Proserpina's Journal

[gettoefl]

3 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

I've been through hell in this lifetime (still going through hell), mostly in survival mode.  It was because I reached out to God and acted in goodness that I have the relationship I have.  I stay true, married to him,  through thick and thin. Christians seem to understand something when they talk about a 'relationship with God'. 

i have extricated from christianity only recently but its language, its tradition and its mysticism can give us a way to comprehend the absolute ... sorry to hear you have suffered so much and i hope you feel that things are moving favorably now ... i feel we are a completely new creation every day even though i myself am still caught up in some pretty heavy (family related) subjugation myself which never seems to end

[Proserpina]

19 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

i have extricated from christianity only recently but its language, its tradition and its mysticism can give us a way to comprehend the absolute ... sorry to hear you have suffered so much and i hope you feel that things are moving favorably now ... i feel we are a completely new creation every day even though i myself am still caught up in some pretty heavy (family related) subjugation myself which never seems to end

There's something about personalizing it that makes embodiment more likely I sense.

I'm still trying to crack the code of why I have embodiment (with little understanding) so I can help others.  

[gettoefl]

5 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

There's something about personalizing it that makes embodiment more likely I sense.

I'm still trying to crack the code of why I have embodiment (with little understanding) so I can help others.  

i am the way i am the truth i am the life in other words life is the way and life is the truth and truth is the way ... all of which you can embody

[Proserpina]

@gettoefl Hm...Truth is the way.  

I feel like my embodiment's root comes from a deep love of truth (only I'm limited). God told me I had a love of truth.  And I thanked him for being 'a sword of truth in the darkness'

[gettoefl]

52 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

@gettoefl Hm...Truth is the way.  

I feel like my embodiment's root comes from a deep love of truth (only I'm limited). God told me I had a love of truth.  And I thanked him for being 'a sword of truth in the darkness'

that is excellent, i think most will run a mile when they get wind of the truth ... from what i read i think you are certainly on your way

[gettoefl]

"

In reality nothing happens. Onto the screen of the mind destiny forever projects its pictures, memories of former projections and thus illusion constantly renews itself. The pictures come and go – light intercepted by ignorance. See the light and disregard the picture.

Question: What a callous way of looking at things! People are killing and getting killed and here you talk of pictures.

Nisargadatta: By all means go and get killed yourself – if that is what you think you should do. Or even go and kill, if you take it to be your duty. But that is not the way to end the evil. Evil is the stench of a mind that is diseased. Heal your mind and it will cease to project distorted, ugly pictures.

Question: What you say I understand, but emotionally I cannot accept it. This merely idealistic view of life repels me deeply. I just cannot think myself to be permanently in a state of dream.

Nisargadatta: How can anybody be permanently in a state caused by an impermanent body? The misunderstanding is based on your idea that you are the body. Examine the idea, see its inherent contradictions, realise that your present existence is like a shower of sparks, each spark lasting a second and the shower itself – a minute or two. Surely a thing of which the beginning is the end, can have no middle. Respect your terms. Reality cannot be momentary. It is timeless, but timelessness is not duration.

Question: I admit that the world in which I live is not the real world. But there is a real world, of which I see a distorted picture. The distortion may be due to some blemish in my body or mind. But when you say there is no real world, only a dream world in my mind, I just cannot take it. I wish I could believe that all horrors of existence are due to my having a body. Suicide would be the way out.

Nisargadatta: As long as you pay attention to ideas, your own or of others, you will be in trouble. But if you disregard all teachings, all books, anything made out of words, and dive deeply within yourself and find your Self, this alone will solve all your problems and leave you in full mastery of every situation, because you will not be dominated by your ideas about the situation. Take an example. You are in the company of an attractive woman. You get ideas about her and this creates a sexual situation. A problem is created and you start looking for books on continence, or enjoyment. Were you a baby, both of you could be naked and together without any problem arising. Just stop thinking you are the bodies and the problems of love and sex will lose their meaning. With all sense of limitation gone, fear, pain and the search for pleasure – all cease. Only Awareness remains.

"

 

Edited October 3, 2021 by gettoefl

[Proserpina]

On pain and pleasure

It's possible to 'turn on' and 'turn off' pain. It's not like a rejection, it's a deep love. You fall in love with it. You don't want any thought to tamper with it,  including 'pain', 'pleasure', 'difference'. You want it raw. (To describe it to you)

Do it with pain and aversion and you can do it with anything else.  

[Proserpina]

Poor genetics and awakening

A part of me suffers for it and another part of me is like, who cares? 

If I can awaken enough to where pain and suffering no longer have me hostage and everything is beautiful then who cares if I can't be up to these people's level. 

