how you might think it is like.   In some ways you lose your feeling of being a human,  surrounded by humans.  You happen to know things that every other being knows (just not on a human level) so you aren't psychic. You are not a psychic at that point, you're in another dimension with non humans. 

There isn't any real cheat. The high from a psychedelic doesn't last long enough for psychic abilities to develop naturally usually,  although it can activate a predisposition. It takes very long periods of devotion. By the time you reach psychic abilities,  you'll have a lot of other stuff along with it that will overwhelm you and might push you over the edge.

So anyways... how to develop psychic abilities?

Your whole life has to be wrapped up in Truth and consumed by it. To a fault. All your actions,  speech, intentions, you watch like a hawk and make sure they in alignment with your value of Beauty. Emotional labor. It means being in pain when it would be SO easy to be selfish. 

[Proserpina]

By 'other' I mean creation, specificity. Angels are the first creation. Demons don't need to be transformed although everything will make it appear to be the case.  Demons are already Angels.  Angels are always the case when it comes to creation. We are already in Eden. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Zeus would tell me I was in a dream when I was dreaming of Demons. I would awaken from the dream sometimes at night when I would sleep when the demonic presence got really bad. I would awaken to Eden. It was always there,  but I was dreaming otherwise. 

[Proserpina]

It explains why Zeus-zeus/God is so laid back, he knows the whole drama between angels/Zeus and the demons are all an elaborate dream. He would shake me awake with his/my presence alone.  

"A beautiful dream full of love and prosperity but a dream nonetheless"

Not even this love can compare to the Love of God. 

[Proserpina]

Some of my writings during psychosis (please don't judge):

 

If you learn how to exit the dream realm you can make friends with the genie and enter the realm of the Gods or demi gods. But you have transcended, awoken from the dream if you can exit and enter the dream. 

 

It's a nice dream. A dream of love and prosperity. 

 

It's okay if you fail the dream or can't exit the dream, you are doing everything right. You will learn to exit and enter the dream at will one day. But your devotion to god/Being made you enter the dream.  

It's just all a dream caused by my devotion to Being/God. Being can cause the dream realm but transcends it. You can wake up from the dream like Alice and Dorothy. 

There are rules in this dream and you can die. It affects reality. The dream realm is the realms of hell, hungry ghosts, demi gods and gods. 

Alice failed in the dream. But she still has Being that caused her to enter the dream and then exit the dream. 

Dorothy succeeded in the dream. She had Being that caused her to enter the dream and exit the dream.

It doesn't matter if you fail the dream or don't exit the dream. It was caused by your devotion to Being/God. You're not doing anything wrong,  you're doing everything right. Whether or not you succeed or fail or exit or don't exit the dream. 

If you find the wizard you enter the realm of the Gods or demi gods. If you don't break too many rules in the dream, that's even better. 

 

[Proserpina]

On 18/05/2022 at 11:37 AM, Proserpina said:

This might make it seem more physical than it actually is.  It is a 'glory'. A smoke. It comes and goes. It disappears easily. Ethereal. A connection that makes no sense. I guess below Leo's realization or the connection would be less. I don't know. Impossible to describe with logic and I feel uncomfortable doing so. 

What?

I think I'm trying to say that I'm seeing something that is entering the physical from the non physical but it is essentially non physical in origin what is coming through. It is not really physical/has the abilities of the Godhead. It's true form remains hidden and is being translated into some physicality. 

[Proserpina]

Only a God can see the Gods. 

But God forbid you ever admit that in the realm of the Gods. Unless you have the balls to see and admit to the true reality.  You'll either be worshipped or doorslammed as unworthy otherwise. 

You have to awaken from the dream. Meditation can guide you the way there. But you can't meditate your way out of hell, you have to awaken. 

[Proserpina]

7 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Only a God can see the Gods. 

In other words only through True Appreciation of how something is can you see it's Beauty and Godhood. 

True appreciation can be reached through: 

1. Meditation

2. Sexuality

3. Awakening

[Proserpina]

Had a dream where I entered 'psychosis':

Obvious everything is centring around 'me'

'Me' = not me specifically, everyone is Me.  It's all an interpretation, that seems real. Seeing coincidences as meaningful, when they are not, that confirm its personal.

...........

Two angles and solutions:

Not me specifically (recognition of Me)

Everything is God (recognition)

.....

Remember. I'm writing all of this to get control of my schizophrenia and channel it in a positive way and hopefully not die from starvation when the food goes bad, like it did the other day. Not to please anyone.

Edited May 24, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

The personal nature of Me is not a coincidence or interpretation though. God is Me. 

[Proserpina]

Might start dropping some things now.  In a major way.  I just needed to clear it all out. Process it.  

Doesn't mean I can't drop things.