Lost And Need Directions

[Scud]

Btw this is my my first post here , So Hello everyone !

So basically I am frustrated in a many aspects of my life. I am 27 years old and i feel completely lost in life. I also recently lost my job and i'm financially unstable , which adds to it.  I feel its now or never time for me to turn my life around. So i'm looking for some guidance.

Reasons Why i am un happy :

• No direction in life  
  • I do have vision of what my life should be - But i just don't know how to achieve it.
  • i Feel like i loose most of my days in thoughts of what could be.
  • what ever i have done till now does not feel like steps in the right direction.
• Never had a fulfilling positive romantic relationship  
  • Never dated or at least got passed the first date. 
  • Can't recall the last time i flirted wth a girl. 
  • Silly as it is. Its something that is really pain full for me.
• Starting to loose my self to addictions 
  • porn ,marijuana - starting to feeling like doing either or both is the only way i'll get to sleep at night. 
  • even worst is that i'm feeling dissatisfied after. 
  • junkfood - starting to live off it.
• Not really sure of what i want do professionally 
  • i have been working for over 5 years now as an apps developer and  i'm good  - but i have nothing to show for it 
  • sure i can wealth of knowledge but can't seem to show that in interviews 
  • i really want to work on something that will solve real world problems. Not fun toys
• Strained relationship with family
  • Had a bit of a rocky childhood
  • Very negative role models - both parents  

Positives : 

•    Heath and fitness
  • i was  80-90 pounds overweight. Now i'm 10 pounds overweight
  • i was never athletic but managed to train and complete a full marathon.
  • I also  do long distance cycling.
  • I have every intension of completing an iron man triathlon.
• Music
  • its something i am really passionate about
  •  i can sing (well kinda)  and i was learning the violin. 

Things i believe are wrong /i really need help with 

• Keep loosing focus
  • i keep getting distracted and putting my life goals on hold
  • every few months i look back and think where did all that time go. 
• Low confidence, self esteem and love for self 
  • i am not happy with myself .
  • i define my worth with respect to everyone options around me.
• Finding work in what i'm passionate about 
  • i really want ot feel that burning passion that i used to feel when i started out .
• Dealing with loneliness
  • This is my kryptonite - i don't have any means to deal with it yet.  
• Dealing with emotions 
  • i am a very emotional person  - specially when it comes to people 
  • i do make most decisions logically but i get very bad emotional whip lashes when i do 

So i am going through a lot of the videos here and they are really help full . but i'm more a people person . i guess what i'm looking for a someone to talk to about these things a mentor or something. To discuss how to move passed my problems and maybe point out things that i am not aware of . i'm not really sure where to find such a person either.

 

 

Edited October 29, 2016 by Scud
typos

[BFNK]

I can relate to almost everything you have written, in some cases it's eerily identical. Age is about the same too (just turned 27 a week ago).

Look, man, I am no teacher or guru, or anything, but can tell you this: action leads to motivation, which leads to more action.

We ended up in these situations because the first piece of the formula was missing for us. Expecting motivation to come out of thin air, or conversations, or watching videos. Yeah, these things do help and I do them too, but they work only they result in actions.

Just read through your post and see that you have already figured everything out. You have analyzed each problem and you categorized all problems into sections, with a small explanation next to each part.

To each of these problems there are already good solutions out there, and you probably already know them on some level - conscious, or sub-conscious.

What helped me a little bit on my own was to actually learn to enjoy my "wasted time". Smoking dope, watching porn, playing games, oversleeping. Do not feel guilty about that. This is your life and you have the right to live it however you want to live it. Live it in a shitty condition if you must, but do not regret it too much and just learn to enjoy that. 

Meanwhile, think about that vision you have of yourself. Think about what would that guy do if he was in this position, in this very moment. If you feel like it, just do that, do what you best version would do. There is no need to plan years ahead, or to think how this action adds up to your overall progress. That will happen on its own if you just get into the habit, there is just no need to analyze it that much.

