Autism And The Lack Of Social Skills

[Christian]

I have always had a problem with making friends and socializing. When I was 6 years old, I was told I had autism. Whenever I would have around children in kindergarden and normal people, I was and still am incredibly afraid. I am afraid of being abandoned and bullied like I was in childhood. And basically, I cannot trust anyone. The other day, I got a desire to catfish my girlfriend because I thought she was cheating on me. When I am in class or hanging with my friends, I feel an intense level of anxiety in my stomach every time someone throws social commentary at me or say something mean. It puts me in a vulnerable place. It disturbes me and I just do not know what to do sometimes. 

I also fest that I am not able to give people what they desire because I have a hard time reading social cues. Probably cause of autism. 

But I just with that I had the ability to be normal and secure in myself. And not always be so anxious. I get really goeod grades in school, but I have this intuition telling me that if I do not fix this now, I will have to live alone with no friends and no job. 

The thought scares the shit out of me!

I just do not know what to do here. 

What can I do to turn this around? Because now, I basically feel fucked.  Any exercices and tips would be helpful. 

[Prabhaker]

16 minutes ago, Christian said:

I have always had a problem with making friends and socializing.

Nobody can be a friend here unless the ego disappears. Once the ego disappears the whole life has a quality of friendship, of love. Then you are friendly, simply friendly — and to everybody, because there is no problem. 

A man who seeks friendship, love, companionship, out of loneliness is not going to find it. In fact, with whomsoever he will associate he will feel cheated and he will make the other feel cheated. He will feel tired and bored, and he will make the other feel tired and bored. He will feel sucked and he will make the other feel sucked, because both will be sucking on each other’s energies. And they don’t have much in the first place.

First learn to live alone but happy, meditatively.