self inquiry question

[spiritualryan]

i’m having trouble understanding being aware of being aware/being. i’ve been doing the practice everyday for the past couple months. at first i tried being aware of being aware through senses other than thought (sensations, sight, sound). i quickly grew frustrated and confused because i realized that is impossible and is not the point. the point is to “kill” the ego (thoughts), so to speak. and i actually can very easily just “be” as awareness when a thought comes up. because it is just so obvious i am before thought. but now that the ego is very quiet, thoughts don’t come, how then am i supposed to be aware of being aware? if there is no thought, the only other senses left are sight, sound, and sensations (mainly). and focusing on the other senses isn’t the point as far as i know.

edit: also, when i focus on the “i am”, is it supposed to go like this? first i create the thought “i am”, then i see that i am actually before the thought. is this it?

i am just so confused

[OneHandClap]

19 minutes ago, spiritualryan said:

i’m having trouble understanding being aware of being aware/being. i’ve been doing the practice everyday for the past couple months. at first i tried being aware of being aware through senses other than thought (sensations, sight, sound). i quickly grew frustrated and confused because i realized that is impossible and is not the point. the point is to “kill” the ego (thoughts), so to speak. and i actually can very easily just “be” as awareness when a thought comes up. because it is just so obvious i am before thought. but now that the ego is very quiet, thoughts don’t come, how then am i supposed to be aware of being aware? if there is no thought, the only other senses left are sight, sound, and sensations (mainly). and focusing on the other senses isn’t the point as far as i know.

edit: also, when i focus on the “i am”, is it supposed to go like this? first i create the thought “i am”, then i see that i am actually before the thought. is this it?

i am just so confused

First off, don't frame it as trying to kill the ego. We all need an ego to function in a complex world. Ego is not a mistake; it is a feature of sentient creatures. Any attempts to willfully kill your ego will only reinforce it—survival is the ego's main goal. 

So, with that out of the way, awareness does not need thought to function. Awareness knows without effort. Right now, you are aware of everything occurring around you without needing to do anything. Why? Because your mind is not doing the seeing, the hearing, etc... there is only the seen, the heard, etc. Cognition need not be involved. To that point, "I am" is better off as a contemplation, not a "tool" or "vehicle" to teach what awareness and the nature of reality is. Reality alone recognizes itself and liberates by that truth. 

In summary, what you are trying to do in meditation is learn to trust in awareness already knowing itself. We do this by continually bringing awareness back to its own nature. No need to try to create an experience or get rid of anything. Just notice, over and over, what is NOT awareness. If you get lost in thought, notice that. If you see bright light, notice that. Don't cling to or reject anything.

Good luck, friend

Edited April 29, 2021 by OneHandClap

[The0Self]

10 hours ago, spiritualryan said:

edit: also, when i focus on the “i am”, is it supposed to go like this? first i create the thought “i am”, then i see that i am actually before the thought. is this it?

Whatever you can see, that you cannot be. Turn attention toward what is aware of the changing experiences. It can be frustrating, but it's like going to sleep -- if you try to bring about its goal, you will fail. Ceaselessly turn attention away from (ignore) every experience (ALL of them), towards what's aware. If you catch the I AM, realize you're aware of it so it can't be the real I, and turn to what's aware of it.

Repeat about 2 million times (probably more; maybe less). Seriously, it's that simple. You can't let it go dormant for too long though. If you want self inquiry to do what it's designed to do, you'd better be doing it when taking a shower, brushing teeth, etc. Otherwise you're better off doing something else.

It's so simple, but when you actually do it, you'll probably think you're doing it wrong; "no way is it this hard!" Etc. It is that hard; you're doing it right.

Ignore everything and turn to its knower... over and over and over = Self Inquiry

Edited April 30, 2021 by The0Self

[Raptorsin7]

@spiritualryan Check out Rupert Spira's guided meditation. In his talks he's constantly pointing you to yourself, just follow along what's he saying so there's need to frustrate yourself trying to figure it out on your own.

[The0Self]

@Raptorsin7 It ain't about figuring anything out. You literally just turn away from absolutely every experience. Nothing more to it than that. Watching Rupert Spira is an excuse not to do this -- nothing wrong with that.

[Raptorsin7]

@The0Self ?

[The0Self]

@Raptorsin7 The thread was about self inquiry. Was telling him how to do it. Nvm.

Forget it. Sorry if there was offence or something.

[Strangeloop]

The thoughts that come up can be used. You are not the thoughts but you can use the thoughts. It's somrthing like controlling your mind. Choosing the thoughts instead of blindly acceptint every thought as it is. Though it could be just my projection and self-bias. The awareness itself is good, sure. But you can be aware of your thoughts with thoughts themselves. And not just the thoughts, your body's behaviour, it creates a story that could be used to find meaning in life. The story itself is the meaning.

But if you want to totally get rid of thoughts and not think at all, good luck with that, but I tried to do it, and most the like people above said, when you try not to think you're most likely thinking.