It seems we are both great over-thinkers, and the remedy to that is to not think too much and just do stuff. Try to enjoy what you are doing. It doesn't work if you force yourself, we've both tried that...

[Scud]

15 hours ago, BFNK said:

action leads to motivation, which leads to more action.

 

@BFNK : i totally agree with you on this one .  But i just feel like i'm running around like a headless chicken right now . i am doing stuff to change things . But either i'm doing to many things or expect to much to change over a short time.

i want to have the confidence to take this one step at a time ,but admittedly i am afraid. i just feel like i'm running out of time for some reason. 

[Zane]

20 hours ago, Scud said:

Btw this is my my first post here , So Hello everyone !

So basically I am frustrated in a many aspects of my life. I am 27 years old and i feel completely lost in life. I also recently lost my job and i'm financially unstable , which adds to it.  I feel its now or never time for me to turn my life around. So i'm looking for some guidance.

Reasons Why i am un happy :

• No direction in life  
  • I do have vision of what my life should be - But i just don't know how to achieve it.
  • i Feel like i loose most of my days in thoughts of what could be.
  • what ever i have done till now does not feel like steps in the right direction.
• Never had a fulfilling positive romantic relationship  
  • Never dated or at least got passed the first date. 
  • Can't recall the last time i flirted wth a girl. 
  • Silly as it is. Its something that is really pain full for me.
• Starting to loose my self to addictions 
  • porn ,marijuana - starting to feeling like doing either or both is the only way i'll get to sleep at night. 
  • even worst is that i'm feeling dissatisfied after. 
  • junkfood - starting to live off it.
• Not really sure of what i want do professionally 
  • i have been working for over 5 years now as an apps developer and  i'm good  - but i have nothing to show for it 
  • sure i can wealth of knowledge but can't seem to show that in interviews 
  • i really want to work on something that will solve real world problems. Not fun toys
• Strained relationship with family
  • Had a bit of a rocky childhood
  • Very negative role models - both parents  

Positives : 

•    Heath and fitness
  • i was  80-90 pounds overweight. Now i'm 10 pounds overweight
  • i was never athletic but managed to train and complete a full marathon.
  • I also  do long distance cycling.
  • I have every intension of completing an iron man triathlon.
• Music
  • its something i am really passionate about
  •  i can sing (well kinda)  and i was learning the violin. 

Things i believe are wrong /i really need help with 

• Keep loosing focus
  • i keep getting distracted and putting my life goals on hold
  • every few months i look back and think where did all that time go. 
• Low confidence, self esteem and love for self 
  • i am not happy with myself .
  • i define my worth with respect to everyone options around me.
• Finding work in what i'm passionate about 
  • i really want ot feel that burning passion that i used to feel when i started out .
• Dealing with loneliness
  • This is my kryptonite - i don't have any means to deal with it yet.  
• Dealing with emotions 
  • i am a very emotional person  - specially when it comes to people 
  • i do make most decisions logically but i get very bad emotional whip lashes when i do 

So i am going through a lot of the videos here and they are really help full . but i'm more a people person . i guess what i'm looking for a someone to talk to about these things a mentor or something. To discuss how to move passed my problems and maybe point out things that i am not aware of . i'm not really sure where to find such a person either.

 

 

You can re-discover a sense of direction in life! For your vision, I suggest writing it down and planting the vision in your mind and to truly visualize it. After visualizing it, start creating an action strategy to create your results and set goals and a deadline for yourself. For relationships, set high standards for yourself and choose a girl who embodies your passions! Date a variety of girls and create authenticity inner game, and seduction. For your addictions, check out Leo's videos on addiction and don't apply harsh self-discipline to break the cycle. For addictions, consider healthier replacements and creative outlets! For toxic people in your life, eliminate toxicity from your life and refuse to be controlled by people! There are an infinite variety of strategies and solutions to these problems! I think your biggest limit could be your mindset which could be keeping you stuck! For self-esteem, imagine yourself as your authentic self if he was effortlessly confident and internally grounded in his authenticity, who has a sense of purpose and values that he fully embraces. Music is a GREAT passion with amazing possibilities for a life purpose!! You can learn how to discover a unique singing voice, and an authentic style!! A passion for music has amazing potential so that's the seeds of your passion but just plant and water the seeds and give it sunlight and it will grow into an amazing garden. 

