Peak

[Megan Alecia]

Peak - a state of upward growth or unmatched ecstasy. To strive towards absolute infinity, like endless possibilities.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Megan Alecia
Closed journal.

[Megan Alecia]

Dichotomies:

Billie Eilish - ESFP, and like I wouldn't want to be blonde, and now she has it, and I'm an INTJ so it kinda has this dichotomy dynamic going on which is kinda funny. She looks alright with it though.

Future house - Melbourne or Stockholm

Both are located in horizontal-individualist cultures

And affordable, unlike San Francisco, USA. I also am anticipating a future in natural scenery, walking in a calm and peaceful environments. And to my knowledge these two can provide that (probably need more research). The people strike me as okay, I don't really care all that much as I inherently like solitude.

Vertical individualist - The Sopranos, people starting podcasts, rich kids and smartphones and Starbucks coffee, that kinda stuff (idk about networking, so)

Vertical collectivist - Conformity, consensual, conflict-averse, Asian parenting, law and order, social conservatism

Edited April 29, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Woman:

She was 18 months into hrt (reddit). I like the firm yet soft skin that I mentioned before.

And titties. I get to be dirty cause this is my journal :D.

As far as self care goes, I want nice smelling clothes and perfume. And a nice skincare routine.

What would be found down there? A girldick... Not into srs. I don't find it necessary, also a risky thing to do.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Visions:

What I want: simple comfy life OR a real life high stakes journey. Idk. 

I love art and studying it. And the world at that. But studying isn't known to be a very risky challenging undertaking beyond the mental stuff. 

So what would give my life so kind of agency and feeling of intensity? God, I don't want any more personality disorders, whose chaos does make life much more challenging and sensitive.

I want a passionate and healthy relationship. A boy kissing my belly and shoulders and cheeks and neck. Eating me out and fucking me good, taking pleasure in my body and pleasuring me too. Getting lost in each other's company. Me going down on him. Blah blah blah.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Life:

Melbourne

OR

Stockholm

For reasons (cultural) mentioned above

I'm at stage yellow

I aim for a meaningful life, successful healthy relationships, and holistic understanding.

Edited April 30, 2021 by Megan Alecia
I got some ideas for data to analyze regarding the stages/levels.

[Megan Alecia]

Examples:

-Stage Orange

 

-Stage Green

 

(Lynch at Turquoise??) 

-Stage Yellow

???

Bipolar or turquoise? Both??

-Stage Turquoise

Edited May 1, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Inside the Mind of the Human Animal:

• Socionics

Basic study of cognition.

Information Element Semantics

(Cognitive linguistics is the field of research that studies the relationship between language and cognition./ from this link)

LT's Descriptions of Cognitive Functions

(I've read that she supposedly abandoned this work, but probably the best MBTI source I've seen to this day.)

• Instincts & Instinct stacking

Studying some of the contents of the unconscious.

The Spiritual Instincts - notes from a workshop

(Definitive instincts data imo.)

Instinct Variants by David Gray

(Additional data, quite interesting too.)

Instinct Stackings Scrapheap: Collection of Notes

(Demystifying instinct through object relations.)

• Spiral Dynamics

Human Nature Prepares for a Momentous Leap by Clare W. Graves

(A new psychological theory holds that human beings exist at different ‘levels of existence.’ At any given level, an individual exhibits the behavior and values characteristic of people at that level; a person who is centralized at a lower level cannot even understand people who are at a higher level./ from the article)

SD Table colored

Models of development comparison chart (Graves, Maslow, etc.)

• Collective Narcissism

• Antisocial Personality Disorder

• On Empathy

 

Edited April 30, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Existentialism in 2021:

A life without purpose isn't worth it.

Perhaps that's just my all or nothing behavior. But who cares, right? 

We're not important. The nihilists are right. Three decades from now most of pop culture would have already been forgotten.

So yeah, screw all the ego games. What do I really want?

I want to be loved for who I am. But first I must... start with myself first.

At the same time, finding a way to be able to live fully, not just survive. Which is accessed through meaning, of course. We love movies and art because of their meaning, not the stupid problems the characters face.

Even accomplishments are defined by what they stand for.

The ego will never make anyone happy. If life has to teach us anything, this would be it. Survival is fear... the will to life. The id. The unconscious.

Meaning is art, knowledge. All the Platonic good things. Yup.

Edited April 30, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Freedom:

Melbourne or Stockholm

Having enough money to start vlogging. Creating a channel from scratch.

Buying books and developing a panoramic viewpoint of the world. Also, cinema and television. Finding a partner and meeting people from online kinda thing. Having a social life. Why? To spend an intimate quality time with them.

Doing research - intellectual most of all. Developing a rational way of life. At the same time, exploring the limits of the ego - through psychedelic drugs and reading ancient spiritual texts.

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT), having a supporting boyfriend.

Developing resilience and studying culture, psychology, philosophy, etc etc. Painting and decorating my house. Buying good smelling self-care products.

Food - beef, salads, and the food in either city.

[Megan Alecia]

Aesthetics:

Stockholm

or Melbourne/ coffee? 

David Lynch, "Nudes"

Andrei Tarkovksy's polaroids

Edited May 2, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Some ideas:

Food - coffee, beef, salads, grassfed dairy and fresh milk? 

Meditation - 1hr for confidence, self-esteem and inner calm (truly works!) 

