Dealing with sexual cravings towards other girls

[Raf_vd]

I need some help and insights ...

I’m in a relationship for almost 6 years now and I’m really happy with the relationship, but the longer we are together the more I am sexually attracted towards other women/girls even though our sexlife not bad at all. 

I’ve never cheated on her and I don’t know if I actually could do it. But the idea of doing it is constantly being entertained in my mind.

it is only the third girl I ever had sex with, so offcourse I’m curious about exploring having sex with other personality- and bodytypes.

I know damn well that having sex with even a 100 different women will never satisfy me, but still ... the craving is present and I fucking hate it! I masturbate 2 times a day on average to cope with te craving ... no fap is almost unbearable after a few days. I try to stay away from porn as much as possible.
 

I wan’t to focus on my relationship, life purpose,spirituality,  but the fantasies about other woman/ girls is clouding my mind, I feel it is even making me tired from trying to suppres it...

I don’t want it any longer, 

what can I do??

 

Thanks guys! 

 

[Peter Miklis]

How about communicating it to your girlfriend? I know that's a very uncomfortable thing to do, but maybe she'll be open minded enough to entertain that idea. Trying to supress that craving won't make it go away. It's a lot better option than cheating.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[Raf_vd]

@Peter Miklis

she is very insecure about this topic. It would be devastating for her to hear this and I really think the damage to the relationship would be unrepairable if I would tell her this. 
 

[JonasVE12]

maybe tell her about your desires and wishes? You will feel more authentic doing so. It will free you up mentally and spiritually. She needs to accept this ultimately and make her own choices based on how she feels. If you guys are really connected out of genuinity, your connection will remain. It actually poses a nice opportunity for you both to grow in terms of acceptance. The reason that most people don't want an open relationship is because of the fear of not being good enough for the other person. That they might leave you. If you can accept yourself and her fully, and you trust each other, this would be no problem. And if it is a problem for her... Don't hide your authenticity. Although you love her, you can't supress your desires. Outside of the relationship with her, there are many women that you can have a commited relationship with that's intimate, loving and unrestricted. But to have that in a relationship, those persons need to have some high level of personal development and it's rather uncommon. Easier said than done, I know. You are emotionally attached to her and probably don't want to lose her.

[JonasVE12]

10 minutes ago, Raf_vd said:

@Peter Miklis

she is very insecure about this topic. It would be devastating for her to hear this and I really think the damage to the relationship would be unrepairable if I would tell her this. 
 

That's not your problem. Only if you both are insecurely attached to each other which comes out of personal lack. What is the 'relationship'? Why would the damage be unrepairable? Isn't a relationship all about genuine connection, acceptance, freedom? I get some women are more oriented towards monogamy, but often it comes out of pain. Isn't it really the goal to be able to be fully authentic in your relationships? And if there is incongurency, that's is a sign of lack of development? 

[Peter Miklis]

@Raf_vd well, then we have backed ourselves into a corner, haven't we?

You clearly only have 2 options: leave relationship or try to work on your cravings. That however, is problematic because in order for a need to dissapear, generally you need to try to fulfill it first. Only once you've fully realized your need, can you begin to cleanse yourself off it. But you clearly deep inside feel like you've cheated yourself from opportunities with more women by being in long term relationship.

The reason you have limited options is because your partner is insecure. Maybe you should talk to her anyways. It's still probably the best option you got.

You also have the option to cheat, but that would be cowardly. I believe you can do better than that.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Peter Miklis

[SamC]

2 hours ago, Raf_vd said:

I need some help and insights ...

I’m in a relationship for almost 6 years now and I’m really happy with the relationship, but the longer we are together the more I am sexually attracted towards other women/girls even though our sexlife not bad at all. 

I’ve never cheated on her and I don’t know if I actually could do it. But the idea of doing it is constantly being entertained in my mind.

it is only the third girl I ever had sex with, so offcourse I’m curious about exploring having sex with other personality- and bodytypes.

I know damn well that having sex with even a 100 different women will never satisfy me, but still ... the craving is present and I fucking hate it! I masturbate 2 times a day on average to cope with te craving ... no fap is almost unbearable after a few days. I try to stay away from porn as much as possible.
 

I wan’t to focus on my relationship, life purpose,spirituality,  but the fantasies about other woman/ girls is clouding my mind, I feel it is even making me tired from trying to suppres it...

I don’t want it any longer, 

what can I do??

 

Thanks guys! 

 

Watch this. I remember them talking about how a client was attracted to another woman while being in a relationship. He explained it as a way for your anima ( your feminine side) to be heard. Investigate it for yourself!

@Raf_vd

 

[Shin]

2 hours ago, Raf_vd said:

I know damn well that having sex with even a 100 different women will never satisfy me, but still ...

