please help!! anxiety with caring what people think

[jordankingbn2]

At work I care what people think so much, it stresses me out so much and I feel so worried.

I'm constantly scared about looking stupid and getting things wrong, and i'm also worried about being annoying other people by making mistakes and being a burden by asking stupid questions.

 

When I introspect over the weekend, I find good techniques for overcoming this problem and not care what people think. I then go into work and not care what people think for the first hour of being in the office, but then I begin to slip back into my old thought patterns. I think because my ego doesn't want me to change, it comes up with excuses for how i'm not mentally strong enough to stop caring what people think, and it comes up with lazy interpretations to keep me in this negative cycle.

 

In James clear’s book atomic habits, he talks about using identity to make changes.

I made a change in my own life where one day I just decided that my identity was going to be a healthy person. From that day forward I got my nutrition sorted and have kept that up for 1.5 years to this day.

Do you think it would be possible to do the same with not caring what people think at work? Develop an identity of someone that doesn't care what people think and then consistently think that way?

(I know that it won't be 100%, i'll still get triggered because it's deeply rooted in my subconcious, but do you think that if I was able to change my identity fairly easily with nutrition, I would be able to do it with not caring what people think?

 

thank you

[ilja]

of course it is possible, but the road is painful, although less and less with every step.

along side that, work on suppressed emotions and thoughts if you find them.

[Nahm]

On 5/1/2021 at 2:43 AM, jordankingbn2 said:

At work I care what people think so much, it stresses me out so much and I feel so worried.

I'm constantly scared about looking stupid and getting things wrong, and i'm also worried about being annoying other people by making mistakes and being a burden by asking stupid questions.

The instant you stop blaming others and recognize you’re feeling what you’re thinking, you feel better. It’s the recognition you’re in control of how you feel. Not others. 

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When I introspect over the weekend, I find good techniques for overcoming this problem and not care what people think. I then go into work and not care what people think for the first hour of being in the office, but then I begin to slip back into my old thought patterns. I think because my ego doesn't want me to change, it comes up with excuses for how i'm not mentally strong enough to stop caring what people think, and it comes up with lazy interpretations to keep me in this negative cycle.

Focus on a thought that feels good, not a story about an ego which doesn’t feel good. 

Quote

 

In James clear’s book atomic habits, he talks about using identity to make changes.

I made a change in my own life where one day I just decided that my identity was going to be a healthy person. From that day forward I got my nutrition sorted and have kept that up for 1.5 years to this day.

Do you think it would be possible to do the same with not caring what people think at work? Develop an identity of someone that doesn't care what people think and then consistently think that way?

Doesn’t have anything to do what what other people think. Focus on a thought that feels good (rather than a story about developing anything). 

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(I know that it won't be 100%, i'll still get triggered because it's deeply rooted in my subconcious, but do you think that if I was able to change my identity fairly easily with nutrition, I would be able to do it with not caring what people think? thank you

You didn’t change your identity. That’s still thinking about what other people think / seeking validation. You made choices aligned with well being and you should feel great about that - doesn’t matter if anyone approves, agrees, etc. They can make their own choices. 

One can become addicted to thinking about what other people think, from holding the belief something is wrong with themself. 

Thinking about what other people think will never solve this, because there is nothing wrong with you in the first place. 

Do anything and everything loving for yourself possible. 

Loving meditations are self love. 

Taking the time to understand the emotions you are experiencing is self love. 

I would start on the scale at blame. Believing how you feel has something to do with what other people think, is blaming other people, for how you feel. 

The willingness to express and let it out changes everything. 

One can not do both, express how one feels and thinks... and continue blaming others. It’s one or the other, and you must choose well being, loving, feeling great. 

The fundamental underlying belief is that there is something is wrong with you (self judgement). All efforts are to resolve that belief. In ignoring that it is a belief, the habit of projection can become so convincing, that we actually believe how we feel is the fault of other people. The belief never gets resolved, short of realizing, it is a belief, and nothing is now, nor ever was, wrong with you. 