Edited October 30, 2016 by Zane

[Xpansion]

Another perfect candidate for Leos course. Sign up and start getting help to figure out your purpose.   Another thing I will say is that I noticed in your post you have written "it's now or never".  This is black and white thinking and you will only set yourself up for disappointment by thinking that way.    

The story you are telling yourself about how you haven't got this and haven't done that is all just a self limiting narrative in your head.   Not having those things is not what makes you unhappy. What makes you unhappy is wanting what you don't have and not wanting what you do have ie craving and aversion. It sets you up to think that happiness is some point in the future when you achieve, accomplish and attain that which you don't have and so the present becomes unbearable because there is a gap between where you think you should be and where you are. Of course you still take actions to creating better conditions in your life but you must do it with detachment. Don't do it because you think that you will reach a place of lasting happiness or satisfaction. It never happens because the goal posts constantly shift.

 Life always ebbs and flows. Everything changes constantly.  Things never work out the way we think and even when things go our way sooner or later we will hit another plateau, a drought, a rock bottom or even a major disaster etc.  

 I think that as long as you are actively taking steps towards finding out what it is that will give your life some meaning then that is all you can do.  Get out of your head and follow your heart. Sit and be still and watch your thoughts, your mind states, emotions and the actions that follow.   Be mindful, accept and be kind to yourself and be satisfied with and grateful for simple small pleasures. 

Edited October 30, 2016 by Xpansion

[ajasatya]

@Scud hello. you are in the perfect spot of life. these situations don't happen very often.

why do people keep coming back to this state? because they want to run the fuck away from it without knowing why they're there.

get in touch with your suffering. sit and do the work. nobody can do it for you.

there is a popular story about a guy called sidarta gautama. by the age of 29 he noticed how meaningless his life was and started his quest to figure out this thing for once. he tried following spiritual teachers. he learned everything the teachers had to teach and moved to another teacher. then he quit trying to find a teacher that would fulfill his needs and started practicing austerities. then he quit austerities and started to meditate.

on this process he discovered the 4 noble truths, which tell us about suffering, its origin, its cessation and the path that leads towards its end.

i always recommend starting with the 4 noble truths. that's where i started from when i was in your place.

[Kacper Wielunski]

So after hiting that ''spot'' your higher you said that this shit is over and you sorta awakend no ? Than that s great friend! Now you can do everything! Learn to improve youreself rise awareness and become best ''you'' possible ! 

[Scud]

On 04/11/2016 at 11:12 PM, ajasatya said:

@Scud hello. you are in the perfect spot of life. these situations don't happen very often.

why do people keep coming back to this state? because they want to run the fuck away from it without knowing why they're there.

get in touch with your suffering. sit and do the work. nobody can do it for you.

there is a popular story about a guy called sidarta gautama. by the age of 29 he noticed how meaningless his life was and started his quest to figure out this thing for once. he tried following spiritual teachers. he learned everything the teachers had to teach and moved to another teacher. then he quit trying to find a teacher that would fulfill his needs and started practicing austerities. then he quit austerities and started to meditate.

on this process he discovered the 4 noble truths, which tell us about suffering, its origin, its cessation and the path that leads towards its end.

i always recommend starting with the 4 noble truths. that's where i started from when i was in your place.

 

the Budha interestingly, at the time of this post and even now i am reading up on Buddhism. I find that its resonates a lot with what I truly believe.