Well Shit, Let's Get Actualised

[Venus]

Time for deeper meditation

This confusion is the transition into a new level of understanding. It's needed for growth. Don't let it overwhelm you and you drop back down, but be with it and have faith that it's just the figuring out of how to reach the next level.

Call it what you want: unsurety; depression; overwhelmed; it is all just confusion and a mind that is calling out for a greater, more empowering understanding. So don't fight with it, be with it and guide it to replace all your disempowering beliefs with whatever they need to be replaced by.

Don't fight, don't fight.

[Venus]

Finding my meta-meta-belief - my recent focuses and feelings

At the moment/recently my thoughts and focus are mostly on the idea of beliefs: 

Over the last few weeks I had some pretty bad hits of depression and after reading up on beliefs and Tony Robbins and doing lots of self inquiry, I realised that this depression stems from a few strong limiting feelings deep down. One main one that I noticed was the feeling of hopelessness. It felt like everything I tried would always fail. If I knew that a certain technique should help me change my beliefs and feel better, this hopeless feeling just parred it off with the belief that it wouldn't work and would keep this horrid feeling of "no hope for future goodness". My mind believed that all things I could do that would make me happier, I would not be able to do, I would need it up. Therefore, inevitably, I felt a strong overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

I'm gonna say it's consciousness now, but it didn't seem like it at the time; but I think through being conscious enough I started to see the reality of it and how beliefs really control everything and their illusory nature. Not just this but also the visualisation techniques (Psycho-Cybernetics stuff) at the same time helped me break out of this and focus on good stuff, stuff I had control of; helped me see that I do have control and things can get better. This broke me out of this cycle and I'm so thankful that it did because I have nothing but pure compassion for someone who lives in that state of mind. It's an inferno; an oven with no door. Without the consciousness and understanding of it's falseness, I really don't know how anyone would manage. It's utterly heartbreaking thinking people live there, and understandable how it is the place people are when they decide not to live anymore. Consciousness is the way out. We must realise the lie behind the fear.

Now I feel much more in control because of my focus on the ability of beliefs. I will admit that I still do feel a limiter of "I will mess up the things that will make me happy", but I'm conscious of it and it's on its way to a change. But it can only change if I don't let it be behind the force of the change, because it's exact essence actually tries to stop it's very self from being destroyed since removing it would allow me to make myself happy, and its whole purpose is to stop that. It creates it's own wonderful survival circle. I can't deny that it's pretty smart.

But yeah, that core limiting beliefs needs to be replaced with empowering ones of the same strength, and at the moment I'm really focused and pondering what is that one belief that allows all greatness to be in a person. Since beliefs make way for a person's abilities, this belief has to be a belief about beliefs. It has to be a meta-belief. I feel like because of how core and deep this belief is meant to be, it needs another 'meta'. So currently I'm trying to form my meta-meta-belief. Goodnight.

[Venus]

On 08/07/2017 at 8:36 AM, Venus said:

7/7/17

Daily meditation: streak day 13 - 10 mins - do nothing.

Recent focus - Just do!

[...]

Just this eve, I was speaking to a close friend/neighbour who's 41 and really easy to talk to and a total lad. The main conversation topic became how you need to just do things and have fun whilst you're young and mostly him stressing at me how important it is to do that and just not think so much and how he looks back and sees all the opportunities he missed and wished he took. It really dinged a dong in me. I know oh so well about thinking too much and he really started to open my eyes to how much of an effect it's gonna have on me if I don't change it immediately. So often am I trying to get so much clarity and and make the "perfect" decision that I just become inactive and stressed. For two years I've been into PD and I can't say I've changed much other than the fact I know so much more and feel more depressed. It's because I've been so indecisive over which habits to start creating and which visualisations I should do etc. never actually getting to action. I've know it's that for ages and not decided what I think is the "right thing" to to about it. Coincidentally I saw this post and it dinged, I'm pretty sure, the same dong:

"Action precedes clarity".

Just fucking do, Sunny Jim. You're gonna die soon and none of that stress and perfection is gonna mean shit.

Just do.

Honestly this issue of not being able to make a decision is still my biggest problem. I'm led here in bed at 11am wondering what to do with my day, or week or life, and have been doing this every day for a fortnight. I'm wondering which dream to chase first, which habit to work on etc.

Why is it so difficult to decide? Perhaps it's because I still feel like I'll fail. I've just read through some old posts and that was and is a big problem for me. But I just need to decide. I will do that before 1:30 and get back to you!!

On a lighter note, relating to the part I said 2 years ago that I've been into PD for ages and it doesn't seem like I've changed anything and blah blah blah. Well being two years on from there, i will say that:

• Firstly, yes I have more unused knowledge again since then.
• Yes I still get depressed often.
• bUt.... There has been changes. The depression is for shorter periods and I'm generally very self aware of it and where it's come from and how to tackle it. It's usually a case of me beating myself up because I haven't achieved enough that day or so and don't feel good enough. The solution is to get reconnected with my dreams and what I want to achieve in life and then start doing small things that work towards that. Socialising with loved ones also helps a lot, or doing something scary but exciting.
• I'm much more self accepting. Probably from practice and the constant recognition that it's the most important thing for me, so when I've been feeling worthless, not telling myself "I'm shit" but being understanding and loving and recognising I'm human and the intentions or feelings behind my actions. This works in with the dealing with depression.
• As a result of this developed self acceptance, I feel much more relaxed and peaceful. I've still a long way to go but I've also gotten far which is nice.
• I'm more courageous and/or fearless. I feel like this has come about after spending lots of time away from home living with others and having to be very independent; dealing with the challenges, especially hitch hiking for the first times. Another is living with people much more independent than me and having to pick my heels up and keep up with them. All these issues that I've had to overcome and how I've seen them grow me very quickly makes me very excited for my time traveling in a few months around Asia.
• Also I feel I've gotten better with girls. Simple practice really. I've been in a two year relationship now that's pretty strong and has been a great contributor to my PD