[Forestluv]

On 4/29/2021 at 0:03 PM, spiritualryan said:

i’m having trouble understanding being aware of being aware/being. i’ve been doing the practice everyday for the past couple months. at first i tried being aware of being aware through senses other than thought (sensations, sight, sound). i quickly grew frustrated and confused because i realized that is impossible and is not the point. the point is to “kill” the ego (thoughts), so to speak. and i actually can very easily just “be” as awareness when a thought comes up. because it is just so obvious i am before thought. but now that the ego is very quiet, thoughts don’t come, how then am i supposed to be aware of being aware? if there is no thought, the only other senses left are sight, sound, and sensations (mainly). and focusing on the other senses isn’t the point as far as i know.

 

Bro, you’re over-thinking it. Look around your space right now. Notice you are aware. You ain’t asleep, you ain’t in China and you ain’t dunk af. You are aware of your surroundings. Now notice that you are aware of this awareness. You are aware that you are not sleeping, in China or drunk af. There is awareness that you are aware of what’s happening right now. There ya go. 

[VeganAwake]

1 hour ago, Forestluv said:

Bro, you’re over-thinking it. Look around your space right now. Notice you are aware. You ain’t asleep, you ain’t in China and you ain’t dunk af. You are aware of your surroundings. Now notice that you are aware of this awareness. You are aware that you are not sleeping, in China or drunk af. There is awareness that you are aware of what’s happening right now. There ya go. 

Who is aware?

Where is that you?

Can it be pin pointed?

Edited May 4, 2021 by VeganAwake

[The0Self]

If unwilling to do self inquiry (it’s hard work), you can try attaching attention to awareness alone instead.

[VeganAwake]

4 minutes ago, The0Self said:

If unwilling to do self inquiry (it’s hard work), you can try attaching attention to awareness alone instead.

Its hard work for who?

There isn't a you.....

Attaching/disattaching....who does that?

It's an illusion man

[The0Self]

34 minutes ago, VeganAwake said:

Its hard work for who?

There isn't a you.....

Attaching/disattaching....who does that?

It's an illusion man

? Yes... I am real therefore I am real is a super simple illusion and it apparently collapses from time to time here even without practice, but at first, there was great difficulty.

After consciousness illusion is seen through (no here, so no there), “you” can still attach attention to awareness. It can seem to happen. Seeking out positive experiences, love, etc doesn’t have to go away... it doesn’t require an assumed subject. Nothing is happening either way.

I must know (false), therefore I know (false).

Edited May 4, 2021 by The0Self

[VeganAwake]

3 hours ago, The0Self said:

? Yes... I am real therefore I am real is a super simple illusion and it apparently collapses from time to time here even without practice, but at first, there was great difficulty.

After consciousness illusion is seen through (no here, so no there), “you” can still attach attention to awareness. It can seem to happen. Seeking out positive experiences, love, etc doesn’t have to go away... it doesn’t require an assumed subject. Nothing is happening either way.

I must know (false), therefore I know (false).

Your already ❤....why are you here?

[Beginner Mind]

@spiritualryan A simple way of being aware of being aware is to notice the fact that you are experiencing anything at all.  Good luck!

[Nahm]

Self Inquiry

One sure fire way to be aware of being aware is to recognize never being aware of any thing whatsoever being aware. Some projections & assumptions may be uncovered. 

[The0Self]

2 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Your already ❤....why are you here?

You don’t know the answer to that either ❤ 

[freejoy]

On 4/29/2021 at 11:03 AM, spiritualryan said:

i’m having trouble understanding being aware of being aware/being. i’ve been doing the practice everyday for the past couple months. at first i tried being aware of being aware through senses other than thought (sensations, sight, sound). i quickly grew frustrated and confused because i realized that is impossible and is not the point. the point is to “kill” the ego (thoughts), so to speak. and i actually can very easily just “be” as awareness when a thought comes up. because it is just so obvious i am before thought. but now that the ego is very quiet, thoughts don’t come, how then am i supposed to be aware of being aware? if there is no thought, the only other senses left are sight, sound, and sensations (mainly). and focusing on the other senses isn’t the point as far as i know.

edit: also, when i focus on the “i am”, is it supposed to go like this? first i create the thought “i am”, then i see that i am actually before the thought. is this it?

i am just so confused

You can't really be aware of awareness. If one becomes aware of awareness then enlightenment will happen.

It's a good practice trying and one may realize enlightenment though it.

Aware of Awareness

Sit with eyes open and notice your peripheral vision. While noticing your peripheral vision now also notice the pressure of the chair your sitting on, now bring in all of your other sense modalities i.e. taste, sound, smell. This helps one get into the present moment because ones body is always in the present moment. Don't worry about thinking, let thinking continue.

Notice how you feel different. You will feel a little different.

Now just try turning your awareness to what is being aware. 

 

 

You'll notice once you're more use to it you can do it anytime.

Edited May 4, 2021 by freejoy

[Forestluv]

On 5/3/2021 at 11:06 PM, VeganAwake said:

Who is aware?

Where is that you?

Can it be pin pointed?

Like a child who learned the word “apparently” and uses it in every sentence. It’s adorable at first, yet gets old fast. 

 

[The0Self]

8 minutes ago, Forestluv said:

Like a child who learned the word “apparently” and uses it in every sentence. It’s adorable at first, yet gets old fast.

? 

Joking

Its all for nothing ?