I know I have limitations (my Dad has a very low IQ) but at the end of the day I'm not here to have some fancy understanding I can never reach due to poor genetics

Edited October 4, 2021 by Proserpina

[gettoefl]

10 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Poor genetics and awakening

A part of me suffers for it and another part of me is like, who cares? 

If I can awaken enough to where pain and suffering no longer have me hostage and everything is beautiful then who cares if I can't be up to these people's level. 

I know I have limitations (my Dad has a very low IQ) but at the end of the day I'm not here to have some fancy understanding I can never reach due to poor genetics

existence makes no carbon copies, everyone is god's finest day in the lab guaranteed ... comparison is futile, our shells and shapes may look kinda similar but what we are is unique spectacular masterpieces which the universe esteems more precious than a mother looking at her newborn  ... only we can do what we do bring what we bring dance like we dance ... no two of us will experience a remotely similar awakening and enlightenment, we are each here to reveal a new facet of existence that only we since the beginning of time have been entrusted to bring to realization and manifestation

[Proserpina]

@gettoefl ❤️

[gettoefl]

2 hours ago, Proserpina said:

@gettoefl ❤️

 

glad you resonate ... we all bring such different intelligence and ability to the table ... your journal shows your talent and passion in abundance

[Proserpina]

Being vs beliefs

Sometimes you have to make a decision between belief systems that weigh you down and feel heavy vs Being. Even if you LOVE models like me. To simply say I'm infinite and this is what I want rather than place yourself on a finite spectrum.  You are more than where you place yourself on a model. 

(This journal entry was inspired by @Nahm)

Edited October 4, 2021 by Proserpina

[gettoefl]

13 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Being vs beliefs

Sometimes you have to make a decision between belief systems that weigh you down and feel heavy vs Being. Even if you LOVE models like me. To simply say I'm infinite and this is what I want rather than place yourself on a finite spectrum.  You are more than where you place yourself on a model. 

(This journal entry was inspired by @Nahm)

can't deny i am loving me a nice model to refer to but i am not going to let it hold me in bondage, have to let go of all for the truth

"

Truth is simple and open to all. Why do you complicate? Truth is loving, truth is lovable.

It includes all, accepts all, purifies all. It is untruth that is difficult and a source of trouble. It always wants, expects, demands. Being false, it is empty, always in search of confirmation and reassurance. It is afraid of and avoids enquiry. It identifies itself with any support, however weak and momentary. Whatever it gets, it loses and asks for more.

Therefore put no faith in the mental. Nothing you can see, feel, or think is so.

Even sin and virtue, merit and demerit are not what they appear. Usually the bad and the good are a matter of convention and custom and are shunned or welcomed, according to how the words are used.

"

[Proserpina]

Paradox in my mystical experience notes: 

Much of my notes involved paradoxical elements I had to censor for fear of being misunderstood.  

'Spoilt child'

'Exhausted'

.....

Innocence, Being, unconditional love +

The Devil

= warmth, Gratitude, Compassion, selflessness

Balance

......

Shallowness + depth = warmth

.........

Infinite Selfness

.....

Evil is good

Edited October 5, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

God cleans up after himself

I have this theory that 'simple minded' avatars are sometimes 'chosen' as a way for God to clean up after himself and keep the mystery hidden.  In all my encounters with God he was extremely careful to clean up.  'I'm wearing shoes' he would tell me. All his magic tricks, everything would disappear as if it never existed,  leaving me thinking I must be  insane. 

Edited October 6, 2021 by Proserpina

[Proserpina]

How do you know you're enlightened:

Internal knowing-

Deep, deep love of truth

 

External knowing-

People surround you

People tell you you are pure and selfless

[Proserpina]

Delusion vs enlightenment

When I channel I don't know if I'm in an enlightened state or deluded. 

'People surrounding me' could be delusion or real.  There's not really a distinction (hense why I talk about aliens lol)

People with schizophrenia who cant make out distinctions may be enlightened masters in the making who have lost their way a little bit. 

[gettoefl]

9 hours ago, Proserpina said:

All fall short

I want to remain humble but I have yet to come across and be impressed by a level of 'love of truth' that might persuade me. 

All these teachers fall short

'Angels and divine beings'

'Embodiment'

'Contentment' 

All fall short in the face of God. 

ah yes it is good you are here and good you should mention that

pull up a chair

all this time you are the one i have been waiting for

no pressure

[Proserpina]

@gettoefl Hahaha. 

*intensely feels the pressure*

 

[gettoefl]

8 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

@gettoefl Hahaha. 

*intensely feels the pressure*

 

and after all there is no one really here bar you right? so what pressure is there ... this is your world hah ... oh and thanks for invoking me