Sometimes you think you really know something, but really subconsciously you don't really believe it.

You may need to fuck lots of women to realise this fully, just concepts in your mind might not be enough for you.

I learned this the hard way, please consider this :3

Edited April 29, 2021 by Shin

[Emerald]

21 minutes ago, Zeitgeist said:

@Emerald your take?

Explore into what @SamC about the Anima.

This can create a strong attraction to women that leads into chasing mirages. 

Otherwise, it’s really important for couples to have these conversations. It would be unrealistic to expect no feelings to ever come up toward anyone else.

The main thing is holding space for each other’s feelings.

 

[mandyjw]

I'd explore the topic of self esteem (identify and drop thoughts and feelings of insecurity) and creativity. Are there creative pursuits and projects you want to do but aren't making time for or are doubting yourself too much to pursue? Creativity and sexuality are very related energies. Monogamous relationships can be wonderful foundations for creative people, but if you don't acknowledge, romance and make love to your creative muse, you'll might want to go looking for her, thinking you'll find her in the flesh. 

[Emerald]

Just now, mandyjw said:

I'd explore the topic of self esteem (identify and drop thoughts and feelings of insecurity) and creativity. Are there creative pursuits and projects you want to do but aren't making time for or are doubting yourself too much to pursue? Creativity and sexuality are very related energies. Monogamous relationships can be wonderful foundations for creative people, but if you don't acknowledge, romance and make love to your creative muse, you'll might want to go looking for her, thinking you'll find her in the flesh. 

This is a great point too. You need non-sexual channels for that libidinal energy.

[Byun Sean]

@Raf_vd

You need to gain clarity on what your needs and desires are because they are not being completely fulfilled in your current life situation.

 

Suppressing this need won't do you or your girlfriend any good because your own dissatisfaction will inevitably

reduce the quality of the relationship as a whole and thus for your girlfriend as well.

 

The healthy approach here would be to become clear on what your needs are and look for ways to meet them in healthy conscious ways

rather then sweeping them under the rug.

 

When you describe your sex life as "not bad," thats never a good sign for a relationship.

 

Once you know  what your exact needs are, you can easily find ways to fulfill them in healthy, conscious ways rather

than reckless or self destructive ones.

This means if you know what you need, you can have that feeling or need fulfilled that you believe you can only get by sleeping with

other girls in your current situation without having to actually go sleep with a bunch of 

other girls.

 

Regardless, you won't know what you need until you go figure it out yourself first.

So you just require a bit of clarity and you'll know what to do.

 

 

Some useful ways you can gain more clarity on what your needs are include

-Journaling: (In what way would having sex with other girls satisfy me that I am not currently getting in my relationship? (Be 100 percent honest

with your answers to yourself here. If you have a desire it is valid and should be respected and acknowledged by the desirer)).

 

-Meditation: (Meditate on the craving when it arises and ask it questions. What does it feel like in your body? How are you responding to the craving 

when it arises? What emotions come up when you think of other girls compared to your girlfriend? What kind of person does having this craving 

make you feel like?)

 

-Spending time alone thinking

 

-Talking it out with a close friend/ therapist/ nonbiased, nonjudgemental 3rd party that can hold space for your feelings and ask you further questions

to help you probe deeper into what you need.

 

Some possibilities

 

-Maybe your girlfriend doesn't satisfy you sexually at the moment.

(if so ask yourself why? Its ok just be honest with yourself)

 

-maybe you have suppressed or un-addressed emotions in the relationship that have nothing to do 

with sex and are interfering with the quality of sex.

 

 

This is a touchy topic so if you do want to discuss this with your gf and you feel comfortable doing so, 

I would first have whats called a meta-conversation.

Meaning a conversation about the conversation before it actually takes place.

This means you prepare her emotionally ahead of time by and asking her if its ok for you to 

share this information with her before doing so so she is prepared in the right mindset 

and is less likely to take personal offense to what is being said.

 

When you share this kind of stuff make sure you are making it about you and your needs because you don't want her to take personal offense or hurt her feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Evil Raccoon]

On 29/04/2021 at 11:37 PM, mandyjw said:

Creativity and sexuality are very related energies.

That’s why I have sex with my guitar everyday.Kidding.I have sex with my guitar every night...

Edited April 30, 2021 by Evil Raccoon

[mandyjw]

11 hours ago, Evil Raccoon said:

That’s why I have sex with my guitar everyday.Kidding.I have sex with my guitar every night...

Don't mistake your muse with an instrument.  

[Evil Raccoon]

@mandyjw Knowing how to properly fuck a girl is like knowing how to play an instrument ?

[Shin]

44 minutes ago, Evil Raccoon said:

@mandyjw Knowing how to properly fuck a girl is like knowing how to play an instrument ?

A connoisseur ?