Art decor - Starry Night (print), Pollock (print), Marilyn Monroe (pic print)

Gadgets - Macbook pro, iPhone 12 mini (cancelled? Maybe just iPhone 12), Airpods, Instax mini 9, UE boom 2, Tin Audio T2, no kindle because physical books maybe better

And something steam-punky, nerdy too (catering to my left brain analytical hermit side)

Finding friends - online, also starting a YouTube channel where I discuss my interests and stuff

Boyfriend - finding a hot boyfriend and doing erotic things with and to him

Nice fashion - tbh people treat you well if you're attractive and confident (thems the rules I guess.)

Grit - resilience, tenacity, and willingness to take risks, blah blah blah

Edited May 2, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

The Affirmation of Life/Fictional Hero's Journey Implies The Highest Value on Earth/Love:

To leave this house. Save money and go to Stockholm or Melbourne (??)

What will my life be then?

Acquire knowledge, stay fit and healthy, be beautiful. Enjoy life and have a relationship. Being young and beautiful is so invariably boring because it's such a hollow and empty thing. It's like having a vacation -- everybody can have it, and so it's too fucking drained of novelty.

Decorating my house with a couple of stuff. Living alone -- or having an adventure, complete with people beside me like Hermione Granger, or Jesse Pinkman (?)

The common idea with journeys is the path towards a goal, usually a noble one (so that we'll root for them, thus affirming human existence and therefore being called a hero.) Why? Because deep inside mentally normal humans are all capable of empathy, and therefore can love. That love then is bound to symbolize the "human spirit" if we're to believe fiction.

So yeah... a worthy goal. Not money, not a Maslow Hierarchy of Needs thing, but an abstract, existential one. Like sharing an important branch of knowledge to the world (Carl Jung), or inventing next level things that elevate mankind (N Tesla), or baring your soul through art (Jackson Pollock/Sylvia Plath). Something like this. What is mine? 

Edited May 3, 2021 by Megan Alecia
"Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of a road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing is OK. You are OK." -- Don Draper, Mad Men

[Megan Alecia]

Utterly Unbiased:

Humans give meaning to everything. In this sense we collectively are God.

Life is about the whole package. We are animals with all the impulses to dominate and take, yet we also create meaning and values. So yeah, the "benevolent ape". Or the protean monkey, which might be more apt.

I like how "Paranoid Android" conveys modern life's angst. Not to be pedantric about the meaning of angst.... Basically I mean the dissatisfaction with existence, with the nature of life. God loves his children, yeah!

I'm not some whiny teenager spewing these stuff from a cushy household, but someone who's poor af and has a bad life condition. Somehow these kinda make my life real, in spite of being literally hell. Kinda portrays the nature of life, doesn't it? Never black and white, always impartial, always unbiased. You're free to interpret everything as you like, really.

 

Edited May 4, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

The Game of Life:

Stage Red:

Stage Blue: Old Testament Christianity, Conservatism, Islam, Eastern culture

Stage Orange: Bill Clinton, Jocko Willink, Arnold Schwarzenneger

Stage Green: Bernie Sanders, Jeremy Corbyn, Gloria Steinem

 

Stage Yellow: George Carlin, Friedrich Nietzsche, Viktor Frankl, Noam Chomsky

Stage Turquoise: Hinduism, Taoism, Mahayana (?) Buddhism, Terence McKenna, David Lynch, Kanye West, Jim Carrey

Edited May 4, 2021 by Megan Alecia
Just realized I'm at Stage Yellow striving for Turquoise.

[Megan Alecia]

Three Fs: 

Fight anxiety

Find myself (my goals, priorities, needs)

Find my drive (grit)

[Megan Alecia]

Paradise:

Alchemical process of turning suffering into beauty

That's the gist of all intellectual discovery and aesthetic creations

Of course, aspiration and conflict, these are more practical, so to speak. Largely because they are inescapable (nobody wants to be losers in life)

Life's about these two branches: a) the abstract and b) the mundane

I do appreciate these terms.

My proof of these distinctions/dichotomy: 

imagination, fantasy, larger-than-life adventures

competence, talent, virtuosity

Edited May 7, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

Big brain time:

Information saved my life

People are cognitively different so we are by nature chaotic. We relate to each other through communication (hence the importance of Spiral Dynamics.)

Information is orderly. Like there exists an intrinsic order to all of the world's info. This is what science and mathematics and logic and knowledge really are ALL ABOUT. 

Wisdom is to be found BOTH through intuition and the orderly world of knowledge.

Facts are quite useless UNLESS applied in the GRAND SCHEME of all knowledge (so-called holistic understanding.)

I call these the map of all knowing - which is directly related to human existence in this planet, and whether WE will thrive (say, the printing revolution) or crumble (Marxism) in this world (aka collective egoic dynamics.)

Edited May 7, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

To wish or not to wish/Utopia:

The world works because there is duality

Hunger and satisfaction. Happiness and misery. Love and disintegration.

"You may say I'm a dreamer - but I'm not the only one. I hope one day you will join us, and the world will live as one." But that would be the end of duality. The end of conflict, therefore the end of aspiration. The end of life as we know it today.

That would be a utopia.

Edited May 7, 2021 by Megan Alecia

[Megan Alecia]

True for everyone/That which isn't original could never be transcendent:

"This play that I witnessed is my play, not your play. It is my secret, not yours. You cannot imitate me.

My secret remains virginal and my mysteries are inviolable, they belong to me and cannot belong to you.

You have your own." -- Carl G. Jung

Edited May 7, 2021 by Megan Alecia
♀️

[Megan Alecia]

I knew it was you: 

ding 

Edited May 7, 2021 by Megan Alecia