Proserpina's Journal

[Proserpina]

Why it happens

I remember eckhart tolle saying that painbodies activate painbodies.  In cycle 2 my painbody is active (as is the case for most women) and it activates even larger painbodies in others. Basically I surround myself with and attract not very nice people.

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Spotting Narcissism

How do they react when you are at your lowest?

Do they abuse you in the name of truth and honesty?

How do they react when your painbody is mildly active?

When you pick yourself apart do they chime in and help you pick yourself apart?

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

21 hours ago, Proserpina said:

The two cycles

Cycle 1- 

Relaxed

Creative

Non mind orientated

Quiet

Feminine

Non intellectual

Agreeable

Zen

 

Cycle 2- 

Mind orientated

Intellectual

Neurotic

Disagreeable

Assertive

Confident

Masculine

Talkative

 

This is just what I've been told in the past.  But now I'm starting to doubt it as I gain emotional distance. I think I surround myself with and attract people with larger pain bodies than my own which are then activated by my painbody. 

[Proserpina]

Stockholm syndrome is a condition in which hostages develop a psychological bond with their captors during captivity.[1] Stockholm Syndrome results from a rather specific set of circumstances, namely the power imbalances contained in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships. 

[Proserpina]

Bullies and abusers

I think a lot of abuse and bullying is performed in the name of 'social justice'. People who abuse rarely think they are in the wrong,  they usually think they are doing society a favor somehow.  They will abuse in the name of truth. 

'But he's so sweet the rest of the time' lol

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Blood boiling

I feel sorry for my mum.  She's being bullied by my Dad and she has brain cancer.  She's intellectually disabled.  She's becoming more childlike to try to get along with him. People like my Dad make me sick. I can spot them a mile away.

Lucky for me there are quite a few bullies on here who are so openly sharing their psychology with me.  I feel more confident in understanding their inner workings,  their social sphere and reasoning.  Perfect for shadow work. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

What do I love most about life?

Service and selflessness.

Exiting my isolation and the engrossment in my thought stories to assist. Complete dropping away of selfhood with the dawning of the severity of the situation.  Realizing my value in the play and the value in my preparations.  Meeting angels along the path.  The humor,  the joy in the process. 

[SQAAD]

Interesting posts. You have some consistency. Keep it up~!!

[Proserpina]

14 hours ago, SQAAD said:

Interesting posts. You have some consistency. Keep it up~!!

Thank you

[Proserpina]

How to quit an addiction

You want momentum.  

Start with installing the small things in a habit app like habitica. Stuff like 'stand up', 'walk', 'start reading', 'start exercise'. Do that for a very very long time until you become bored.  Then introduce new tasks outside the habit app with no tracking.  Too much tracking and expectation will cause burn out. Only track the easy stuff. 

Quitting addictions is an advanced stage in momentum. 

Eventually you'll gain enough momentum and will to quit your addictions.  It will feel fun and exciting.  

[Proserpina]

Track the tasks that have enormous amounts of potential behind them (sit up,  stand up,  walk,  exercise) but that are ridiculously easy. It will leave you feeling inspired.

Let your centre of gravity be meditation and stillness.  Track time off phone meditating.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Humor

Find that mindset and vision that inspires you. 

When I was at my 'funniest' I was like a little pixie getting into all kinds of trouble. Bouncing here and there.  Mischevious. Airy, care free, laughter occurring naturally like breathing.  I would attract similar beings and we would play off eachother. 

[Proserpina]

Preparations: 

Wallowing. Embracing pain.

Going general. Isolation/ solitude. Sleep. Meditation. Distraction. 

Not feeding negativity. Feeding positivity.  

Optimism on almost all subjects.

Time

 

 

 

 

[Proserpina]

The universe will set up an exercise course for you

[Proserpina]

An old curse I made: 

"One day the sun won't rise,  and you will mourn.  Your world will fall to dust, your humiliation will be ten fold.  Do not mistreat the feminine,  do not mistreat the vulnerable."

I think it's where so called curses originated from.  Mistreatment rather than ill will. 

Covid is just one case of where the 'sun' didn't rise in time.  Covid is a manifestation of narcissism.

 

[Proserpina]

My understanding seems to be progressing which is positive. Even if my mystic experiences are kinda negative (compared to my first).

The synchronicities and communications and reflections were AMAZING though. I loved it. 

I'm off my medication as soon as I'm allowed. Even if all hell breaks loose. I can't learn in this dampened state. I have to open up my inner darkness and my demons. Homelessness or not. Running around in bushes or not.

I can't go back now that I know what I'm missing. 

[Proserpina]

The smell of death was present in this awakening. Only this time it was replaced by a smell of sweet perfume by way of meditation,  intense concentration and prayer . It penetrated my entire room through a window and everything in my room smelt of that sweet smell for weeks.

My room had turned into a temple, where I meditated and prayed for all living beings. I would go for walks and the smell would waft off of homeless people and those around me. 

At one point I heard a choir of angels sing. 

[Proserpina]

I meditated last time and the smell of death disappated but nothing so beautiful replaced it. 

After that the smells returned in a fury. All ovens smelt of cooked rotten human flesh.  Food smelt the same way.  I was starved for weeks. Until I finally figured out how to use meditation to make 'commands'. 

"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm."

I commanded the food to be normal and everything would lift for a time so I could eat. Eventually the smells stopped all together.  

The other day I commanded an awakening and recieved one not long after.  My antipsychotic largely blocks me though.  

[Proserpina]

I don't know.  All of this gives me hope that being a selfless person means something in this world.  Not someone who is cruel for their own personal benefit.

Edited May 15, 2022 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

Although selflessness has to be enough. 

To be selfless to be selfless.

Not to recieve anything. 

Edited May 15, 2022 by Proserpina