Suicide is the only comfortable thought

[Seemore]

When I was 18 I had already dropped out of school and planned to live alone in nature for for the rest of my life. I had friends and family members I discontinued talking to abruptly and left to Australia, half a world away. Everyone said either they were jelous or that I needed help but I didn't have any room to consider any other option or feeling. I was going to die in nature one way or another, I had many girlfriends by then and I had been high from everything a teenager could have wanted, I was the king before I lost my mind researching all things mysticism and supernatural enlightenment. One day out of the blue I was chosen to live a great life full of wisdom. I denounced everything I ever experienced and began my life as a safe at age 17. It killed me to live in some small town where everything was the same for everyone. Nobody was on my level. I became vegan and flew off to the jungle without notifying anyone. Fuck my parents and fuck everyone, you are all pieces of shit and guilty for the grunt survival of millions, I was going to learn how to become God himself and show everyone what nature in the mind can really achieve. I would have astral projections, I began seeing demons and angels, In my mind I have killed both and became incredibly sensitive to compassion and what freedom entails. As of right now I have lived alone for 8 years wandering the globe exposed to the suffering of the homeless as well as the severe elements so I am strong physically and mentally. I have drank from a finest cup and smoked the best narcotics at this point. I am detached from any notion of place or time. Once I gave all of my thoughts to a lady and she believed were were eternally inseperable. 5 years of denial. I now have SSI from suicidal hospitalizations where I absolutely played the system. The only thing I do now besides meditate is listen to mystical melodic instrumentals and create rock paintings, where I can talk to my higher self in terms of gratitude for the smallest incling of non dual experience. Due to drugs I my dopeamine levels are nearly non existent. I don't need food anymore, I survive on connection to the world. I am. I may die but it is not by my allowance and that's okay. I am content being a homeless non contributing piece of shit. And I may learn how to thank myself through you one day. That's all. 

[Roy]

Look if you are truly happy and not hurting anyone, power to you. But your family and friends deserve love too. It's not their fault if they don't understand, try and put yourself in their shoes. Consider the fact they raised you, sheltered you, fed you, and loved you for 18 years. Reconnect even if it's painful and don't be avoidant.

Be humble enough and realize maybe your "level" isn't as high as you think it is if resentment and anger are the emotions you have towards those who aren't as conscious.

Suicide is not the answer to anything. It's just another form of selfishness.

[4201]

4 hours ago, Seemore said:

 I am content being a homeless non contributing piece of shit. 

Then why suicide? You can pretend suicide feel good by saying it's comfortable, but those are not the same. If your heart felt like suicide was right there would be no doubt. Yet there is, just as there is this forum post.

There's no reason to resort to suicide though. If you want to contribute to society you can, it really is up to you. You don't have to but you certainly can. 

Putting all of that aside, what would be the next amazing to do in life? It doesn't matter what happened, right now what do you want? When you say suicide, I doubt what you want is the pain of hurting the body. What do you think you can only have in the "afterlife" you can't have right now?

[Javfly33]

Woah. Can I shoot you a DM? Your story seems fascinating. As long as you are not a troll.

[Aish]

@Seemore I think u have schizotypal personality disorder

[Aish]

Along with schizophrenia as u even had hallucinations or may b u had schizophrenia which made u think all this