I recommend reading The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, and Ask & It Is Given, in addition to expressing and understanding emotions. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhuabY4DmEo

Also consider calling it ‘what I’m focused on doesn’t feel good’, rather than anxiety. 

Only feeling better matters. Only that will lift you out of this. 

What you think, what I think, what anyone thinks - does not matter. 

[Manusia]

I know what is like, but I think we need some more background story about your workplace. Sometimes its really hard to do that habit to not care because your enviroment is really toxic and the people personality in the enviroment is just not really make the change possible. I have that issue too last year and man, I know that its really hard, emotional roller coaster everywhere and everytime. Doubt, self critical, shame is just my demon friend. And Its really kill my own reality dude, I just become machine of emotional neurosis if you related tho.

I gradually change my habit to become doesn't care, I have some new belief when I really tired of all that inner suffering.. 'I doesnt care about shit, I just express my value the way it is. Fuck it'. 'Im not the people that really can supress my inner value'. 'Say what I need to say'. 'Be you be authentic'. 'Follow intuition'. Now I become less care about what other people think, and its all about let go the overthinking. Observe the overthinking process in your own, just label it.. this is overthinking process.. and let it go. When it come again, let it go, let it go. Its like muscle to develop I think, in the beginning phase I know you will slack off to your old habit. Just pushing through, just pushing through. Eventually you can really let it go man. It just one technique.

Actually in my bigger picture problem is about I not be my true self, not embracing and holding my true value. And then one of the ramification problem is like in your case, overly think what others people think.  When I aware of my true value and express it the way it is as possible, I just really dont give a fuck man about what other think. When I be myself with my full heart, I have no afraid to step. Its about knowing myself and expressing it. And all the little problem goes away. Still in the process of healing but now I really see the beneficial. Be yourself motto is real my friend. 

I just say what I learn in my journey, hope you can find some solution to help your problem. I know its really unsatisfying way to doing anything. Its just feel suck. But do what you need to do to unwire that. Its rewarding!

[Gianna]

I think taking on another identity might work. But this new identity is not your identity- your truth– who you are. And the only way to discover who you really really are– or Absolute Truth– is to unify your pure, authentic, smaller identity first. So, a better way to approach this would be to work through your fears and anxieties. Do the work and when you come out the other end you will be stronger. Where did this tendency come from? Have your authentic feelings and emotions been invalidated in the past? Do you not have self-trust? It's hard to know and seems impossible to cure but learning as much as you can about it and opening your perspective may help. 

For instance, your problem is that you are taking too much responsibility for how other people feel. Some people in the world take absolutely no responsibility for how other people feel. You may be jealous of these people, but don't be. That approach is wrong too. To your tendency– taking too much responsibility for how other people feel– essentially what you are doing is pre-determining how others feel and think. In other words, you are robbing the other person of their free will to decide what to do with their own thoughts and emotions. 

Since accommodating yourself constantly to others might indicate you as a thoughtful and kind person, this perspective may help because it aligns with your tendency to put others first. So, put other people first by allowing them the free will to think or feel however they want, independent of your anxieties. This will also allow you the freedom to act authentically. Win-win  

Edited May 5, 2021 by Gianna

[Nahm]

Save money now my ordering tissues by the case on Amazon. 

Keep eating clean. 

Make a dreamboard.

Focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t. (This is thinking on your behalf, not others)

Express, everyday. Express blame, but do not exhibit the behavior of blaming to or upon someone. 

Meditation for an hour every morning, and a half hour again every afternoon. Start with five minutes twice a day and increase incrementally, in accordance with the emptying of expressing, everyday. How these work in unison is only in directly experiencing, not in thinking about doing this. 

After a month or so of this, when you’re feeling way better daily... watch some movies where people get hurt, so you can see how you ‘mirror neuron’, or, feel as if how you feel were because of what you’re watching (the movie)... but pause the movie, and breath & relax, until you see that you are fine, and what’s happening in the movie isn’t happening to you. (Talking about pg, pg-13, of R rated movies here, not wild dark web kind).