Feel like I am dying after breakup. Help?

[RendHeaven]

Click link below.

Godspeed brother

[Shin]

8 hours ago, Seven7 said:

Hey guys, small update. Some of you may be disappointed in me lol but here’s what happened 

 

I think my ego rationalized to me that if I dedicate 100% of it to her and become exactly what I should have been, that she will take me back. I was ready to dedicate myself and be serious about this girl, no matter what. So after work I called her up and explained very thoroughly and genuinely how I felt, what I planned to do, and that I will take whatever response she has head on. After a lot of talking and some crying on her end she denied me, saying it’s too late, and that she physically cannot trust me at this time with words, and has accepted that it’s time to move on. It hit me hard but at that moment I realized it truly is finished and that is her feminine intuition doing it’s magic. Like @museumoftrees said above, it’s the universes way of teaching me a lesson.
 

We talked for another hour, reminiscing on times we had, going through photos, and then we both said a strong loving goodbye and hung up. Then I went for a long drive and got home, drank a protein shake and some fruit, then wrote this up. Going to meditate some more before bed. I actually feel okay, I’m sad af but that was a good ending and the closure I needed and I think she did too. Tomorrow and for the next few weeks I know I will be really sad but this time it feels a little “lighter” so to speak. Not with the same crushing intensity. Thank you all for the help, really a beautiful community. I have a long ways to go with healing, but I’m definitely gonna be more active on here and try to give my perspective on things where I can help ??❤️

It's a normal thing to do, so nobody is disapointed

Thank God she didn't flinch, cause if you both broke up, it's for a good reason.

Happy there was a healthy conclusion (not the word I'm searching for, I'm getting old, please help lol)

[Seven7]

5 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Click link below.

Godspeed brother

This was very raw bro thank you for these posts. I might do something similar. I feel SO similar to you and your descriptions. Going through the exact thing from the early posts 

[ilja]

I cannot believe how similar this sounds to as it was for me.

I was heavy into lifting as well and was neglecting her towards the end because of an interest into other girls. 4 years in relationship.

But I was also abusive towards her.

 At some point we got less and less contact until I even forgot about her for a month, i think it may have been even a couple months, it felt like a week.

In that time, I kinda started realizing more how narcissistic I was and how much of myself I was actively repressing out of shame. I stumbled upon an anime that opened my heart which had been closed due to shame for a long time and I finally opened up to myself in thinking as well, regained my strong empathy.

Eventually I accidentally met her again and we talked and I slowly realized what treasure I had thrown away there.

So I tried to make it up, was in a 'relationship' again with her, but it was different, I felt she felt different about me. During the short second attempt, I was the best I could have been towards her with my limited financial situation and I really deeply loved her.

 When she went to Spain to work as a au-pair for 6 months, I believe, one evening I felt bothering unease and worry, when she contacted me via skype, she broke up.

I could not handle it, my body was strong and fit but mind wanted to die, to stop thinking for good, it just could not and I was in pure agony of conflictive thoughts/feelings, sadness over the loss, self criticism, chronic gut pain and conflict between wanting to die in mind but live in body, for the next whole year, every day.

That was rough, that was an insane.. period. time felt so stretched out.

I can still feel the emotional cloud of the aftermath today.

Edited May 6, 2021 by ilja

[Seven7]

2 hours ago, ilja said:

I cannot believe how similar this sounds to as it was for me.

I was heavy into lifting as well and was neglecting her towards the end because of an interest into other girls. 4 years in relationship.

But I was also abusive towards her.

 At some point we got less and less contact until I even forgot about her for a month, i think it may have been even a couple months, it felt like a week.

In that time, I kinda started realizing more how narcissistic I was and how much of myself I was actively repressing out of shame. I stumbled upon an anime that opened my heart which had been closed out of shame for a long time and I finally opened up to myself in thinking as well, regained my strong empathy.

Eventually I accidentally met her again and we talked and I slowly realized what treasure I had thrown away there.

So I tried to make it up, was in a 'relationship' again with her, but it was different, I felt she felt different about me. During the short second attempt, I was the best I could have been towards her with my limited financial situation and I really deeply loved her.

 When she went to Spain to work as a au-pair for 6 months, I believe, one evening I felt bothering unease and worry, when she contacted me via skype, she broke up.

I could not handle it, my body was strong and fit but mind wanted to die, to stop thinking for good, it just could not and I was in pure agony of conflictive thoughts/feelings, sadness over the loss, self criticism, chronic gut pain and conflict between wanting to die in mind but live in body, for the next whole year, every day.

That was rough, that was an insane.. period. time felt so stretched out.

I can still feel the emotional cloud of the aftermath today.

Ahh man that description is spot on. It’s like an agony to exist, every single way you described it was perfect 

An entire year?? I cannot survive this for a year dude, it is unbearable. I will not make it 

[kag101]

On 02/05/2021 at 7:25 PM, Seven7 said:

Then we said our goodbyes and I blocked her 

Was it really necessary to block her?

 

Grieving is a process. It comes in waves. You can't rush it. This song might help:

 

It's important to know how to let yourself feel the sadness, but also to let go of it when it's time.

That is, to do something fun with a friend, for example. Reconnect with your hobbies. Do stuff that takes your mind away from your ex. 

 

How are the other areas in your life? Life purpose, etc?

Why were you a bad boyfriend?

[Harlen Kelly]

@Seven7 As I said the last time, if you don't solve your attachment and neediness issues and your desires to use others as emotional crutches, this will become a recurring theme in your life. It will happen to you again, again and again unless of course you focus on the root of the issue. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[egoeimai]

Stay single for more than 2 months. You need to heal and you need to be alone to understand what it is to respect others. 

[DIDego]

@Seven7 A break up can be a opportunity, to be alone and grow with the one, you have closest, before searching for a new relationship 

 

[museumoftrees]

https://mensbreakup.com/

@Seven7  I've found that this website helped me gain perspective about my breakup. Plenty of articles to read that will help you process what you are going through.

[ilja]

18 hours ago, Seven7 said:

Ahh man that description is spot on. It’s like an agony to exist, every single way you described it was perfect 

An entire year?? I cannot survive this for a year dude, it is unbearable. I will not make it 

You can't, but you know you will and that's what sucks about it.

I don't know if it will be a year for you, but it will end.

You have my word.

Edited May 6, 2021 by ilja