I need help: how to stop wasting my life

[Edan]

I've stumbled upon Actualized.org 3 years ago when I was 16. 

I fell in love with the ideas of personal development and awakening. I remember that as a kid, I had this deep desire to know the ultimate truth of the universe, the infinity or formlessness that goes beyond death. 

But as I grew older I forgot about that staff, and when I discovered Leo's videos, it reignited these sparks of intuition from my childhood, that there's something more to reality. 

However, as nice as it sounds, in practice, I am quite dysfunctional. In those last 3 years I haven't done that much development wise. I really don't know how to beat my laziness. i have ADD which really makes this journey a lot harder, and in addition I have avoidant personality disorder/ social anxiety disorder, and depression. I've had plans to kill myself pretty much since age 10 or 11.

I am currently 19.5 yo, unemployed, live with my parents. haven't graduated highschool, have dropped out.

I don't want to take medications and be dependant on them. I want to take psychedelics.

To anyone here who have used psychedelics, do you think that they can help me with my issues? Or give me this push in life or show me some higher wisdom in life?

Or do you think that I am not ready for them?

Do you have any other suggestions for me?

Thank you for helping

Edited April 29, 2021 by Edan

[OneHandClap]

Hey Edan. Sorry to hear you're goin' through it. 

I will offer some general advice as a ripe 28-year-old, so take it or leave it as it applies.

First, you are 19. Some people are 45 and still haven't grown up or moved out of their parents' house. You have plenty of time to change.

Second, psychedelics can help in some cases but also make them far worse in others. Be at a good place with life before thinking about it. They are often touted as a magic bullet, but they can harm as much as they heal. They amplify the mind's current state. 

Third, I encourage you to pick up one hobby that you feel you can give 100% (or even 60% to). It could be fitness, or writing, or art... it doesn't matter if you are good or not. Develop the discipline to do that hobby and you will improve in all aspects.

Fourth, consider finishing high school in some form (even as a GED). It will help you in life tremendously, and you will feel it has "capped off" that part of your life so you can move forward.

Fifth, do consider medication for the time being. Suicidal thoughts are no joke, and many are treated well by medication. You don't have to take it forever... but it will act as a crutch (much as when one has a broken leg) until you are healed enough in other areas to stand on your own. 

And sixth, check out meditation or yoga as a daily routine. This will help leaps and bounds. 

But seriously, cover your bases first. Finish up education, pick up a hobby, consider meds until you're ready to move past it. Changes that seem small add up over time and transform your life. You can always come back to the formless and infinite once you handle form and the finite. 

Best of luck, let me know if you have any specific questions. 

Edited April 29, 2021 by OneHandClap

[Ananta]

Stimulant medication is effective in 70-80% of ADD and ADHD patients. 

You can also go to talk therapy for the other issues. 

I doubt tripping will solve your problems. Maybe someone will say microdosing will help, but then you're still relying on a drug. That is if it even worked.

[Nahm]

Any story you tell about yourself comes true. 

Psychedelics will show you this by clearing away the falsity of the currently repeating story. It’s hard to see it’s not true about you when it’s repeating. Psychedelics really shine here. To lessen the lesson psychedelics will one day show, begin telling a good feeling story, and only a good feeling story, about yourself. The simple practice of improv writing is super effective for this. 

What would be BY FAR more lasting and effective, is understanding conditioning and emotions, and not believing thoughts about yourself. Takes time, but when you reorient in this way, time is a mute point because you’re literally feeling better and better everyday, just for the alignment with the choice and intention, of your own well being. Don’t underestimate alignment with well being, feeling better is the only ‘thing’ you actually want. Magically, when you do this and do feel great, it is as if you have ten times the focus, patience, and clarity.

Beliefs and the repetition of the stories about yourself (vs understanding the emotions you’re experiencing) cloud the lens, making it seem like there is a lack of clarity. When you inspect those beliefs, it’s very much popping bubbles of goodness, the very goodness of feeling that it desired, and clearing the lens of focus. 

Alignment with well being (including diet and choosing good feeling thoughts about yourself, if any)  is the power of you as love and a creator of your reality, to tell the story of your dream, your heart.  Tell the story of what is going to be, not what is. That will be, what is. 

[ilja]

don't take psychiatric medication, it will not only make you seriously addicted, but your self actualization journey way harder.

add is not a condition you are born with, it's triggered by an accumulation of issues like bad parenting, bad nutrition, conflictive thoughts, undesired self image, emotional suppression, chronic health issues etc.

since you are still 19, it will take you some time to recognize them and rebuilt yourself. being avoidant makes it more difficult, i know.

psychedelics will help you, depending on what you do with them. find the right setting, where you can be yourself while on them, like a shamanic ayahuasca retreat in the netherlands.

Edited April 30, 2021 by ilja
amen

[Tetcher]

Psychedelics can help you a little, LSD unlocked the situation for me a bit just don't overdo it and don't make the mistake you can reach permanent enlightenment through them. They can unlock your situation but if you overdo it they can also make you "far gone". I think you have enough clarity to realize that, just like you realized that despite all the promises actualized.org didn't really help you to get ahead in life.

What you need is either a job or to resume your studies. If you can't make it without psychedelics then try them, but once you get there stop taking them and try to grow from there.

Good luck!

[OneHandClap]

8 hours ago, ilja said:

don't take psychiatric medication, it will not only make you seriously addicted, but your self actualization journey way harder.

add is not a condition you are born with, it's triggered by an accumulation of issues like bad parenting, bad nutrition, conflictive thoughts, undesired self image, emotional suppression, chronic health issues etc.

since you are still 19, it will take you some time to recognize them and rebuilt yourself. being avoidant makes it more difficult, i know.

psychedelics will help you, depending on what you do with them. find the right setting, where you can be yourself while on them, like a shamanic ayahuasca retreat in the netherlands.

How do you actually know psychiatric medication is not for everybody? You are speaking for yourself, and maybe a few anecdotes from others. There are countless individuals who have used medication up until a certain point when they were able to develop skills to move beyond the need for such substances. It's unwise to offer blanket statements about what is correct in cases of severe psychological problems without having the requisite training. At the very least, take a balanced approach. Who knows how many lives have been saved due to individuals with suicidal tendencies getting a "breather" from their stress long enough to look at things more rationally? 

[ilja]

@OneHandClap i am sorry, but i can only call your response as hardly true.

I would advise you to not advise people to get on these drugs, you may ruin someone's brain.

there have been numerous threads here with solid evidence, if you feel like knowing more please take a look.

other than that, i believe it is best to keep the posts here topic relevant.

[OneHandClap]

35 minutes ago, ilja said:

@OneHandClap i am sorry, but i can only call your response as hardly true.

I would advise you to not advise people to get on these drugs, you may ruin someone's brain.

there have been numerous threads here with solid evidence, if you feel like knowing more please take a look.

other than that, i believe it is best to keep the posts here topic relevant.

Lol, okay man. We are discussing the OP's problem. You are the one who totally blanket-statement ruled out medication as a possible help. I think you have a clear bias against medication, which is fine, but it is still a bias. I am considering that some may be helped by them, some won't. You are speaking from a ground of close-mindedness about approaches to psychiatry that you are not informed about, aside from reading personal anecdotes. But you are right, I will not comment further. I just think OP would be misled by your "advice." 

[Edan]

@OneHandClap @Ananta @Nahm @ilja

Hey, thank you all for helping.

[Edan]

@Tetcher and thank you as well