Running away from addictions just gives you newer addictions???

[Lastnight3am]

I'll make this as short as possible, since there is a lot.

Up till 2020, i put myself in positions where i was abused for 23 years straight. I had no self worth and I was a hard blue/orange in the spiral dynamic category, I am a green/yellow now.

Awareness and wanting better helped me push myself away from these people and relationships. Ive worked really hard the last 2 years and i can see my growth has been significant. Ive cut all ties with people I didnt think I could live without which was very hard. 

I know my self talk and lifestyle has changed for the better dramatically, but im starting to think I may have trauma from my past because of my responses to certain stimuli. Im actively trying to heal that with patience and allowing myself to be.  Is it possible to make peace with your PTSD or is professional help something that should be looked into? I dont doubt that I can do it myself but I would like to know options that way I can choose the option of least resistance.

Second of all, I think this might be tied to the last part, now that I dont have any attachments to the past nor do i want to associate with anyone from my past since I am doing quite well on my own. Im finding that my ego is trying to grasp anything that gives me a temporary reassurance or a high. Im catching a lot of addictive tendencies, to sugar, weed, sex, or social media and I get caught in the trap and it does stagnate me. 

Im not doing so good at the moment but I can keep very level headed. I actually have no friends at all and my family tends to try to push their religion onto me and refuse to understand me which has made me feel like something is wrong but I cant put a finger on what or what to do. Im addicted to sugar, marijuana, sex and validation and its putting me in a dark place. I completely got rid of marijuana and sex in the last two weeks and now Im grasping onto newer addictions like coffee or listening to music every second of the day. help??? anyone else going through this or has gone through this? 

 

[tashadwoodfall]

I relate very much to what you're feeling.  

I also have a traumatic past starting in childhood (abandonment, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, etc.)

I was also diagnosed with PTSD (about 5 years ago) but don't consider myself having it anymore because the symptoms (not being able to sleep for days) went away years ago after I started to actively change my beliefs/thinking. 

In 2018-2019 I was addicted to attention and validation too (through sex, social media likes, looking a certain way etc.), it's like my ego was trying to play an identity game and trying to 'fit' in and feel a certain 'high'—feelings that ultimately just created temporary bandaids that eventually fell off, and left a kind of emptiness and vulnerability with a—lack of direction and clarity.

In 2020 it became apparent I was addicted to alcohol and had to handle that through committing to myself every morning I won't drink today, joining A.A. etc.  I've recently been exploring the idea of "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection" and so I'm using A.A. as a starting point of learning to connect better and more authentically with others all while deciding to cut alcohol off completely this lifetime…

I have a streak of bad/toxic and abusive romantic relationships and don't have relationships with my family members or friends anymore.  

Oh boy how much I've changed over the years…and how much I've also learned (and am still learning!)

I'm now finding myself sitting with the emptiness and…trying to clear up the mental and emotional fog.  I'll do it as long as I can and then will find something to watch or get on a forum like this or put my head in work or even try to sort through my future plans lol it's like I'm chasing something.  What is it? Inner peace, serenity, clarity…

I try not to take my life so seriously but naturally, it feels like my being won't give up on this 'search'…

Running away from addictions to newer addictions…running away from the emptiness, insecurity, uncertainty, shame, guilt and whatever else is stuck in there.  How to get unstuck? it seems to be a process that begins in this place.

 

[Lastnight3am]

@tashadwoodfall from what you wrote, your story sounds similar to mine. Honestly, knowing my journey and how painful and difficult it was to get to this place, I just want to say wow it must feel really good to finally say oh boy how much ive changed over the years, you're a really strong person. Im in that same emptiness right now trying to clear the fog, but i dont know how to turn the resisitance off. 

[Logan]

Be patient with yourself. Continue to slowly replace your bad habits with better ones. When you are able to transcend these crutches that you are leaning on, you can start walking your own path.

A therapist can help you to open up about your traumas. Being heard is healing in itself. Knowing that you aren't alone in your suffering is healing. Not judging yourself, which is made easier by sharing these experiences to someone nonjudgmental (a good therapist), is healing. These are a few ways therapy can help to heal old wounds.

Trauma is effecting you because you have not realized the difference between the past & the present. Trauma is a story. Learn to make the distinction between concept and actuality.

If you think you can handle it, try this: Think about a traumatic event that you have experienced, feel it deeply, feel the pain associated with this memory, and then stare at your hand. Make the distinction between your memory of something, which is no longer real, and your hand, which is real. Ground yourself in the present, notice that your memory cannot hurt you. It isn't real.

Here is a video on grounding yourself in reality:

 

 

Most important, learn to love yourself as you are. There is nothing wrong with who you are right now. You are exactly as you're meant to be. Accept yourself, and at the same time seek to improve.

[Barbara]

"Instead of asking why the addiction, ask why the pain". Gabor Maté 

I strongly recommend "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts". Dr. Gabor Maté is a yellow thinker. It's really valuable to understand addictions deeply.

[mivafofa]

 

[NoSelfSelf]

It think its not wise to quit it all together, i think you should gradully get rid of it because they will have a backlash, you could try to do it less and less and subtitute with other habits, that are more healthy and you enjoy doing, if you love working out or painting you do that more than your unhealthy ones...its an emotional problem that came from abuse try focusing on alot of emotional healing techniques to see how it works...

 

[hyruga]

It's normal to have new habits such as drinking coffee and listening to music.

In fact, it would be nearly impossible to have no habits. 99.9999% of the world population would not want to sit in a temple and meditate 24/7 for 10 years straight (even with food and water).

If you are afraid coffee is bad, switch to chocolate/water/tea from time to time. Then it is no longer an addiction.